


Please Have Mercy On Me

by all_those_big_ass_trees



Series: Mercy [1]
Category: Yuri!!! on Ice (Anime)
Genre: Anal Fingering, Angst, Anxiety Disorder, Body Worship, Butt Plugs, Christmas Presents, Couple Skating, Dom/sub, Domestic Fluff, Domestic Viktor, Eventual Happy Ending, Fluff, Frottage, Grinding, Is that a thing, It is now, Kitchen Sex, Language Kink, Light BDSM, Lingerie, Lingerie Kink, M/M, Massage, Masturbation, Pole Dancing, Power Bottom Katsuki Yuuri, Praise Kink, Relationship Problems, Rimming, Semi-Public Sex, Shower Sex, Slow Build, Smut, Swimming, Teasing, Trapped In Elevator, Viktor is complimenting Yuuri a LOT okay, Vitya accidentally turns Yuuri into a sex god, Yuuri is a thirsty virgin, Yuuri is shy as fuck but not for long, cross dressing, pair skating, what
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-10
Updated: 2017-02-23
Packaged: 2018-09-07 17:01:44
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 21
Words: 85,997
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8808781
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/all_those_big_ass_trees/pseuds/all_those_big_ass_trees
Summary: Viktor's been living with Yuuri for a month now, but Yuuri is still not used to him. But Viktor is a good teacher, and Yuuri is a good student.*This fic is basically about the development of their relationship with each other which begins as a crazy crush then turns into something serious, something real. Sooner or later, they have to deal with problems as well. Angst, fluff, and porn... lot of porn.





	1. Say My Name

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Viktor's been living with Yuuri for a month now, but Yuuri is still not used to him.  
> But Viktor is a good teacher, and Yuuri is a good student.  
> This fic is basically about the development of their relationship with each other which begins as a crazy crush then turns into something serious, something real. Sooner or later, they have to deal with problems as well. Angst, fluff, and porn, lot of porn. 
> 
> dorogoy/дорогой- darling, dear  
> udivitelno/удивительно - amazing  
> konechna/конечно - of course  
> pozhaluysta/пожалуйста - please

_My name is Katsuki Yuuri._

_I’m a dime-a-dozen Japanese figure skater. I’m twenty-three._

_My name makes me sound strong, but I finished last at my first Grand Prix Final._

_I failed, and I still can't accept it._

_I still don't understand why Viktor Nikiforov has decided to be my coach. I don't want to disappoint him, and I don't want to disappoint myself._

_I don't want to fail again._

*

Yuuri never really thought about being in a relationship. It was clear that he wasn’t interested in girls. Actually, he never understood his classmates in high school when they were lusting after girls, and it never bothered him – because he wasn’t really interested in boys, either.

Except for his idol, Viktor. The first time Yuuri saw Viktor in television was a moment he will never forget. Viktor was much younger, just a teenage boy, but when he showed up and started his routine in the rink, his presence mesmerized everybody. He was hypnotic, really. His long, shiny hair gently followed his movements like some magical, silver wind. His icy blue, almost turquoise eyes were sheepishly innocent and painfully sharp and erotic at the same time. When he looked into the camera, Yuuri became absolutely speechless. He was sitting in front of the television, watching this beautiful boy. Eyes wide, heart pounding. He never felt anything like that before. Viktor Nikiforov looked like a vision; like an angel.

And there he was, years and years later. Viktor was his coach, and he was living with Yuuri for a month now. And Yuuri realized that he started to think about having a relationship. He was thinking about it _a lot_. Viktor was constantly flirting with him, and Yuuri still couldn’t take it. When he was skating, it was different. But outside the rink? No, no. Absolutely no. He couldn’t even look Viktor in the eyes. It was pathetic. He felt like a fifteen year old boy. However, he was a twenty-three year old man. A virgin, yes, but a man. He wanted to change - he wanted to gain his courage and not be so shy around Viktor. He didn't want to disappoint him. 

*

Yuuri was trying to relax after an exhausting day at the ice rink. When he got home, he took a quick shower and went into bed. He was enjoying the warmth of his bed when Viktor knocked on his door.

'Yuuri, let's go to the store!'

_What the hell? Oh no, I'm in my pajamas!_

'D-don't come inside!' Yuuri shrieked, pulling the blanket on himself.

'Why? Are you naked?' Viktor asked in a cheerful voice, but he did as Yuuri asked and stayed outside.

'No!'

'Yuuri, I want to make dinner. Would you come with me to the store?'

'Please, go alone. I'm... tired.'

’Don’t be like that!’ Viktor whined. 'I don’t understand Japanese. You have to come with me! What if I bring sugar instead of salt?’

’I'm sure that you won't. I will call Minako for you. She will be happy to-’

’I’m waiting outside!’

Yuuri didn’t have a choice. He knew that calling Minako would have been a really stupid move, but he was desperate. He wanted to spend as little time with his coach outside the rink as possible. Even though he decided to be more brave, it was not so easy. He couldn’t act casually around Viktor, and Viktor didn’t make it easier. In fact, he made it _very_ difficult.

The shopping itself was a chaos. Viktor was running around in the store without an actual plan about what he wants to cook, and he ended up buying pretty much everything he layed his eyes on. Yuuri was exhausted. He was following Viktor around like a dog, and he was trying to make him understand that buying an extra large fortune cat is completely unnecessary, but Viktor didn't change his mind.

After they paid in the store, Viktor called a taxi.

’We can go with a bus. You don’t have to.’ Yuuri said.

’Oh, you deserve better than a bus, Yuuri. Besides, if we are in a taxi, I am the only one who can look at you, and I like the idea of that.’

_Oh my god. What is he saying?_

Yuuri turned his face in the other direction,  and he washoping that Viktor didn’t see the redness on his cheeks.

’You don’t think that’s true?’ Viktor asked.

’What?’

’That you deserve the best.’ Viktor repeated, then moved closer to Yuuri. They were standing on the empty sidewalk. It was a cold winter day, but Yuuri suddenly felt like it was the hottest summer in a thousand years. 

’I’m…I-I’m just…’

’Yes?’ Viktor’s voice was like sex. That’s how it sounded like. Thick, deep, and hot. They way he purred into Yuuri’s ears was unbearable.

Yuuri was staring at the ground, his ears and cheeks burning like a furnace. He was hoping that his glasses covered some of his face, but deep down he knew they didn’t.

’I think you'r... exaggerating.’ he finally said.

_I want to disappear right now. I want to hide under a blanket. I want my room._

’Oh, I don’t think that’s true.’ Viktor smiled, and lifted his hand up to touch Yuuri’s hair. Yuuri was so shocked that he couldn’t move at all.

He was staring up at Viktor now. Viktor brushed his hair away from his eyes, and looked at him with unconcealed lust.

_Oh, holy hell._

The taxi arrived, and Yuuri felt like a rock was lifted from his chest. And then he realized he will have to sit next to Viktor in the backseat of a car. For like, ten long minutes.

_Oh dear god, I hope the driver is the chatty type._

Viktor opened the car door for him, and Yuuri could practically _feel_ Viktor's eyes on his ass when he crawled into the taxi. Soon, Yuuri had to face the sad fact that the driver is definitely not the chatty type. He didn’t say a damn word.

_Wonderful. Great._

Yuuri put the bags between them, but he still felt like Viktor was way to close to him. He stared out the window, and started praying to the almighty god. Viktor didn’t say a word, but his presence was enough to make Yuuri uncomfortable. Yuuri was never in such a small space with Viktor, and he was worried that he might get a hard-on from how nervous he was.

_No no no. No. Don’t think about it. Don’t think about it!_

’What are you thinking about, Yuuri?’ Viktor asked in a gentle tone. ’You look like you are concentrating very hard.’

_Hard, yes. Very hard._

’Oh no, I-I was just thinking about… dinner. Yeah. I’m really hungry.’

’Really? We can go out and eat something tonight. I will make dinner tomorrow then.’

_Fuck. Why did I have to say that?_

’What?!’ Yuuri blurted out. ’Sorry! I mean, that’s not necessary. I can wait a few hours until it’s ready.’

’I don’t want you to wait when you’re hungry. We will drop the bags, then we go and eat something. How does that sound?’

_Horrible, absolutely horrible._

’I don’t want you to spend money on me. Really, just forget it. I can wait.’

Viktor chuckled.

’I insist.’

’But my clothes-’

’Don’t worry, you look perfect. You don’t have to change.’

*

_I’m a failure. I tried to save the situation and I only made it worse. I want to die. I want someone to kill me right now. Bury me._

Yuuri was sitting next to Viktor, and the other man was drinking the fourth glass of wine in a row. They ate katsudon, and Yuuri has never finished his favourite meal so fast in his life. He was hoping they will go home, but it didn't seem like it Viktor ordered a drink, and then another, and then another…

Viktor’s cheeks were already bright pink, and he was having the time of his life. Yuuri was still not finished with his first glass. Everyone was watching them, and Yuuri felt like he was standing on a stage.

’Hey, I think you’ve had enough.’ he whispered, then tried to take Viktor’s glass away.

’Yuuuri! No, don’t!’ Viktor whimpered. ’What about yours? You didn’t drink anything yet!’

’If I do, will we go home?’ Yuuri asked.

Viktor leaned closer. His breath was hot against Yuuri's neck and it smelled like red wine.

’ _Da, da_. We will. _Konechna_.’ 

_Oh my fucking shit._

Yuuri stared at Viktor with wide eyes, then he turned away quickly. He was always weak for Viktor speaking Russian, and Viktor seemed to notice that. A long sigh left Yuuri’s mouth, and then he proceeded to drink the wine in one go. Viktor was shamelessly staring.

’I knew you could do that. Drink mine, too.’ Viktor said, looking like a hungry puppy.

’Huh? Why would I drink yours?’ Yuuri didn’t understand at all.

’Please, drink it. _Pozhaluysta_?’

_Crap._

’You say... a lot of Russian words when you are drunk.’ Yuuri said quietly.

’I’m Russian, after all.’ Viktor smiled.

’Yeah, it’s just…’ Yuuri couldn’t finish the sentence. His ears were bright red.

There was a mysterious smirk on Viktor’s face that could send Yuuri to his grave in one second. Then the smirk was replaced with a bright, wide smile.

’Ohh! You like it, _Yura_.’ Viktor looked way too happy about his discovery.

_Fuck._

’W-what? No! I don’t! I mean, I don’t have a problem with it, of course, b-but, I mean, why would I like it?’

 _Great_. He was speaking so fast it was a surprise Viktor could understand him.

’I don’t know, but you definitely like it.’ Viktor said with a wink.

Viktor’s words were sending electric shocks through Yuuri’s body. He took Viktor’s glass away, drank its whole content, then put it down. Viktor muttered something in Russian that Yuuri couldn’t quite hear.

’Thank your for the dinner.’ Yuuri stood up and reached for his coat, but Viktor was faster.

He stepped behind Yuuri, and offered to put his coat on. Yuuri knew that everyone was watching them, and for a brief moment, he was proud.

For a brief moment, he wanted every single person in this restaurant to look at them, to see how Viktor’s puts his coat on, to see how he smoothes away Yuuri’s hair from his eyes after he is done. And then the moment was over, and he snapped back to his pathetic reality.

’Thanks.’ he stuttered, then walked as fast to the exit as he could.

Viktor followed him with a smug smile on his face.

’ _Udivitelno_.’ 

*

Yuuri was laying on his bed. It was almost eleven o’clock. He was thinking about Viktor. Of course he was. Their taxi ride, their dinner. Viktor's smile, Viktor's voice. Viktor was quite drunk but not as much as his behaviour suggested. When they got home, Yuuri went straight into his room, leaving Viktor behind.

Viktor was whining after him for a while, then he decided to go and have a bath in the hot spring. Yuuri had to swallow hard when he imagined Viktor’s naked body as he slowly climbed into the pool. His damp hair, his smooth, slick skin, his thick, muscular thighs and his broad shoulders...

 _Shit, shit, shit._ _I want to see him but I don’t want to see him._

’I’m an idiot. A pathetic idiot.’ Yuuri muttered, then slowly slid his hand into his briefs.

He was already hard, just by thinking about Viktor.

’I can’t believe I’m doing this. Again.’ he whispered, then shut his eyes.

He felt so ashamed, but so turned on, and he couldn’t help but rub himself with his cold fingers. His cock was responding quickly, and it became harder and harder with every second. Yuuri could feel his heartbeat getting faster, and he found it more and more difficult to hold back his moans.

He put his other hand on his mouth, to try and prevent himself from moaning out loudly. He could almost see Viktor in the pool. But that was nothing; he could hear him, too. He could hear him speaking Russian again. That was such a turn on for Yuuri and he had no idea why. 

He wanted Viktor to be there with him, and he wanted him to whisper dirty things in his ears. His cock was throbbing between his fingers. He lifted his ass up, and thrusted into his fist.

He wanted Viktor to do this to him, he wanted to feel his hot skin against his own. He tried to imagine the older man’s voice.

_’Mm. You’re beautiful, Yuuri. Let me hear your voice.’_

_Viktor was there, laying next to Yuuri, completely naked. His skin was hot, wet and flushed on his cheeks. He was looking at Yuuri through his thick, silver eyelashes, and his blue eyes were overflowing with lust. He licked his own lips, and lifted his hand to caress Yuuri’s neck. Then he slipped one of his fingers into the boy’s mouth. Yuuri moaned, then started to suck on it._

_'Oh, you’re absolutely perfect, dorogoy.’_

’V-Viktor!’

_’Yes, baby. Come for me. Say my name, Yura.’_

Yuuri's entire body was shaking, and he could still feel Viktor’s imaginary touch on his lips. 

The room was spinning around him, and he could hear that whistling, annoying noise in his ear which he could experienced when he had a really intense orgasm.

The house was completely silent. Then Yuuri realized he just came with a loud moan which happened to include Viktor’s name.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Spoiler alert: Viktor totally heard him.  
> to be continued...
> 
> (oh and I'm Hungarian, that's why I can't write very well in English. If there are grammatical errors or something, please don't kill me.  
> Also I speak a little bit of Russian because I have Russian classes at university. If there are problems with the Russian words/phrases, let me know.)


	2. Your Velvety Skin

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Viktor is absolutely convinced that Yuuri needs a massage.  
> Also this Russian man is RUTHLESS and our poor virgin Yuuri is suffering.  
> AKA I'm completely out of control.
> 
> kakoy neposlushniy malchik/какой непослушный мальчик - what a naughty boy  
> zolotse/золотце - my dear, my darling, literally "my gold"  
> sakharok/сахарок - sugar  
> kotyenok/котенок - kitten  
> detka/детка - baby/lover  
> moya krasota/моя красота - my beauty

Viktor was sitting in the pool absent-mindedly. He was completely alone; it was late. He was planning to soak in the hot water for at least half an hour, but he was beginning to feel dizzy. It was the wine, yes, but not just the wine. It was also Yuuri. 

That beautiful, yet charmingly clueless man. Viktor had to smile at the thought of Yuuri's bright red cheeks. And yes; he was _a man_ in Viktor's eyes. He was a virgin, Viktor could see that, but there were some moments when something shifted in Yuuri. There must have been a switch, and Viktor was trying to find it. And tonight, he did. Yuuri was turned on by Russian. God knows why, but he was. Viktor thought that it wasn't really the language itself; it was the fact that Viktor was the one speaking it. However, Viktor was hundred percent sure that there's more. There had to be more things that turned Yuuri on, there had to be more things that turned him into a beast.

Viktor sighed, then climbed out of the pool. He still felt dizzy, and he decided to go back to his room and have a nice sleep. He put on his green bathrobe, left the pools, then stepped out to the dark, silent hallway.

And then Viktor froze.

 _Moaning._ Repressed, but still audible for his ears. Viktor slowly approached Yuuri's room, as silently as he could. He stopped in front of the door, then he listened. 

Yuuri was panting beautifully, and then he did something even better.

'V-Viktor!' he moaned in his adorable Japanese accent.

Viktor's eyes widened, and he could feel his cock harden under his bathrobe. Yuuri came while saying _his_ name. Viktor could feel sweat running down his temples. 

Yuuri's room went silent, and Viktor quickly retreated into his own. He sat down on his bed. Makkachin was sleeping next to him.

For a while, he was just staring at the wall. Then a mischievous smile appeared on his face.

' _Yura_...  _kakoy neposlushniy malchik_.'

*

Yuuri was sitting at the table, eating his breakfast in silence. Viktor was sitting across from him, looking like he's heard some really good news.

Yuuri's parents were with them as well, and Yuuri thanked the god for this. He could swear that Viktor knew what he did last night. Maybe he heard it, or maybe he just _knew_ because that's how Viktor was. He could feel Viktor's gaze on him, and he tried his best to stare at his food and avoid his eyes.

_He couldn't hear it, right? He was having a bath._

'Yuuri! Do you know what will we do today?' Viktor asked suddenly, making Yuuri jump.

'Uh, no? T-training, I guess.'

'Yes, you're right. But what kind of training?' Viktor was smiling like a child, and Yuuri was looking at him blankly.

'I don't know.'

Viktor drank his black tea, then clapped.

'We will go swimming!'

_Huuh?!_

*

'I still think this is a bad idea.' Yuuri said anxiously in the dressing room of the local swimming centre. 'I'm a figure skater, not a swimmer. Why are we here?'

'It's because you need to relax, _Yura._ It hurts me to see how tense you are.' Viktor hummed into his ears, leaning way too close to him.

'S-stop calling me that.' Yuuri mumbled, redness coloring his ears.

Viktor's expression turned serious.

'Really? If it bothers you, I will not say it again.'

Yuuri glanced at his coach, but he didn't say anything. 

_I don't want you to stop... not really._

He had a feeling Viktor knew that very well. The older man changed into his swimming trunks, and damn, they were _tight._

_Oh my god, he looks like a statue._

Yuuri was still wearing his regular briefs, and he couldn't bring himself to change in front of Viktor.

'Um... could you... you know-' Yuuri tried to express himself as good as he could. Viktor looked like he knew exactly what was he thinking about.

'No need to be shy, _zolotse_.'

'Wha-what does that mean?' Yuuri whimpered, but Viktor just laughed.

'Okay, I will leave. I will wait at the poolside.'

*

Viktor was waiting for him, just as he promised. There were other people at the pool, and they were all staring at Viktor. Yuuri couldn't believe this was happening. He wanted to spend as little time with Viktor outside the rink as possible, and there they were. Half-naked, everyone staring at them.

Yuuri's trunks were not as tight as Viktor's, but when the older man saw Yuuri, he whistled softly to show his appreciation. Yuuri was shocked. He wanted to die.

'Viktor! Don't do that!'

Viktor seemed even happier. He was practically shining.

'W-what?' 

'Oh, it's just that you said my name. You never really do that.' Viktor answered, then he climbed into the pool.

_Shit, he's right. I'm an idiot._

'Aren't you coming?'

They spent the whole morning in the pool. Viktor was ruthless. He only allowed three breaks, and all three of them were just three minutes long.

'I can't do this. It's been hours. I can't feel my legs. And my arms,' Yuuri complained, leaning on the edge of the pool, while Viktor was doing backstroke next to him. Viktor's perfect body was shining in the water, and Yuuri had to look away before it could make him excited.

'Don't worry, we're almost done.'

'Almost?' Yuuri whimpered. 'You said I need to relax. I'm not relaxed, I'm exhausted.'

'Relaxation is born from exhaustion. Trust me, Yuuri. Come with me.'

Viktor got out of the pool, and he offered a hand to Yuuri. Yuuri was staring up at him, and he was hesitant. 

_I've never touched Viktor._

_He's touching me all the time, but I've never touched him._

_Oh, fuck. I'm like a teenager._

Yuuri grabbed Viktor's hand, then climbed out of the pool. They were standing face to face, Viktor was taller, but he was still looking into Yuuri's eyes. The younger man was mesmerized by his coach. His gaze was hypnotic, the way he was standing there. His wet, shiny skin, his damp hair, his sharp blue eyes. His hand in Yuuri's hand. Viktor's fingers were strong, yet gentle and soft. 

_He's so hot. He's so hot. He's so..._

Then Yuuri flinched, and quickly let go of Viktor's hand.

'Umm, so, w-where are we going?'

Viktor's eyes were all over him. They were exploring him, and they saw everything. He was devouring Yuuri with his gaze.

'Come with me, _sakharok_.'

Yuuri followed Viktor into an empty corridor, up the stairs, then into a darkened room. There was nothing inside but a massage table, a couch and a salt lamp.

Yuuri froze in the doorway and he looked terrified.

'What are we doing here? D-did you book a massage for me? I didn't even know they do this here. It's not necessary-'

'Oh, no, _zolotse_. I didn't book a massage. I booked the _room_.'

_Holy shit! What does he want?_

_I want to run away._

_Shit!_

'W-what? Why? No, no, no. I don't need this. Let's g-go home!' Yuuri wanted to leave, but Viktor grabbed his forearm.

'Don't go, Yuuri. Please. If you don't like it, we will go home, _da?_ '

Yuuri was afraid. So, so afraid. But so damn excited.

'O-okay. Fine. Two minutes.' he said, then entered the room, and Viktor closed the door.

Yuuri was sweating like hell. They were in their trunks, and there was no one else in the room. The salt lamp made Viktor's body look like a dream. Yuuri just couldn't look at him for more than two seconds.

'Lay down, please,' Viktor asked, and Yuuri took off his glasses, then obeyed.

Yuuri was staring at the floor as he layed on the bed, and he was horrified. He heard a click, like when someone opens a shampoo bottle, then he felt Viktor's warm hands on his back. Yuuri jolted by the touch, and Viktor chuckled.

'I won't hurt you, _moya krasota_. Don't be afraid. If you don't like it, tell me and I will stop.'

Yuuri nodded, then he closed his eyes.

_There he goes with Russian, again. But what do these words mean?_

_And his hands are on my back. He is touching me._

_He is massaging me. Holy mother of god._

_Don't get a hard-on._

_Don't get a hard-on._

Yuuri wanted to stop Viktor, he wanted to. He just couldn't. He was weak and he was turned on.

Viktor was everywhere. His soft, silent breathing behind Yuuri, his gentle, warm hands. They way he slowly and deliberately massaged every muscle on Yuuri's neck, on his shoulders, then on his back. Yuuri held his breath, and pressed his lips together. Viktor was completely in control and Yuuri wanted him to touch him _everywhere._ He wanted to arch into his touch. Time was moving slow, and Yuuri's mind was racing.

_I want him to take me. Holy hell, I want him to..._

Viktor hummed, and Yuuri could _hear_ the smile in his voice. 

'I was right. You're tense. But you are beautiful, Yuuri, you know that?' he said softly; his voice was melting, dominating.

_Oh, no, no, no._

Yuuri was getting hard. His cock was pressing to the table and it was uncomfortable as hell. He wanted to grind on it, he really, really wanted to.

_He can't know I'm hard._

'Mm. Your skin is like velvet. Did anyone tell you that before, _kotyenok_?'

Yuuri groaned, then his eyes widened.

_Shit._

'Ohh, that was a _very_ nice sound. But you didn't answer my question, _detka_.'

_He is going to kill me one day._

'N-no. Nobody... ever told me that before.'

'That's a shame. You're truly wonderful,' Viktor sighed, then gently caressed Yuuri's arms, up and down, up and down...

Yuuri's cock twitched underneath him. He wanted to get off more than anything. He _needed_ to get off.

'Viktor-'

'What is it, _dorogoy_?'

'I'm... ah-' Yuuri moaned as Viktor started to massage his lower back. 'That hurts-'

Viktor was biting down on his own lips. He couldn't believe how lucky he was. He needed every bit of self control to remain calm.

'Sorry. That is why I told you you're tense.'

_How is he so good at this? Did he take a course or something?_

'Ah, I'm... I'm-' Yuuri whined into the table. 'Viktor, you're making me-'

'What? Tell me, _Yura,_ ' Viktor whispered into his neck, slowly caressing his shoulders.

Yuuri tried to collect himself.

'I'm a little... s-sensitive, and...I'm kind of... I-'

'Oh, you have an erection, I know,' Viktor purred shamelessly, and Yuuri's heart almost stopped.

He buried his face into the table. He was so, so ashamed.

'How-'

'I can see it. Your hips are moving a little,' Viktor chuckled, then placed a gentle kiss on the back of Yuuri's neck. His lips were soft and hot.

_FUCK!_

'It's okay, Yuuri. You're a man, after all. Don't be ashamed.'

'But you-' Yuuri wanted to hide under a blanket.

'It's okay. I'm flattered,' Viktor whispered.

_We can't do this. We can't. If he continues I will come all over my trunks._

'Please... enough,' Yuuri said, and Viktor's hands stopped immediately.

'What's wrong?'

'I don't want you to... see me like this. Please, Viktor... could you go? I w-will... follow you later.'

Yuuri wanted to die at this very moment. He was so embarrassed.

_Is Viktor disappointed? Angry? Both?_

'Of course, _Yura_. I'll wait for you at the reception.' Viktor's voice was gentle, understanding. _Loving._

_He can't be real. And this must be a dream. Or a nightmare, I don't even know._

Yuuri was left alone with his embarrassment and with his pulsing hard-on.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I should be studying.  
> 


	3. I Can Feel Your Heartbeat

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Viktor doesn't know the word 'mercy'... but Yuuri's had enough. AKA Viktor falls into his own trap.
> 
> Uspokoysya - Calm down  
> dermo! - shit!  
> Oy, Yura, ty ubivayesh menya. Ya chuvstvuyu sebya kak podrostok. - Oh, Yura, you're killing me. I feel like a teenager.  
> Bozhe moy! Vitya, chto sluchilos s etim rebenkom? - Oh my god! Vitya, what's wrong with this kid?  
> Ey, eto normalno, Natasha. On stesnitelnyy. - Hey, it's okay, Natasha. He's shy.  
> Priobnimi yevo - Put your arms around his waist

Viktor stormed into the men's toilet, and opened the tap as fast as he could. He was standing in front of the mirror, his cheeks rosy, pupils expanded, lips flushed.

He splashed ice cold water onto his face. Once, twice.

' _Uspokoysya, uspokoysya... dermo_!'

His trunks were so tight that his half-hard dick was not visible through the bathrobe, but still. Still.

He got hard because of Yuuri, and that was driving him crazy. Viktor was always the master of self-control. While he was there with Yuuri, massaging him, he could hold himself together - sort of.

But that was because Yuuri couldn't see him. If he would have turned to take a look at his coach, he would have been really... really surprised.

Viktor was washing his face with cold water for a while. When his hard-on finally disappeared, his lips curled into a smile.

' _Oy, Yura, ty ubivayesh menya.'_ he sighed. ' _Ya chuvstvuyu sebya kak podrostok_.'

*

Yuuri was at Minako's when his phone started ringing.

'Yes?'

'Yuuri, I have wonderful news!' Viktor yelled, and Yuuri had to hold the phone away from his ears.

'What?'

'Well, I have a very good friend and I owe her a favor. She's a photographer, actually,' Viktor said cheerfully.

'Umm, okay.'

'She wants a photoshoot with us!'

_Excuse me?_

'What? What do you mean _us_? You mean she wants a photoshoot with _you_ , right?'

Viktor was laughing - he was having so much fun.

'No, _detka_ , she wants  _us_. You and me both. Isn't it _great_?' 

_Huuuh?!_

_*_

_I'm cursed. I'm pretty sure I'm cursed._

Yuuri's vision was blurry. His glasses were on the table, and he was sitting in a makeup chair. A young woman was putting powder all over his face, and he started to believe that this was a nightmare.

Viktor was sitting next to him, and there were two hairdressers working on his silver locks. Meanwhile, Viktor was texting on his phone, grinning like a child.

_He's so used to this. What am I doing here?_

Viktor was chatting with everybody who entered the room, and people were _all over him_. Yuuri started to feel really uncomfortable for some reason.

_I don't want them to touch him._

_I don't want him to smile at them._

_Shit, what am I thinking?!_

The hairdressers were done with Viktor, and they wanted to take care of Yuuri, too - but Viktor stood up.

'There's no need for that. I will do it.'

_Huh?_

'Really?' the girl asked.

'Yes, I'm a pretty good at it. At least that's what I like to think.' Viktor chuckled, then stepped behind Yuuri. 'You look amazing, Yuuri.'

'I don't like this.' Yuuri muttered, his cheeks red.

'I know. But you will like it later,' Viktor whispered in his ears, then started to comb through Yuuri's hair. His hands were gentle, careful.

Yuuri was staring down into his lap.

_I can't believe he's doing this. He has no idea how intimate this looks in Japan._

Viktor was so close behind him, Yuuri could smell his cologne. It was the usual fragrance; Viktor was wearing it all the time, but Yuuri could still smell it.

It was hypnotic, just like Viktor. Strong, yet tender; mysterious, yet straightforward; erotic, yet elegant.

_I want to be closer to him. I want to touch him._

_I want him to wrap his arms around me and..._

'What are you thinking about?'

Viktor's sudden question made Yuuri jump in his seat. He looked up to the mirror, and he saw Viktor behind him. The older man was leaning down to his face, his lips almost touching Yuuri's neck.

_It's so fucking hot in here. I need to breath._

_I need a cold shower._

'I don't think people want me in this. I mean, you're the star.'

Viktor shushed him gently, then caressed his shoulders.

'I can assure you that's not true,' he said. 'Ah, your lips need a little bit of moisture.'

_'What?'_

Viktor reached for a tiny jar on the table, opened it, put some lip balm on his forefinger, then touched Yuuri's lips.

_Oh. My. God._

'Now we're done.'

Yuuri's face was just as red as a tomato.

*

'Touch his _what_?' Yuuri whimpered.

'Touch his hair!' the woman ordered in her thick Russian accent.

'B-b-but I can't po-possibly-'

' _Bozhe moy! Vitya, chto sluchilos s etim rebenkom_?'

' _Ey, eto normalno, Natasha. On stesnitelnyy._ '

'Wha-what are you two talking about?!' Yuuri was completely at his limit.

Viktor ignored the photographer - his friend, Natasha - and he turned to Yuuri.

'She's just impatient, don't even listen to her. Could you do what she's asking for?'

'But I'm not-'

_I will die here! I will die today!_

_Right here in this room!_

There were lights and people  _everywhere_. They have been doing this for fifteen minutes now, and Yuuri wanted to run away. 

'Please. I know this is unusual for you, and I'm sorry. But you're not alone. I'm here with you, so let's do this, okay,  _zolotse?_ ' Viktor whispered, which made Yuuri's heart race.

He nodded, pressed his lips together, then slowly lifted his hand. His fingers were shaking, but he managed to put them on Viktor's face, slightly touching the silver hair in front of the man's left eye. Yuuri was looking into Viktor's eyes, and he was still shaking. Viktor's skin was _unexpectedly_ soft. 

_Is he even real?_

'Yes, that's it! Great, Yuuri, amazing!' Natasha was more than excited. ' _Vitya, priobnimi yevo!_ '

_What is she sayi- HUH?!_

Viktor put his arms around Yuuri's waist, and their bodies were pressing together. Viktor was gentle and yet, he felt so strong. Yuuri couldn't think. The entire room was spinning, and the scent of Viktor's cologne was everywhere.

He was warm, strong, and he was way too close. His hot breath was tickling Yuuri's neck, and that sent an electric shock straight to Yuuri's cock.

_Holy fuck, no!_

_No, no, no!_

'That's beautiful. Yes, great!' Natasha said, clicking her camera diligently. 'Oh, Yuuri, that's it! Look at me!'

Yuuri was blushing like a teenager, and Natasha just loved it. Yuuri tried to obey her, he tried to look up. Viktor was still holding him, his body was still pressing to his. Yuuri couldn't breath.

'Look into the camera, _detka,_ ' he purred into Yuuri's ears, and Yuuri was afraid he is going to pass out.

But he managed to glance up, and Viktor gently caressed his waist with one of his fingers - as a reward? As an encouragement?

Yuuri felt himself melting into Viktor's arms. He didn't want to run away anymore. He was leaning on Viktor's shoulders, almost closing his eyes. 

Viktor wanted to say something. He had plans. But he was speechless, Yuuri could feel that. And Yuuri was proud. He wanted Viktor to suffer a little; just like he was suffering every single day because of his teasing. Without thinking, he gently pressed his ass against Viktor's crotch which was not noticable for Natasha, but it was certainly noticable for Viktor. Yuuri felt the man's rapid heartbeat on his back, and he could feel his fingers digging harder into his hips.

 _'Yuuri-'_ Viktor whispered, and this was not for the camera.

This was not his usual tone. His voice was much lower than usual, and he was weak. So very weak _._

Yuuri couldn't hear Natasha anymore. He couldn't hear anything anymore. It was Viktor, only Viktor, his breath, his heartbeat, his warmth, his crotch pressing into Yuuri's ass.

Yuuri closed his eyes, and a long, quiet sigh left his throat.

*

It was already dark outside. Yuuri was sitting in the hallway. He checked his phone, then he rested the back of his head against the wall. 

What the hell happened back there? The photoshoot was not very long; but when they were done, Viktor started to act differently. He didn't talk much, he was just staring at Yuuri, but mostly he was just utterly shocked.

_No wonder! I grinded on his dick back there!_

_Shit, shit, shit!_

But it was good. It was really good. To dominate Viktor a little. Just a little, but still. Yuuri felt so blissful.

A door opened at the end of the hallway, then Viktor showed up. Yuuri stood up immediately, and despite his earlier thoughts, he couldn't bring himself to look at his coach. They made their way towards the elevator in silence, and while they were waiting for it to arrive, Yuuri's mind was still racing.

_Is he disappointed in me?_

_Does he think I'm a dirty slut or something?_

_Does he think I'm too easy?_

_Maybe he likes to tease me but he doesn't want me to tease him? I fucked up! I fucked up!_

The elevator doors opened up, and they stepped inside. There were mirrors everywhere.

'Yuuri, can I ask you something?' Viktor said when the doors closed behind them, and they were completely alone. Everything was silent.

Yuuri's heart was beating so fast, it was completely audible.

'Y-yeah. Of course.'

Before Viktor could say anything, the elevator made a huge, shrieking sound - and after shaking for a while, it just  _stopped._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HAH! This is such a cliche but I couldn't help myself..  
> 


	4. I'm Addicted To You

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Being trapped in an elevator is a great opportunity to talk things out.  
> Viktor is a wise man and he knows this.
> 
> The Russian phrases/words were already used in the previous chapters, so I didn't include a 'dictionary' this time.

_Heartbeat._

Fast, screaming. Desperate and loud.

Yuuri was holding on to the railing of the elevator. His palms were sweaty and slippery. He tried to swallow but his throat was like a desert.

'W-we... are stuck,' he whispered in a high-pitched voice. 'I can't... I can't breath!'

He leaned back against the wall, his hands still on the railing. Viktor took a step towards Yuuri.

'Don't say that. It's gonna be okay,' he said in a serious tone. 'They'll help us soon.'

His icy blue eyes were like the calmest ocean. He pressed the emergency button. His hand was steady, not shaking at all.

Yuuri was hyperventilating. There was a sudden sound. A male voice.

_'We know about your emergency. There seems to be a technical trouble in the entire building. We need a few minutes to fix it. We are terribly sorry, please be patient and do not panic.'_

_Seriously?! Really?! Do not panic!_

_The elevator just stopped and we are gonna die here!_

_This is my final day on Earth!_

_I'm gonna suffocate and my mother will be so, so sad!_

'Yuuri, look at me,' Viktor's voice was calm. He was standing in front of Yuuri; closer than before. 'Look at me and breathe. Can you do that?'

'This is bad. This is really bad. There's no air!' 

'There's plenty. Hey, look at me!'

Yuuri finally looked into Viktor's eyes. Their faces were just centimeters apart.

'Do you remember what I said?'

Yuuri's hand was shaking.

'What?'

'When we entered the elevator. What did I say?'

_What did he say? Shit, I don't even know!_

'You... w-wanted to ask me something? I guess? B-but then the elevator-'

'Ssh. Don't think about the elevator,' Viktor said, then placed one of his arms on the wall behind Yuuri's head. 'So, can I ask you something, Yuuri?'

_This is serious. He's not using pet names._

_We're gonna die here and he hates me!_

'Y-yeah, you can.'

'Good,' Viktor said softly.

He was close. Really close. His cologne was making Yuuri forget where they were.

One of Viktor's silver locks were tickling Yuuri's forehead. His breath was caressing Yuuri's cheeks.

'Do you like me?'

_HUH?_

_NO NO NO!_

'W-what? What do you m-mean? I mean, you are my coach, of c-course I like you, of c-course-'

'That's not what I meant,' Viktor whispered with a smirk on his lips. 'Do you like me _as a man_ , Yuuri?'

_Holy crap. I'm dead, right?_

_The elevator fell into the deepest pits of hell and we're already dead. Right?_

'I'm... I-'

'Yes?'

'Why are you asking?' Yuuri muttered, and his voice was weak.

'Oh, I think you know why. You did something back there... in the studio. Why did you do that?'

_Fuck, why is this happening to me?_

'That... that was because... I don't know, I just-' Yuuri couldn't say anything.

He didn't know how to admit it.

How to admit that he doesn't just _likes_ Viktor. He adores him. He loves him. He wants him more than anything in this world.

'Talk to me, _dorogoy_. Tell me what you think. And then... I will tell you what I think,' Viktor purred into his ears.

Yuuri's legs were trembling. He was starting to feel excited.

_Oh, no._

'I... did that because I... I l-like... you.'

_Fuck. What? What did I say?_

_I said that out loud?_

There was a grin on Viktor's face. 

'Good. Because I'm absolutely addicted to you, _moya krasota,_ ' he said.

_Oh my god! I'm gonna get rock hard!_

'But-' 

'How could I resist someone like you?' Viktor smiled. He leaned closer to Yuuri's face. 'You're the most beautiful man I've ever seen.'

Yuuri blushed harder than ever before.

'No, don't say that...'

'But I want you to know. You deserve to know. Now... I have one more question, _detka_.'

'Y-yes?'

'Can you tell me what you did after I left you alone in that massage room?'

_Whaat?!_

Yuuri couldn't say a word. He wanted to, but his voice betrayed him. His lips moved, but that was it.

His heart was beating so hard he was afraid it will jump out of his chest. His hands were still shaking.

'W... What are you talking about?' he breathed, barely audible.

Viktor was staring at Yuuri's lips through half-lidded eyes.

'You were hard, _Yura_ , and I would love to know how did you take care of yourself after I left that room.' 

Viktor's voice was _scandalous._ Intoxicating. Craving. Full of lust.

'B-but I didn't-' Yuuri could hardly speak. He tried to avoid Viktor's gaze but it was impossible. He was way too close.

Viktor was not having any of this. He didn't wait for Yuuri's lies. He decided to torture the truth out of him; no matter how.

He moved one step closer, and he pressed his right knee between Yuuri's legs.

_SHIT! Oh my god, what... what is he doing?_

_Holy mother of god!_

Yuuri almost moaned out loudly, but he managed to hold back his voice in the end. Still, his face was more than expressive.

His cheeks were flushed and his lips started trembling.

'V-Viktor-'

Viktor hummed, then pressed his knee between Yuuri's legs even harder. He could feel it. Yuuri was starting to get hard.

'Yes, _zolotse_? I'm waiting for your honest answer.'

'I... I...'

Viktor leaned down to Yuuri's neck.

' _Da_?' he whispered, and he started to explore the boy's skin with his soft, hot lips. Barely touching; but still mouthing over the sensitive area, making Yuuri gasp.

'Viktor.... y-your... leg is-'

'Don't pay attention to that, _Yura_. Just tell me where did you touch yourself.'

Yuuri was a complete mess. He couldn't think. He wanted to grind on Viktor's leg, but he was too embarrassed to do it in this situation.

'Come on. Whisper it to me, _dorogoy_. Did you touch yourself _here_?' he asked, while licking Yuuri's neck in an agonizingly slow motion.

Yuuri couldn't keep his eyes open. His body was burning from desire, driving him mad, making him tremble.

'Or _here_?' Viktor asked again, sliding his fingers down on Yuuri's spine, grabbing his ass with both of his hands.

Yuuri let out a needy moan. He couldn't hold it back. Viktor let out an appreciative groan.

'Or only _here_?' he added, pressing his knee into Yuuri's crotch. 'Tell me, _detka_. I'm patient.'

Yuuri could hardly breath. He was sweating, and all he could feel was Viktor's leg pressing against his cock. He grabbed Viktor's right shoulder, and tried to get closer to his body.

Viktor bit down on his own lower lip.

'Yes, baby. Your voice is so beautiful. Tell me.'

'I... I only touched myself... there-'

'Here?' Viktor smiled, moving his palm over Yuuri's clothed erection.

'Ah! Y-yes-'

'Oh. Where did you do that? On the table?'

'N-no... I... I went to the bathroom and... I... I was thinking about you and-'

Yuuri was a wreck. His hips started to move against Viktor's thick thigh.

'Really? And what were you thinking about?' 

Viktor pushed back on Yuuri every single time he rocked into his leg. The boy was a blushing, sweating mess.

'I was thinking... how would you do it if... you w-were there... I wanted you to... touch me everywhere. I wanted you to... say d-dirty things to me-'

Viktor was starting to lose his self-control. He was sweating. Yuuri was rock hard, and his own dick was pulsing, too. He placed hungry, long kisses to Yuuri's neck, and his hands were still on the boy's ass.

'Oh, Yuuri, you're amazing. I wanted to touch you, too. I want it now, I want it more than anything.'

'Ah... Mm... I'm... I'm g-gonna-'

'I will only let you come if you do something for me, _detka,'_   Viktor whispered.

Yuuri's eyes were still closed. He was a whimpering mess in Viktor's arms.

'Y-yeah... anything!' he breathed, and that was enough to make Viktor's dick _jump_ in his pants.

He wanted to fuck Yuuri more than ever before. Right there, in the elevator, in front of the mirror. He wanted Yuuri to see their reflection.

'Say my name,' he purred into Yuuri's ears. 'Say my name, _Yura_.'

Yuuri was rocking into Viktor's muscular thigh, and that sentence was too much for him; it sent him over the edge.

'V-Viktor!' he moaned out loudly, holding onto the man's shoulders, grabbing his silver hair. His body was shaking, and his fingers were pressing into Viktor's body. His heart was pounding in his chest and his mind was completely blank. There was nothing else, just Viktor and his voice, his scent, his hands on Yuuri's ass, their bodies pressing together.

Yuuri's legs gave in, and he was really, really dizzy.

He almost collapsed, but Viktor caught him. There was hardly any air left in the elevator. The mirrors were fogged up.

'You're making me crazy, _zolotse_.' Viktor said, caressing Yuuri's hair with his fingers. 'Absolutely crazy.'

Yuuri opened his eyes, and he was still seeing stars. His hand was still in Viktor's hair, and there was an uncomfortable warmth in his briefs.

_What... what the hell just happened?_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't have anything to say. Hell is waiting for me. Also episode 11 fucked me up.  
> 


	5. Dance With Me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This is... a bit different.  
> *throws some FLUFF at you then runs away*

Yuuri had to tie his hoodie around his hips, so the people who came to free them from the elevator wouldn’t know what just happened in there.

Viktor was unbelievable. During their little _session_ , he was hard, too – Yuuri could feel it – but he managed to collect himself within two minutes. He took deep breaths, closed his eyes, and that was it. Yuuri, however…

Yuuri was an utter disaster.

His hair was a mess, his face was still red, and he couldn’t think straight.

_I can’t believe this. That was a dream, right? Me and Viktor… we actually… we did something like that…_

_I did that with him. With Viktor. With Viktor Nikiforov._

’Yuuri,’ Viktor called. ’Are you okay?’

 _’Hai!_ I- I mean… Yes, I’m okay.’

_What the hell? He makes me forget how to speak English._

They were sitting in a taxi, and Yuuri was staring out the window. He was confused. He actually told Viktor he liked him. Then Viktor said he was addicted to Yuuri. But Yuuri was still confused. What does Viktor want?

_Does he like me or does he love me? Is it possible he only wants my ass?_

He was sweating like a marathon runner. Viktor touched his arm. He was gentle - careful.

’Yuuri, do you regret it?’ Viktor asked, barely audible, making sure the driver didn’t hear it.

Yuuri was looking at Viktor’s face. The older man was serious; worried.

’No,’ he said as firmly as he could. ’I’m just… confused.’

Viktor’s gaze softened. There was a loving smile on his face. He touched Yuuri’s arm, and when the boy didn’t protest, he took Yuuri’s hand in his own.

’Why, _detka_? Because I’m a man?’ he asked quietly.

Yuuri shook his head.

’N-no. That’s not it. That always seemed… natural to me.’

’Then what's wrong?’

Viktor was quiet, calm. Comforting. The way he was looking at Yuuri slowed down the boy's heartbeat. Back to normal.

’I guess it was just… it happened a bit… too fast,' he whispered faint-heartedly.

_Oh, man. I’m such a virgin._

_I’m such a pathetic virgin!_

’Oh. Alright,’ Viktor nodded. ’Okay. I’m sorry. The thing is, it’s hard for me to resist you.’

Yuuri couldn’t hide his smile and he felt the warmth in his cheeks.

’Ah, see? That’s what I’m talking about.’ said Viktor with a bright smile, then kissed Yuuri’s hand.

*

A week has passed, and Viktor slowed down. He really did.

He didn’t flirt as much with Yuuri, and he tried his best not to touch him all the time. It wasn’t easy, but he was trying.

Yuuri was grateful for that. He loved Viktor; he did, and he loved those minutes in the elevator. However, he didn’t want to rush this.

He didn’t want Viktor to get bored with him.

_I guess he’s not like that. But still. I’m still afraid he will dump me eventually._

It was Friday night, and Viktor came up with an idea. They were sitting in front of the television.

’Yuuri!’ he exclaimed, making the boy jump in his seat.

’What?’

’I have a wonderful idea,’ Viktor crawled next to him, looking up at him like a puppy. ’Let’s go for a road trip!’

’Huh? What road trip?’

_Why is he saying that? We have training to do._

Viktor was still smiling. He leaned closer to Yuuri’s face, not caring about Yuuri’s parents, who were sitting next to them.

’I’m trying to call you out. You know, for a date,’ he whispered.

_Huuh?!_

’B-b-but-’

’Oh, don’t do this, Yuuri. You wanted to slow down. We’re slowing down. I want to spend more time with you.’

’You spend a lot of time with me!'

’Yes, as your coach, but I don’t want to be your coach all the time. Can I take you somewhere? Please. I swear I won’t touch you, unless you want me to.’

*

Yuuri was sitting in a rental car. Viktor was holding the wheel with one hand, constantly smiling. He was humming something in Russian. It sounded like a lullaby.

’I never thought about you and driving,’ Yuuri admitted, making the older man laugh.

’I’m almost thirty. Did you think I can't drive?’

’I just assumed you go everywhere with a private jet,’ Yuuri admitted, then immediately regretted it.

But Viktor was laughing like a little kid. His laughter was like a firefly in the loneliest, darkest night.

’Really? Oh, that’s great. Well, I’m human, too. Don’t be so surprised about that, _Yura_.’

Yuuri was blushing. He felt a little bit weird, sitting so close to Viktor, all alone in a car.

 _I practically came on his leg but I’m feeling awkward_ now _? What the hell is wrong with me?_

’Viktor, can I ask you something?’

’Of course.’

’What do these words mean? The Russian words you’re telling me when… y-you know.’

Viktor’s smile was mesmerizing. 

’Oh, I was waiting for that question. They’re pet names. I don’t think about them too much; they just come to my mind when I’m with you.’

’Oh. Okay,’ Yuuri said, staring at his lap.

’What? You don’t like them? I thought you did, I mean, by your reactions-’

’That’s n-not it! I don’t have a problem with them.’

_I can’t tell him that my cock gets hard in the minute he starts speaking Russian. I can’t say that!_

’I would love to learn some Japanese, you know? I could speak to you in your native language then.’

_Oh. Crap._

’No no no! You don’t have to! You don’t have to! I’m fine with English!’

Yuuri was panicking.

_If Viktor learns how to speak Japanese then he will most denifitely kill me._

_I’m gonna be a dead man._

’Oh, but I’m willing to learn a language for you. I would do anything for you.’

Yuuri pressed his lips together. His ears were burning. He turned to the window, and he watched the night lights of a distant city.

’I love it when you are blushing. It’s so cute,’ Viktor said.

’It’s not cute. It’s like I’m thirteen,’ Yuuri whispered.

’No, it’s not. It’s more like you’re sensitive. It’s refreshing somehow. I love it, _zolotse._ ’

_Crap, there he goes again._

’Wh… what does that mean?’ Yuuri asked, looking at the other man.

Viktor was paying attention to the road, his blue eyes almost vibrating in the dark.

_He's beautiful._

’It means that you’re my treasure. My gold,’ he said without any sign of embarrassment.

_Oh, sweet god._

Yuuri couldn’t say anything. It was still surreal that Viktor was living with him, training him, and calling him these names.

_He wouldn’t call me that if he wasn’t serious about me, right?_

’How do you say _treasure_ in Japanese?’ Viktor asked.

He was seriously interested. Yuuri was squirming a little in his seat.

’Umm… _takara_.’

’ _Dakara_?’

’No. _Ta-ka-ra,_ ’ Yuuri spelled.

He glanced at Viktor, and the older man looked at him for a brief moment, too. They were smiling, and something changed.

The atmosphere. It was calming. Like a candle in the window of a tiny house on a cold winter night. Like the smell after rain. Like Sunday morning.

Like home. Like acceptance.

Viktor was smiling, and it was the most gentle and honest expression Yuuri has ever seen on his face.

’See? You’re a good teacher.’

_He’s so sweet. He’s so beautiful. I can’t believe he likes me._

’Viktor…’

’Yes, _Yura_?’

’Where are you taking me?’

’That’s a secret.’

*

When the car stopped, Yuuri was looking around with a confused expression. They were next to a forest.

_Did he just kidnap me or something? What the hell is going on?_

Viktor got out of the car, then he opened the trunk.

_Shit! He really did kidnap me!_

_Mom, I’m so sorry! I was so stupid!_

Yuuri got out of the car half-heartedly, worrying about the content of the truck. But then he saw something familiar in Viktor’s hands.

’Why did you… why did you bring our _skates_?’ Yuuri asked. ’I thought this is not training.’

’It’s not, _detka_. Be patient. You’ll see.’

’But why are we in the middle of nowhere? You don’t even live here, how did you find-’

Viktor walked up to Yuuri, but before he could touch his face, his hand stopped in mid-air.

’Oh, I just remembered I can’t touch you yet,’ he smiled. ’Don’t worry. Come with me.’

Viktor closed the car, and with their skates in his hands, he started to make his way into the forest. There was a narrow road between the trees, but it was not made for cars.

The snow was crunching under their feet, and Yuuri could hardly see anything. The only light was the moon, and some old street lamps made out of wood.

It was snowing. Barely noticable. Tiny snowflakes were chasing each other in the cold air.

Viktor was holding their skates, but Yuuri offered to carry his own. When Viktor gave it to him, their hands touched, and for a moment, Yuuri didn’t want to let go.

Yuuri had no idea where they were. It wasn’t far away from his home, but he’s never been here.

And then he saw it.

It was an outdoor ice rink in the middle of the forest, in a big glade. It was surrounded by the same street lamps that showed them the way.

'W-what is this? This was not here five years ago,' Yuuri gasped. 'Nobody told me about this!'

'Oh, it's closed now. I mean, it's not, but you know, I called a few people-'

Yuuri's jaw dropped.

'WHAT? You rented a car, and now you rented an ice rink? Viktor, what were you thinki-'

'It's not a big deal.'

'It is! It is,' Yuuri whispered, not knowing what else to say.

_He is serious. He is dead serious. And he's damn rich, but whatever._

_He is fucking serious!_

Viktor was acting as if this was an everyday situation. He was standing in front of Yuuri with an innocent smile on his face.

'Yuuri, will you dance with me?'

*

It was different. This was not their first time on the ice together, but this was so much different. Viktor was not acting like a coach. He was not superior, he was not ordering Yuuri around. Yuuri put on his skates, then went after Viktor, who was already on the ice. He was waiting for him on the edge of the rink. Smiling, holding his hand out.

'May I?'

Yuuri nodded with a blush on his face, then their fingers entwined. Viktor was wearing his black gloves.

'I've never... never tried pair skating,' Yuuri said, holding onto Viktor's hand as they started making slow, lazy circles on the ice.

'Me neither,' Viktor answered. 'But I want to try it with you.'

It was silent. Nothing else, just their skates sliding on the ice, nothing else, just their breathing in the night. It was so cold that Yuuri could see their breath, but he didn't feel uncomfortable. He was okay. He was completely okay. Holding Viktor's hand, skating together, feeling the cold wind on his cheeks.

Viktor shifted Yuuri's body, and now Yuuri's back was against Viktor's chest. If this was a different situation, Yuuri would have been very, very afraid. He didn't see where they were heading; Viktor was leading him, but Yuuri was more than okay with it. He was with Viktor. He was holding onto Viktor's arms, and he just moved together with him, completely trusting him.

After a few minutes, Viktor slowed down, and then they stopped. Yuuri turned around to face him.

Yuuri was looking up at him with pure amazement, and he realized something.

_I can look at him now. I can look him into the eyes. I'm not shaking. I'm not afraid._

He wasn't shaking. He felt like _home_.

Viktor was looking at Yuuri with overflowing affection. They were close. Their bodies were pressed together. Viktor was holding Yuuri by his waist, and Yuuri's hands were on Viktor's shoulders. 

'Yuuri-'

Viktor's voice was just like a gentle breeze. The tip os his nose was slightly pink from the cold, and his cheeks were, too. His hair was a bit messy from the skating, and suddenly, Yuuri just didn't understand why would he miss a chance to look at this man. Why would he waste the precious opportunity to look at him?

'Yes?' Yuuri breathed. Calm, and weak. Completely at peace.

Viktor's face was so close that their noses were almost touching. Yuuri was still looking into Viktor's eyes, and Viktor was looking at him, too. Viktor moved one of his hands from Yuuri's waist, then removed his glove.

He caressed the boy's face with his bare fingers. His familiar scent was surrounding Yuuri completely. It was hypnotic.

'Can I kiss you?' Viktor whispered.

The icy blue and the chocolate brown were melting together.

Yuuri couldn't speak. He wanted to say yes, he really wanted to, but he couldn't. Instead, he leaned closer to Viktor, and that was all Viktor needed.

His lips were hot, soft, and very, very gentle. He was still holding Yuuri's face with one of his hands. Yuuri's fingers were pressing into Viktor's brown coat, and he was completely lost in the older man's arms. 

They were breathing from each other's lungs, tasting each other, holding on to each other. It was slow, it was steady, it was _everything_.

It was Viktor who broke the kiss. He didn't open his eyes, and neither did Yuuri.

They pressed their foreheads together, trying to treasure and capture this moment. Their hearts were beating to the same rhythm.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> what is this?,?? there is no porn in this??, is she sick? is she dying?? or she just loves these two waaay to much and episode 11 fucking MURDERED her dark,empty soul??? who knows, not me


	6. Let Me Hear Your Voice

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I couldn't stop myself.

Yuuri was still holding onto Viktor’s shoulders. He had no idea how much time has passed since Viktor broke the kiss.

Viktor was still holding Yuuri’s face, staring at him. Yuuri’s eyes were still closed, and his cheeks and nose were bright red. And then, when Yuuri finally looked up, Viktor saw that there were tears in his eyes.

Viktor could feel his heart sink.

’Yuuri! What’s wrong?’ he asked, now both of his hands on the boy's face, wiping away the tears as they were rolling down on Yuuri’s cheeks.

’No-nothing, it’s just…’

’Then why are you crying, _dorogoy_?’

Yuuri chuckled. He put his own hands on Viktor’s then he looked at his coach with his eyes sparkling.

’I’m just really happy.’

Viktor’s sigh was so long and loud that it made Yuuri laugh even more.

’Oh, you scared the hell out of me!’

’Viktor.’

’Hm?’ he asked, letting go of Yuuri’s face, then taking his hands into his palms.

There was a sheepish smile on Yuuri’s face.

’That… that was my first kiss.’

Viktor smiled, then kissed Yuuri’s forehead.

’Thank you for sharing it with me.’

*

Yuuri was in complete ecstasy after the date. He was constantly smiling, making people around him very, very confused. And let’s be real…

He was extremely horny.

That's right. Viktor did something to him, he _switched something_ , and Yuuri couldn't turn it off. He was completely fine without sex and romance for 23 years, and then this man came into his life. Of course Yuuri had fantasies before, and he masturbated, but it was just a habit. Now it was a necessity. He had to get off at least twice a day or else he couldn't exist in the same house with Viktor.

It was Wednesday afternoon and he’s never skated such a terrible routine before. Well, not since Viktor was with him. He fell a lot of times, and when he wanted to get up for the fourth time, Viktor entered the rink.

'Yuuri, are you okay?' Viktor asked in a worried tone. He was looking at Yuuri with genuine concern. Yuuri was kneeling on the ice and Viktor slowly leaned down to face him.

'I'm fine.' 

'Are you hurt?' Viktor asked.

'I hit my elbow,' Yuuri whispered. 

_How can I be such a lame idiot? He is a five time world champion._

_He won't stay with me if I'm like this._

_I don’t want to lose him._

'No, no. Don't beat yourself up, _Yura_. Come, I will help you,' Viktor said, like he was reading Yuuri’s mind.

Yuuri let Viktor help him up.

'What's wrong?' he asked quietly. 'Do you have something on your mind?'

Yuuri was staring at Viktor's chest. He couldn’t answer. The older man put his hands on each side of Yuuri's face. 

'We're done for today. Let's go home.'

*

'Yuuri! Can I come in? I brought you some ice for your elbow.'

Yuuri almost had a heart attack. He was laying on his bed when Viktor knocked. It was already dark outside. 

'Yes.'

Viktor entered the room. Yuuri never let him in before, so Viktor was looking around curiously. The room was dim; only a night light was illuminating the walls.

_For years, I had his pictures on my wall and now he is here. He really is here._

_In my room._

Viktor sat down on his bed, and touched Yuuri's arm.

'Can I?'

Yuuri nodded.

_He looks so amazing in that blue shirt._

Viktor took his hand into his lap, then put the ice pack on his elbow. Yuuri gasped.

' _Gomen_.' Viktor said, and Yuuri almost fell off the bed. Viktor chuckled softly. 'What? I told you that I want to learn some Japanese.'

_I'm going to die early._

'And I told you that you can talk to me in English.'

Viktor's fingers were tracing along Yuuri's forearm. He was caressing his hand, and each of his fingers. 

'M-hm. But that's not enough for me. I want to tell you how beautiful you are; in your own language.'

Yuuri blushed harder than ever before.

'Don't say that.'

'Oh, but it's true, _detka_. And I want to understand you when you're speaking Japanese. It sounds beautiful.'

_He wants to learn Japanese for dirty reasons, I can tell. I can see it on his face._

_Damn him._

Yuuri had to look away. He was staring at the wall which was once covered in posters. His elbow was throbbing with pain, but Viktor was still caressing his skin on his arm. He could hear Viktor's soft humming. It was the same melody as he was humming in the car on Friday.

It was calming, and his voice was so beautiful.

Yuuri froze, and it was only after seconds that he realized Viktor was looking at him. They were staring at each other for at least twenty long seconds, and Yuuri didn't even notice.

'Umm, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to stare at you, I was just... I-' 

'Ssh. Don't apologize for everything, _Yura_. Can you tell me what was wrong today? In the rink.'

Yuuri sighed.

'Well, I was thinking. I don't think that I-'

He stopped, but Viktor was patient. He took Yuuri's hand into his palm, and in the next second, their fingers were already entwined. Yuuri was staring at Viktor's hand, but he didn't pull away.

'You can tell me, _zolotse,_ ' Viktor whispered, then placed a kiss on Yuuri's hand. 

'I was thinking about... I was thinking about that I don't deserve you as my coach. I'm... not that good on the ice.'

Viktor's expression changed.

'What?'

'I said that I don't think I...'

’I heard you,’ he said. His voice was bitter. A bit sad, a bit angry. But he was trying to keep his smile on. ’Let me tell you what I think about that.’

Yuuri was staring at Viktor and he was holding his breath. Viktor stood up, put the ice pack on the desk, then he layed down next to Yuuri, his back leaning against the wall. Yuuri’s eyes widened.

’It’s okay if you feel anxious sometimes. I’m not gonna say you’re wrong. If that’s how you feel, then that’s how you feel. But Yuuri… never think that you don’t deserve me. You deserve everything this world has to offer,’ Viktor said, dead serious, looking Yuuri straight into the eyes.

_I can’t concentrate. He’s laying next to me._

_Fuck, he’s in my bed!_

’You’re… too good to me.’

Viktor finally smiled.

’That’s not possible. I’m the lucky one. Don’t ever doubt yourself, okay?’

Yuuri was nodding, but he couldn’t remain calm. He remembered their date; their kiss. The way Viktor was holding him in his arms.

_I want that again. I want him. I need him._

’Viktor-’ he said, but then, he didn’t continue. He was hesitating. He was afraid his body will act on its own.

_Oh dear god, please don’t._

’What is it, _Yura_?’

’You’re making me a bit… umm… uncomfortable.’

’Why is that?’ Viktor asked, and Yuuri could tell just by the man’s voice that this was a poetic question.

’I don’t want you to think that I’m some… p-pervert or something.’

_WHAT? What the hell am I saying? I’m only making it worse!_

They were both wearing sweatpants, and Viktor’s knee was pressing into Yuuri’s thigh. He didn’t even notice how close they were, but Yuuri did. He definitely did.

_He’s making me feel like a thirteen year old. Fuck! Not again!_

_I can’t fight him, I am absolutely powerless._

’A pervert? Oh, Yuuri, just because you’re lustful it doesn’t mean that-’

’L-lustful?! N-no, I’m not, it’s just that I can’t handle it when you’re-’

 _When you’re_ what _? When you’re_ you _?_

’Can I ask you something?’

_Crap. There he goes again._

’You _will_ ask me, even if I say no.’ Yuuri muttered, and Viktor chuckled.

’Oh, that’s true. So, _Yura_ , tell me, are you a virgin?’

_Oh my god! Isn’t that obvious?!_

’W-why is that important?’ Yuuri asked, playing with the edge of his white t-shirt, avoiding Viktor’s gaze.

’Because I would like to know what is the reason behind that. If you tell me, I will tell you something about myself, too,’ Viktor whispered.

_I can’t escape. I just can’t. I have to tell him something._

’Umm… I never really cared about that. I m-mean… I’ve always-’

_Oh, crap. I can’t say that. I can’t say THAT!_

’Yes?’ Viktor said, putting his head on the pillow, pressing his forehead against Yuuri’s shoulder.

Yuuri could feel the inevitable; he was starting to get hard.

_That was fast. Oh shit. Oh, no…_

’I w-wanted to say that… I’ve always… V-Viktor, I can’t say _that,_ ’ Yuuri whined, covering his face with his hands.

’You’ve always liked me, _detka_? Is that it?’ Viktor whispered, glancing up at Yuuri like an innocent puppy.

Yuuri almost died when he saw Viktor. Laying next to him, with messy hair, with sparkling blue eyes, and with that smirk that could murder anyone.

’Y-yeah,’ he admitted, barely audible, still blushing like a tomato.

Viktor leaned on his right elbow, and he was smiling like a birthday-kid.

’Oh, _Yura_ , you’re making this very difficult for me,’ he said, shaking his head, exploring Yuuri with his icy blue eyes.

’What can _I_ say then?’ Yuuri blurted out.

Viktor laughed, then he leaned closer to Yuuri. He started to caress the boy’s face. His fingers wandered to Yuuri’s neck, and in the next second, Yuuri just gave up.

_Fuck it._

Not caring about the pain in his arm, he turned to Viktor and kissed him with a little bit more force than he wanted to. But he didn’t regret it. He could taste Viktor’s surprise; the sudden gasp from Viktor’s mouth, his hesitant hands, his pounding heart. He couldn’t keep up with Yuuri, and god, that was _great_. That was amazing. Yuuri grabbed Viktor’s silver hair, and he forced his tongue into the man’s mouth. Viktor opened his lips without any resistance, and he moaned out loudly.

_Shit. He sounds amazing._

Yuuri was on top of Viktor, their bodies pressing together, their minds completely blank. Yuuri put his knees on each side of Viktor’s hips, straddling him. He broke the kiss for a short moment. He was looking at Viktor’s face, and then he rolled his hips against the other man.

Viktor tossed his head back. He was starting to get hard, Yuuri could feel it.

’Oh, Yuuri… You are  _so_ dangerous.’

That was the first time Viktor couldn’t stay calm around Yuuri. That was the first time, and Yuuri was absolutely intoxicated with the sight. The throbbing of his own cock, the way their bodies were pressing together… it was like a dream. Yuuri has been dreaming about this moment for years.

But this was real. Viktor was here, _in his bed._

He rolled his hips again, and he leaned down to Viktor. But then, Viktor grabbed his hips, and tried to keep Yuuri from moving.

’W… w-what?’ Yuuri muttered, absolutely fucked out. He was so horny, it was painful. He wanted to continue. He had no idea what would happen if they did, but he wanted Viktor so much.

Viktor didn’t say anything, but when he opened his eyes, his gaze was _predatory._ He sat up, grabbed Yuuri, and roughly shifted their position. When his head hit the pillow, Yuuri gasped in surprise, and he was looking up at Viktor with wide eyes. Viktor was staring down at him with full of want, full of _desire._

He didn’t ask Yuuri, he just leaned down, and kissed him. It was completely different than his kiss at the outdoor ice rink.

He was _devouring_ the boy. He slid his hands under Yuuri’s shirt, and he started to explore his body with his fingers. Yuuri moaned into Viktor’s mouth, which made the older man smile.

’Yes, _detka_. Let me hear your voice.’

’V-Viktor…’

’Tell me what you feel. Tell me what you want.’

’Mmm… I want _you_ , Viktor-’

Viktor was cursing under his breath. While his fingers explored the boy’s body under his shirt, he started to bite and suck on Yuuri’s neck. Yuuri could feel his cock harden in his briefs, and because of his sweatpants, it was not a secret in front of Viktor.

’V-Viktor, I'm-’ he breathed, while Viktor was licking and sucking on his skin. He was merciless.

’You’re delicious,’ Viktor whispered, gently biting Yuuri’s earlobe, making the boy moan out loudly. Viktor looked at Yuuri with a greedy smile. ’Yes, baby, I love that. I love your voice.’

Yuuri closed his eyes, and his dick was painfully hard by now.

’I just remembered something,’ Viktor whispered, licking Yuuri’s ear.

Yuuri’s eyes rolled back, and he needed to put his hand on his mouth not to yell out Viktor’s name.

’Oh, no. Don’t do that. I want to hear you,’ Viktor said, gently biting Yuuri’s lower lip, then slightly pulling on it.

’M-my… my parents… are home,’ Yuuri whined, trying to grind on Viktor, but the older man was pressing his fingers into Yuuri’s hips, keeping him in place.

’Don't think about that.’

’Y-you wanted to t-tell me…’

’Oh, right,’ Viktor smiled, then kissed the corner of Yuuri’s mouth.

Yuuri was completely powerless. An absolute mess.

’I wanted to tell you that I’ve never been with a man before. I’ve never even loved a man before,’ Viktor said quietly, placing tiny kisses on Yuuri’s neck and shoulders.

Yuuri finally looked at him, face flushed, lips trembling.

’W-what? Really?’

’ _Da,_ ’ Viktor said, smiling beautifully.

’So why…’

’It looks like gender doesn’t matter to me,’ Viktor said. ’And how could I resist someone like you?’

’Viktor…’

Yuuri wanted to get off, but he didn’t want to come into his pants. He wanted contact. He wanted _something_ and he was almost crying when he called Viktor’s name.

’What is it, baby?’

’Please, I… I can’t take this… I can’t-’

Viktor let go of Yuuri’s hips, and Yuuri started to buck up into Viktor’s crotch like crazy. Viktor pressed their hips together, and Yuuri moaned out loudly.

’How do you feel, Yuuri?’

’I… I want to… come.’

’Hmm. I’ll see what I can do _, detka,_ ’ Viktor purred, kissing Yuuri’s neck, getting lower and lower. He pulled up Yuuri’s shirt to reveal his chest, and he had to take a deep, deep breath.

Yuuri’s nipples were rock hard, waiting for Viktor. He couldn’t resist. He slowly licked them, and when Yuuri moaned out, he began to use his teeth, too.

’ _Viktor-_ ’ Yuuri whined, squirming underneath him, trying to roll his hips, trying to get some contact. ’Viktor, I’m g-gonna…’

’Oh, no, not yet, baby. I’m not finished with you,’ he said, then he licked Yuuri’s navel, making his way lower. And lower.

Yuuri arched into Viktor’s touch, but Viktor stopped.

’Yuuri… can I?’

’Huh?’ Yuuri looked up, and it seemed like he had no idea what Viktor just said. He realized that where Viktor’s hands were - on the edge of his pants.

’Can I touch you here?’ Viktor asked.

’Y-yeah… please…please do it.’

Viktor didn’t need more. He basically ripped off Yuuri’s pants, along with his briefs. Yuuri was not expecting this. He gasped, and suddenly, he was feeling ashamed. He was naked in front of Viktor, and not just that, but he was ridiculously hard, too.

’ _Oh_.’

That was all Viktor could say when Yuuri’s dick basically _jumped_ out of his pants, beautifully flushed, thick, and leaking with pre-cum.

Yuuri was expecting Viktor’s hands, but the moment Viktor saw Yuuri’s dick, he was unable to stop himself. He took Yuuri into his mouth, without warning, without any foreplay.

’V-Viktor!’

Yuuri tried to lift his head just to see Viktor, just to be able to remember this moment. The tight heat of Viktor’s mouth was making him dizzy, and he couldn’t even remember his own name. When he was able to look up, their eyes met, and Yuuri almost came in that exact moment.

Viktor was looking at him with a ruthless smirk on his face, having almost all of Yuuri’s cock in his mouth, sucking it like there was no tomorrow, like it was his last meal on Earth. There were tears in the corners of Yuuri’s eyes, and he fell back to the pillow, his eyes rolling back, his back arching. He was trying to hold on to something, but all he could grab was the bedsheet.

’Mm.’ Viktor said, letting go of Yuuri’s cock with a loud pop. ’Amazing.'

Viktor licked the underside of Yuuri’s dick, caressing Yuuri’s thighs with his hands. Yuuri threw his head back and pressed his lips together to hold back his voice.

’Come on, baby. Don’t hold back. Come for me,’ Viktor said, taking Yuuri in his mouth once again, and Yuuri was not protesting.

His hips started to move on their own, his cock hitting the back of Viktor’s throat with every single thrust.

The sounds were _obscene_. Unreal. Yuuri just couldn’t stop. He came within five seconds, and with Viktor’s name on his mouth; his body trembling, his hands grabbing the sheets.

He was laying there like a ragdoll, then he realized something.

’Oh, Viktor!’ he said, lifting his head and looking down at his partner.

His cock was still in Viktor’s mouth, and when the older man finally sat up, Yuuri could see the obvious movement on his throat; he _swallowed_.

 _’Oh, fuck,_ ’ Yuuri said, falling back on the pillow, covering his face with his forearm.

’I love it when you say dirty things like that.’ Viktor said with a smile, laying down next to Yuuri. ’I wish you could see yourself. You’re so gorgeous.’

’I’m sorry… I was a bit too excited and… I didn’t want you to… um…’

’Oh but I _wanted_ it.’

 _’D-don't say that_ , Viktor. You’re killing me.’

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is a mess. Also Viktor's dick is lonely and sad.


	7. You're My Home

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Someone asked for domestic Viktor so here you go.  
> Viktor's POV.  
> *  
> slava bogu - thank god

 On the next morning, Yuuri just couldn't look at his mother. He felt as if there was a note on his forehead, saying ' _Viktor sucked me off last night'_ \- with huge, red letters. 

Not just that, but he was absolutely sure that everyone in the house could _hear_ them. He was so ashamed, he wanted to die. Viktor, on the other hand – Viktor was glowing. He was never happier. He slept in his own room, but he was already awake at 7am, pulling Yuuri out of his bed, chatting with Yuuri's parents with a constant smile on his face. Yuuri was sitting at the table with his face burning, and he was staring at his plate so hard his eyes almost popped out.

'Yuuri, are your nightmares back?' his mother asked in a worried tone, sitting beside him. 

'N-no, why are you asking, mom?' Yuuri took a sip of his tea.

'We heard you last night. It sounded like you were in pain.'

Yuuri spat out his tea, and while he was constantly apologizing and trying to clean it up, he could hear Viktor's uncontrollable laugh from the background. His coach didn’t understand them, but he had an idea about the conversation.

*

Viktor decided to finally make that dinner. He wanted to cook _Beef Stroganoff_ , because his grandmother always made that for him in Russia. He wanted to share it with Yuuri, and he was hoping that he would like it.

On Saturday afternoon, Yuuri left the house to train with Minako, and he had no idea about Viktor’s plans. Yuuri’s parents were out, too, so the whole house was Viktor’s. He was more than ready; he was even wearing an apron. First, he preheated the oven, then he started to prepare the meat. While he waited for the water to boil, he was humming his favorite Russian lullaby. He remembered it from his childhood.

His thoughts were drifting away. He was thinking about Yuuri; his smile, his eyes, his voice… the way he made Viktor wake up from his neverending dream – or nightmare? For as long as Viktor could remember, he was living without passion. Without love or a place to call home.

He was looking around in the kitchen. It was not neat, it was not perfect, but its disorder was completely normal and it felt good to be there. But it wasn’t the house, it wasn’t the kichen. It was Yuuri, only Yuuri, and nothing made sense without him anymore. Viktor have never depended on anyone; and he didn’t want to start it now. He was sure that the way he felt about Yuuri was not the feeling of being dependent.

It was the feeling when you find your home in a _person_ , and not in a country or a city. Viktor could continue his life without Yuuri, but the truth was, he didn’t want to. Yuuri just left two hours ago, but Viktor was already missing him.

He winced a little when he realized that he was daydreaming for minutes. He removed the beef from the water, and rinsed it in a colander. Then he put it in a pot, and added the spices and other ingredients. He was checking the recipe on his phone to make sure he didn’t miss anything.

_’Cover and bake for 1 hour and 30 minutes’_

So he had one hour and thirty minutes. He had no idea what to do. He took off his apron, then layed down in the living room with Makkachin, gently caressing the dog’s soft fur, saying meaningless things to him he – of course – didn’t understand.

He realized that he didn’t miss Russia at all. However cruel that sounded, he didn’t miss Yurio, he didn’t miss Yakov. He didn’t even miss his own apartment. He was living alone. He adopted Makkachin after his mother died, and ever since, the dog’s been Viktor’s only companion.

And then he met a Japanese boy on the Grand Prix banquet. He was completely wasted, drunk as hell, having fun, _pole dancing_ , setting the entire room ablaze. Viktor has attended many banquets in his life, but nothing like that one. There were always drunk idiots, there were always dance-offs, but nothing like that one. Yuuri was different. Yuuri was sparkling, glowing, laughing; he was refreshing. He lost the Grand Prix, but he was still full of passion, full of love, full of life. He was the 'loser' of that night, and yet, he was livelier than the winner. He was drunk, yes, but being drunk doesn’t turn you into a different person. It just crashes your boundaries.

Viktor had no idea he had such high walls around his heart. He had no idea they were even there. Yuuri managed to breach them that night, and since then, he absolutely _crushed_ them into dust.

Viktor felt like this was his second life. Yuuri helped him reborn.

_I don’t ever want to lose him._

*

Viktor dozed off, and it was Yuuri who woke him up.

 _’Viktor?_ Are you awake?’

Viktor slowly opened his eyes, and his vision was a bit blurry. Yuuri was standing next to him, leaning down to his face with a curious expression. His cheeks were a bit red from the cold weather.

’Were you cooking? It smells like beef.’

’Oh. _Oh!_ ’ Viktor yelled, then jumped up and ran into the kitchen. ’What time is it? What time is it, Yuuri?’

’Umm, it’s seven o’clock,’ Yuuri answered, following Viktor into the kitchen.

 _’Oh, slava bogu,_ ’ he sighed, checking on the beef. ’It’s been only an hour.’

’You didn’t have to make dinner,’ Yuuri said, removing his coat, avoiding Viktor’s eyes.

’I wanted to do it for you,’ Viktor said. ’This is my favorite dish.’

Yuuri leaned over the pot to smell the food.

’Oh, it smells good,’ he whispered, eyes sparkling. ’What is this?’

 _’Befstroganov iz gavyadiny_.’

Yuuri had the same expression on his face as always when Viktor was speaking Russian to him; he was trying hard to avoid Viktor’s eyes, and he was also trying to hide how much he _liked_ it.

’Umm, what’s that?’

Viktor laughed.

’I thought you would recognize it. I said _befstronagov,_ ’ he repeated.

’Oh! _Beef stroganoff?_ ’ Yuuri asked.

 _’Da, detka_.’ Viktor smiled.

Yuuri’s shy expression was combined with a soft smile.

’Can I help?’

Viktor checked the recipe again.

’Of course, _Yura._ We have to wait thirty minutes, and then… add garlic, whipping cream, and… we have to melt the butter. Oh, and we should cook some rice.’

When Viktor glanced up, he saw that Yuuri was staring at him in a completely new way. When Viktor caught him, Yuuri turned his head away, and his ears were a bit pink.

_He’s so cute. So beautiful. I love him so much._

’I’m gonna change,’ Yuuri said, then disappeared for a few minutes.

When he got back, he was wearing black sweatpants – which were _just way too tight_ – and a light blue t-shirt.

’I’m preparing the rice then,’ Yuuri said.

’M-hm.’

Viktor’s eyes were following his moves, and he was sure Yuuri could feel it. But it was fine; he _wanted_ him to feel it. Yuuri started to wash the rice, and Viktor was leaning on the countertop, watching him with a hungry expression. He couldn’t help himself. Yuuri’s ass was looking  _heavenly_ in those sweatpants and Viktor was wondering if Yuuri chose them on purpose.

’Why are you staring at me?’ Yuuri asked, trying to sound as normal as possible, but Viktor could see through him. Yuuri was glancing at him for a moment, and Viktor had a telling smirk on his face.

’Well, because your ass looks phenomenal, _zolotse_.’

Yuuri almost dropped the colander.

’Wh-what?! D-don’t say things like that!’

’I just answered your question,’ Viktor laughed, stepping behind Yuuri, and gently touching his hips. Yuuri was staring at the colander, trying hard to concentrate, washing the rice for _way_ too long.

’Weren’t we cooking?’ he asked, face burning red, hands a bit shaky under the water.

’Yes, we were,’ Viktor nodded, pushing his hips closer. His crotch was pressing against Yuuri’s ass, and he was leaning into the boy’s neck.

’What are you-’

Yuuri couldn’t finish the sentene. Viktor’s lips started to explore the soft skin on Yuuri’s neck, making the boy shiver. He finally put down the colander.

’Mm. I missed you, _Yura_.’

’I was… I was out for just two or three hours-’ Yuuri muttered in a high-pitched voice. Viktor’s hands were on his hipbones, gently pressing into his sensitive skin.

’It felt like three days,’ Viktor said, whispering the words into Yuuri’s neck. ’Did you miss me, too?’

Yuuri grabbed the edge of the counter, and he pushed his ass against Viktor’s crotch.

’Oh. Is that a yes, _detka_?’

 _’H-hai…_ ’ Yuuri breathed, not realizing he was speaking Japanese.

That soft, weak sound sent an electric shock down to Viktor’s dick, making him moan in appreciation. He gently rolled his hips against Yuuri while he caressed the boy’s hipbones with his fingers.

’V-Viktor… no… I don’t know when will my… my p-parents come home.’

_His voice is like the sweetest melody I’ve ever heard. He’s so attractive._

Viktor was the kind of person who didn’t hide his thoughts, and he didn’t want to hide them from Yuuri at all.

’I want you, Yuuri. I want you _so much,_ ’ he whispered, softly biting Yuuri’s earlobe.

Yuuri was shivering. A quiet moan left his mouth.

’B-but… my parents-’

’Better to hurry up then, _da?_ ’

’But the beef will-’

’The beef needs twenty more minutes. I can do _so many things_ to you in twenty minutes.’

Yuuri was practically whining by now. Viktor couldn’t calm down; that’s what Yuuri did to him. He was already hard as hell, pressing against Yuuri’s ass, and god, it felt good. It felt good but it was not nearly enough; Viktor wanted more, but he didn’t want to fuck Yuuri yet. He had different plans, and he wanted to drag this out as long as he could. He wanted Yuuri to beg for him, to beg for him to just _fuck him already_.

And that was not happening today.

’V-Viktor-’

Yuuri’s moan made Viktor’s mind completely blank for a moment. He rolled his hips against Yuuri as hard as he could, pushing Yuuri against the counter. Viktor’s hands were exploring the boy’s body, caressing his shoulders, his chest, his inner thighs. While he moved his hands towards Yuuri’s hips, he started to leave marks on the boy’s neck, biting and sucking on his skin, making him forget how to breathe.

’Viktor, you’re… so h-hard-’ Yuuri moaned, rocking back against Viktor’s erection, closing his eyes. Viktor grabbed Yuuri’s jaw to make him turn his head.

’Yes, _detka,_ you did that to me. I’m that hard because you’re so _gorgeous,_ ’ he breathed, licking and kissing Yuuri’s jawline, dragging his teeth across his neck. Yuuri was groaning, and Viktor could feel the vibration of his voice on his own lips.

Viktor slid his hands into Yuuri’s sweatpants, grabbing his erection through the fabric of his underwear.

’You’re _leaking_ , baby,’ he said, smiling when Yuuri tried to hide his face in embarrassment.

’I-I’m just…’

’Ssh. It’s okay. You’re beautiful,’ Viktor whispered, and he started to massage Yuuri’s cock through his briefs.

Yuuri was bucking up into his touch, trying to get off as quick as possible. Viktor knew that Yuuri won’t last long; he didn’t have much experience. So he decided to speed things up.

’Turn around, _zolotse,_ ’ he said, and Yuuri obeyed. He was facing Viktor, and there were hickies all over his neck. He was staring at Viktor through half-lidded eyes, full of lust. Viktor brushed aside the dishes and glasses, then grabbed Yuuri’s hips, picked him up, and put him down on the countertop. Yuuri quickly wrapped his legs around Viktor’s hips, trying to grind against him. His hands were around Viktor’s neck, and his lips were dangerously close to Viktor’s.

’Viktor… please.’

’What, _Yura_? What do you want from me? Tell me.’

’I… I want y-you… please, I want…’

’Oh, _no_. I won’t fuck you in the kitchen. Don’t get me wrong; I would, and _I will_ … but not today.’

Yuuri was moaning, but this time, it was because he was _disappointed_. Viktor silenced him with a greedy kiss. He forced his tongue into Yuuri’s mouth, and Yuuri was more than happy about it. Viktor was completely lost, all he could feel was Yuuri. The boy’s soft lips, his hot tongue in his mouth, his arms wrapped around his neck, his hardness pressing against him.

Yuuri broke the kiss to get some air.

’Please, Viktor, I…’

’Don’t be so impatient, _dorogoy,_ ’ Viktor smiled, sliding his hand back into Yuuri’s pants.

But this time, he didn’t hesitate; he lift the boy’s hips up a little, and he pulled down his pants just enough to free his cock. Yuuri was rock hard, deliciously leaking. Viktor wanted to come with Yuuri. He needed to feel him against his skin. He started to stroke Yuuri with his hand, and the boy was grabbing his hair a little bit too hard. However, Viktor couldn’t feel any pain. He moaned out loudly, making Yuuri shiver. He let go of Yuuri, then slowly pulled out his own dick. Yuuri opened his eyes, and when he realized what just happened, his face turned into a red mess.

’V-Viktor!’ he said, trying to look away somehow, but Viktor grabbed his hips, and pulled him closer. ’You said that… that you won’t…’

’And I won’t,’ Viktor whispered, kissing Yuuri’s forehead.

Yuuri couldn’t hide his feelings anymore; he was staring down at Viktor’s erection with undeniable lust, biting his lower lip.

’Viktor, can I… can I touch you?’

Viktor was not expecting that, but he was not protesting.

 _’Da… pozhaluysta_.’

Viktor knew that Yuuri understood that much. The boy moaned out, then slowly wrapped his fingers around Viktor. He was a bit shaking, a bit nervous. Viktor could see that he didn’t really know what to do.

_He is so cute._

’Just do it as you always do it to yourself,' Viktor said, whispering the words to Yuuri, gently kissing his lips.

Yuuri nodded, then started to move his hand slowly; up and down. His uneven breathing was echoing in the kitchen, making Viktor completely crazy. Viktor was not a virgin, of course. But no one ever made him feel like that just by a single touch. Maybe it was because he loved Yuuri so much, he didn’t know, but he realized that he’s not going to last long either. Not like this. Not like Yuuri’s legs wrapped around him, his fingers around his dick, his moans echoing in his ears. When he was starting to feel close, Viktor grabbed Yuuri's hand.

'What's wrong?'

'Nothing, baby. Come on... wrap your hand around yours, too.'

'What?'

'Like this...' Viktor said, pulling the boy even closer, pressing his dick against Yuuri's. Yuuri threw his head back from the sudden sensation. Viktor wrapped Yuuri's hand around them. Yuuri started to pump his hand up and down, holding both of them in his palm, making Viktor completely lose his control. With his other hand, Yuuri was grabbing Viktor's hair, pressing their foreheads together. While Yuuri was working on their dicks, Viktor was searching for the boy's lips. Their kiss was messy as they were gasping for air, moaning each other's name, holding onto each other.

The way they were pressing together, pulsing, wet, and hot... Viktor have never felt such unity with anyone before, and he wasn't even inside Yuuri.

'Yuuri-'

He was repeating that beautiful name over and over again, tasting every single letter in his mouth. Yuuri was shaking in his arms, calling out Viktor's name, bucking into his palm along with the other man. When Yuuri's breathing became even more uneven than before, Viktor opened his eyes just to see the boy's orgasm. Yuuri's mouth opened for a silent scream, his eyes were shut, and he spilled all over his own hand with a long, beautiful moan. Viktor came just a few seconds later, feeling the pleasure _shooting_ over his body. 

Yuuri practically fell into Viktor's arms, resting his forehead on his shoulder, breathing erratically. Viktor's vision was blurry, and he had to grab the counter to keep himself on his feet.

 

The oven started beeping.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Viktor has a new problem and it's called: Yuuri's ass.  
> See you in hell, my friends.


	8. Standing On The Edge

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> *sits down next to you. holds your hand then lets out a long sigh*  
> Listen, my comrades. As you already know, Yuuri has serious anxiety disorder - so his negative thoughts are inevitable when I'm writing from his POV. 
> 
> Inspired by the song 'Forest Fires' by Lauren Aquilina. Please listen to it if you can.  
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=22ijq63tnE0

When Yuuri and Viktor sat down to eat, Yuuri’s parents arrived. Yuuri was disappointed and relieved at the same time. He was disappointed because he wanted to share this night with Viktor, but he was grateful to his parents because it was easier to have other people around. It was easier, because he didn’t have to talk about what happened on that countertop just thirty minutes ago.

Yuuri felt like his parents just  _knew_. He didn’t know why, but when they stepped into the kitchen, they had this weird look on their faces, somehow surprised, somehow not surprised at all. But then, they didn’t say anything.

The food was delicious. So Viktor was good at cooking, too.

_Of course he was._

Yuuri couldn’t imagine anything Viktor wasn’t good at. Yuuri’s mom was completely head over heels for Viktor’s skills, and she made him promise to cook for them again. Yuuri was still feeling awkward, but he couldn’t help but forget it when he was looking at Viktor. Viktor, as he was smiling at Yuuri’s mom and talked to her about his favorite dishes; Viktor, as he started to analyze the differences between Russian and Japanese customs with Yuuri’s dad…

Their house was never silent, and it was never boring, but Viktor still managed to make it more colorful somehow. More alive, more vibrant.

_He’s so amazing. I don’t deserve him._

After they finished, Viktor insisted on washing the dishes, and he didn’t let Yuuri or Yuuri’s parents help him. Yuuri’s mother was completely in love with him. Soon, Yuuri went back to his room, laid down on his bed with a huge sigh, then stared at the ceiling for minutes. His first competition with Viktor as his coach was only two weeks away. He wanted to make Viktor happy, he wanted to make him proud. He wanted to make him  _stay._

_If I don't win a medal, it will give him a bad reputation. I can't do that to him. I can't destroy his career._

Having Viktor there was like a dream come true. Sometimes Yuuri still couldn’t believe it. There were some mornings when he woke up and thought that he was dreaming, and Viktor was still in Russia.  And then, he realized that Viktor was here, _with him_ , considering him worthy for his time, worthy for his attention.

 _Why is he doing this? Why would anyone do this_ for me _?_

There was a voice in his head which just didn’t let him rest. He saw their shared memories together; their trainings, their date at the outdoor rink… he felt Viktor’s gentle kiss on his forehead, he saw his loving smile, but still. It was everything, but it still wasn’t enough. Yuuri was confused, more than ever before. Viktor’s touches were still burning on his skin, his kisses were still pulsating on his neck, and his voice was still echoing in Yuuri’s ear.

_I have to win. If I lose, he won’t stay here. And I wouldn’t want him to stay._

_Not like that. He deserves better._

Suddenly, he couldn’t breath. He felt like the entire world was staring at him, judging and hating him for ruining Viktor’s life. It came at him like waves on the ocean; sometimes this feeling was barely there, barely noticable, and sometimes – like now – it made his heart tremble.

He tried to take deep breaths, but it didn’t help. He stood up, opened his closet, and pulled out a warm sweater. He put it on, then left his room. He heard Viktor’s voice from the kitchen; he was talking to Yuuri’s mom, and he was laughing. His voice was like a gentle breeze. Yuuri’s mom was not very good with English, but Viktor still managed to talk to her for long minutes. Yuuri tried to be as silent as possible. He put on his shoes and his coat, then he opened the front door.

It was freezing outside. The cold wind cut into his _bones_ in the moment he left the house, but he didn’t care about it. It was snowing again. Yuuri was standing on the sidewalk, staring up at the sky, watching the tiny snowflakes falling towards him. He felt them landing on his face, and melting from his bodyheat.

_What if we are just like these snowflakes? What if he will disappear from my life just like these?_

_Well, he will leave eventually. I know that. I know._

_I just don’t want him to._

Yuuri started walking without any idea about where he wanted to go. He was staring at the ground the whole time. His hands were in his pockets, his face was covered in his scarf and his glasses were starting to get foggy from his breath. He could hear cars passing by, he could see their headlights, but he didn’t actually look at them. His feet were so cold he couldn’t feel them anymore.

Viktor was ruthless when it came to training, and he was ruthless when it came to sex. But Viktor was _kind_ ; he was patient, he was affectionate, he was considerate. He was good to Yuuri, and Yuuri felt like he was wasting Viktor’s time.

He finally looked up. He was at the edge of the town. The ocean was near, its scent was lingering in Yuuri’s brain. He saw a lighthouse in the distance, and he started to walk towards it.

*

Viktor knocked on the door of Yuuri’s room.

’Can I come in?’

No answer. Viktor furrowed his brows.

_Is he sleeping? It’s only 8pm._

’Yuuri? Is everything okay?’

Silence.

’I’m coming in,’ he said, then opened the sliding door. The room was dark. The snow outside was the only source of light for Viktor’s eyes.

He pulled out his phone, then started calling Yuuri. There was a loud noise under Yuuri’s blanket.

*

The ocean’s mist was cold on Yuuri’s cheeks. He removed his glasses to keep them away from water, and put them in his pocket. The lighthouse was like a peaceful giant behind him, trying to reach the clouds while throwing fireballs at the angry ocean. The wind almost tore his coat apart, but he was still standing there, looking down at the cliffs, looking down at the dark water. He didn’t want to jump, he didn’t have such plans. He has never had such plans. But he needed to see something that was more upset than his thoughts. He needed to see something that was more confused. He needed to hear something that was louder than those noises in his head.

But it didn’t work.

He started to think about his family. What happens when they notice he’s not home? He started to search for his phone in his coat, and his heart almost stopped when he realized that it wasn’t there.

_I left it on my bed. Oh, shit._

But maybe it was better like this. He didn’t want them to bother him anyway.

_But what about Viktor? I didn’t want to cause him any trouble. I just wanted to take a walk._

_Maybe he doesn’t even care. I’m sure he’s already in the baths, and he knows that I’m fine._

_He’s not the nervous type, right?_

Yuuri was shivering from the cold wind. His lips were trembling, and he was cursing himself for coming here at all. But he didn’t want to go home just yet.

And then he felt it. The absence of Viktor was an _unbearable_ weight on his shoulders.

Two minutes later he heard a car; it was approaching at a crazy speed. Yuuri recognized it before it stopped in the parking lot of the lighthouse. It was Mari’s.

_Oh, no. Why is she here? I don’t want to talk to her. I hope she didn’t bring mom and dad, too. How did they know I was here?_

The door of the car opened up, and without closing it, the person started to run towards Yuuri. His brown coat and his silver hair were dancing in the wind as he was running towards the boy with open arms.

Yuuri saw the terror on his face.

The tears in his eyes.

_’Yuuri!’_

Viktor’s voice was shaking as he crashed into Yuuri, wrapping his arms around him. Yuuri was standing there without doing anything, his arms next to his body, his eyes wide. Silver locks were tickling his face. Viktor’s warm breath was caressing his neck.

’Yuuri!’ Viktor said again, still holding him. A little bit too long, a little bit too tight.

But Yuuri didn’t care. It was not painful at all. It was like a shield, like an armor.

’How did you know I was here?’ he said, still standing there like a statue. Viktor didn’t let him go. He was caressing his back.

’Because you love the ocean. I had a feeling.’

Yuuri teared up, then wrapped his arms around Viktor, holding onto his shoulders.

’I’m sorry.’

’Why are you saying that, _Yura_?’ Viktor asked, touching Yuuri’s face to make him look up.

Yuuri glanced at Viktor.

’Because I made you come here. You didn’t have to. I was just…’

’You’re afraid of the competition, I know.’

Yuuri was staring at Viktor’s face. He couldn’t say a word.

_He knows me. He knows me better than anyone._

’And you’re afraid that I will leave you,’ Viktor added, and the pain in his voice made Yuuri tear up once again. He couldn’t look at him. Viktor was still holding him, but Yuuri couldn’t bring himself to look at him.

’I brought you something,’ Viktor said, then he stepped back to pull out something from his pocket.

It was a gold medal. The moonlight reflected on its surface.

’W-what? This is…’

’This is from the last year’s Grand Prix final,’ Viktor said. His voice was barely audible because of the ocean. ’I wanted to give it to you tonight.’

’Why?’ Yuuri was so confused. ’It’s yours.’

’Yes, it is. I just wanted to give it to you as a gift, but I’ve changed my mind.’

_There it is. I knew it. He is going back to Russia._

Yuuri was staring at the snowy ground. His throat was dry. The wind was embracing him with its cold arms. The gold medal was dancing in Viktor’s hand, and then, Viktor took a few steps towards the edge of the cliff. The ocean was right there, shouting and crying underneath him.

Yuuri wanted to move, but his legs didn’t move. He wanted to stop Viktor, but he couldn’t.

Viktor tossed the medal in the air, and it fell into the waves. It was just a moment. Years of work - washed away in a moment.

 _’Viktor!_ What are you doing?!’ Yuuri shouted, grabbing the older man’s arm, but it was already too late. ’Wh-why… why did you do that?’

Viktor turned back to him.

’Because it means nothing to me,’ he said in a serious tone. ’I wasn’t even happy about it. I became a figure skater because of my mother, and when she died, I continued it for her memory. Don’t get me wrong; she didn’t force me. But it was something that was so closely related to her that I…’

This was the first time that Viktor’s voice gave in. Yuuri was staring at him in utter shock.

’What I’m trying to say is… I don’t care about my career. I don’t have anything and anyone to go back to. I want to stay with you. Even if you lose ten competitions in a row. Do you understand me, Yuuri?’ he asked, grabbing Yuuri’s shoulders. Viktor’s eyes were desperate. His cheeks were red because of the cold wind, and his hair was a mess. He was always smiling, he was always calm. Not this time. He looked like a completely different person. He looked ten years younger.

Vulnerable. Scared.

’Yuuri, do you understand what I mean?’ he repeated.

’I… I understand,’ Yuuri whispered, trying to hold back his tears. ’I’m so sorry, Viktor.’

’No, no, don’t apologize, baby. Don’t ever apologize to me,’ Viktor said, quickly wrapping his arms around Yuuri again, placing a gentle kiss on his forehead. ’ _I love you_ , Yuuri.’

Yuuri couldn’t hold back anymore. Tears started to fall from his eyes, and soon, he was weeping like a lost child. He was desperately holding onto Viktor.

Viktor was caressing his hair, and he started to sing something in Russian. It was more like humming, barely audible, but still beautiful. It was the same melody as always, but this was the first time that Viktor was actually singing the lyrics, too. Yuuri was still crying, completely lost in Viktor – in his warmth, in his voice, in his unconditional love.

That armor was there again; Viktor’s arms around him made him feel like he could do _anything._ It wasn’t an armor against the world, it wasn’t something to hide behind. It wasn’t there to save him from the difficulties of his life. It was there to make him believe that he _can_ face those difficulties, no matter what.

And he doesn’t have to do it alone.

*

Viktor drove him home in silence. He carried him into his room, put him in bed, and kissed the tears away from his face. When he wanted to leave, Yuuri grabbed his arm.

’Stay. Please,’ he whispered, his voice hoarse from crying so much.

Viktor took off his coat, then layed down next to Yuuri. He was behind him, but he didn’t want to get too close. But Yuuri wanted him closer. He nudged his arms a little, and Viktor didn’t have to ask anything to understand his request. He put his arms around Yuuri, spooning him, placing a gentle kiss on his shoulder. There were small, pale hickies on Yuuri’s skin from their earlier act in the kitchen. Viktor closed his eyes, and he was breathing in the boy’s soft, fresh scent. Yuuri smelled like the ocean.

’Viktor?’

’Hm?’

’Could you sing that Russian lullaby to me?’ Yuuri asked, a bit embarrassed.

’Of course, _detka,_ ’ Viktor whispered, caressing the boy’s arms. He started the song, and he was quiet. Gentle. His voice was like honey.

 _’Spi, mladenets moy prekrasnyy,_  
_Bayushki-bayu._  
_Tikho smotrit mesyats yasnyy_  
_V kolybel' tvoyu._  
_Stanu skazyvat' ya skazki,_  
_Pesenku spoyu;_  
_Ty zh dremli, zakryvshi glazki,_  
_Bayushki-bayu…’_

Yuuri fell asleep in his arms, listening to his lullaby.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> When I started this fic I just wanted to write porn? But then something happened???  
> *  
> The Russian lullaby that Viktor loves so much: 'Cossack Lullaby' by Natalia Faustova. I hope you like the song as much as I do!  
> You can find it on youTube, but the translation is not good in the video.  
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oshON1NsjPY  
> *  
> The correct translation can be found here: http://russmus.net/song/11255


	9. You've Gotten Into My Bloodstream

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> 10 Undeniable Signs A Russian Man Is In Love With You:  
> 1) sings you to sleep  
> 2) makes you tea  
> 3) eats your ass in public
> 
> what
> 
> ***  
> krasavets - beauty  
> ya polyubil tebya s pervovo vzglyada - I fell in love with you from the first sight.  
> Chyort vozmi, Yuuri... Ya hachu tebya trakhate. - Damn it, Yuuri... I want to fuck you.  
> Bozhe moy - My god

Yuuri woke up around half past six. Viktor’s arm was around his waist, and his steady breathing filled the room. His body was warm against Yuuri’s, and Yuuri have never felt such peace in his life. He saw Viktor at the lighthouse again, with ocean mist on his coat, with tears in the corners of his eyes, snowflakes dancing around his body. For a moment, he was afraid that it was only a dream.

_Was that a dream? It feels like it was just a dream._

Carefully, he turned around; and Viktor was really _there_. His arm was actually on Yuuri’s waist. It was not an illusion. Viktor’s forehead was pressing against Yuuri’s back, and... Yuuri could feel something _hard_  against his ass. On any other occasion, Yuuri would have been embarrassed as hell. He would have jumped out of the bed to run away. Viktor was having a morning wood, but Yuuri just couldn’t feel awkward about it. It felt _natural_ , and somehow it made Yuuri feel closer to Viktor... in a weird way. The Russian lullaby was still echoing in his ears. Yuuri shifted his position and turned towards Viktor. He couldn’t help but hold back his breath when he saw the other man’s face. Viktor looked like a young boy, his face was completely at rest, no lines, no worries, no fake smile. His lips were slightly parted, and his messy hair was covering half of his face. Yuuri lifted his hand, and carefully smoothed away the locks from Viktor’s eyes. He looked like an angel.

_He’s so beautiful, and he’s here with me. I’m so happy._

The morning light was shining behind Viktor’s back, and it made his silhouette look like the most beautiful art Yuuri has ever seen. His silver hair looked like a vision, like thin gold threads made from rime. The tiny, almost invisible hairs on his neck made Yuuri want to touch his skin. He gently caressed Viktor’s face and neck with only two of his fingers, careful not to wake him up. Viktor’s grey eyelashes were long, elegant; almost feminine. And yet, when Yuuri touched his face, he could feel those strong, tiny hairs on it. Viktor shaved his face every evening, but because of Yuuri's little emotional trip, he forgot to do it yesterday.

_I want to kiss him. He's so hot!_

Viktor’s hand moved on Yuuri’s waist, and Yuuri froze.

_Shit, I woke him up!_

Viktor slowly opened his eyes, blinking at Yuuri with an adorable, sleepy expression.

’Oh, I’m so sorry… I didn’t want to wake you-’ Yuuri whispered in a desperate voice, and he realized that his fingers were still on Viktor’s face. He wanted to pull away, but Viktor gently grabbed his hand, lifted it to his lips, then placed a kiss on Yuuri’s wrist. Then on his fingers.

_Oh, god. I can’t believe this. This is like a dream._

His face was burning. Viktor was smiling at him, full of love. He was examining Yuuri’s face with his eyes like he was trying to memorize each of his features.

Yuuri realized that this was the first time he woke up next to Viktor.

 _’Dobroye utro, zvezda moya,_ ’ Viktor smiled. His voice was weak, hoarse, still sleepy, and it made Yuuri want him even more.

_Oh, dear god, please help me._

’What does that mean?’ Yuuri asked with red cheeks.

Viktor flashed a wide, bright smile, then kissed Yuuri’s hand again.

’ _Good morning, my star_.’

_Oh. Holy. Shit. Holy Shit!_

’R-r-really? Oh, t-that’s-’ Yuuri was having a heart attack. He was laying there like a puppet, staring at Viktor, having no idea what to say. 

’Can you tell me _good morning_ in Japanese?’ Viktor asked.

_He's unreal._

_’O-ohayou,_ ’ Yuuri said quietly, trying his best to keep looking into Viktor’s icy blue, yet so warm and loving eyes. Viktor has never had such a wide smile on his face before. He was mesmerizing. His eyes were truly sparkling from happiness.

’Can you tell me more?’

’In... Japanese?’

’M-hm.’

_Oh, man. He’s just like me. The difference is, he’s not trying to hide it. At ALL._

Yuuri had something on his mind. He wanted to say something to Viktor, and he thought that he will only be able to say it in Japanese. His palms were sweaty. He took a deep breath.

’Viktor… _S-suki desu, tsuki atte kudasai!_ ’

_Huh? What? Why did I say that?!_

_WHY?_

Viktor was looking at Yuuri like it was Christmas.

’That was beautiful! I could listen to you all day!’ he said. ’What does that mean, _Yura_?’

’I… I… I just asked you to… umm… I guess it’s not that important! I mean-’

’Hey,’ Viktor said, touching Yuuri’s face, and caressing his skin. ’I’m sure it’s important.’

’Umm… o-okay. Well-’

_Why am I muttering like an idiot? I have to tell him._

_I want him to give me an answer._

’I asked you to…  _please go out with me,_ ’ he said so quietly that he didn’t think Viktor could actually hear it.

But then, Viktor’s expression turned serious. They were staring at each other without saying anything for like a whole minute. Yuuri couldn’t even breathe, and he had no idea what’s gonna happen.

_Is it too soon? But I thought we were…_

’Yuuri,’ Viktor whispered, leaning closer to him, and touching Yuuri's face with his fingers. ’I wanted to ask you the same thing.’

_Oh._

’So… is that…’

’That’s a yes. _Of course_ it’s a yes. Did you think I would say no?’

_Oh. Oh. Does this mean..._

_Does this mean that… He’s… he’s my… he’s my…_

Yuuri couldn’t hide his smile. Viktor slowly kissed Yuuri’s lips, just for a short moment, barely touching them.

 _’Ya polyubil tebya s pervovo vzglyada,_ ’ he whispered when he put his head back on the pillow.

’What did you say?’

’Oh, nothing, _zolotse_. That’s my secret.’

*

Asking Viktor to go out with him was Yuuri’s best and worst decision. It was the best, because the first time in his life he truly felt happy; and it was the worst because from that moment, Viktor was just  _unstoppable_. Yuuri thought he knew exactly how it was when Viktor was flirting with someone, but he was so wrong. When they left the room, Yuuri wanted Viktor to come after him later, but Viktor was persistent.

’We don’t have to hide our feelings anymore!’ he said, practically dancing on his feet while they made their way into the kitchen.

When they stepped in, Mari and Hiroko were staring at them.

 _’Good morning,’_ Yuuri said in Japanese with an awkward smile, while Viktor was leaning on his shoulders.

’Morning!’ he said with an excited smile, then his eyes wandered to the food on the table. ’Oh! Wonderful. Sit down, Yuuri, and tell me what you want to eat!’

_Oh, god. What is he doing?_

_He’s so cute, but he’s making me so uncomfortable!_

’V-Viktor, that’s not necessary. I can-’ he said, but Viktor didn’t want to hear it.

’I will make you some green tea,’ Viktor stated, then before Yuuri could sit down, Viktor just _smacked his ass._

Yuuri jumped, then he made a pathetic, high-pitched sound. He sounded like a mouse. He was standing there with his mouth open, staring at his mother and his sister. Viktor – as if nothing had happened – stepped to the counter, and he started to search for the kettle. He was whistling a silly melody, smiling like a ten year old boy. Mari couldn’t care less. She was reading, and Yuuri’s mother was chuckling like a little girl in love. Yuuri’s face was deep red, but he sat down anyway. Mari was looking at him and Viktor like they were the biggest idiots in the whole world.

’What’s with the excitement, _Vicchan?_ ’ Yuuri’s mom asked, and Yuuri closed his eyes.

_God, please. Please, don’t let him say it._

’We’re together now!’

_Oh, shit. Why are you doing this to me? Why, god?_

The surprise and the shock Yuuri was expecting was not there at all. Mari continued to slowly sip her tea while she was reading the newspaper, and Yuuri’s mom was still smiling the same.

 _’That was the big reveal?’_ Mari asked in Japanese, glancing at her brother. _’We were expecting a marriage proposal. So this means you're still a virgin?’_

’ _On_ _eesan!_ ’

*

Viktor was completely head over heels. After breakfast, they went to the ice rink, and Viktor was quick to tell everyone about their relationship. Yuuri was just nodding and smiling next to him, with his face burning like a damn bonfire.

’Viktor, we need to concentrate,’ he told the the other man as they were skating lazy circles in the rink.

’Yes, we do,’ he said, reaching out to grab Yuuri’s waist.

’Vikt-!’

Yuuri couldn’t finish. Viktor pulled him closer, then placed a quick kiss on his neck. Yuuri was whimpering in his arms, trying to break free. There were a lot of people in the rink, mostly kids and their parents.

’Viktor, it’s an _open day_! D-don’t do this in front of other people!’ he whined, but Viktor was still holding his hips.

’Yuuri, did you see your reflection today?’

’What? N-no. Why?’

Viktor leaned closer to him, his teeth touching Yuuri’s ear while he answered.

 _’You have hickies on your neck_.’

’Huh?! Bring me a scarf! Bring me a scarf _now_!’

’Nope. It looks good. And a scarf would be _way_ too obvious.’

*

This was one of the hardest trainings Yuuri’s ever had with Viktor. His feet were aching, and his legs were shaking by the time Viktor finally said that it was enough. Yuuri went back to the locker room looking and feeling like a zombie. He fell down to the bench, then removed his skates.

_I think my legs will fall off._

Viktor wasn’t playful when it came to skating, and Yuuri knew that, but still, he was completely exhausted. It was worse than in the swimming centre. He wanted to change his clothes, but he couldn’t bring himself to move. He was just sitting there like an idiot. Viktor stepped into the room, kneeled down in front of Yuuri, and gave him a bottle of water.

’Are you okay?’

’Y-yeah. I’m just… really tired.’

’That’s good. I think you needed to hit rock-bottom last time, you know, when you hurt your elbow.’

’Why?’

Viktor was smiling. His eyes were tired – but proud.

’Because you were amazing today. A lot better than me.’

_What is he saying?_

’Huh? No, absolutely not.’

’Ssh. Just accept it, _Yura,_ ’ Viktor whispered, then sat down next to Yuuri. ’Do you want to take a shower?’

’Yeah. That would be nice,’ Yuuri nodded, standing up to search for his towel.

’Can I join you?’ Viktor asked casually.

Yuuri turned around to stare at him, and Viktor had a smug smirk on his face.

_Shit! Did he actually say that?_

Viktor was exhausted, too. He didn’t watch Yuuri from the distance this time, he did everything with him; on the ice. 

’B-but… this is a public shower,’ Yuuri mumbled, avoiding eye-contact.

He could _feel_ Viktor’s hunger in the air. It was unbearable. It made his throat dry, his palms slick from sweat. It was obvious that Viktor didn't really want to take a shower.

’So?’

’S-so they will… umm… they will see us and-’

Viktor stood up, then roughly grabbed Yuuri’s hips. He pulled him closer, and he was not exactly gentle.

’There are shower curtains. They won’t see us. You know what this means?’ he purred, making Yuuri weak and powerless.

’N-no… what?’ he breathed.

Viktor’s hands wandered down on his body, grabbing his ass. Yuuri had to press his hand on his mouth to keep himself from moaning out loud.

’It means, baby-' Viktor said while he kissed Yuuri's neck '-that you just gonna have to keep _quiet_.’

_Dear god, have mercy on me._

Yuuri held back another moan, then grabbed Viktor's shoulders, searching for the older man's lips. But Viktor didn't kiss him. His hands were still on the boy’s ass, and he was pulling on them, spreading Yuuri’s cheeks apart. Yuuri pressed his forehead into Viktor’s neck, biting down on his shirt, trying not to moan.

’What an ass, _kotyonok,_ ’ Viktor whispered, licking Yuuri’s ear. ’Absolutely perfect.’

_Oh, sweet mother of Russia._

They were still in the locker room. Anyone could have walked in. In any minute. The thought made Yuuri’s cock _even harder_. It was so exciting to think someone could see them like this. It was dirty, it was scary, it was _exciting_. Viktor lifted Yuuri up, then carried him into the showers - which didn’t even have a door. There were ten shower stalls, seperated from each other with walls, and they had curtains, too. Viktor took Yuuri to the last one, then put him down. Yuuri wanted to pull down Viktor’s shirt, but he didn’t let him. He pushed Yuuri against the wall, then stepped back. The stall was way too narrow.

’Take off your clothes, baby,’ he said.

’W-what?’ Yuuri asked, his face completely flushed.

His sweatpants didn’t leave anything hidden. His erection was obvious.

’Take off your clothes. Slowly,’ Viktor repeated, not breaking the eye-contact; not for a second.

Yuuri did just as Viktor asked. He slowly removed his shirt, then his pants. When he was standing there only in his briefs, he started to hesitate. Viktor was watching him with a smirk.

’I’ve already seen you naked, Yuuri.’

’It’s not t-that,’ Yuuri said. He was not shy because he had to strip in front of Viktor; he was afraid because he had no idea what was going to happen.

_Will he... fuck me? Here, in a public shower?_

_I want him, but I’m kind of scared. Will it hurt? God, I'm sure it will. He's got a big... thing._

Yuuri finally removed his pants, and he was standing there, buck naked. He was obviously nervous. Viktor didn’t move. He didn’t do anything. He was just slowly exploring Yuuri’s body with his eyes, and he didn't want to miss anything. Yuuri was beautiful. He has lost weight, but he started to gain back his muscles, and he had some stretch marks on his thighs and on his stomach. His skin was glowing in the cool white light, and there was a beautiful contrast between his pale body and his flushed, throbbing erection. His cock was standing against his stomach, and his nipples were deliciously hard, too.

Viktor couldn't believe how lucky he was. He wanted to treasure this boy, he really wanted to, but he also wanted to _wreck_ his body. It was a tough decision, really.

’ _Krasavets,_ ’ he whispered, then removed his own clothes. While he stripped, he was looking into Yuuri’s eyes.

The boy was standing there like a statue, eyes wide, mouth open. Viktor was tall, and he was thin but muscular, elegant but still strong. Yuuri wanted to remember this sight forever.

Viktor opened the tap. The warm water felt amazing against their skin. It was dripping down Yuuri's hair. Viktor slowly touched the boy, then grabbed his hips and pulled him closer. Their bodies pressed together, and Yuuri had to close his eyes from the sudden sensation. It was warm and slippery from the water, and he could feel Viktor's heartbeat on his own chest. Yuuri's own heart was pounding so hard that he was sure Viktor could hear it, too.

Viktor was like _poison_ ; getting into Yuuri's body, flowing inside his bloodstream, making him breathless, making him helpless. But Viktor was the antidote, too; always touching exactly where Yuuri wanted to be touched, always making him feel alive, always making him feel _worshipped_.

’Yuuri-’ Viktor whispered, smoothing away Yuuri's hair from his forehead.

'Y-yes?' Yuuri breathed, clinging to Viktor's words.

'Do you want this, Yuuri? Can I touch you?'

Yuuri nodded without thinking. Viktor was smiling, but he was actually serious.

'If you want to stop, just tell me,' he said, kissing the boy's cheek with his hot lips, waiting for an answer.

'O-okay. Right now, I... I want you to t-touch me. Please,' Yuuri muttered.

Yuuri's consent was all Viktor needed. He pushed him against the wall, already kissing him, biting his neck, sucking on his skin, grabbing his hair, making him absolutely breathless. Their erections were pressing together, and soon, Yuuri started to grind on Viktor. He moaned a little, and Viktor quickly pressed his hand on his mouth.

'Ssh. Remember? Keep quiet, _detka,_ ' he whispered into Yuuri's ears, gently biting on the boy's earlobe.

Yuuri was suffering. He wanted to let his voice out; and Viktor always loved to hear it, but now they just couldn't risk it. Yuuri nodded, then Viktor removed his palm from his mouth. Yuuri grabbed Viktor's arms, trying to find something to hold onto. The hot water was running down his body, making his heartbeat even faster. His back was pressing against the ice cold wall, and his chest was pressing against Viktor's hot, burning skin. 

'Turn around for me, baby,' Viktor said, and he could see the hesitation in Yuuri's eyes for a moment. He kissed him softly. 'I won't hurt you. I promise.'

He was quiet, trying to keep his voice as low as possible. Yuuri was scared for a second, but the feeling of Viktor's dick pressing against his own; the feeling of their heartbeat; the feeling of their blood pumping together... these made him forget everything else. He turned around, put his palms on the wall, and pushed his ass out, presenting it to Viktor, showing him that he can do anything he wants to do.

Viktor _whistled_. He stepped behind Yuuri, slowly pressing himself against him. Yuuri jumped a little when he felt Viktor's dick on his thighs, but then he just tried not to moan. Viktor kissed the back of his neck, then wrapped one of his hands around Yuuri's throat, pulling his head against his own shoulder.

'You're gorgeous,' Viktor whispered into Yuuri's neck, his fingers still on his throat, pushing a little bit too hard, but Yuuri wanted more; he put one of Viktor's fingers into his mouth, and the started to suck on it without shame.

He could feel Viktor's dick twitch against his thighs, and he could hear his surprised little moan behind his back.

'Yuuri-' he breathed, kissing Yuuri's jawline, pushing his hips against Yuuri's bare ass.

His dick slipped between Yuuri's cheeks, and in that moment, Viktor had to bite down on Yuuri's shoulder. It was the perfect angle. Yuuri moaned around his finger, and Viktor grabbed his shoulders with both of his hands, then pushed his chest against the wall. Yuuri's ass was up in the air, pressing against Viktor's dick in the best possible way, and when Viktor looked down, he almost fainted.

Yuuri was grabbing the slippery, cold wall, and he could feel Viktor's hardness on his ass. It was scary, it really was, but it was more than that; Yuuri wanted to open up for him, he wanted to take him in, he wanted to _feel him inside_. 

' _Chyort vozmi,_ Yuuri...  _Ya hachu tebya trakhate,_ ' Viktor whispered, trying to think clearly, trying to hold back.

His brain was telling him to just fuck him already, but he didn't want to do it here.

'V-Viktor?' Yuuri asked, turning his head back just enough to see the other man. He was an utter mess. 'What's wrong?'

Viktor put his hands on Yuuri's ass, trying to capture the moment, the feeling, _the sight_. It was round, plump, and soft - just like a dream. He's been with women of course, but he's never seen such a _desirable_ ass. It was painful to think that he couldn't enter it - but he didn't want Yuuri's first time to happen in a public shower.

'Nothing, baby. You're just way too hot, I can't handle it,' he admitted, moving his hips, sliding his dick between Yuuri's cheeks, making the boy _cry._ 'You _have to_ stay quiet, Yuuri.'

'Mmm. I'm... t-trying.'

Viktor placed hungry, long kisses to Yuuri's shoulder, his neck, and to his back. His hands were all over Yuuri's body, and Yuuri did everything he could to stay quiet. His cock was painfully hard, leaking against the wall, aching for Viktor's touch. Viktor dropped to his knees behind him.

' _Bozhe moy_ , _Yura,_ ' he whispered, biting down on the olive skin of Yuuri's ass, then placing a sensual kiss on the same spot. Yuuri almost jumped out of the stall.

'W-what are you doing there, V-Viktor? Vi-' he couldn't finish.

Viktor continued to bite and kiss his cheeks, his hips, his thighs, almost making him come right then. Yuuri was choking back his moans, and then he just had to shut his eyes because it was way too much.

'Unbelievable,' Viktor said, tightening his grip around Yuuri's ass. 'You're beautiful, _zolotse_. Absolutely stunning.'

Yuuri's face was burning more and more. He knew that Viktor could see _everything_. He was completely naked in front of his eyes, completely defenceless. And yet, he wasn't scared anymore. Viktor was leaking, too, but he didn't want to touch himself. He wanted his attention on that ass, and nowhere else. He spread Yuuri's cheeks apart with his hands, and there it was; he could see that tiny, almost invisible hole.

Viktor was completely speechless. His mind went blank. Without thinking, he licked Yuuri's hole, making Yuuri shiver, turning him into a fucking _mess._ Yuuri's legs were trembling, but Viktor didn't stop; he was devouring Yuuri and he was enjoying it.

'V-Viktor!' Yuuri moaned out, immediately realizing how loud he was. It was late; Viktor smacked his ass hard, which made him moan out even _louder_.

'I'm glad you're happy about this, baby, but don't be so loud. You don't want me to punish you, _da?'_

Yuuri almost dropped to his knees at that very moment. He tried to grab something but there was nothing but the wall. His ass was still pushed into the air, and his dick was aching. He actually wanted Viktor to punish him, but he decided not to say that out loud. When Viktor smacked his ass, the sensation went straight to Yuuri's cock, making him even more turned on.

Then, Viktor suddenly pushed his tongue inside, and Yuuri had to bite down in his arm to stay quiet. There were tears in his eyes.

'Mm. I could eat you all day, baby,' Viktor breathed, and Yuuri could _feel_ his hot, thick voice against his ass.

'Please, Viktor, _please._..'

Viktor knew that Yuuri wanted him to touch his cock, but he didn't do it. He decided that Yuuri will come from his butt, and only from his butt.

His face was completely buried in Yuuri's ass, breathing and moaning against his soft skin, pushing his tongue deeper and deeper inside, then kissing and licking the underside of his balls. He sucked on the soft flesh next to Yuuri's hole, then he pushed his tongue back inside. In that moment, a shiver ran through Yuuri's body, and he came all over the wall. It lasted for at least thirty seconds; he was shaking, trying to hold back his moans, almost crying from the pleasure, trying to grab something, but he couldn't.

Then he just collapsed next to Viktor. Viktor was holding him, kissing away his tears, caressing his arms.

'Oh, Yuuri... I think I have a new hobby.' 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> god is dead and I killed him.


	10. Like A Wildfire

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> this is the longest (and dirtiest) chapter yet but i'm feeling generous today.
> 
> Merry Christmas, you beautiful people <3
> 
> Yuuri's costume:  
> https://s-media-cache-ak0.pinimg.com/236x/46/97/e5/4697e5e81a6ac4e8cf16bbdacbe296d9.jpg  
> http://www2.pictures.zimbio.com/gi/Skate+Canada+Day+Three+LpjU-GyDplVx.jpg

 Yuuri’s memories about Russia weren’t exactly nice.  Whenever he thought about it, he could see himself on the ice, failing miserably. He could feel the judgment, he could feel the shame. But this time, Russia was different. So much different.

It was so cold that Yuuri’s ears were almost frozen, but there was still a smile on his face while they were walking down the street with Viktor. There were christmas lights everywhere, making the street look like a movie set. The christmas market was huge; there were people everywhere. All kinds of faces, all kinds of voices. Cheesy christmas songs were playing softly in the distance, and Yuuri could smell the heavy, warm scent of cinnamon, gingerbread and mulled wine in the air. Viktor was holding his hand, leading him through the crowd, trying to find the waffle stand. Yuuri was cold, his breath was visible in the air, but the way their hands connected made him forget all of it. He could feel Viktor’s warmth even through their gloves.

Viktor suddenly stopped, making Yuuri bump into his back.

’ _Mne zhal, zolotse_.’ Viktor said quickly, turning around and checking if Yuuri was okay. ’I just spotted the waffle stand.’

Yuuri was checking his nose bitterly, then smiled at Viktor.

’Why do you want it so much?’ he asked, but no one could hear it.

Viktor was already waiting in the line and he was way too excited about this. Yuuri followed him, then carefully reached for his hands. Viktor glanced down at Yuuri with a radiant smile, making the boy blush a little. Yuuri could see that some people actually recognized Viktor, but they didn’t bother them – and Yuuri was grateful for that. After Viktor bought the waffles, they sat down beside the stand. There were thick blankets on the benches, and Yuuri immediately wrapped one of them around himself. Viktor was chuckling.

’Should we head back to the hotel, _Yura_?’ Viktor asked, taking a bit from his waffle, glancing at Yuuri.

’N-no.’ he said, lips trembling from the cold.

’You’ll get used to it. I mean, once you move here.’ Viktor smiled.

_HUH? What is he saying? Does he mean what I think he means?_

Yuuri took the first bite from the waffle, and it was like a dream. It was warm and sweet, absolutely perfect. He almost forgot about Viktor’s invitation.

’W-what do you mean?’

Viktor didn’t say anything, he just continued smiling.

’How are you, Yuuri? Are you nervous about the competition?’

_Well now I am._

Yuuri was trying to cover his head with the blanket.

’Yeah, I guess? But it’s not that bad as it used to be.’

Viktor leaned closer to him, then gently kissed the top of his nose. Yuuri was sitting there like an embarrassed little girl.

’I’m glad. Your _Eros_ routine has become so much better, _detka_. Mm, I wonder why.’ Viktor said quietly, kissing Yuuri again, this time on his cheek.

’V-Viktor, don’t do and _say_ these things when we’re in public.’ Yuuri muttered, squeaking, noticing that some people were looking at them.

’Why? But I love you, _zvezda moy_.’ Viktor whispered, nudging the boy’s red face with his nose.

Oh my god, he is not even real. I’m hallucinating.

I have to give it to him…

’Viktor, I… I have something for you.’ Yuuri said, so quietly that Viktor couldn’t really hear him.

’What, Yura? I didn’t understand that.’

Now that they were sitting, Yuuri almost died from how cold it was.

’Let’s go, and then… I will say it again.’ Yuuri said, then they stood up, slowly walking next to each other.

_God, I hope he will like it. Maybe I shouldn’t give it to him._

_No, no. I want to give it to him!_

He stopped, then started to search for something in his bag. Viktor was looking at him curiously.

’So, umm… I said that I have something f-for you.’ he said again, smiling up at Viktor with a shy expression.

Yuuri pulled out a clumsily wrapped present.

Viktor’s face was priceless. Suddenly, he was looking like an excited puppy; his cheeks were flushed from the cold air, and his eyes were truly shining. Yuuri gave the little box to him, awkwardly stepping from one leg to the other, shifting his weight nervously.

’Umm, you can open it. It’s not a big deal. It’s nothing special, but it’s Christmas and it’s also your birthday so…’

He gave up. Viktor was already opening the present, and he was just as excited as a five year old.  Yuuri could hear ’O Holy Night’ playing in the distance. Viktor was holding a dark blue scarf in his hands, staring at it like it was made from gold.

’I made it. Well, truth is, my mom helped me, but mostly it was just me, but actually, you don’t have to wear it, it’s just…’

Viktor was speechless. He was shocked; shocked that someone would actually _knit_ a scarf for him. He’s never received a handmade gift before. He was standing there with the gold and silver christmas lights around him, making his skin glow like a vision, making his eyes even more mesmerizing.

_He truly is hypnotic._

’Viktor? What’s wrong?’ Yuuri was terrified.

_He doesn’t like it. Shit!_

Viktor had a suspicious gleam in his eye; he pressed his lips together, then – not caring about anyone around them – wrapped his hands around Yuuri’s waist, lifted him up a little, and kissed him. Yuuri wanted to protest but he couldn’t, and then, he just didn’t want to anymore. Viktor tasted like mulled wine, and Yuuri could feel the smile on his lips. When he put Yuuri down, they could see that some people were staring at them. Yuuri couldn’t care less.

’ _Spasiba, detka_.’ Viktor breathed, caressing Yuuri’s face and his locks. ’This is the best gift I’ve ever received. I didn’t know you could knit.’

Yuuri was a smiling, blushing mess, and he tried to hide his face into Viktor’s shoulder. Viktor wrapped the scarf around his own neck. It looked way too good on him, and Yuuri was absolutely sure that a scarf should not look that good on anyone.

’I brought you something, too.’ Viktor added, making Yuuri’s heart skip a beat.

’What? But it’s _your_ birthday!’

’And it’s also Christmas!’ Viktor laughed, then he took out his phone from his pocket. He was searching for something, then he showed it to Yuuri.

’What… what is this?’

It was a sketch about a costume. It was breath-taking. The most beautiful costume Yuuri’s ever seen. He could imagine it flowing in the air, just like it was made from the wind itself.

’It’s your new costume for the competition. I had it made for you. It’s in the hotel room.’ Viktor said, looking at Yuuri like he was a rare piece of art.

_Oh, holy shit! This looks so expensive!_

’But Viktor, this is… I can’t possibly… this looks like it wasn’t cheap.’ Yuuri mumbled, shaking his head. ’I can’t accept it. Thank you, it’s beautiful, but…’

’Do you like it, Yura? Do you want to wear it?’

_Hell yes?! But it still makes me uncomfortable that you’re spending so much money on me._

Yuuri couldn’t say anything, so he just nodded. Viktor was more than happy.

’Then nothing else matters.’ he said, holding Yuuri’s hand, leading him away from the crowd. ’Merry Christmas, zolotse.’

’ _A-aisuru anatani, otanjobi omedetou_ ’ Yuuri said without thinking. As soon as he said it, his face started burning like a furnace, and he was sweating like a thirteen year old boy.

_Oh god, good thing he doesn’t understand me…_

But Viktor stopped immediately, looking way too excited again, almost crying from joy.

’Wow! What was that?’

_Nothing, absolutely nothing, just the wind._

’N-nothing, I just… I just wished you a happy birthday. That’s all.’ Yuuri said quietly, avoiding Viktor’s eyes.

’It was longer, are you sure that’s all you said, detka?’

_Oh fuck, he knows. He always knows._

’I will… tell you later.’

*

Viktor was cruel.

This was the only word Yuuri could think of. On the day they arrived to Russia, Viktor booked a room for them in a ridiculously expensive hotel. A room for two.

With one bed.

Yuuri was exhausted from the flight, but he still managed to be extremely nervous about the fact that he will have to sleep with Viktor; well they already did that in Japan, but that was different. Yuuri was sad, crying in Viktor’s arms while he was singing that lullaby – and they were not officially together yet. However, in Russia, Viktor didn’t do anything on the first night. Truth is, in a sexual way, he was quite neglecting towards Yuuri since their public shower fun, and Yuuri had no idea why. It was driving him crazy. He was aching for Viktor’s touch, he wanted him more than ever before, and Viktor just didn’t do anything. Yuuri was a bit worried about it at first, but then he started to understand the reason. His Eros routine became better and better by every single day. The more frustrated he was, the better it became. Viktor was building it up, making him suffer intentionally, making him hornier than ever before. Apart from tiny kisses and touches, he left Yuuri alone in that hotel room, too, sleeping peacefully beside him.

After the Christmas market, they went back to the hotel, and Yuuri was excited to see his new costume. When they entered the room, Yuuri sat down in the living room, and Viktor went straight into the bedroom. After a few seconds, he came back with a huge, black box. It looked ridiculously fancy, with a gold ribbon wrapped around it. He sat down beside Yuuri, giving it to him with a warm smile. Yuuri carefully opened the box. His jaw dropped; he’s never seen a costume like that. The colors, the fabric, the design. He felt awful, because he could see how expensive it was, but he was also really happy that Viktor gave it to him.

’Try it one. Please?’ Viktor purred, leaning a bit too close. He smelled like winter. His cheeks were still a bit pink from the cold.

Yuuri nodded, carrying the box into the bathroom with himself. He shut the door, then put the box down on the white marble countertop. The bathroom was beautiful; fully white, with a long, white counter, and with a huge mirror. Everything was looking expensive and exclusive. The lighting made him feel like a hollywood star. Yuuri quickly took off his clothes, then carefully put on the costume. The black pants were softer than his old one, and they were tighter, too. Viktor’s intentions were quite clear with that, but Yuuri couldn’t feel angry about it.

And then, the costume itself…

_I never thought I can look so good. Holy crap…_

It looked like Yuuri was born to wear it. It had white, dark blue, light blue, and black in it; along with crystals and a transparent part on his chest, continuing down on his right arm. The soft fabric on its left shoulder was made to flow in the air while skating. He could already see it in action, and he was completely stunned. It was beautiful.

It was the same how Viktor saw Yuuri.

_A part of me doesn’t want to show him. But actually, I really want him to see it on me._

Yuuri was a bit hesitant, but he left the bathroom. Viktor was waiting in the living room, sitting on the white couch, holding a glass of wine in his hands, looking like a damn runway model. Yuuri was starting to change his mind and he wanted to turn around, but Viktor has already noticed him.

’No, don’t go back, _detka_. Come here, let me see you.’ he said, putting down his glass on the table.

Yuuri’s ears were just like scarlet. He went up to Viktor, standing in front of him, trying to look anywhere but into his eyes. Still, he couldn’t avoid it. He could see Viktor’s expression, he could feel his _hunger._

’Remarkable.’ Viktor whispered, making Yuuri almost choke on nothing.

’You say things like that so easily.’ he said, trying to cover himself, but Viktor stood up and didn’t let him.

’Because you need to know. You need to know how much I adore you.’ Viktor continued, softly touching Yuuri’s face, then his neck, and his shoulder. Yuuri was concentrating not to moan out pathetically. He wanted Viktor to touch him more, to touch him everywhere and don’t stop.

_If he does anything right now… if the holds me, or kisses me, I won’t be able to stop._

_And I don’t want to stop anymore._

_I want to be with him._

’Yuuri, I have something else for you.’ Viktor said, whispering into the boy’s ears with a mischievous smirk.

’What? Don’t tell me… this is more than enough, you don’t have to-’

’Ssh. It’s a special gift.’ Viktor continued, leaning painfully close to Yuuri, touching his hips lightly. ’I will only give it to you if you win a medal tomorrow.’

Yuuri couldn’t even remember his own name. His body was on fire.

’Wh-what do you mean?’

’Mm. Bring me a medal tomorrow, and you’ll see.’ he purred, touching Yuuri’s earlobe with his teeth, making Yuuri shiver.

*

Yuuri’s never been so calm before a competition in his life. The fact that Viktor was there with him changed everything; when he began his routine, he already knew it’s going to be good. The audience was going crazy about his costume. He could hear the screams, he could hear his own name from everywhere, but the only thing he could see was Viktor. Viktor, as he was standing just outside of the rink, with one finger resting on his face, not taking his eyes off Yuuri for a second. Yuuri could feel the heat in his body, and it was not hard for him to imagine that there was nobody in this arena but them. He was the last to perform. After he finished and he went back to Viktor, he was already waiting for him with a telling smirk.

’I think you’ll have a medal.’ he said, helping Yuuri out of his skates, and sitting down at the kiss and cry.

’I’m n-not sure.’ Yuuri said, and then they announced his points.

He placed third.

Viktor jumped up excitedly, hugging Yuuri while constantly praising him. Yuuri knew that everyone could see them; including the photographers. Viktor was too close; for the first time in two weeks, their bodies were pressing together, and Yuuri couldn’t handle it. He gently pushed Viktor away, smiling at him with red cheeks.

’I can’t wait to show you that special gift.’ Viktor whispered while the reporters were getting closer and closer. ’You deserve it, _zolotse_.’

_Oh, shit._

*

Viktor took Yuuri into the bathroom and locked its door.

’Viktor! What are you doing? What if someone wants to-’

Viktor sushed him with a smile, then put his bag down on the countertop. Yuuri was staring at him anxiously, and his mind was racing.

_What is it, something even more expensive than the costume? I can’t take this._

There was a constant smile on Viktor’s face and it scared the shit out of Yuuri.

_I have a bad feeling about this._

And then, there it was. Viktor pulled out a small box from his bag, then gave it to Yuuri. Yuuri was hesitant to accept it. It was a plain white box, neat and simple. Yuuri took it from Viktor, then opened it with his hands trembling.

_HUH?!!!!_

’V-’

That was it. He couldn’t even say Viktor’s name. He was staring at the picture with wide eyes, his face was burning and his heart wanted to jump out of his chest. He was sweating like a racehorse. There were huge, purple letters on the smaller box inside, saying: ’ _Hush - The world's first teledildonic butt plug: Control From ANYWHERE! The most versatile vibrating butt plug – EVER_!’

’You can say no, of course.’ Viktor breathed, standing in front of him, their lips almost touching. ’But honestly, _detka_ , I don’t think you want to.’

_Oh. My. Sweet. God. My Lord. My Savior._

_Is this heaven? Or hell? I can’t tell, my lord. Show me the light._

’T-this is… w-what…’

He still couldn’t speak. Yuuri was holding the box in his hands, staring at it with parted lips. The price was still on it. 120 dollars.

_One fucking hundred and twenty dollars. Viktor’s fucking crazy._

’Viktor, this is…’

Still couldn’t speak.

_What does he want with this?_

_This is why he did all of this?_

_This was the reason he didn’t really touch me in the past two weeks?_

_I think I will faint. Call an ambulance._

’Yuuri.’ Viktor said. ’Be honest with me. You don’t want it? It’s okay if you don’t. It’s not fun for me if you don’t like it.’

Yuuri was having a crisis. _What the hell,_ of course he wanted it. He wanted _something_. But he never really thought about sex toys.

’I… I’m a bit… curious.’ he admitted, not being able to look at Viktor, his voice barely audible.

’Great!’ Viktor said, his eyes sparkling. ’Can we do it now?’

_’What?’_

’And then I will take you back to the hotel. It’s not far, I think you will be able to handle it.’

_And what happens when we get back?_

_God, I can’t take this, I just CAN’T. I’m gonna die early._

Yuuri nodded. Viktor had zero control. He just crashed into Yuuri, putting the box aside, grabbing Yuuri’s hips, and picking him up into his lap. Yuuri could feel heat rushing down to his cock, and his heart started beating even faster. He grabbed Viktor’s hair, and he moaned into his mouth as the older man pushed his tongue between his lips. Viktor was sucking on his neck, roughly grabbing his ass, making Yuuri whine in his arms.

’Ssh. We’re in public, but you’re being loud again, baby. Do you want that punishment that much?’ Viktor said, biting Yuuri’s earlobe.

Yuuri pulled on Viktor’s hair, throwing his head back while pressing his crotch against him.

’Oh? I take that as a yes.’ Viktor whispered, slowly sliding his hands into Yuuri’s pants, and sucking on the sensitive skin on his neck. Yuuri’s fingers were pulling on his hair even harder, and it was beginning to make Viktor hard. He pushed his hips against Yuuri, and he was massaging his ass with both of his hands.

Yuuri started grinding on him, his breath becoming more hasty with every second; he was already close.

’Oh, no-no, _zvezda moy_. No.’ Viktor said, his words making the boy freeze. ’We’re not going to do that _here_. Come on, hop off and turn around for me.’

He removed his hands from Yuuri’s pants, and took a step back. Yuuri was still sitting on the counter, his lips bright red, his hair messy. He swallowed hard, then got off from the counter, turning around – just like Viktor said.

’I wish the mirror was bigger, so you could see yourself.’ Viktor sighed, taking something out of his bag, then kneeling down behind Yuuri. ’But don’t worry. Better late than never.’

He pulled down Yuuri’s pants along with his briefs in one swift motion, making Yuuri cry out.

’Oh, I missed this _beauty_.’ Viktor whispered, putting his hands on Yuuri’s butt, gently spreading it apart. He was cursing under his breath, and Yuuri was grabbing the edge of the counter like his life was depending on it.

’Tell me if you don’t like it, _kotyonok_.’ Viktor said, caressing Yuuri’s pale thighs, then kissing his way up to his ass. Yuuri was biting down on his forearm, pressing his eyes together.

Viktor started kissing, licking, and sucking on his skin like he did two weeks ago, and Yuuri was positive that this will be his final day on this planet.  Viktor’s hot breath against his hole, his little, appreciative moans against his skin while pushing his tongue inside… it was driving him absolutely crazy. It didn’t feel wrong at all, it didn’t feel unnatural. It felt like love and lust and pure desire. Viktor started to nudge at Yuuri’s hole with one of his fingers, and Yuuri jumped a little. There was something cold and sticky against his skin. Viktor gently kissed his cheek, caressing his hips with is other hand.

’Sorry, it’s cold.’ he said, but Yuuri could only answer with a pathetic, suffering moan.

Viktor slowly pushed his finger inside, and Yuuri was clenching around him tightly.

’Try to relax, baby. Tell me if I can move it.’ Viktor whispered, still caressing Yuuri’s hips with his other hand, placing gentle kisses on his back.

It was weird. A bit uncomfortable. Yuuri was breathing fast, but he tried to calm down a little. Viktor was inside him, even if it was just his finger, it was him. Yuuri’s dick was fully hard at this point. Without thinking, he moved his hips back a little, trying to grind on Viktor’s finger, making the older man gasp. Viktor said something in Russian, but Yuuri couldn’t hear it. In the next second, Viktor started to move his finger in and out, and he wasn’t exactly _slow._

’Viktor!’ Yuuri cried, grabbing the countertop so hard that his knuckles were hurting.

’Be quiet, baby.’ Viktor said, fucking Yuuri with his finger, trying to hold himself together. Yuuri was tight and flaming hot around him, and the lube made it slippery, too, making Viktor completely crazy. He wanted to fuck this boy senseless, and he needed every bit of self-control not to do it right then and there. He pulled out, and Yuuri made a disappointed sound. Viktor poured more lube on his ass, then he inserted two fingers at once. Yuuri cried out again, saying Viktor’s name over and over, his legs trembling.

’Viktor, please…’

’What, _Yura_? Tell me what you want.’

’I w-want.. you… please-’

Viktor pressed his lips together, trying to control himself.

’Not yet, baby. There’s something else for you.’

Yuuri was trying to hold back his moans as best as he could, but he was failing miserably. Viktor was fucking him with two fingers now, and it didn’t feel uncomfortable anymore. To put it simply, it was just not enough. After a few seconds, Viktor reached for the white box, abandoning Yuuri again. He was practically laying on top of the counter now, turning his face to the side, his dick leaking and his face flushed.

’It’s the smallest size.’ Viktor said while he took out the butt plug. Yuuri was glancing down, and he could see that it really was kind of small, but it still scared him a bit. It was purple.

’I’m gonna try and put it in. Tell me if you want to stop, okay?’ Viktor asked, standing up and leaning against Yuuri’s back, his crotch pressing against Yuuri’s naked ass. Yuuri moaned out, and pushed himself against Viktor. Viktor chuckled and kissed the back of his neck, making him shiver.

’O-okay.’ Yuuri breathed, surprised that he could talk.

Viktor kissed his neck again, then shifted his attention to Yuuri’s ass. His hole was shiny from the lube. Viktor grabbed his ass and gently smacked it, making Yuuri moan out pathetically.

’Viktor…’ he cried, spreading his legs for the older man, pushing his ass towards him. Viktor couldn’t believe his eyes.

He coated the plug with lube, then slowly guided it to Yuuri’s hole. The boy winced a little, pressing his lips together. Viktor was holding Yuuri’s hips with his left hand, and he started to push the plug inside. It was not really thick, but it was still different than two fingers. Yuuri could see starts in front of his eyes. His legs became weaker and weaker every second. and his dick was throbbing.

Soon, the plug was fully inside, filling him up, making him completely speechless, turning him into a ragdoll. Viktor had to grab his hips to hold him up, and it was only then that he noticed – Yuuri came, but his dick was still hard.

’Oh, baby, you’re amazing.’ he whispered, helping Yuuri to stand up, holding him in his arms. ’Can you do this? Can we go back to the hotel like this?’

’I… I don’t know. Let’s… try.’ Yuuri breathed. He was an absolute mess. His face was a mess. Viktor pulled up his pants, then he helped him with his coat, too. It sort of covered Yuuri’s crotch, making his task a bit easier.

The thought that there was something inside Yuuri made Viktor as hard as a rock. He was lucky to have a long coat that covered his crotch as well. They left the bathroom trying to look as casual as possible. Viktor tried to hold it together, but it was incredibly hard knowing that there was a plug in Yuuri’s ass; and it was incredibly hard for Yuuri because… well. They were walking towards the exit when someone called their name.

’Viktor! Yuuri! I was looking for you two!’ Phichit yelled, running after them, making Yuuri’s heart stop immediately.

_Oh no no no. NO._

They turned around to see Yurio, Chris, Otabek and Phichit getting closer and closer. Yuuri was sure that he is going to faint. Viktor was smiling, waving at the others.

’Hi!’ he said enthusiastically. ’Why did you need us?’

Chris was looking at Yuuri with furrowed brows, and Yuuri tried really hard to look as normal as possible.

’JJ invited us for dinner. No one wanted to go, but we’re really hungry and we thought it would be fun, so… are you two coming?’

 _What? Who said anything about_ coming _?_

Yuuri couldn’t answer, but he was sure Viktor will say no.

’Wow! Of course we’re going. Right, Yuuri?’ he said, and Yuuri couldn’t believe it. He was staring at Viktor with wide eyes, shaking his head.

’Don’t be like that, Yuuri!’ Phichit whined.

Yurio was leaning against the wall, looking as irritated as always.

’Let’s go already! I’m starving.’

’Okay, okay. Let’s go, Yuuri.’ Viktor said, still smiling, taking Yuuri’s hand into his palm, and guiding him towards the exit. He didn’t even resist.

_I’m going to die._

*

The restaurant was near the hotel Yuuri and Viktor was staying at, and that was pretty much the positive part of the evening.

They were at a fancy restaurant, sitting at a huge table along with JJ and his girlfriend. Yuuri hardly touched his food; he just didn’t know how to sit. He was staring at his plate, trying to collect himself, trying to hold back his voice. Viktor was leaning on his elbow, holding a glass of white wine in his left hand, and his phone in his right – casually controlling the vibrations of the plug in Yuuri’s ass. Viktor was smiling, sometimes taking a sip from his wine, chatting with the others. Yuuri was grabbing the sides of his chair, and he didn’t understand anything around him. He heard the others talking, but he had no idea what they were saying. He was focusing on the earth-shaking pleasure that was controlling his body. It wasn’t painful at all. Otabek was sitting on his right, having absolutely NO idea what is going on with Yuuri.

_’Hey! Hey, Yuuri? Are you here?’_

Yuuri finally looked up. His face was deep red, and he was sweating like hell. Phichit was looking at him with a worried expression.

’What’s going on? Do you have a fever?’

’Y-yeah, I… I think it’s because of the w-weather-’ he breathed, but then Viktor did something on his phone. Yuuri jumped a little in his seat, and he had to cover his mouth with his hands. The vibration became more intense, and the plug was pressing into a really sensitive spot. Yurio looked disgusted, JJ didn’t even noticed, Phichit was worried, Otabek had no fucking idea; and Viktor was having the time of his life.  Yuuri grabbed his fork and tried to eat. Viktor glanced at him, then moved the intensity back to ’ _low_.’Viktor was looking at him for long seconds; his flushed face, his red, trembling lips, and his legs pressed together under the table. Yuuri was slowly grinding on his chair, with almost completely unvisible, shallow, tiny movements. But Viktor could see it; and he could feel it in his dick. Chris was trying to have a conversation with Yuuri, but it was hopeless. Viktor pulled out his phone again, then moved the intensity to ’ _medium._ ’ And then, within five seconds, to _’high_.’

Yuuri dropped his fork, and grabbed Viktor’s hand so hard that it made him wince in pain.

’Let’s… let’s go already!’ Yuuri whispered through his teeth, glancing up at Viktor for a second, begging with his eyes.

*

Viktor called a taxi for them. The air was thick and hot between them, and the driver didn’t make it easier for Yuuri – again. Yuuri was trying to distract his thoughts. He tried to think about his bronze medal; to think about how proud he was, and how disappointed at the same time.  He tried to think about these things but he just couldn’t.

’You’re doing so good.’ Viktor said, touching Yuuri’s thigh with his left hand, clearly enjoying the situation. ’We’re almost there.’

The driver was listening to old christmas songs, and he didn’t say a word to them. Yuuri tried to swallow but it was impossible. Viktor’s hand was still on his thigh, dangerously close to his crotch, just lingering there and not doing anything. Yuuri wanted to slap his face and kiss him at the same time. He wanted to say something, but he decided not to. He was on the edge; he came in the restaurant, but he got hard again since that. It was unbearable. Viktor turned off the vibration completely, and Yuuri wanted to jump out of the window.

_It was not enough. It was just not fucking enough._

_I want him inside, I want him inside, I need him inside…_

When they arrived at the hotel, they went straight to the elevator. They got in, and there was a couple there with their kids. Yuuri was holding onto the railing, staring at the floor, waiting for the elevator to reach the eighth floor. Viktor was standing beside him, holding his hand. When the doors finally opened, the couple with the kids remained in the elevator. Yuuri and Viktor got out, then as soon as the doors closed and the elevator left, Yuuri just attacked Viktor on the hallway.

He crashed his lips against Viktor’s, pushing him against the wall, lifting one of his legs and wrapping it around Viktor’s hips. Viktor was so shocked for a second that he didn’t do anything; then he laughed into Yuuri’s mouth, grabbed him, picked him up into his lap, and tried to open the room’s door with one hand. Yuuri was completely out of control; he was biting and licking Viktor’s lips, trying to get as much contact as possible, trying to get off ass quickly as possible. When the lock finally gave in, Viktor kicked the door open, and they practically fell into the hotel room, kicking their shoes off, pulling each other’s coat down. They were sharing sloppy, messy kisses as Viktor pushed Yuuri inside the bathroom. Once they were there, Viktor tore Yuuri’s clothes down in ten seconds, leaving him completely naked. He took off his own shirt, but left on his pants. He grabbed Yuuri’s shoulder, turning him against the mirror.

’Don’t take your eyes off us, baby.’ he whispered, biting the boy’s ear. Both of them were staring at their own reflection, drinking the sight in. When Yuuri saw himself, he tried to look away, but Viktor grabbed his jaw.

’No, _zvezda moy_. Look at yourself. Look how beautiful you are.’ he purred, devouring Yuuri’s neck, and pressing his fingers into his throat. Yuuri moaned out.

Viktor was standing behind him, pushing his crotch against his ass. Yuuri’s underwear was on the floor, and it was sticky with pre-cum, and cum, too. His dick was throbbing, painfully hard and red. He saw Viktor’s hand on his throat, his wide shoulders behind him, his silver locks falling onto his neck. Yuuri’s face was sweaty, red, and he was almost crying. Viktor started caressing his chest with his left hand, then moved his right down to touch Yuuri’s thighs. Yuuri was leaning against his chest, putting his head on Viktor’s shoulder, trying to keep his eyes open, watching the mirror. Viktor’s bright blue eyes were looking somehow really dark in the mirror as he explored Yuuri’s body with his hand. He bit down on Yuuri’s shoulder, making the boy cry out his name.

’V-Viktor!’

’Yes, baby, say my name more. Let your voice out.’ Viktor groaned, thrusting against Yuuri’s bare ass. He was completely ruining his briefs, but he didn’t want to let Yuuri go, not even for a second.

Yuuri was constantly repeating Viktor’s name, trying to grab his arms, hold onto his shoulders, pull on his hair.

’Please, Viktor… Please, I can’t… I can’t take this…’ he begged, spreading his legs apart, so Viktor could see the butt plug in the mirror.

’Put your hands on the mirror.’ Viktor ordered in a completely different tone, voice thick and low, like a beast.

Yuuri obeyed immediately, stepping to the counter, putting his palms on the mirror, staring at himself and Viktor in the reflection. Viktor stepped behind him, grabbing his hips, leaning on his back. Yuuri could feel his erection against his thighs.

’Tell me what you want.’ Viktor said, talking to Yuuri’s reflection, sliding one of his fingers into his mouth.

Yuuri closed his eyes for a moment, sucking and licking on Viktor finger, moaning around it desperately.

’T-take that thing… out…’

’Hm? You can do better than that, _Yura_.’ Viktor said.

’Take it out… p-please.’

’ _Konechno._ ’ Viktor whispered, making Yuuri shiver. Viktor kneeled down behind Yuuri, pushing his legs apart. He took hold of the plug, then slowly started pulling it out. Yuuri cried out, his legs trembling, his brain completely blank.

’Ah, it’s coming out nicely.’ Viktor whispered, and then the plug slipped out of Yuuri, leaving his hole wide open, dripping with lube, pulsating and gaping for more.

’ _Dermo_ …’ Viktor cursed,and he had to push his fingers into his crotch to have some friction. Yuuri’s ass was more than ready, inviting him in, wanting him in.

Yuuri was starting to reach his limit. His palms were still against the mirror, trying to grab something, and he was begging for Viktor.

’Viktor, please…’

Viktor stood up, removed his pants, and stepped behind Yuuri again. He grabbed Yuuri’s legs and pushed them back together as tightly as he could. Yuuri didn’t understand what he was doing, but in the next minute, Viktor slid his dick between Yuuri’s thighs, just under his cock. Yuuri moaned out, partly because it felt good, partly because this was not what he wanted.

_Not at all._

Viktor was slowly sliding in and out, fucking Yuuri’s thighs while holding his hips and biting his back, and Yuuri was an utter mess underneath him.

’N-no…’ he cried, making Viktor’s heart skip a beat. He stopped immediately.

’What’s wrong? Should we stop?’ he asked, looking into the mirror.

Yuuri was staring down at the counter. He looked up slowly, and when their eyes met in the mirror, Viktor wanted to swallow, but his throat was completely dry.

’This is n-not enough.’ Yuuri whispered in a fucked out voice, reaching back and grabbing Viktor’s hip. ’I want _you_ … I want you i-inside.’

Viktor almost fainted. He wanted that too, of course. He wanted it more than anything. Still, he didn’t think it would happen tonight. He wanted to turn Yuuri into a beast, that was his goal from the beginning, and now it actually happened. He wanted Yuuri to beg for him; to beg for him to just fuck him already.

There it was. Yuuri, completely naked underneath him, practically crying for a fuck. Viktor lifted Yuuri so his back was resting against Viktor’s bare chest. He kissed his neck, and wiped the tears from his face.

’Do you want me to take you to the bedroom, baby?’

He was sure Yuuri will say yes; it was his first time after all.

’ _No._ ’ Yuuri said immediately. ’I want it here. Viktor, just d-do it.’

Viktor was shocked.

’But this is your first-’

’Yes, and I w-want it here, with you… _now_.’ Yuuri said, his voice trembling, trying to sound as firm as possible, but his ears were still burning.

Viktor was staring at him for a while, then he reached to the drawer and pulled out a box with condoms. He rolled it on his dick quickly, and his hands were shaking. Viktor pressed his lips together, and he was not happy about how he felt. He lost his virginity a long time ago, but even then, he wasn’t this nervous.

And he wasn’t this horny, either. He placed a kiss on Yuuri’s neck, then made his way down. He was leaving kisses all over Yuuri’s shoulderblades, his spine, his hips. He dropped to his knees behind Yuuri, pushing his tongue inside his gaping hole, making the boy moan out loudly.

’Viktor… Viktor…’

Viktor had to touch himself because it was just impossible not to. He was kissing and licking Yuuri’s ass, and he could see pre-cum drop to the floor from Yuuri’s cock.

’Viktor, p-put it in… please.’ Yuuri begged, looking back at Viktor, reaching for him.

They were looking into each other’s eyes, saying a billion things to each other without actually speaking. Viktor stood up, put his knee behind Yuuri’s legs then gently kicked his legs apart. Yuuri moaned out, sticking his ass out for Viktor, wanting to get closer to him. Viktor coated himself with lube, then leaned down on Yuuri’s back. His chest was pressing against the boy’s shoulders, and they could see each other in the mirror perfectly. Their reflection was really close – so close that the mirror started to fog up.

He wrapped his left hand around Yuuri’s body, holding him, while he moved his right down to his dick. He grabbed himself, then guided the head to Yuuri’s hole. Yuuri closed his eyes.

’No, baby, don’t. Look at me. Look at us.’ he whispered, then slowly started to push himself inside, not breaking the eye contact, not for a second. Yuuri’s eyes were half-lidded, and his lips opened for a silent scream. Viktor only pushed in the head, and then he stopped. He was waiting. He was terrified that he will hurt Yuuri.

Yuuri put his hands on the mirror, looking at Viktor desperately. Viktor understood, then slowly pushed himself in completely. Yuuri cried out, and he was incredibly tight around Viktor’s dick. Viktor had to shut his eyes for a moment to control himself.  It was _hot, slick, and so, so tight._ It was better than he imagined; better than a dream. The feeling of becoming one with Yuuri completely made him crazy. He loved him so much. He wanted to see him come, he wanted to make him feel good. He caressed Yuuri’s arms, and placed gentle kisses on his neck. He didn’t move yet; he wanted Yuuri to get used to the sensation first. Yuuri’s nails were trying to hold onto the mirror, but it was hopeless. He was looking into Viktor’s eyes, staring at their reflection, trying to keep looking.

Suddenly, _everything made sense_. Yuuri could feel Viktor inside; pulsing, hot, and rock hard. It made him feel full, it made him feel that he was being ripped apart in the best possible way. Viktor’s arm was around his upper body, and he grabbed it, holding onto it, kissing and licking Viktor’s hot, flushed skin.

’Move.’ he breathed, so Viktor did.

It was burning and it was painful for Yuuri, and he shut his eyes for a few seconds, holding his breath, trying to relax, trying to take Viktor in.

’Does it hurt?’ Viktor breathed into his ear. His voice made it obvious that it was damn hard for him not to move a lot faster than this. 

’A-a bit.’ Yuuri admitted. ’But it’s… getting b-better. Don’t stop, please-’

Viktor pressed his forehead into the back of Yuuri’s neck, and he was trying to set a steady rhythm, not moving too fast. It was hard to stay standing, it was hard to breath properly. Yuuri was sucking him in and it was _indescribable._

The pain started to get replaced by pleasure; Yuuri could feel every inch of Viktor sliding in and out, and he was beginning to feel that it was just _too fuckin’ slow._

’Are you okay?’ Viktor asked, and Yuuri couldn’t hide his feelings.

’Enough, V-Viktor…’ he moaned. ’Just… just _fuck me_ already, please. I can take it. D-don’t hold back.’

Viktor’s eyes went wide; Yuuri could see it in the mirror.

’Are you sure about that, baby?’ he asked, and there was something really dark in his voice, making Yuuri even more excited – if that was even possible.

’Ye-yes.’ he breathed, reaching back and grabbing Viktor’s hair with one of his hands, making the older man groan. ’Fuck me, Viktor… _take me_.’

Viktor was cursing under his breath. He couldn’t believe this boy was a virgin. He grabbed Yuuri’s shoulder, and roughly pushed his chest down to the countertop, making Yuuri groan appreciatively. Yuuri’s cock was pressing against the counter, and Viktor straightened up and looked down at Yuuri’s ass.

’ _Chyort vozmi,_ Yuuri…’ he said, holding his breath for a second. He moved his hands on Yuuri’s ass, grabbing his cheeks, pulling them apart, then he started moving again. He watched it how Yuuri’s ass swallowed his dick with each thrust, and he realized that he is not going to last long. Not like this. It was impossible. No matter how old he was, this was just way too much for him. The sight, the feeling, _the sounds_ … everything.

Viktor was standing still for a bit, then he started thrusting into Yuuri at a crazy pace, making the boy cry his name out loudly, making his body pushed further and further up the countertop. Yuuri was laying there, crying, yelling Viktor’s name, tears falling from his eyes, hands trying to grab something, _anything._

The bathroom was filled with the obscene sounds of skin slapping against skin, the sounds of Yuuri’s lubed up hole taking Viktor’s dick over and over again. Viktor was hitting something inside Yuuri with each thrust, and the boy’s voice was shaking pathetically.

’Oh m-my god V-Viktor… ha-harder!’ he cried, making Viktor absolutely insane. He smacked Yuuri’s ass hard, leaving a red mark, making the boy jump, making him moan even louder. ’ _Ah, Viktor!_ Yes, yes, please, more…’

Viktor was shifting his eyes between Yuuri’s ass and their reflection, not wanting to miss anyting, trying to carve everything into his memory forever. The mirror was almost completely fogged up, but he could still see Yuuri’s face, he could still see what an utter mess he was, and _how much he wanted this_.

He grabbed Yuuri’s right leg and lifted it up.

’Put it on the counter.’ he ordered, and Yuuri did, without a question, and by now he was halfway up the countertop, only having one leg at the floor. Viktor was holding his leg up, still thrusting at a ruthless pace, making Yuuri yell with every single hit.

Yuuri was crying out incoherent things, sometimes in Japanese, sometimes in English, and Viktor suddenly grabbed his hair and lifted his chest up against himself.

’Does it feel good, baby?’ he asked, breathing into Yuuri’s neck, sucking on his skin hard, leaving marks everywhere.

’Y-yes, Viktor, s-so good, it’s feels so good…’ Yuuri whined, leaning against Viktor’s shoulder, repeating his name over and over again.

Viktor was groaning, thrusting into Yuuri even faster, harder, pulling on his hair without mercy. 

' _Viktor_... _ai... ai shiteru... ai shiteru yo.._.'

Viktor had no fucking idea what was Yuuri saying, but just the fact that he was talking Japanese drove him crazy. He wrapped his arms around Yuuri's body, holding him up, melting with him. Viktor was constantly kissing and sucking on his neck, whispering and moaning into Yuuri's ears.

'Tell me again, baby... tell me again...'

' _Ai s-shiteru yo_.' Yuri cried, holding onto Viktor's arms, shutting his eyes, practically yelling at this point. Viktor's dick was constantly hitting something inside him, making him absolutely breathless.

Viktor was holding him a bit too tightly, and his thrusts became erratic, but more deep. He was pounding into Yuuri's ass with strong, ruthless thrusts. 

'V-Viktor, I'm gonna...!' Yuuri shouted, digging his nails into Viktor's arm, scratching his skin. He came with a loud cry, spilling all over the mirror, shaking and moaning for what it seemed like a whole minute. Viktor came just a little bit later, holding Yuuri's body, grabbing onto him, sinking his teeth into his shoulder, breathing out his name.

The pleasure was so intense that it was shooting over their bodies like a wildfire, like nothing ever before. Yuuri fell back to the countertop, and Viktor was heavy on his back, still inside him, panting, completely exhausted. They were like that for minutes. Yuuri could feel Viktor's rapid heartbeat on his back, he could hear his breathing, he could smell his sweat, and his hot breath against his back. Reality was coming back to him, piece by piece, slowly but surely. His vision started to become clear again, and he started to feel the sharp pain in his lower back.

Everything was silent. Just their heartbeat, just the clock ticking in the hallway. 

Viktor was the first to move. He slowly pulled out of Yuuri, straightening up, pulling Yuuri with him, too. 

'Can you stand?' he asked quietly, and Yuuri moved his leg back to the floor - then he almost collapsed. Viktor caught him, then lifted him up. Yuuri was holding onto his neck, and Viktor carried him inside the dim bedroom. He put him down on the bed carefully, laying down next to him, pulling the blanket on their bodies.

Yuuri was laying on his side, and Viktor was laying in front of him, holding him in his arms, caressing his hair with his fingers. He slowly kissed his forehead, then pulled him a bit closer. Yuuri pressed his face into Viktor's chest, breathing in his scent.

'You know what I told you before? In the bathroom.' Yuuri asked, his eyes closed, his voice weak and hoarse, barely audible.

'Something beautiful in Japanese.' Viktor smiled. 'What was it?'

Yuuri placed a gentle kiss on Viktor's warm skin.

' _I love you_.' Yuuri said, glancing up, his brown eyes full of bliss, full of ecstasy. 

Viktor's smile was tired, but happy, so, so happy, so loving and warm. His messy, silver hair was falling in front of his sparkling eyes, creating a beautiful contrast with his flushed, pink cheeks.

'I love you too, Yuuri.'

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> it's 1am so i guess there are typos wtf i started this chapter at 3pm  
> I wanted their first time to be romantic and PURE but Viktor just DESTROYED that ass like episode 12 destroyed my soul (but also added 10 years to my life) - AKA it's not Viktor's fault that Yuuri likes it rough (it's actually his fault)
> 
> spoiler: Yuuri will not be able to walk properly for days
> 
> THE butt plug: http://www.lovense.com/vibrating-butt-plug


	11. i will delete this chapter later

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> hey lovelies. please read this

Hello everyone,  
this is not really an update. I just wanted to tell you that I fell off my horse today (12.26) and I broke my spine. I'm in hospital now and I will have a surgery tomorrow morning. I'm not allowed to move and not allowed to get up at all.  
The doctor said that if everything goes well,I will be able to get up on Wednesday.  
I was lucky - I am not paralyzed, I can feel my legs and I can move them.

This accident was a huge shock for me and it made me think about a lot of things.

Please stay in touch with your dear friends and always apologize. Always tell them you love them.

I hope my surgery goes well and I will be able to update this fanfiction - I already have the next chapter on my laptop.

Take care and have a great day.  



	12. also delete later,sorry

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> hey sinnamon rolls

First of all, let me say how great and supportive you all are. The amount of comments I received on the last "chapter" was crazy and your sweet wishes made me tear up.  
My surgery went really well, and even though I'm in a lot of pain right now, I feel happy. I was terrified because I thought I might wake up not feeling my legs - it could have happened, the surgery was risky.

Thank you so much for praying for me or just thinking about me a little, I believe that the positive vibes of my family, friends, and the positive vibes of YOU saved me and gave me a second chance.  
I also saw a Hungarian comment , and it was such a nice feeling //köszönöm ezúttal is ,hogy gondoltál rám//

I will be able to walk soon, and I can go home next Tuesday. I can't wait to show you the next chapter.

Thank you again.  



	13. Please Have Mercy On Me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> hello lovelies! WOW I'M BACK in my own bed and no one wakes me up at 4.30(am) anymore. unreal. and I can actually walk around pretty decently and I feel a lot better. it will take months to recover but hey, more time to write porn. i'm SO grateful for all those comments, thank you so much for thinking about me, thank you for your incredible support!! <3 YOU ARE AMAZING!  
> *  
> and now. chapter 13 - AKA Viktor is just too fucking old for this. holy sh

When Yuuri opened his eyes, it was still dark and quiet. His throat was unbearably dry. He wanted a glass of water more than anything. The clock in the hallway was loud, but steady, calming. Pale, crystalline moonlight was flowing into the room, causing Yuuri to close his tired eyes again for a second. He turned his head to the other side, away from the window; to the side were Viktor was. His breathing was so quiet that Yuuri could hardly hear it. Viktor was laying on his stomach, completely naked, which made Yuuri realize that he pulled the blanket away from Viktor in his sleep. Yuuri’s eyelids were heavy and it was hard to keep his eyes open; but the sight of that man sleeping next to him made his vision clear in a matter of seconds.

Viktor was  _stunning_.

A beautiful painting, made with pale blue and soft silver, with dark-blue and black shadows surrounding and framing him. The tiny fragments of moonlight on his soft hair, on his spine and on his waist, and on the beautiful curve of his ass made him look like that he was made of diamonds. There were thin, short scratch marks on his lower arms where Yuuri was holding onto him in the bathroom. His back was rising and falling steadily in his sleep. Yuuri reached out to him, hesitating a bit, then lightly touching Viktor’s shoulderblades with his fingers. He was tracing along his soft, silk-like skin, drawing tiny circles on his back, briefly touching his hips and his ass. A sudden thought broke into Yuuri’s head, which caused him to pull back his hand immediately.

_Oh god, what was that? Did I actually…_

He shook his head then sat up. The pain in his back struck him like a damn cannonball. He gasped, then touched his lower back, trying to soothe his pain by massaging it a bit.

_Oh, god, it hurts like hell. But it was worth it. It really was. Really, really was…_

_Was it real? Did I actually just dream it?_

Yuuri stood up, trying to ignore the pain in his ass, and slowly making his way into the bathroom. The lights were automatic, so when he stepped inside, they turned on immediately, nearly blinding him. He cursed under his breath, trying to cover his eyes. He went to take a piss, then stepped to the counter to wash his hands.

_Oh, crap._

_So it was real. Actually real._

He didn’t even realize until then, but the bathroom was a complete mess. There were clothes everywhere, the butt plug was on the floor, and there was something white and sticky on the mirror, which was also, by the way, covered in fingerprints. Yuuri quickly wiped off the cum with some toilet paper, then he went back to the counter to actually wash his hands.

And then...

_Oh, shit!_

Then he saw his reflection in the mirror. His hair was disheveled as hell, his neck was covered in hickies, and there was a  _bite mark_  on his shoulder. His lips were swollen and red. He turned around, then checked out his reflection again.

_Oh my god._

His ass was a  _mess_. The skin was brigh pink on it, full with tiny bruises caused by Viktor’s sucking and biting. Now every single moment came back to him.

_The things I said… The things I said to him…_

_Holy hell._

_Fuck, I was such a needy bitch! Now I can’t hide it, now he knows how thirsty I am. Holy shit, this is so embarrassing!_

_I want to crawl under a rock and DIE!_

He was standing there, covering his burning face with his hands, feeling like he could never look at Viktor again. But at the same time, Yuuri realized something. He remembered that he said something else, too. Something different; just when he was starting to get closer, just when his body was starting to  _explode_  from the overwhelming pleasure.

 _Oh, god. I told him that_ I love him _. I did it, after so many years, I actually did it._

_I had the courage._

He was staring at his reflection for a few seconds, then a smile appeared on his face. It started out as a tiny smirk, then it evolved into a bright, wide smile, and soon, Yuuri was laughing quietly. He drank some water, then walked back to the warm, moonlit bedroom. Viktor was still laying in the same way, presenting his flawless, muscular ass. Yuuri slowly slid back under the blanket, gently covering Viktor with it, too. Viktor muttered something in his sleep, then he slid closer to Yuuri, reaching out, searching for him, then embracing him with one hand, pressing his forehead into the boy’s shoulder. Yuuri turned to Viktor, let out a long, calm sigh, then closed his eyes.

*

Yuuri woke up suddenly, not having any idea where he was for a few seconds. The sun was shining directly into his eyes, making him groan in disapproval. He turned away, reaching out for Viktor, only to realize he was not there. Yuuri raised his head, furrowing his brows. He was terrified for a moment.

 _Did he_ leave me _here? No, that can’t be._

He heard something. Viktor’s soft, mellifluous voice; he was singing quietly, probably in the kitchen. It smelled like pancakes and coffee. Yuuri tried to get out of bed, but his back was  _killing_  him. It was a lot worse than at night. He fell back into the bed with a painful moan, pressing his face into his pillow. He was listening to Viktor.

_His voice is so gentle. I still can’t believe this is true. I don’t deserve him._

_Oh, he would be so pissed if he knew that I’m thinking about this. Again._

When he looked up again after a few minutes, he realized there was a note on Viktor’s pillow. Yuuri had no idea where his glasses were, but after he reached for the note and held it in front of his face, he realized his glasses wouldn’t help him.

_Ты моё солнце. Я тебя люблю._

He had absolutely no idea what this meant, but it still made him smile. His face was warm, and for a moment, he completely forgot about the pain in his back. Viktor’s handwriting was somehow elegant and neat. Yuuri could imagine that a teacher would write like this. And still, it was somehow like Viktor, childish and serious at the same time.

_It would be nice if I could actually read it. I should ask him to teach me the alphabet. Or is that too much?_

Yuuri heard footsteps approaching. He wasn't ready to meet Viktor yet, not like this. He wanted to take a shower, wanted to collect himself, but Viktor arrived into the bedroom, still humming a song, carrying a bed tray in his hands.

_What the–_

’ _Ohayou!_ ’ Viktor said with a wink, making Yuuri fall back onto his pillow once again.

He could feel Viktor’s weight on the bed as he sat down, nudging Yuuri’s bare shoulder with his fingers. Yuuri looked up, and his face was just like a bonfire. He could still hear everything he said to Viktor last night. But as expected, Viktor didn’t look like he was embarrassed at all.

’Good morning, beautiful,’ he said softly, putting the tray down on the bed, and leaning closer to Yuuri to kiss his forehead.

’Good morning,’ Yuuri muttered. Viktor’s aquamarine eyes were fixated on his face, and they were overflowing with love.

’How are you,  _zvezda moya?_ Did you sleep well?’

’Umm. I w-woke up once, but it was fine. Viktor, why… why did you bring me breakfast? I could’ve go to the kitchen…’

Yuuri shifted to his back, then sat up. Viktor put the bed tray above his hips. Yuuri couldn’t help but whistle a little when he saw the food. Russian pancakes with blueberries, strawberries, and vanilla souce; a cup of Russian black tea and a cup of coffee – and a single red rose in a small glass vase.

_This is a dream. This can’t possibly be true._

’I was trying to find Japanese green tea in the hotel’s shop but they didn’t have it. I didn’t know which one you would prefer today, coffee or tea, so I made both.’ Viktor explained, caressing Yuuri’s face with his right hand, then placing another kiss on the boy’s forehead. Viktor smelled like fresh shower gel and aftershave. Yuuri had no idea how to respond to the overflowing love Viktor was throwing at him. Viktor was still smiling, and Yuuri was just staring at him for a while – then he just teared up.

 _’Bozhe moy!_ What’s wrong,  _Yura?_ ’ he asked. He crawled next to Yuuri, holding his arms, shushing him in Russian, caressing his brown hair.

_For fuck’s sake, why do I have to cry every single time I’m happy? I’m so embarrassing!_

Viktor moved closer to Yuuri, holding him in his arms. When he talked, his voice was somehow different.

_’Do you regret it?’_

Viktor’s whisper was barely audible, and it made Yuuri gasp. He looked up, right into Viktor's worried eyes.

 _’No!_  Of c-course not, I’m just-’

Yuuri was sniffing, trying to wipe his tears away.

_Why the hell do I have to cry?!_

’I’m just  _happy._  That’s all,’ he admitted, and Viktor was suddenly so relieved that it made Yuuri chuckle. ’Thank you for the breakfast… it looks great.’

Viktor flashed a beautiful smile. He just couldn’t take his eyes off Yuuri, and his expression was still the same. Full of love, having no idea how to control it. But he didn’t want it to be controlled. He wanted it to be expressed. He wanted it to surround Yuuri like a waterfall.

’I’m glad. Last night was  _amazing_. Although I admit I wanted our first time to be much slower, but I’m not complaining.’ he said with a wink, making Yuuri cover his face again.

’I’m so sorry, I was such a-’

Viktor held up his forefinger to make Yuuri stop.

’Such a  _beauty_. Such a  _perfect lover_. Someone who didn’t hide his desires.’ Viktor whispered, kissing Yuuri’s neck, which caused Yuuri to shut his eyes for a few seconds. ’Someone who made it clear how much he wanted me. You were so hot. You made me fall in love with you once again,  _zolotse_.’

’V-Viktor-’ Yuuri whispered with a smile, pushing his face against Viktor’s neck so the other man wouldn’t see how red he was. But of course he knew it.

’You finally showed me your true  _Eros_ , Yuuri,’ Viktor breathed, putting his arm around Yuuri’s shoulder, caressing his soft skin. ’The fact that you are so adorably shy when we’re not doing it… makes it even better.’

Yuuri was whimpering like a teenage girl, but Viktor could feel that his skin became more and more hot against his own.

_He’s making me hard again. Crap, everything he says makes me want to sit on his lap and just…_

Yuuri’s thoughts were interrupted when Viktor placed a tiny kiss on his lips, then sat back on the edge of the bed.

’Eat, please?’ he smiled, and Yuuri was thankful for the change of subject.

He turned his attention to the breakfast and started eating.

’Did you see my note?’ Viktor asked a minute later, while Yuuri was stuffing his mouth with pancakes.

’M-hm..  _Ba a hab no idea whad id means_.’

Viktor laughed out loud.

’It means that  _you’re my sun_ , and  _I love you_.’

Yuuri almost choked on his breakfast, but he quickly washed it down with some tea.

’You’re always… so  _straightforward,_ ’ he coughed, making Viktor laugh again.

’Oh, you were too, Yuuri. Last night, I mean,’ Viktor said.

_Crap, here we go again._

’Let’s just not… talk about that.’

’But why? You told me what you wanted and I gave it to you,’ Viktor said, making Yuuri shiver a bit. He glanced at Viktor through his fingers, and when Viktor winked at him playfully, he just couldn’t hold back his laughter anymore. He was still embarrassed, but he couldn’t help but feel relaxed around Viktor. He didn’t know when was the last time he was laughing like this. So honest and carefree, free from any anxiety and free from boundaries.

’Viktor…’ Yuuri said when he could finally speak. ’Could you… teach me the Russian alphabet? I mean, if you have some time. You don’t have to, but if I'm with you, I would like to-’

Yuuri couldn’t finish the sentence because Viktor suddenly hugged him, kissing his face all over like a loving, excited grandma.

’V-Viktor, stop, you’re-’

’Of course,  _detka_. Of course. I will teach you,’ he whispered into Yuuri’s neck, melting Yuuri’s heart with how  _touched_  he sounded.

’I’m a slow learner.’ Yuuri said, gently touching Viktor’s hair, playing with his locks. His hair smelled like vanilla.

’That’s okay, baby. I’m patient.’

Yuuri turned his head and started to search for Viktor’s lips, and then Viktor – immediately realizing what Yuuri wanted – looked up and kissed him. Their lips melted together into a slow, breathy kiss, moving closer and closer to each other, almost pushing the bed tray on the ground. The sun was shining on their bodies, making Yuuri feel even hotter. His movements became faster, gently touching Viktor's lips with his teeth, trying to pull him into the bed, putting his arms around his neck. Viktor made a surprised little sound, and gently pushed Yuuri back, breaking the kiss.

’You taste like pancakes,’ Viktor laughed, but his face was suspiciously flushed.

_I can’t control myself._

_I just can’t._

'I don't... I don't care,' Yuuri whispered, barely audible, trying to fight his embarrassment, trying to give space to his desires. He reached for Viktor, caressing the man's neck, then leaning towards him, eyes fixated on Viktor's parted lips. Before Yuuri could even realize that he never actually kissed Viktor - it was always the other man who initiated these things - he already did it. Viktor was so surprised that his eyes were left open for a few seconds, staring at Yuuri's flushed face, his closed eyes, his furrowed brows. The way he was clinging to him... the desperation of it made Viktor's throat go dry. While he was trying to reach Viktor, the blanket was slowly slipped off Yuuri's warm body, revealing his smooth, naked skin, and his half-hard dick. Viktor broke the kiss to catch his breath, and when he saw Yuuri's body, suddenly he didn't even remember his own name.

'Wow, _Yura_ , wha-'

'Mm.' 

That was all Yuuri could say, and if the bed tray weren't above his hips, he would already have climbed on top of Viktor. He was kissing him again, pushing his tongue into Viktor's mouth, feeling the man's rapid heartbeat on his naked chest, literally feeling his surprise on his lips. Viktor was trying to keep his arms away, because he knew what would happen if he became excited, too. But Yuuri's hands were going on a true mission - Viktor jumped a little when Yuuri grabbed his dick through his sweatpants. He grabbed the boy's shoulders, and he pushed him away.

They were staring at each other without saying anything for long, long seconds. Their lips and their faces were red, and their hair was equally messy. Yuuri's hand was still on Viktor's crotch. After seeing Viktor's eyes, his hungry expression turned into something else. He pulled back his hand, trying to cover himself with the blanket.

'Oh... oh my god. I'm sorry. I'm sorry, I don't know what's going on, I'm so s-sorry...'

He was mumbling similar things for a while, sometimes even in Japanese, and Viktor was still staring at him. He needed a minute to swallow his own spit. Yuuri was still apologizing, covering his burning face, looking more ashamed than ever before. Viktor touched his forearm, then leaned closer to his face.

'Don't apologize, Yuuri. You were honest. And I have to admit-'

Viktor waited for Yuuri to look up. He only continued when their eyes finally met.

'-I have to admit I would do you until midnight if I could.' he whispered in a voice that made Yuuri moan out. ’But I _can’t,_ baby. Your back must be hurting. You should rest. And I have to make you lunch.’

Viktor caressed Yuuri’s face, then kissed his naked shoulder and stood up.

’I will be in the kitchen if you need me. Finish your breakfast, okay?’ he said with a playful smile, then left the room. His cool composure was lost in the very second he stepped out to the hallway, and he literally had to stop for a second to take a breath. He was starting to get hard, but he quickly went to the kitchen to drink a glass of water. Honestly, he wanted something stronger, like a whole bottle of wine or just a damn vodka, but he was afraid he would go back to the bedroom and fuck Yuuri _senseless_ before even noticing it.

The water was so cold it was somehow burning his throat. He sat down in the kitchen, shaking his head, trying to collect his thoughts.

He couldn’t believe this. Yuuri finally listens to his desires, finally doing what he truly wants to do. And it makes Viktor _so fucking weak_. So unbearably weak.

He was smiling like a brat who just learned that Christmas lasts all year, then he reached for his phone, ordering the ingredients for their lunch.

*

Viktor was cooking the pasta when Yuuri suddenly showed up in the kitchen. Viktor could hear him walking around before, but he didn’t actually come to the kitchen. The living room and the kitchen were sort of the same place, only a bar counter seperating them, so Viktor could watch the tv while he was cooking. He was stirring the tomato sauce when he saw Yuuri.

He was wearing Viktor’s light grey sweater. _Nothing else._

’I hope it’s okay,’ Yuuri said with an embarrassed smile. ’I just really like it. It's comfortable.’

’O-of course it’s… okay,’ Viktor muttered, dropping the kitchen spoon and almost tripping over nothing while trying to collect it from the ground.

His sweater was too big for Yuuri, leaving his left shoulder bare, hanging on him like it could fall off at any given minute. Yuuri sat down to the couch, putting his legs up, making Viktor freeze. Yuuri was watching the television with true interest, listening to the Russian words with furrowed brows, like he was trying to learn a few words by heart. His bare legs and thighs were so inviting, so delicious…

’What are you cooking?’

Viktor was still staring at Yuuri, having no idea what he just said.

’What?’

’What are you cooking, Viktor?’

’Oh! Oh, well, nothing special. Pasta.’

Yuuri was nodding.

’Oh, I wanted to ask you something,’ Yuuri said, finally looking at Viktor, seeing for the first time how completely _fucked_ his coach was. ’Viktor, what’s wrong?’

’Nothing, darling, why would you ask that?’ Viktor smiled, trying to sound as normal as possible, but he was sweating like a racehorse.

’Umm. I don't know. I just wanted to ask you… could you write down your name? I mean, in Russian.’

Viktor was having a cardiac arrest.

 _’Konechna. Konechna,_ ’ he repeated, putting the spoon down, searching for a piece of paper, basically breaking almost half of the kitchen stuff with his shaking hands.

’What does that mean?’

’What, baby?’

’What you just said.’

’Oh, it means _of course_ , or _naturally,_ ’ Viktor said, sitting down on the armchair across the coffee table. Now, Yuuri was way too close and Viktor could almost see his bare ass hanging out of that sweater.

He was holding a pencil and a piece of paper in his hand, but he had no idea why.

What was happening?

’So... could you write it down?’ Yuuri asked again, looking confused as hell, having absolutely no idea what was Viktor’s problem.

’Oh. Of course! _Da,_ ’ Viktor said, writing his name with shaky fingers, then handing the paper to Yuuri.

виктор никифоров

Yuuri was reading it attentively, like a diligent little schoolboy. The sweater was completely revealing his shoulder by now. Viktor could see his own bite mark. The room was spinning with him.

’Ah, so… the english B is your V. And the P is your R…’

He was talking to himself, but Viktor was staring at him with an open mouth, drinking his words like a fangirl, completely out of control. The sun was shining on Yuuri’s body, gently caressing his velvety skin, his soft, dark brown hair, the beautiful dark chocolate of his eyes that somehow looked like deep orange in the sun…

’Viktor, the water!’ Yuuri yelled, making Viktor jump.

 _’Bozhe moy!_ ’ Viktor cried, running back to the counter, trying to save the pasta from running out of the pot along with the water.

’Are you okay?’ Yuuri asked, sitting up and looking at Viktor with a worried expression. ’Did you burn yourself?’

’No, no, don’t worry, _detka_.’ Viktor said quickly. ’I’m okay.’

Yuuri let out a relieved sigh then layed back, putting his legs up again, but this time, it was even worse. The sweater was revealing the soft flesh of his butt, and it was only because of the shadows that Viktor couldn’t actually see more. Yuuri was watching a cooking show, and he seemed to be truly interested. Viktor thought he was excited about the food, and while he was stirring the souce, trying to distract his attention from Yuuri, the boy made him realize that the excitement was not for the recipe.

’Viktor?’

’Yes, my love?’

Yuuri blushed a little, but tried to continue anyway.

’Umm, they say… they say _morozhene_ … or something like that. They say that a lot. I don’t know if I said that correctly I’m sorry… but what does it mean?’

Viktor could see _actual stars_ in front of his eyes. His legs were so weak.

Yuuri actually said something in Russian. For the first time. For the first fucking time. _Yuuri was speaking Russian._ Viktor’s heart was suffering and it was trying to leave his chest as fast as possible. He had to grab the edge of the counter, and it has never been harder to remain calm in front of Yuuri.

’Was my pronounciation _that_ bad?’ Yuuri asked with a horrified expression, worrying that Viktor couldn’t understand him.

’Oh, no!’ Viktor said quickly. He was starting to feel the kitchen was way too hot. Did someone brought a bonfire inside? ’ _Marozhenoye_ means ice cream, baby. And you said it just fine.’

’Could you write it down for me? I don’t want to bother you, you can do it late-’

Viktor was already sitting next to Yuuri, grabbing the pencil and writing the word on the piece of paper with the speed of a lightning.

мороженое

’Oh. Thank you.’ Yuuri smiled, then sat up. His thigh was touching Viktor’s leg. ’Can I…?’

Viktor gave him the pencil, and Yuuri leaned down to the coffee table, looking at Viktor’s letters closely. Then he took a deep breath, and slowly started to copy the word, pressing his lips together, leaning so close that his nose was almost on the table.

When he was done, he gave the paper to Viktor with a sheepish smile, trying to hide his excitement, trying to avoid Viktor’s gaze somehow. When Viktor took the paper from him, their fingers touched, and Viktor could feel the tension in the room. It was weird. It was the most comfortable he ever felt around someone, and yet, the most frustrating at the same time. The sun was shining behind Yuuri, framing him with bright orange, pouring lively yellow on his skin, turning his silhouette into a warm, fiery vision.

’Is it good?’

Viktor finally blinked, then looked at the paper. Yuuri’s letters were clumsy, not completely accurate but still beautiful, showing his interest, showing his desire to learn more, his desire to get better.

’It’s perfect.’ Viktor said quietly, leaning closer to Yuuri, then gently pulling him into a warm, loving hug. Viktor closed his eyes, pressing his face into Yuuri’s soft neck, breathing in his familiar scent, listening to his soft chuckle. Yuuri slowly put his hands around Viktor’s waist, holding onto the older man.

It was like peace, like home, like family. Viktor placed tiny, gentle kisses on Yuuri’s neck, making Yuuri shiver and arch into his touch.

’Viktor, you…’

’Hm?’ he asked, still kissing Yuuri’s neck, making him moan a little.

’Y-you left the pasta again!’ Yuuri whimpered.

Viktor was running back to the kitchen, cursing in Russian, trying to save the pasta once again, but it was already overcooked.

'I think... I think we have to order something.'

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> plot twist: the fic's title 'please have mercy on me' is from Viktor's POV, not from Yuuri's.  
> living legend Viktor Nikiforov: *sweats-calls his cardiologist*- "yes, hello, my life is in danger, please, my heart just CAN'T-"  
> ***  
> (I decided not to delete "chapter" 11 and 12 because I think people need to see that really BAD shit can happen to ANYONE. including you. No matter who you are, no matter how old, how healthy, etc. I was always like "oh that stuff only happens to other people i'm gonna be fiine bitches". NO. don't ever think like that and PLEASE take care of yourself. never risk your life and if you have a bad feeling about something just don't do it, okay?<3)


	14. All You Never Say

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> do you ever think about the fact that we don't know SHIT about Viktor Nikiforov  
> because I do
> 
> AKA you can't have porn and fluff without angst. i mean not until i'm breathing

Viktor ended up ordering their lunch from the hotel’s restaurant. Yuuri wanted to go and eat there, but Viktor insisted on staying in their room.

After lunch, Viktor settled down on the couch. Yuuri was still in the kitchen, standing up from the table and planning to wash the dirty dishes.

’No, _Yura_ , forget that.’ Viktor said. ’I will do it later.’

Yuuri was glancing back at him with a worried expression. He was still wearing Viktor’s sweater.

’I want to help. You made breakfast, you made lunch-’

’I _ordered_ lunch.’ Viktor smiled, then stood up and walked behind Yuuri, grabbing his hands and gently forcing him to put down a dirty plate. Viktor’s body was pressing against Yuuri’s, and he leaned down and pressed his lips to the boy’s exposed shoulder. He was breathing in Yuuri’s familiar scent, closing his eyes, listening to the boy’s small gasp.

_He’s so close. So close… way too close…_

The water was still running, but Yuuri managed to reach for the tap and close it. Viktor’s hands were around his waist now, holding him firmly, still leaning into his neck, placing gentle kisses on his sensitive skin.

’Viktor…’ Yuuri breathed, grabbing the man’s arms and leaning back, arching into the touch, craving contact.

_I don’t care about the pain in my back. I don’t care. I want him. I need him._

_I want to be his._

’Just come and rest, baby. Okay?’ Viktor whispered into his ears, making him _shiver_. It was visible and it made Viktor smile.

At first, Yuuri didn’t understand Viktor; he wanted him to touch him, to fuck him, to kiss him all over, to do anything he wants. Yuuri would have let him, but Viktor still didn’t do it – even though he was obviously excited. But then Yuuri realized that Viktor just loves teasing him. He loves that more than anything.

_He’s so cruel._

Viktor let go of him, then took his hand and guided him to the couch. Viktor sat down, then Yuuri layed next to him, resting the back of his head on Viktor’ thighs. Viktor was playing with Yuuri’s hair, caressing his face, looking at him like he was the only person in the entire universe. Yuuri’s cheeks were getting red, but he tried to keep looking at Viktor, tried not to break the eye contact.

’Do you want to go to the city tonight?’ Viktor asked.

’Why?’

’I want to take you to the outdoor ice rink at the Red Square.’ Viktor said with a smile, his loving gaze making Yuuri unable to think.

Yuuri’s eyes were sparkling. He saw photos about the Red Square and St. Basil’s cathedral, but he never actually visited them.

’I didn’t know there was an ice rink there.’ he said with raised brows.

_Will we skate together again? God, I would love that. Please let me do that._

’There is.’ Viktor whispered, caressing Yuuri’s soft thighs with his fingertips. ’Would you like to go, _detka_? Only if your back pain goes away, of course.’

_He’s so good to me. He cares about me more than I do…_

’Y-yeah. I would like to see it.’ Yuuri nodded, touching Viktor’s hand, entwining their fingers.

’Should I go and buy something for your back? Like a patch?’

’No, it’s okay!’ Yuuri said quickly. ’I think it will go away sooner if I move.’

’Okay, my love.’ Viktor said, leaning down and kissing Yuuri’s forehead.

’V-Viktor!’ Yuuri whimpered, covering his blushing cheeks, trying to push Viktor’s face away. Viktor’s honest laugh was filling the room. He held Yuuri’s hands so he couldn’t cover his face, then he leaned down again, but this time he kissed Yuuri on the lips.

He was slow and passionate, almost innocent, like he was afraid to break Yuuri. Yuuri’s tension disappeared in a short moment, and his hands reached out to touch the nape of Viktor’s neck. Viktor broke the kiss for a second, but he remained close; he opened his eyes to send a loving gaze to Yuuri, caressing his face with his fingers.

’ _Я тебя люблю, Юрий_ _.’_ he whispered, which made Yuuri’s heart race.

_Holy shit!?_

_Oh my god, what did he say? I heard my name but it was completely different in Russian…_

He was staring at Viktor with wide eyes, while the other man was still smiling at him like he was a rare treasure.

’W-what did you-’

’I told you I love you.’ Viktor said, and he couldn’t help but smile when Yuuri’s face turned bright red. He was trying to avoid eye contact, and soon, Viktor learned why.

’Can I… try and… say it?’

_I can’t believe I’m doing this._

Now it was Viktor who looked like he was going to faint.

’Oh. Of course, baby.’ he said, trying to sound normal. ’Uh… You start with _Ya_ ; it means _I_. And then you say _tebya_ … which means _you_ -’

’ _Ya_ … _t-tebya_ -’ Yuuri said slowly, furrowing his brows and concentrating hard not to sound too stupid in Russian. Viktor’s ears were starting to get pink, and his entire body stiffened.

’Y-yes, _Yura_. And finally, you say  _lyublyu_ … which means _love_.’ Viktor said in an oddly hoarse voice. He had to cough a little, but Yuuri was still concentrating on the sentence.

’Umm… okay, so-’ Yuuri took a deep breath. His shy expression was making Viktor’s heart weak. _’Ya tebya l-lyublyu_ , Viktor.’

Viktor didn’t even blink. He was staring at Yuuri like he was a vision, and then he pulled his body up against his chest, hugging him a bit too tightly. Yuuri’s ass was pressing against Viktor’s thighs, and Yuuri could feel hot waves rushing through his own body.

’You’re making me crazy, _Yura_.’ Viktor breathed. ’We really _have to_ go to the city tonight, because I can’t hold back when we’re alone.’

_I can’t believe this. Is he real? He’ll be the death of me._

’You… you never hold back.’ Yuuri said with a little chuckle, blushing, making Viktor laugh.

’That’s true. But can you blame me? Look at you, _kotyenok_.’ he said, running his hands down on Yuuri’s bare thigh, briefly touching the underside of his ass.

_Oh, god… his hands are everywhere… his touch is so gentle…_

’I can… go and change if this is distracting.’ Yuuri muttered, holding onto Viktor’s shoulders with one of his hands, grabbing his shirt.

’Mm. Don’t change. Actually… I have an idea.’ Viktor whispered, touching Yuuri’s ear with his teeth, making the boy shiver in his arms.

’W-what?’

Viktor’s tongue touched Yuuri’s neck, right where one of his hickies were.

’What do you think about… lingerie?’

_Huh?_

’What do you mean?’ Yuuri asked, looking into Viktor’s eyes with true confusion.

’Hm. I could imagine you in _so many things_.’ Viktor breathed, grabbing the smooth flesh of Yuuri’s inner thigh and not letting it go. Yuuri tried to choke back a moan.

’What kind of… t-things?’

’Oh, you know… like thigh highs or lace panties… almost transparent but _not really_.’ Viktor said, not breaking the eye contact at all. His eyes were getting darker and darker.

_Oh. My. God. Am I dreaming?_

_Holy! Shit!_

Yuuri’s face was burning and he could literally feel Viktor’s words in his dick.

’Would you like that, baby?’ Viktor asked, touching Yuuri’s lips with his forefinger, and gently caressing his skin.

_I’m going to die._

’I… I-’

 _’Da?_ ’

_I’m going to get a hard-on._

’I think I… I would t-try, just… just to see…’

Yuuri’s voice was almost like a tiny breeze, but Viktor could hear it – and it turned his face into one big, bright smile.

’Great!’ he said, hugging Yuuri again, then kissing the tip of his nose. Yuuri was laughing like a child. ’I’m going to clean up, _Yura_.’

Yuuri moved away to let Viktor stand up, and he wanted to follow him to the kitchen.

’No, baby, you stay here.’

’But I want to help.’ Yuuri whined, grabbing Viktor’s arm to hold him back. ’Please.’

Viktor was looking down at him with hesitation. Yuuri was clinging to him, staring at him like he was some kind of god, making Viktor’s knees weak and his heart een weaker. A long sigh left Viktor’s throat, then he gave up.

’Okay. But in that case, put some pants on, because if I see you like this you won't be able to escape.’ he said with a wink, making Yuuri whine in embarrassment.

*

Yuuri and Viktor were laying around all afternoon. They were on the couch, limbs tangled together, watching a Russian movie with English subtitles, but Yuuri was so tired that he fell asleep in the middle of it. Yuuri’s head was resting on Viktor’s chest, and Viktor was holding him in his arms, breathing in sync, pulling the blanket on his body carefully.

In the meantime, the sun was chased away by big, angry clouds, and when Viktor opened his eyes after falling asleep along with Yuuri, he could see the heavy snowfall through the window. The hotel room was already dark; the only light source was the flickering of the television screen. Viktor glanced at his phone, then he touched Yuuri’s shoulder. The boy was sound asleep, breathing steadily, his arms around Viktor’s chest.

’Yuuri?’ Viktor said quietly, brushing Yuuri’s messy hair away to see his eyes.

Yuuri muttered something which was impossible to understand, and his grip tightened around Viktor’s body. He put his right leg around Viktor’s waist, and pushed his crotch against Viktor’s. Viktor made a surprised sound, then a smile appeared on his face.

’I’m sorry, but we should get up. It’s already six in the afternoon.’ he whispered, placing a soft kiss on Yuuri’s face.

’Mm.’

That was all Yuuri could say.

’C’mon, baby. I have my methods.’ Viktor chuckled, then pushed his hand under the blanket and under Yuuri’s briefs to pinch his ass.

Yuuri jumped a little and his eyes opened up immediately.

’Viktor!’ he whined, pushing the older man’s hand away and throwing a pillow on his face.

’Sorry, _Yura_.’ Viktor laughed, putting the pillow back to its place. ’But you’re awake. I’m effective.’

Yuuri sat up and tried to remember where he was. He was rubbing his eyes for a while, then he stood up and started stretching and yawning. Viktor stood up and grabbed Yuuri’s hips, pulling him closer, whispering into his neck.

’I can’t wait to see you in lace.’

_Oh, my god._

*

Moscow was not like Yuuri imagined. It was diverse, vibrant, it was full of surprises. Old and new at the same time, somehow fresh and somehow ancient. Yuuri convinced Viktor to take a bus instead of calling a taxi, and it was the best decision he could make.

When they got on the bus, the snowfall was still heavy, making it hard to see the other side of the road. There was no place to sit; they had to stand, but Yuuri didn’t mind. He found a place next to the foggy window, tried to clean it with his gloves, then watched in amazement as the colorful lights of Moscow were breaking through the white curtain of snow. Viktor was standing beside him, holding the railing with one of his hands, smiling at Yuuri’s excited face.

The bus was loud with people and dirty because of the snow outside, but Yuuri didn’t mind. He had no idea how much time has passed since they got on. When they were in a busstop, Viktor gently poked Yuuri’s arm with his finger.

’Do you want to sit down?’

Yuuri shook his head.

’No, I’m fine.’

Yuuri continued to watch the city, and he heard some girls talking about Viktor behind them. He didn’t understand them, but he could make out Viktor’s name and the excited giggles. Yuuri glanced up at Viktor to see how he is, afraid that choosing public transportation was not a good idea after all. But Viktor was okay; he was turning around to send a playful smile to the girls, making them giggle even louder. Yuuri had no idea how Viktor could do this, but then he remembered that his name was known for _ten years_ now. People didn’t really recognize him in Japan unless they were into figure skating, but here in Russia – it was different. Viktor was a national treasure.

Yuuri had a million questions about Viktor, but he could never find the courage to ask them. He wanted to know more about him, he wanted to know more about his family, more about his old friends. He knew that Viktor's mother died, but that was all. He didn't know anything else, and Viktor never said anything about himself.

_Why not?_

Yuuri was just starting to feel uncomfortable when Viktor touched his arm and called his name.

’This is it. We’re getting off here.’

Viktor took Yuuri’s hand, not caring about the people on the bus, guiding him towards the door. When the bus stopped they stepped out into the snowy sidewalk, back to the ice cold winter. Viktor wrapped the scarf he got from Yuuri around his neck, and reached out to hold Yuuri’s hand again. But Yuuri was distracted. St. Basil’s cathedral was right in front of them. Yuuri was staring at it with an open mouth, not even caring about the snowflakes on his glasses. The ice rink was just a few minutes away but Yuuri wasn’t even sure about skating at this point. He could stand here all night, just staring at the cathedral and not doing anything else.

’Yuuri? Are you okay?’ Viktor’s voice grabbed Yuuri and pulled him back to the reality. He looked at Viktor but he could hardly see him because of the snowflakes on his glasses. He took them off and tried to clean them, buti t was useless.

’You’re so cute, _detka_.’ Viktor said, holding Yuuri’s waist and kissing his face. ’Your skin is so cold. Do you want my scarf, _Yura_?’

’N-no, it’s okay. Thank you.’ Yuuri said, searching for Viktor’s hand then realizing they were on a busy street. He wanted to put his hand back in his pocket, but Viktor didn’t let him.

’Don’t be ashamed, Yuuri. There’s nothing wrong with love.’ Viktor said in a gentle tone, reaching for Yuuri’s hand and entwining their fingers. Yuuri was staring at the snowy ground for a while, his face red partly from the cold but also from embarrassment, and then he looked up and smiled at Viktor, tightening his grip on the older man’s hand.

They were walking to the ice rink like this, holding hands in front of hundreds of people. Yuuri was cold and he wished the snowfall to stop already, but as they were waiting in line to pay for the tickets, holding each others hands, hearing Viktor whisper little compliments into his ears… everything seemed natural and calm and somehow familiar.

The ice rink on the Red Square was kind of special; the tickets were more expensive, and they were only allowed to be on the ice for an hour. It was not a big rink, it couldn’t hold more than 400 people at the same time.

After they put on their skates and got on the ice, Yuuri stopped for a moment to look around. There were like a million colorful lights above and around the rink, and the buildings around them were decorated as well. The snow seemed unstoppable and the music could hardly break through its heavy curtain. Yuuri could hear the blades sliding on the ice around them, he could hear people laughing and talking, he could hear Russian, English, German…

’Would you like a tea, Yura? Or a cби́тень?’

’A _what_?’ Yuuri asked, not hiding his confusion.

’A _sbiten_. It’s a hot drink with honey, spices and jam. Want to try it?’

’It sounds nice.’ Yuuri nodded. ’I don’t know how can you be outside without anything on your head, Viktor.’

’I’m Russian.’ Viktor laughed, pulling Yuuri closer and kissing his cold lips. ’Wow. You are really cold, baby. Come on, let’s buy that _sbiten_.’

The rink was made so people could buy drinks from inside; Viktor held Yuuri’s hand and they skated together towards the stand that was selling tea and other drinks. It was Monday, so the crowd was not that bad; they only had to wait a minute in the line.

’Viktor, let me pay.’ Yuuri said suddenly, grabbing Viktor’s upper arm before he could reach for his wallet. ’You’re alway paying for… for _everything_.’

’Oh, but I want to pay. It’s not necessary, _zvezda moy_.’

’But…’

’Do you have rubles?’ Viktor asked with a smirk, defeating Yuuri immediately. Finally, they were the next in line. Viktor greeted the gloomy old lady in the stand with a shining smile.

 _’Dobriyy vecher, Gospozha. Kak vasi dela_?’

The lady’s face changed immediately, and she was giggling like a schoolgirl. She was talking so fast that Yuuri couldn’t make out a single word. Viktor however, was still smiling, leaning against the stand and looking the lady straight into the eyes.

 _’Kak_ _zhal’._ _Vy prekrasno vyglyadish_ _.’_ Viktor purred, making the lady’s cheeks turn red. Yuuri was standing next to him and he was just staring at him with wide eyes. Viktor was flirting with a sixty year old woman like there was no tomorrow, and Yuuri had no idea why did he find that so…

_It’s weird. But he’s so hot when he speaks Russian. He’s always hot._

_But the situation is weird._

_But it’s still hot._

_What is going on with my feelings?_

Yuuri was sure they were not talking about the drinks, but it seemed like Viktor finally ordered them. Soon, the lady came back and gave the two cups to Viktor. Her hands were shaking a bit. Yuuri took the cups and Viktor reached for his wallet.

 _’Bol'shoye spasibo.’_ Viktor said while he payed for the drinks. _’Dosvidaniya.’_

’That lady just… fell in love with you.’ Yuuri said when they were skating into the other direction, holding his own cup in his hands.

_And me too. Again. Over and over again._

’She seemed to be in a bad mood so I just wanted to cheer her up.’ Viktor said, stopping on the ice and taking a long sip from his drink. ’How is it? Do you like it, _Yura_?’

Yuuri tasted the drink and it felt amazing. It was just what he needed. The cup was warm against his hands and the liquid warmed up his entire body.

’M-hm. It’s really good. Thank you, I mean… Umm… don’t laugh, I will try and… so, um, _spasibo_ , Viktor.’

Viktor almost choked on his drink, and he had to cough like crazy not to die right there and then.

’Viktor?! Are you okay?’ Yuuri yelled desperately, holding Viktor’s shoulder and staring at him with wide eyes.

’I’m completely… fine.’ he said, voice cracking. He took a deep breath and pushed his hair back, trying to look as collected as possible. _’Pozhaluysta, zolotse_.’

After they finished their drinks, Viktor took Yuuri’s hand.

’Come with me, _Yura_.’ he said with a radiant smile, making Yuuri blush. He nodded, then they started to skate around the rink lazily, feeling the cold snowflakes on their cheeks, feeling each other’s warmth through their hands.

They didn’t say a word. Yuuri was smiling, holding onto Viktor, skating side by side, not bothering with difficult tasks like during training; just circling around. After a few minutes, Viktor gently pulled on Yuuri’s hand, and they slowly stopped.

’What?’ Yuuri asked, looking at Viktor. His face was pink from the cold, and his vision was a bit blurry without his glasses.

’Nothing.’ Viktor said, touching Yuuri and pulling him against himself, pressing their bodies together. Viktor was leaning closer to Yuuri’s face, gazing at his lips and his eyes, sending obvious signs to the boy. Yuuri tried to swallow but it was almost impossible.

There were people around them, and Yuuri knew that some of them recognized Viktor; or maybe both of them.

’Can I kiss you?’ Viktor breathed, barely audible.

Yuuri knew that Viktor is asking him because of the crowd, and he was not sure about the answer. But then he remembered that he saw a lot of couples tonight in the rink, kissing, holding hands, and so on.

_Why is this different? Why can’t we do the same? Why are they accepted and we’re not?_

Yuuri sighed.

_It’s not different._

_We can do the same._

’Yeah.’ Yuuri said, closing his eyes and grabbing Viktor’s collar, pulling him even closer. Their lips touched, and Viktor smiled into the kiss, starting it with a tiny, innocent touch, then gently pushing his tongue inside Yuuri’s mouth, holding the back of the boy’s head in his left hand, and grabbing his waist with his right.

Yuuri broke the kiss to take a breath, but when he opened his eyes he froze.

Viktor’s eyes were still closed, and tiny snowflakes were sitting on his silver eyelashes. His hair was falling in front of his eye, messy and wet from the snow. His cheeks were flushed, and his lips were still parted, waiting for Yuuri to come back.

’Viktor…’

Viktor finally looked up, caressing Yuuri’s face with his fingers.

’Yes, baby?’

’You… you look so… pretty.’ Yuuri said, immediately regretting it and turning his face away in embarrassment.

_Pretty? Pretty??? Did I actually say that???_

_He’s not_ pretty _. He’s downright beautiful. Stunning. Gorgeous. Why can’t I tell him that?_

_He tells me all the time…_

’Oh. You’re so cute. Don’t hide your face.’ Viktor said, touching Yuuri’s jaw and gently turning his head back. ’I’m happy. You finally complimented me.’

’I’m s-sorry. I can’t… it’s hard for me to… it’s not like I don’t think that you're… ugh.’

Yuuri couldn’t continue, but Viktor’s smile was truly happy.

’It’s okay, my love. I _know_.’

_Of course he knows. He always knows._

*

The park was silent. The only noise was the sound of the snowflakes chasing each other in the air and falling to the ground.

Yuuri and Viktor were walking in silence. It was late, and the park was completely empty. The trees were bending over the sidewalk like big, grotesque puppets, trying to protect and hurt them at the same time. The snowfall was not as heavy anymore, but Yuuri could still see the snowflakes in the pale light of the street lamps. Everything was white; the benches and the trees were completely covered in snow.

Yuuri was pleasantly tired; they were skating for an hour, walking for another hour, then coming to this park to walk to the nearest bus stop.

While they were at the Red Square, some people came up to them and asked Viktor for photos and autographs, making Yuuri think about Viktor's past again.

_Was he always like this? Was he always so good with people, good with his fans? Did his mother teach him how to handle these situations?_

_What happened to his mom?_

_What happened to his dad? Does he have siblings?_

_Where’s Viktor’s family?_

As they were walking in the deep snow, Yuuri realized something, and he just _had to_ stop.

_Viktor hasn’t received any presents for his birthday._

Of course, he got one from Yuuri, he got one from Yurio, and he got his usual flowers from Yakov, but that was it. He received tons of fanmails and fanmade gifts, but nothing personal. Nothing from his family.

’What’s wrong, _detka_? Why did you stop?’

_How can I ask him? I don’t want to upset him, but I want him to talk to me._

’I… I was thinking.’ Yuuri said, hesitating and not knowing how to express himself. Viktor was looking at him with a confused expression, having no idea what Yuuri wanted.

’About what?’

’Umm. Can I… Can I maybe… get to know your family someday?’

Viktor has never looked so surprised. Maybe even shocked.

’What?’

Viktor’s grip tightened around Yuuri’s fingers.

_Shit. I fucked up._

’I mean… you know my family, you’re basically living with us, and… I realized I don’t know anything about yours. I don’t know where did you go to school or… things like that.’

_Shut up. Shut up, you pathetic idiot! Shut. Up! Why is your mouth moving? Why can you even talk??_

Viktor let go of Yuuri’s hand and reached for his scarf to adjust it a little. He covered his jaw with it, forcing a smile on his face, acting like he didn’t hear Yuuri.

’Ugh. It’s getting late. We won’t be able to get up tomorrow. I don’t want to miss our flight.’ he said with a chuckle, but Yuuri knew that his laugh was not honest at all. It was the same smile Viktor was showing when he was around his fans. It was the same smile he was showing when he ordered those drinks from the old lady.

Yuuri wanted to let it go. He really did. But he couldn’t. The fact that Viktor was trying so hard to avoid the topic made his heart ache.

’Viktor, I just… I just want you to know that you can talk to me. You’re not alone… anymore.’ Yuuri said quietly, staring at the ground then taking a deep breath and looking up at Viktor.

Viktor was _hiding_ behind his scarf, his hands in his pockets, his hair falling into his eyes.

’Viktor?’

He didn’t say anything. He was staring at the snow, and his face looked like he wasn’t even there. Not really.

’I don’t want to talk about this with you.’ he said after a whole minute.

_What? Not with me? Why? I'm not worthy of his trust?_

Viktor finally looked at Yuuri and softly smiled at him. He was not sure why, but Yuuri could feel anger boiling inside him.

_This is not his real smile._

’Don’t… don’t smile like _that_. Not when you’re with me.’ Yuuri whispered quietly, clenching his fists, pressing his lips together.

_What am I saying?_

’Yuuri-’

’Why don’t you… why don’t you trust me?’ Yuuri asked, his voice cracking.

_He never tells me anything. It’s always about me. He knows everything about me._

_I don’t know anything about him._

_He doesn’t trust me._

_Is he not serious about this after all?_

Viktor’s expression changed immediately. There was a worried frown on his face, and his eyes were sparkling with fear. He opened his mouth to say something, but he changed his mind. He turned his face away, looking at the ground.

_He’s turning away from me. He doesn’t trust me. He said he doesn’t want to talk about this with me._

_Maybe he loves me but he doesn’t think this will be a long-term thing._

_So he doesn’t want me getting involved._

_What the hell was I thinking? I’m an idiot. I should just go back to the hotel._

_’_ I’m sorry.’ Yuuri muttered, pushing his hands into his pockets. ’I’m going back.’

Then he started walking in the deep snow, but Viktor followed him.

’What? You don’t know the city, you will get lost. You can’t go alone. It’s late!’

Yuuri didn’t stop. Viktor was still walking next to him, trying to make him change his mind.

’Yuuri, let me go with you. We don’t have to talk, just-’

’I can find the bus stop on my own.’

Viktor finally stopped.

’Yuuri!’

Yuuri continued walking, not looking back, staring at the ground and hiding his face into his scarf, not caring about his fogged up glasses and not caring about the cold wind embracing his body. He was upset, he was confused, he had no idea what just happened. Why did he ask those things? Why did he become so upset when Viktor told him he doesn't want to talk about it?

He wanted to go back to Viktor, he wanted to hug him, to feel his warmth. He wanted to apologize but he didn’t know why he needed to apologize. But he didn’t stop and he didn’t go back.

When he arrived to the bus stop full of people, he finally turned around.

_Maybe…_

Tears came into his eyes, filling them up and blurring his vision, then rolling down his cheeks.

The park was silent and hauntingly empty behind him. There was nothing else just the pale street lights and those grotesque trees protecting the snow-covered sidewalk, presenting it like an odd stage where Yuuri's heart just broke into pieces.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> well that escalated quickly. AKA Yuuri's anxiety attacks again and fucks up everything. also Viktor doesn't know how to RELATIoNSHIP.  
> i know, i know. i tricked you. i was writing about idiots in love and thigh highs and lingerie and pair skating and then?  
> now you all hate me. but that makes me feel ALIVE.
> 
> //I'm sorry that I'm not updating this fic as often anymore! That accident fucked me up a little, hah. They had to take me back to the hospital on the 7th of January and I got home on the 11th - that's why I couldn't write. btw I'm fine, there were just some problems with my wound.//


	15. Running Up That Hill

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> the first half of the chapter is from Viktor's POV, the second half is from Yuuri's. and then it's mixed.  
> angst. lot of angst. and other things.  
> ***  
> Let's get serious for a moment.  
> Let me just say that when I started this fanfiction I had NO idea about the plot or the number of chapters it will have, etc. I just had an idea about porn and I uploaded it here. Writing has been an important part of my life since I was, idk, 11 years old (i'm 21 now), but I've been neglecting it lately. I've written a lot of stories in Hungarian and I'v written entire novels with hundreds and hundreds of pages and I even tried to publish them here in Hungary. I stopped writing because of various reasons and Yuri On Ice gave me inspiration to do it again. Publishing my writing on the internet and writing it in ENGLISH was a huge thing for me. In the past ten years, the only person reading my works was my best friend. No one else.
> 
> You are the reason I started to enjoy writing again. I mean, more than 2000 kudos? What the hell? My original goal was to reach 100. Thank you so much, guys.  
> *los of hugs*

 

Viktor was staring at Yuuri’s back until he disappeared in the dark. He wanted to run after him, grab his arm and yell at him. He wanted him to stop and and he wanted to ask him not to leave him, ask him to stay, ask him to _listen_. But how could he listen?

_I didn’t say anything._

Viktor’s feet were starting to get numb as he was standing in the snow for long minutes, not moving at all, his hands still in his pockets, his scarf still in front of his mouth. The wind was playing with his hair, and his lips were trembling. The tree branches started moving above him, shaking off the snow and whispering little nothings into the air. Viktor could swear he heard his own voice in the wind.

 _I don’t want to talk about this_ with you _. I don’t want to talk about this_ with you.

Over and over again, like a broken record, like a distorted nightmare. He could still feel Yuuri’s lips on his own, he could still feel his touch on his hands, he could still hear his familiar voice in the air. But as the minutes were passing by, everything started to fade away. Yuuri was nowhere to be seen, the feeling of his touch left Viktor, and the freezing cold of the Russian winter replaced it. Viktor wanted to switch places with Yuuri, just to feel what he feels, just to know what he thinks, just to know how much pain he caused him.

_It always ends like this._

It was like he was standing on the edge of an empty island, holding his breath and trying to hear something in the wind. Anything, anyone. But it was silent, it was always silent, no matter how big the crowd was, no matter how loud the people were. Viktor realized he was the _island itself_ , drifting on a neverending ocean, with the water rising around him and trying to pull him down every time he let his guard down.

He was helpless, he was alone, and it was _fine_. It was fine _until_ Yuuri came around in a boat to save him; it was fine until he reached for his hand and tried to take him to the land. Viktor could feel Yuuri’s warm touch, he could see his loving gaze, and he could see himself pushing his hand away.

_I can’t._

_The water will only rise and you can’t be here when that happens._

Yuuri was the only one in Viktor’s life who made him feel alive again, who made him happy, who made him forget about the darkness. He didn’t want to talk about his past _with Yuuri_ because Yuuri was his source of happiness and love; he didn’t want to ruin that. He didn’t want Yuuri to carry his burden. He didn’t want to cause pain to someone and didn’t want to stress someone who gave him so much happiness, and such unconditional love. And yet, that was exactly what he did. Causing pain, causing stress, breaking Yuuri’s heart.

Yuuri found something in Viktor, he thought he was worthy of his admiration and worthy of his true love.

_But I still managed to fuck up. How can I look at him after this? What can I say?_

_He thinks that I don’t trust him and I don’t take this relationship seriously._

_And I can’t blame him._

But Yuuri was wrong. Yuuri had no idea that this was Viktor’s _first_ relationship. Ever. Yuuri had no idea that he was Viktor’s _first love_ , and that Viktor had absolutely no idea how to handle a serious relationship. How to handle trust, how to handle the big talks, how to handle the things about his family, the things about his past. He knew that Yuuri would always listen. He would always understand. And yet, he never even tried to talk to him. He wanted to stay in this innocent state as long as possible, he wanted to keep this as dreamlike and perfect as possible. He knew that he won’t be able to keep this up anymore. It wasn’t possible if he wanted to continue this. And he did. He wanted to. He wanted Yuuri more than anything. His love, his soul, his body, his eternal trust.

Viktor couldn’t feel his legs anymore, but he still couldn’t move. He knew that Yuuri was probably on the bus already, heading back to the hotel, maybe crying, maybe being extremely angry. Maybe deciding that he wants to end this with Viktor.

Viktor winced. He couldn’t hear his own voice anymore; it was someone else’s.

_You are a disgrace._

_Get out, you good-for-nothing._

_Get out! Get out!_

It was him, it was his voice, it was _him_. Viktor was staring at him in horror, frozen lips pressed together and arms shaking. Heavy iron fingers were wrapping around his thin arms, striking his face, striking his chest, his back, yanking on his long hair, making him cry and beg but it was useless.

No one heard him. Warm tears were rolling down his cheeks, and he could hear a soft voice in his ears.

_Don’t listen to him. Cover your ears, Vitya!_

_Cover your ears!_

Viktor could see the impenetrable darkness where Yuuri disappeared on the snowy road, and for a moment, he wanted to turn around and leave. Go in the other direction, call a taxi, go back to St. Petersburg and never come back. Delete Yuuri’s number from his phone, delete their photos, washing all of his clothes to get rid of Yuuri’s scent. He turned around, and tried to move his numb legs in the snow. He started walking, staring at the ground, hearing his rapid heartbeat in his ears. He only took a few steps before he stopped and turned around again, back to the direction where Yuuri left him. He started running, following Yuuri’s footprints in the snow, calling his name, trying to search for his silhouette through his warm tears.

Maybe he _was_ an uninhabited island, and maybe the water was rising. He just needed to keep his head above the water until Yuuri arrived – and then they can learn how to swim together.

***

Yuuri was sitting next to the window, leaning against the cold glass, staring at the cars on the road, watching as exhaust gas was flowing in the air.

 _I don’t want to talk about this_ with you _._

Yuuri’s stomach was growling loudly but he couldn’t think about food, not even for a minute. It was somehow pleasant, feeling the empty pain in his body filling him, making him dizzy. He took the wrong bus at first, and he had to check Moscow’s map on his phone to find his way back to the right bus stop. It was already past 9pm, and Yuuri’s legs were frozen. When he finally found the bus he needed, he got up like a puppet, having no idea about his surroundings, not seeing and not hearing the people around him. He sat down next to the window, and he occasionally looked up to see how many stops were left until the hotel. He felt terrible for leaving Viktor in the park. He felt sorry for him, and he was angry at the same time. Not angry… disappointed, maybe? Hurt. Betrayed. Regretting his words and not regretting them at all, knowing that they won’t be able to avoid these topics forever, no matter how hard Viktor was trying to do that.

 _I don’t want to talk about this_ with you _._

Yuuri’s forehead was pressing against the cold window, and he closed his eyes to listen to the loud noises of the bus and the people around him. They made him feel like he was locked up in a cage made of glass, not being able to hear things properly, only making out muffled sounds and seeing blurry silhouettes. He looked up for a minute just to see his own reflection, feeling the pain in his heart when he didn’t see Viktor’s face next to his. He wanted to switch places with Viktor. He wanted to be him for just ten minutes. He wanted to see his past, feel his emotions, feel his pain. He wanted to understand the reason behind his silence, he wanted to know why didn’t he trust him. He wanted to know how could he become better for him. Yuuri tried to remember the night at the lighthouse, he tried to hear Viktor’s words, his promises, his confessions, but he was too confused to think straight.

 _Why did he say it like that? Why did he say he doesn’t want to talk about this_ with me _?_

Yuuri started to think about the possibility that maybe Viktor didn’t trust him because he was not showing him his love. Yuuri could never compliment him, he could never tell him his honest feelings. Maybe Viktor didn’t want to talk to him about his family because he thought that Yuuri was the one who wasn’t serious about this?

_I want him to know how much this hurts. I want him to know how much I love him._

_I want him to know everything I feel. I want him to understand…_

Yuuri wanted Viktor to know that he was his first love. He wanted him to know how much he meant to him. But what if he gets back to the hotel and Viktor won’t be there? What if this was too much for him and he is going to leave Yuuri?

’Hey. Are you okay?’

Yuuri jumped a little in his seat. He looked up, searching for the source of the voice with a confused expression, realizing that someone was sitting next to him. It was a young guy with short blonde hair, maybe in his early twenties. His eyes were green. His accent made Yuuri think that maybe he was German.

’Your hands are shaking. Not feeling well?’

Yuuri stared at his lap, facing the fact that the guy was right; his hands were shaking like crazy, and he could feel sweat rolling down his temple.

’T-thanks. I’m fine.’ Yuuri said, his own voice shocking him. He sounded weak.

’Are you sure? Where are you heading?’

’Just back to my hotel room. It’s not far away.’ Yuuri said, trying to smile at the guy, but he couldn’t.

’You’re so familiar. Did we meet?’ the guy asked.

Yuuri was not sure what to tell him, but he decided to tell the truth.

’Uh. I don’t think so. I’m a figure skater. Maybe you saw me on television.’

’Ah! Yeah, that was it!  My little sister loves watching those competitions.’ the guy said, then his eyes widened. ’Man, you’re that guy from Japan. Um, what’s your name? Katsuki, right? My sister loves you a lot.’

’R-really?’ Yuuri asked, not being able to hide his shy smile.

’Yeah. Sorry for being such a pain in the ass, but can I have your autograph? Her birthday is coming up. She would be really happy.’

_This is the first time someone’s asking for an autograph._

’Um. O-of course.’ Yuuri said, waiting for the guy while he was searching in his bag. He pulled out a pen and a notebook, opening it to find an empty page then giving it to Yuuri.

Yuuri took the pen and wrote down his name.

勝生 勇利

Before he could give it back to the guy, he realized that the girl won’t be able to read it.

’Oh, sorry. Just a second-’ he said, writing his name in Latin letters as well.

_Katsuki Yuuri_

’Thanks. I appreciate it.’ the guy said with an honest smile, patting Yuuri’s shoulder, then standing up. ’I’m getting off here. Take care!'

And then he wasn’t there anymore, leaving Yuuri with mixed feelings. It was good to talk to someone for a little, to break out from his own head for a minute. But as the guy left his side, he saw that his hands were still shaking, and his throat was still dry as hell. Viktor’s absence struck him hard, making him dizzy.

_I want to hear his voice. I left him there. He’s alone. I hope he’s okay._

He pulled out his phone and after a few seconds of hesitation, he called Viktor. Yuuri’s eyes were fixated on the dirty floor in front of him. He could hear his own heartbeat even in the noisy environment.

_He’s not picking up. He’s not picking up._

The phone was ringing for what it seemed like five minutes, but Viktor didn’t answer. Yuuri felt like there was a huge rock in his throat, blocking the air from his lungs. He looked out on the window to see where they were; he had to sit through another bus stop, but he couldn’t do it. He stood up and ran to the door, pressing the button and waiting for the bus to finally stop. When it did, Yuuri practically jumped out to the sidewalk, almost slipping on the snow, and starting to run with everything he had. He could see the hotel’s lights far away. He left the bus behind; it was stuck in the traffic and Yuuri was running so fast that his lungs started hurting, but he didn’t pay attention to the pain. He stopped at a red light and tried to catch his breath. The street lamp changed its color to green, and Yuuri was running across the street like a lightning, bumping into people and apologizing every two seconds. When he finally reached the hotel’s entrance, the security guard stopped him.

’Excuse me, sir. I can’t let you inside.’

’W-what?’ Yuuri breathed, trying to collect himself, sweating like a marathon runner.

’Your clothes are not appropiate-’

’I have a room here!’ Yuuri shouted, scaring himself with his own voice, but not caring about the man in front of him. He pushed him aside, then ran into the hotel, making his way to the elevator and pushing its buttons repeatedly.

’Sir, you can’t-’

Before the security guard could reach him, Yuuri stepped into the elevator and disappeared from his eyes. When Yuuri saw his reflection in the elevator, he wasn’t surprised that the guard thought he was looking inappropiate. His clothes were wet and messy, his hair was full of snow, his shoes were muddy, and his face was red and sweaty. His chest was rising and falling rapidly with his hasty breaths, and he couldn’t even swallow his own spit.

When the doors opened he ran towards theor room, pulling the key out of his pocket and trying to open the door with shaky fingers. He practically fell into the room, calling Viktor’s name, searching for him.

’Viktor! Viktor, are you here?’

Yuuri was running from room to room, checking the bathroom, checking the bedroom, checking the kitchen. Viktor wasn’t there, his coat wasn’t there, his phone didn’t rang when Yuuri called him again.

_Shit! He’s still out there! What should I do? God, what the hell should I do?_

Yuuri fell down to the couch, covering his face with his trembling hands, trying to choke back his tears, but he couldn’t. He was panting heavily, feeling his heartbeat in his throat, tasting the salty tears in his mouth.

It was 10pm.

_Where is he? Where the hell is he?_

_I got here in_ two hours _. I got lost. He should be here. He shouldn’t take this long to get back._

_What if he was already here? What if he was here, searching for me and he went back to the city?_

_No, that can’t be. That can’t be, because he didn’t call me._

_That just means he won’t come back._

Yuuri was crying like a child, loud and inconsolable. So it actually happened. Viktor really left him, he really went back to St. Petersburg.

_I lost him._

_It hurts like hell._

Yuuri had no idea how could this happen. They were on a date, enjoying their time together, and then he had to ruin everything.

He tried to remember his life before Viktor, and he tried to imagine it without him. He remembered his days in Detroit, his afternoons with Phichit, and his lonely, sleepless nights in his old bed. He could see Viktor’s pictures all over his wall, he could feel the excitement rushing through his body when he was watching him in the tv. His heart almost jumped out of his chest when he entered his first competition against Viktor, and when he saw him in person for the first time.

When Viktor walked in, everyone’s head turned, everyone wanted to talk to him. He was captivating. Charismatic. Energetic.

And sad. So, so sad.

But no one noticed the mask on his face. No one but Yuuri. They didn’t talk, but he still noticed. Not a single word was needed to see Viktor’s sadness. Yuuri could make out those tiny fragments of sorrow in Viktor’s aquamarine eyes. That fleeting moment when he thought nobody saw him. That moment when his lips were smiling but his eyes weren’t.

Yuuri fell in love in that moment. He fell in love with the man who had an everlasting war raging in his eyes.

Yuuri wanted to see that man’s real smile. He wanted to see his true happiness.

And he did. He really did. But tonight, he brought back the sorrow in those eyes.

Yuuri fell to the couch, laying to his side and pulling the blanket on his body. He finally realized that he was the only one who could understand Viktor. He was the only one who could reveal his true happiness. And Viktor was the only one who could make Yuuri happy. Who could make him understand how valuable he really was.

They were each other’s light.

_This can’t be the end of us. We are stronger than this._

Yuuri could feel Viktor’s familiar scent on the blanket, and it brought tears to his eyes. He grabbed the pillow under his head, holding onto it like it was Viktor, pushing his face against it to wipe his tears away.

He was tired. So damn tired.

***

Yuuri woke up suddenly. He could hear a loud noise from the front door, and suddenly, he had no idea where he was. He wanted to stand up, but his body wouldn’t move. The hotel room was completely dark. The noise was getting louder. Someone wanted to come inside. Yuuri sat up, put on his glasses, then turned his head to the front door.

It was 1am.

The door opened up with a big thud, and the yellow light from the hallway broke into the room, forcing Yuuri to close his eyes for a moment. There was someone there, his black silhouette flowing inside and then the door was closed; it was dark again. Yuuri reached for the lamp next to the couch and turned it on. They were far from each other, but Yuuri could still see how red Viktor’s cheeks were. His lips were pale and his eyes were exhausted. His silver hair was completely wet because of the snow. Viktor slowly took off his wet coat and his snowy shoes, then walked into the living room. Yuuri was still sitting on the couch.

He was speechless. He wanted to say so many things. He really did, but in the moment he saw Viktor, he forgot everything.

Viktor was looking at him with an entirely new expression. He was ashamed. He smiled at Yuuri like a shy little boy who knew exactly that he did something wrong. He wanted to go there and hug Yuuri, but he couldn’t move.

They didn’t say a word. But Yuuri was still speaking with his eyes.

Words were not needed. They both knew – just by looking at each other – _how bad_ this night was for both of them.

Yuuri was looking at Viktor desperately, lips trembling, tears coming to his eyes and rolling down his cheeks, a weak sound trying to escape his mouth and trying to call Viktor’s name.

Maybe Viktor was waiting for something like this. A sign from Yuuri. A small sigh left his throat, then he was already there, dropping to his knees in front of Yuuri, wrapping his arms around the boy’s upper body, pressing his face against his chest, letting his tears fall onto his shirt. Yuuri leaned down and pressed his lips against Viktor’s cold, damp hair, shutting his eyes and repeating Viktor’s name over and over again, not even trying to hold back his tears anymore.

They were holding onto each other like they were each other’s anchors, and they didn’t want to let go – ever again.

 _'Yura… Izvini, ya ne khotel tebya obidet_ -’ Viktor cried, his voice cracking, his fingers pressing into Yuuri’s hips, his face still buried into Yuuri’s chest.

’Viktor, I d-don’t understand.’ Yuuri breathed, trying to talk through his tears. ’Please, I don’t know what you’re saying-’

Viktor smelled like winter, and his body was unbearably cold.

’You should change.’ Yuuri said, caressing Viktor’s hair, smoothing it away from his face. ’You’ll catch a cold.’

’I’m sorry. Yuuri, I’m so sorry.’ Viktor cried, looking up at him. His eyes were begging, and somehow confused, like he went through something unimaginable in the past few hours. ’Please don’t leave me, baby. Please, don’t leave me-’

Yuuri suddenly didn’t know what to say. He was staring down at Viktor, then he moved his fingers from Viktor’s hair to his face, softly caressing his cheeks, wiping his tears away.

’I wanted to… I wanted to ask you the same thing.’ Yuuri breathed in a hoarse voice, and a smile appeared on his face.

Viktor chuckled, rising up a little just to be face to face with Yuuri. He put his cold hand on Yuuri’s neck and slowly leaned into a warm, loving hug. They wrapped their arms around each other, holding each other firmly.

’I’m sorry about what I said.’ Viktor whispered. ’That was not what I wanted to say. I didn’t mean it like that, but I still said it and I still hurt you and I lost my phone in the park and-’

Viktor couldn’t continue. He took a deep breath.

’Thank you.’ Yuuri breathed, caressing Viktor’s back, feeling warm tears on his own cheeks. ’I’m sorry I left you there, Viktor. I wanted to turn back but I didn’t.’

’I wanted to talk to you but I didn’t.’ Viktor admitted, breathing into Yuuri’s neck, pressing his face against his shoulder. His voice were trembling, like he was still not sure what to say. ’I just don’t know how to do this. You’re the first… you’re… my first serious partner, and I have no idea how to do this.’

Viktor’s heartbeat was echoing in Yuuri’s chest. Yuuri felt like there was an iron fist around his neck.

’It’s… it’s okay.’ he said quietly. ’You can talk to me… when you’re ready. I can wait. I just need to know that you trust me.’

’I do. I do, baby. I trust you. I just don’t trust myself.’ Viktor said. ’I didn’t want to talk about those things with you because I didn’t want to ruin our happiness. I didn’t want to put this burden on you.’

 _’Viktor!_ ’ Yuuri groaned, pulling the other man into another hug, holding him tight and holding him close. ’Forget that. I… I love you. No matter what. I don’t want to leave you. Your burden is… is mine burden. Get it? We’re together in this, so… so it’s okay.’

Yuuri’s heart was beating so fast that Viktor could hear it loud and clear. Yuuri was really nervous, trying to say everything he wanted to say, trying to be as honest as possible, and Viktor knew how hard that was for him.

’I didn’t think it was possible to love you more, _Yura._ ’ he whispered with a soft chuckle, placing a gentle kiss on Yuuri’s face. ’But now I know… it is possible. I just don’t deserve you.’

Yuuri was shaking his head, wrapping his arms around Viktor’s neck and trying to gain his courage to kiss his skin just above his shoulder. When he did, Viktor’s body stiffened a bit, then he moved away a little to look at Yuuri. He didn’t say anything, he was just trying to make eye contact. Yuuri was avoiding his gaze for a while, then he finally looked at him, locking their eyes together, taking a deep breath at the same time.

Their eyes were telling a thousand stories, and in the next minute, Yuuri kissed Viktor with all his might, with passion, with love. He was trying to pull him closer, inviting him to the couch, and Viktor was not protesting. Yuuri grabbed Viktor’s shirt and quickly took it off, tossing it to the floor, running his hands down on Viktor’s naked back and grabbing his wide shoulders. Viktor moaned into Yuuri’s mouth. His right hand was holding the back of Yuuri’s head, holding him in place while kissing and licking his lips, and gently sucking on his neck. Yuuri spread his legs and wrapped them around Viktor’s waist, pulling him closer and pressing his crotch against Viktor's, grinding on him and breathing out his name quietly.

Viktor pulled down Yuuri’s shirt and grabbed the waistband of his pants to push them down on Yuuri’s thighs along with his briefs. Their shaky breaths were filling the room, their messy moans were echoing in the night. Viktor was kissing Yuuri’s neck and chest, whispering compliments against his skin, telling him how much he loved him, telling him how beautiful he was. Yuuri’s hand moved and he unbuckled Viktor’s belt, then pulled down his pants just enough to free his dick. Their bodies were pressing together, skin to skin, hot and pulsing, hearts beating fast and loud, hands shaking and voices cracking.

They didn’t say anything to each other; Yuuri knew what Viktor wanted and Viktor knew what Yuuri wanted. Words were useless. They just needed to look at each other, and in the next moment Yuuri grabbed Viktor’s hand and guided it to his own mouth, wrapping his lips around Viktor’s forefinger and licking it passionately. Viktor was watching him with wonder, not even trying to hold back his appreciative moans as Yuuri was sucking on his finger. When Yuuri was finished he guided Viktor's hand to his crotch, looking at him through half-lidded eyes. His legs were still around Viktor’s hips. Viktor kissed Yuuri’s lips again, then he made his way down, kissing the boy's neck, his collarbones, his shoulders, his nipples, licking his abs and his stretch marks on his stomach, then running his tongue down on Yuuri’s dick. Viktor took him into his mouth, slowly sucking on him while his finger was circling around Yuuri’s hole, making the boy's entire body shiver. He was still sensitive from last night, and Viktor’s finger slid right in without any resistance. Yuuri tossed his head back and moaned out loudly without shame, grabbing Viktor’s hair and pulling on it lightly.

Viktor pushed in a second finger, kissing and sucking on Yuuri’s inner thighs and his balls, breathing and moaning against his skin. Yuuri arched his back and tried to hold onto the side of the couch, closing his eyes and lifting his hips up to try and invite Viktor’s fingers even deeper. Viktor was already leaking, not believing the sight in front of his eyes, not believing the sweet sounds of Yuuri echoing in his ears. He pulled out his fingers just to go back with a third one, but Yuuri grabbed his arm and looked at him with a meaningful expression.

Viktor was leaning down to kiss Yuuri’s lips slowly and gently. Soon, he broke the kiss and wanted to get up, but Yuuri didn’t let him.

’Just a second. I don’t want to hurt you, baby.’ Viktor said.

’Mm. Nooo.’ Yuuri whined, trying to pull Viktor back.

’Close your eyes and count to ten, and I will be right back.’ Viktor smiled, which made Yuuri chuckle.

Viktor got up and ran to the bedroom, pulling out the drawer, getting the lube then running back to the living room where Yuuri was waiting for him. While Viktor was away Yuuri removed his pants entirely, and he was waiting for him completely naked. Viktor quickly kicked of his own pants, then returned to Yuuri, positioning himself between his legs and leaning above his body, kissing him and pushing his tongue inside his mouth. Yuuri wrapped his legs around Viktor’s waist once again, pulling him closer and trying to tell him to hurry up. Viktor broke the kiss and sat back, poured some lube on his fingers then pushed two of them inside Yuuri. Yuuri cried out his name, and Viktor could see pre-cum dripping to his stomach. He pulled out his fingers, then coated himself with lube as well. He leaned down to wrap his hands around Yuuri’s body, pressing their foreheads together, and moving his left hand down to guide himself towards Yuuri’s ass. Yuuri was holding his breath, looking right into Viktor’s eyes as he entered him with one swift motion, sliding inside without problem. The grip of Yuuri’s legs tightened around Viktor’s hips, and he wrapped his arms around the man’s shoulders to hold onto him.

Viktor’s lips parted and a quiet moan left his throat. They were looking at each other, lips almost touching, bodies pressed together and connected, breathing from each other's lungs.

Viktor waited a few seconds then he started moving, building up a slow pace at first, pulling out almost completely before pushing back in entirely, making Yuuri cry out in pleasure. Viktor leaned into Yuuri’s neck and pressed his lips against his skin, kissing his jawline.

’ _Ya tebya lyublyu_.’ Viktor breathed.

Yuuri turned his head to kiss him, to breathe into his mouth, to bite his lips, to taste him, to feel him everywhere.

’I love you too, Viktor.’ Yuuri moaned, digging his nails into Viktor’s back, running his hands through his silver hair, trying to hold onto him, trying to pull him closer, trying to take him deeper. ’I love you. I love you.’

Viktor groaned into Yuuri’s ears and his thrusts became faster and more shallow, his breathing more erratic and loud. He was holding Yuuri in his arms, not letting him go, pressing his forehead against Yuuri’s, trying to keep his eyes open just to see the boy’s face, just to see his expression. Yuuri was looking at Viktor, his eyes barely open, his lips opening for a silent scream as Viktor was fucking him harder and harder, building up the tension in his body, aching for release. Yuuri pressed his nails into Viktor's shoulderblades and he came with a loud cry. Viktor was kissing and biting his parted lips as he was shaking from his orgasm, and his thrusts became faster, pushing himself deeper inside, and then he just stopped. Yuuri could feel Viktor's entire body going tense, then a loud, long-drawn moan was escaping his mouth as he came inside Yuuri, repeating his lover's name, pulling him closer.

Viktor slowly pulled out, and Yuuri could feel something warm dripping out of him and rolling down on his skin.

Viktor’s body was hot and heavy on him, but Yuuri didn’t care; he _couldn’t_ care. He could feel Viktor’s heartbeat on his chest, and Viktor could feel Yuuri’s on his own, too. Yuuri closed his eyes and started caressing Viktor’s messy hair, placing a small kiss on his shoulder, locking their fingers together and listening to the echoes of their loud, rapid breathing while inhaling in each other’s sweet, familiar scent.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Do you still hate me?  
> Do you??
> 
> sorry for the angsty beginning but I hope you liked it tho  
> I hope their pov's were okay? idk i TRIED


	16. Narcissus

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Viktor Nikiforov is a lucky man.
> 
> This is a short chapter and nothing really happens?? wtf am i doing  
> 

Yuuri couldn’t breath.

He woke up from a nightmare he couldn’t quite remember, feeling like he was locked up in a room where the walls got closer and closer to him, pressing the life out of his body. But after opening his eyes, Yuuri understood everything.

He was laying between Viktor and the back of the couch, and Viktor was clinging onto him like a five year old, making it absolutely impossible to breath. Yuuri tried to be as gentle as possible when he removed Viktor’s arms from his body, but then he realized he can’t get up – only if he climbs through him. He looked at Viktor, checking if he was really sleeping. It was early in the morning, barely any light peeking through the thick clouds of the winter. Viktor’s face was peaceful – innocent and somehow childish, without a single wrinkle or flaw. He was holding onto Yuuri in his sleep, pressing his forehead to Yuuri’s shoulder, breathing quietly. There was a small, almost invisible smile on Viktor’s lips.

Yuuri couldn’t help but smile as well, brushing Viktor’s locks away from his face, softly caressing the man’s cheeks with his fingers. Yuuri could feel unbearable remorse burning his body; the bittersweet taste of last night was still lingering in his mouth, making him sad and happy at the same time.

_I need to go to the store._

Not wanting to wake up the man next to him, he grabbed the backrest of the sofa and climbed on top of it then almost fell to the floor on the opposite side. He cursed a little under his breath then got up somehow, only to realize that he was buck naked. The room felt cold like this, away from Viktor’s embrace. Yuuri walked to the other side, grabbed the blanket on the floor then gently covered Viktor with it. Viktor muttered something in his dream then he rolled over on his back. Yuuri adjusted the blanket on him, covering his shoulders, then went to the bathroom to take a shower.

Everything was oddly peaceful. Even though he had a mild headache from crying last night, and his lower back was hurting _again_ , Yuuri felt this weird sense of harmony he couldn’t quite explain. When he stepped into the shower he realized that they have to catch their flight in the afternoon and they didn’t even pack up yet. For a brief moment, he started panicking, but then his mind went silent.

_It’s okay. I’m not alone. He’s going to start packing once he wakes up, and I’m going to help him when I got back. We’re going to do it together and it’s going to be okay._

Yuuri couldn’t hide his smile while the hot water was running down his skin. When he was done, he got dressed then went back to the living room, and he saw that Viktor was still sleeping with the same peaceful expression on his face. Yuuri searched for a paper and a pen in the kitchen, then wrote a few words.

_I went out to buy a few things_

_Love you,_

_Yuuri_

He was hesitating for a while, but he decided to put the note on the coffee table. He sat down next to Viktor, paying attention not to wake him up, then leaned down and placed a gentle, short kiss on his cheek. Viktor murmured something in Russian, but he didn’t really wake up. Yuuri chuckled quietly, and then he was just sitting there, watching Viktor. Maybe for minutes; feeling like he was the luckiest person in the entire universe.

*

After finding a currency exchange, Yuuri went back to the hotel’s own store, having no idea what he actually wanted to buy. He was walking from row to row, trying to figure out what the Russian products where hiding behind their wrapping.

_Crap, I wanted to buy him something but I don’t even know what these things are. I can’t read anything but it’s so embarrassing to walk out without buying something. What should I do?!_

Yuuri was just starting to get desperate when he felt a gentle touch on his shoulder.

’Are you looking for something?’

_Holy SHIT!_

Yuuri almost jumped out of his skin. He was faced with a young woman with brown hair and blue eyes, smiling at him softly behind her glasses.

 _’H-hai_! Oh, I mean, um… yes. I’m sorry.’ he muttered, staring at his shoes and trying to fight the redness in his cheeks.

_There we go again. For fuck’s sake, I’m such a lame idiot._

The woman was smiling at Yuuri without showing any signs of judgment. Yuuri was looking around, trying to figure out what to say, realizing that the woman was waiting for his answer.

’I’m… I can’t read Russian and I don’t really know-’ he tried to explain, smiling awkwardly, but the woman was quick to understand the situation.

’Ah! I see.’ she laughed. ’What are you looking for?’

_Crap. I don’t… I don’t know?_

’Umm. I’m… looking for a gift?’ Yuuri said in a weird tone, making it hard to decide wether he was asking a question or not.

’For your girlfriend?’

’Yes, definitely, for my girlfriend. For my friend, who is a girl, b-because I’m... straight. Obviously. I mean, I couldn’t be more… more straight-’

_What the hell! What are you saying, you idiot?! Shut up! Shut the fuck up!!!_

Yuuri’s nervous laugh was echoing in the rows and he was sure that this was his most embarrassing shopping experience ever. The woman was starting to look a bit confused but she still tried to maintain her reassuring smile.

’I… I mean I was looking for some kind of chocolate.’ Yuuri added, and his entire face literally burning at this point.

’We will find something.’ the woman said then turned around, and Yuuri followed her with his face buried in his palms.

*

Yuuri left the store with a whole bag of chocolate, unsure where to go next. He checked his phone, but he had no missed calls, which meant that Viktor was still sleeping up there. While he was thinking about what the could do to make Viktor happy, a sudden thought popped up in his head.

_Oh. Oh, god. I know._

That _would make him happy._

_So happy._

Yuuri’s face was starting to look like a nice, red tomato. It was not because of the thought itself; it was because his idea made him so damn excited and horny he could die. He was walking around in the hotel, having no idea what to do, where to start.

_Should I just forget about it and go back?_

_No, no, no. I want to do this. I have to be more confident. And I want to make him happy._

He took a deep breath, then decided to bring the chocolate upstairs, hide it, then come back and go to the city.

_But what if I wake him up? Or what if I change my mind?_

_No, I can’t go back. I will leave the chocolate here._

Yuuri ran to the receptionist and asked him if he could leave the shopping bag here; the man was really confused but still helpful. Yuuri left the hotel before he could change his mind, but in the moment he stepped out on the busy street, he realized that he had no idea where he could find the shop he was looking for. The cold wind was playing with his hair, and he reached for his scarf and adjusted it so it covered almost his entire face. The noise of the cars’ engines and the voices of hundreds of people around him were filling the air, making Yuuri anxious.

_What should I do? I can’t just ask someone!_

Yuuri was in the way; people were walking past him every second, trying not to push him away accidentally, and he was constantly apologizing.

’I’m sorry. I’m sorry, I’m just-’

_I wish Viktor was here…_

_Oh no. Actually, no. I almost forgot…_

Yuuri started walking with the crowd, adjusting his glasses and looking for something. The sound of a carn horn filled his ears, and he stopped for a moment to check his phone.

_I don’t want to ask anyone, it’s too embarrassing._

_I should find something on the internet..._

He removed his gloves then opened up Google. When he started typing, he could feel the familiar warmth coloring his ears and his entire face.

_Lingerie store Moscow_

’Huuh?’ Yuuri said out loudly, not being able to control himself as he saw the results.

_Oh my god, that’s way too many! I don’t even know where I am, how the hell am I supposed to know which one is the best?_

But Yuuri saw something that caught his eye.

_Agent Provocateur_

_Visit the Agent Provocateur lingerie store in Moscow , and shop our latest designer lingerie, swimwear and nightwear collection in store._

_Oh, fuck._

Yuuri checked their website and he almost fainted on the street. Everything was really expensive and as the name of the store suggested; provocative. Yuuri wanted to run there and try on every piece of lingerie they had, but he was also really embarrassed to do it.

Before he could change his mind, Yuuri caught a taxi. The driver couldn’t really understand English, so it took a few minutes for Yuuri to explain where he wanted to go, but showing the map on his phone finally solved his problem. He was sitting in the back seat like a teenage girl heading to the first party of her life. Part of him wanted to get out and go back to the hotel, but he tried to imagine Viktor’s face when he sees him in lingerie – and that made him more and more confident.

After getting out of the taxi, Yuuri almost changed his mind again. He was standing there with his mouth open, staring at the store, hesitating about going inside.

It was looking so damn _extra._

Yuuri could easily imagine Viktor going inside and shopping without hesitation, but himself? Oh, no. No no.

_I can’t go back now. I shouldn’t go back now. Oh, my god. What the hell am I doing?_

Yuuri entered the door of _Agent Provocateur_ and he could feel his heart stop.

It was more like a museum, not like a store.

The walls were black, presenting the collections – by color – in separate sections neatly and with carefully selected white and purple lighting, making Yuuri think that maybe he should have reserved an appointment before coming here. White crystal chandeliers where hanging from the ceiling, casting a dim white light on the black velvet sofas and armchairs placed in the middle of each section for the comfort of the customers. Yuuri wanted to turn around and leave, but an employee saw him. The middle-aged woman was dressed in black, and her red hair was in a neat ponytail. She was wearing expensive-looking jewellery, and her smile was blinding. She was wearing a purple name-tag, which said Елена.

Yuuri assumed her name would be Elena, because he remembered that Viktor had an ’н’ in his name, which stood for ’N’ in Nikiforov.

’Can I help you?’ she asked in a thick Russian accent.

_Oh no. Now I can’t run away!_

_I have to do this. Shit, I have to do this. Be strong, Yuuri, be strong._

’Hi, um, thank you. Yes, I need some help.’

’My name is _Yelena_. Are you looking for the perfect present for _her_ birthday, maybe?’ Elena said, smiling at Yuuri and inviting him further inside the store.

_I feel like she is going to be my lingerie mom? What the hell am I doing here?!_

_I can’t lie to her. I can’t try on anything if I say that it is for my girlfiend!_

’No, actually, it’s just… it’s going to be a surprise.’

Elena’s smile changed immediately, suggesting that she knew exactly what was Yuuri thinking about.

’Oh, I understand you perfectly. Can you tell me her size? And maybe a little bit about her personality?’

_Fuck. I have to tell her. What if she just tells me to leave?_

’I… it’s not like that.’ Yuuri said, so fast that he could hardly understand himself. ’I’m… it’s for me. I want to surprise my boyfriend.’

_Here it is. She’s going to throw me out._

Elena was obviously surprised, but her smile didn’t disappear.

’Oh! Oh, well, he’s a lucky man.’ she said, winking at Yuuri and lightly touching his shoulder. ’Don’t worry, you’re not the first one.’

_Oh, fuck. I almost died here._

_So there are other gay idiots coming here to buy inappropiate lingerie?_

_That's good to know._

Elena sat down on one of those velvet sofas and invited Yuuri to sit down, too. Yuuri did, but he was still uncomfortable as hell, feeling out of place.

’Can you tell me your name?’

’Oh, sorry. My name is Yuuri.’

’Really? My son’s name is Yuri! What a coincidence!’ she laughed. ’Well, Yuuri, do you have some kind of an idea? A color, a material, anything?’

Yuuri was trying to sit comfortably but it was impossible in this situation. He couldn’t believe that he was sitting in an expensive lingerie store in Moscow, talking to one of the employees about the details of his cross-dressing plans – all of this because he wants to make his Russian boyfriend happy.

Okay, that was not completely true. Yuuri was pretty damn excited about this.

’Y-yes, I was thinking about something black, and l-lacy. I would like some… stockings and… um… s-suspenders, too.’

Yuuri could swear that he will die from embarrassment, but Elena was not even blinking. She was concentrating hard, furrowing her brows, thinking about the possibilities.

’Can I have a personal question?’ she asked in a serious tone, leaning a bit closer.

_Everything about this is personal!!!_

Yuuri was looking at her with a frightened expression, and he could feel sweat rolling down on his temples.

’O-of course!’

’How is your life in the bedroom? Is it still new? Or is it perhaps... a bit boring? Does it need a little bit of excitement?’

_Oh. My. Fucking. Heart._

’It’s new.’ Yuuri muttered. ’We’re still… new. And it’s definitely not b-boring.’

_What is this?_

_Am I seeing myself from the outside?_

_Is this death already?_

Elena’s eyes started sparkling, and she got up immediately.

’Please come with me, Yuuri. I think I know what you want.’

Yuuri almost fainted as he got up and followed Elena. She went into a section which was full of black lingerie; corsets, bras, knickers, suspenders, stockings, bodychains, eyemasks… and _whips_.

_Holy shit!_

Everything was erotic and beautiful, and really, really expensive looking. The prices were not listed, but Yuuri was not surprised about that at all. Elena stopped in front of a collection which had Розалина written on the wall next to it.

’I think you will like our _Rosalina_ collection.’ she said with an excited smile, taking a brief and giving it to Yuuri along with stockings and suspenders. ’Do you want the bra, too?’

’N-no.’ Yuuri said, staring at the lingerie in his hands, trying to control the redness in his cheeks, but it was hopeless. He was obviously really nervous, and Elena could see that.

’Relax, Yuuri. Go and try it on. If you need help, just call me.’ she said, then sat down on a sofa, smiling patiently.

_She really is my lingerie mom._

Yuuri turned around and went into the changing room, closing the black curtain and almost having a heartattack when he saw himself in the mirror. He was a _red mess_.

’Oh my god.’ he whispered, almost regretting everything.

He took a deep breath, then put the lingerie down and tried to collect his thoughts.

_It’s okay. Not a big deal._

_Don’t be such a bitch about it._

_Just try it on and that’s it._

_If you don’t like it, you leave. Easy._

Yuuri began to undress, and in the end, he was standing there buck naked, staring at his reflection. His skin was looking incredibly good in the pale lighting, which made it glow like it was made of crystals.

He turned his back on the mirror then he slowly pulled on the brief, worrying about the size.

_It’s made for women._

_I’m wearing lace knickers._

_Shit, I’m  such a pervert!_

He sat down to put on the stockings, and after five really hard minutes, he realized he doesn’t know what to do with the suspender. He was sweating like a horse, but he didn’t want to ask Elena for help. Absolutely not, not like this, in that almost completely transparent brief.

It took a few minutes, but he managed to put on the suspender. His heart was racing. He still didn’t look up. He had no idea what he looked like, but he really wanted to see himself. Yuuri took a deep breath, and he could hear his own heartbeat echoing in his ears. He turned around and he couldn’t hold back the surprised sound that left his mouth in the moment he saw himself.

The black, floral lace was melting on his skin, looking like it was made for his body, just for him to see, just for Viktor to touch, to admire, to love. The transparent material of the stockings were embracing his thighs, and the top of the suspender was gently surrounding his slim waist. The floral design of the brief was just like Yuuri wanted, mysterious and detailed, almost completely transparent around his hips but darker around the middle, hiding his cock. He slowly turned around. Everything was beautifully crafted and detailed, the flowers looking strikingly real and romantic, covering his skin like a painting. The suspender had a tiny, silky bow on its back, and the brief was like a breath of thin air on his ass; not leaving much to the imagination but still covering enough, embracing his cheeks nicely, making them look absolutely stunning.

Inviting.

Yuuri had no idea how long was he standing there and staring at himself. He turned around again, and he could see that he was starting to get hard.

_Oh my god! I can’t ruin these!_

He quickly took off everything, trying not to ruin the fine material of the stockings in the process. He put on his own clothes, then waited a few minutes. He pressed his head against the wall, trying to calm down, trying to delete the sight of himself from his brain, but he couldn’t do it.

Yuuri could almost see Viktor’s icy blue eyes devouring him, admiring every part of his body and making him shiver without even touching him.

He could feel a weird sense of power inside him, building up and making him hesitant and confident at the same time. He wanted to buy these, he wanted to wear them in front of Viktor; and he wanted to control him, to see how weak he can be for Yuuri, how powerless he can become underneath him.

These feelings were nothing new, but Yuuri could never embrace them. Until now.

 _’Yuuri, is everything okay_?’

Yuuri jumped a little when he heard Elena’s voice. He realized he has been staring at himself in the mirror for minutes.

’Yes, everything is fine!’ he said, quickly collecting the lingerie then stepping out of the changing room.

Elena greeted him with a naughty smile.

_God, she knows._

’Did you like it? Or should I find you a different set?’

’No, you don’t have to. This is… perfect. How much does this cost?’

'Oh, around fifteen thousand rubles, but I will tell you the exact price in a second.'

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> That's 270 dollars or something? wtf Yuuri?? also Viktor has no idea what's coming *sips wine*
> 
> btw Agent Provocateur is a real store in Moscow  
> Here's the 'Rosalina' lingerie, because I know you love INFORMATIVE links:  
> https://cdnd.lystit.com/photos/agentprovocateur/29240-black-d4f58caa-.jpeg  
> https://cdnc.lystit.com/photos/agentprovocateur/29240-black-01c62865-.jpeg


	17. Dancing On His Own

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> ummm, so, I don't think this is what you expected after 'Narcissus'.  
> at least Viktor would be proud of me? maybe idk  
> *  
> Vi zastavlyayete menya bit’ lutshe - You make me want to be a better person  
> dorogoy - darling  
> zvezda moy - my star  
> detka - baby/lover  
> bozhe moy - my god

Yuuri was not sure how to look at Viktor once he gets back to the hotel. He was standing on the bus, staring out the window, fidgeting with his fingers, holding the bag from Agent Provocateur against his chest, with such a tight grip that his hand started hurting.

_Was this a good idea?_

_God, yes. It was. I mean... I guess?_

_What if he already picked something for me and he won't like this set? Well, I think he will like it. But I'm not sure._

Yuuri glanced at his phone. It was only ten in the morning, and Viktor still hasn't called him yet. He was starting to get nervous about their flight. He hoped that Viktor didn't call him because he was busy with packing up their stuff. When the bus finally stopped in front of the hotel, Yuuri jumped off a bit too fast. He almost slipped on the sidewalk, but he managed to keep his balance. He ran inside, picked up the chocolate from the receptionist, then as he was walking away, he saw some flowers in the hotel's store.

He had no idea how he did not notice the beautiful, white roses when he was searching for chocolate earlier. He was too nervous about not being able to read Russian letters. He was standing there, staring at the roses hesitantly. Thanks to Agent Provocateur, there was absolutely nothing left of his credit card; but he still had those rubles from the morning.

_Should I buy these? Or is it too cheesy? I want to give them to him. They remind me of him. But god, isn't it just too fucking cheesy?_

Yuuri acted before he could change his mind. Before he could notice, he was already in the store, paying for a white rose, trying to carry it along with the bags of chocolate and lingerie.

_Oh god, I did it. I bought the rose. I can still throw it out._

_No, no. I can't do that. Not because I'm too shy to give it to him._

The elevator was empty when he stepped inside. As the doors closed behind him, he moved closer to the mirror, grimacing at his reflection and trying to brush his messy hair back to normal with his fingers. There was a slight red tint on his cheeks from the cold winter. He removed his gloves, put them inside his pockets and glanced at the light pink bag in his hands. There was a black ribbon on it, and under the ribbon, there were black letters with the store's name. He was still holding it firmly, like he was afraid that someone will actually see through it and realize what was inside. Traveling with this bag on the bus was quite an interesting experience, but he didn't make a big deal out if it; people didn't really care about it. They must have thought that he bought something for his girlfriend.

_What the hell am I gonna do if Viktor's awake and he sees this bag? Shit, I didn't even think about that!_

The elevator arrived, and Yuuri was almost hesitant to step out on the hallway. What now? He tried to swallow, but he could feel something blocking the way in his throat. His fingers were started shaking and his heartbeat was getting faster.

_Okay. He is still sleeping. I'm gonna hide it in my bag and he won't see it._

Yuuri searched for the keys then opened the door, trying to be as silent as possible. As he set his foot inside the hotel room, he could hear the water running in the bathroom.

_Oh, thank GOD. He's having a shower. Here's my chance._

Yuuri quickly removed his coat and his shoes, then practically ran across the entire apartment like a lightning. The bag from Agent Provocateur was swinging back and forth in his hands. He stopped in front of the bedroom to peak inside – just in case. Viktor wasn't there, but his suitcase was on the bed, ready to be packed - but yet, completely empty. Yuuri took a deep breath, put the rose down on the bed, then opened the wardrobe and took out his luggage. He pulled out the elegant pink box from the bag and slipped it inside the biggest pocket of the luggage. When he was done, he hid the empty bag among his folded clothes, then put the luggage on the bed next to Viktor's Louis Vuitton suitcase.

He wanted to begin packing up, but he heard footsteps from the hallway. He realized that he water wasn't running anymore in the bathroom.

_Oh, shit. The rose-_

Yuuri had two seconds to reach for the rose, but Viktor already appeared in the doorway, with nothing but a towel around his waist. There was a smaller one in his left hand, and he was trying to dry his hair with it. When he saw Yuuri, his movements stopped, and he almost opened his mouth to say something - but his eyes wandered towards the chocolate and the rose in Yuuri's shaking hands.

_I wasn't prepared for this. I wasn't prepared for this. Why does he have to look like THAT?_

Viktor still didn't say anything. He dropped the towel from his hand to the bed. His body was still wet, shining from the water, the white towel around his waist barely hanging on him. There were tiny water droplets on his shoulders because of his damp hair, which was a lot darker like this. It looked like grey granite, and they formed a stunning contrast with his turqoise eyes.

'H-hey. Ummm. I-I-I just w-wanted to-'

Yuuri forgot everything he wanted to say. He was trying to keep his eyes on Viktor, but it was really, really hard.

'S-so, I thought I would... uh-'

A gentle smile appeared on Viktor's face, and the walked closer to Yuuri, touching his chin and waiting patiently until Yuuri finally looked at him. Yuuri was burning red, but he managed to lift his hand and offer the white rose to Viktor.

'I just saw this... and... it reminded me of you.' he mumbled, and his voice was like a tiny whisper in the air. 'I also... um... brought you some chocolate but I don't know what kind of chocolate you like so I bought a few... and... uh-'

Yuuri couldn't continue. His hand was still in the air, holding the rose, waiting for Viktor to accept it. But Viktor was waiting; he was patient. He knew that Yuuri wasn't finished. Yuuri took a deep breath, then looked into Viktor's eyes with as much determination as he could.

'I felt really bad about yesterday.' Yuuri admitted. 'I... I still do. I'm sorry for... pushing you and... I hope you don't hate roses.'

Yuuri pressed his lips together and he didn't even blink. His heart was pounding like a drum, and he was staring at Viktor without even breathing. He noticed a suspicious, diamond-like gleam in Viktor's eyes.

Viktor moved closer to Yuuri with a loving smile, and he slowly kissed the boy's hand that was holding the rose. Yuuri's face and ears started burning even more. Viktor accepted the rose, then pulled Yuuri into a hug.

'Viktor, you're wet, what are you-' Yuuri freaked out, but the gentle voice echoing in his ears made him stop.

'I'm so happy.' Viktor whispered. 'You're so sweet. Thank you, _Yura_.'

Viktor sounded like he was on the edge of crying, and Yuuri had to remind himself that this was not the time for thinking about the fact that Viktor was practically naked in front of him.

He also reminded himself that he wanted to better for him. He wanted to speak his mind, he wanted Viktor to know everything.

He slowly put his arms around Viktor, and pressed his forehead against his bare shoulder.

'Viktor, you are... s-so beautiful.'

Viktor pulled away and he was staring at Yuuri with wide eyes. Yuuri chuckled nervously, and he wanted to say something, but Viktor kissed him immediately. Yuuri hummed something into his mouth, and his eyes were still open.

_Oh no, I can't handle this, I can't handle this, I can't-_

But before the situation could heat up, Viktor broke the kiss. He was holding Yuuri's face, and his eyes was melting with love.

' _Vi zastavlyayete menya bit' lutshe_.' he said, brushing the dark locks away from his forehead and placing a kiss there.

Yuuri could swear that the room was spinning with him.

'What?'

But Viktor just smiled and winked at him, which made the air even hotter.

_He's going to kill me._

'I love these.' Viktor said, glancing at the chocolate on the bed with a hopelessly loving expression, looking like a teenage girl on her first date.  He turned back to Yuuri. 'And I love you, baby.'

Viktor was chuckling like a child, and he wanted to kiss Yuuri again, but Yuuri grabbed his shoulders and tried to push him back. Viktor started whining.

'What's wrong, _zvezda moy_?' he asked, trying to capture Yuuri's lips while the towel was getting lower and lower on his hips.

'Y-you... Viktor! You're n-naked. ' Yuuri managed to say, still trying to avoid Viktor's lips, but not being able to hide his smile.

'Oh, I know. You should be, too.' Viktor said.

Yuuri started shivering a bit, and a high pitched sound left his throat.

'N-no, you should tell me w-why... Viktor, stop. I said... you should t-tell me why is your suitcase empty-'

Viktor stopped immediately.

'Oh, well. I almost forgot.' he laughed, then stepped back and put the rose on the bed. 'I canceled our flight.'

'You did what?'

Viktor stretched out his arms. The towel gave up and started slipping down, but Yuuri shrieked and was quick to jump there to wrap the towel back around his waist.

'Don't do that!' Yuuri whimpered, then put his arms on his waist and tried to look as strict as possible. 'Viktor!'

Viktor tried to look innocent, but Yuuri was not pleased.

'Okay.' Viktor said. 'I canceled our flight because I would like you to come with me to _Vyatskoye_.'

'To where?'

'To _Vyatskoye_.' Viktor repeated. 'That's where my grandmother lives.'

Yuuri was looking at Viktor with undisguised surprise. He had to remind himself to close his mouth. He didn't know what to say. Viktor's expression was somehow uncertain; like he didn't really know how Yuuri will react. But Yuuri couldn't care less about their flight. He was planning to ask Viktor where should they go once they get back to Hasetsu; where should they go on a date.

He wanted to spend some time with Viktor, even though they spent a lot of time together on the ice, but that was not what he wanted. He wanted to give Viktor a chance to talk about himself if he wants to, and Yuuri was planning to take him to somewhere nice and quiet.

But Viktor had other plans. Here he was, already thinking about the same, inviting Yuuri to see his grandmother, which meant the world to Yuuri. Finally meeting someone from Viktor's family – it was the biggest gift Yuuri could receive - and Viktor knew that.

'Are you... are you sure?' Yuuri asked. He was fidgeting a little, messing with the sleeve of his sweater.

He had no idea what kind of a person Viktor's grandmother was, but he got anxious thinking about the moment when Viktor introduces him as his boyfriend.

' _Da_.' Viktor smiled, then got up and not caring about Yuuri's burning face at all, he tossed the towel to the bed and started walking around completely naked.

'Viktor, what the f– w-what are you doing? Put some clothes on!' Yuuri whined, looking away and trying to stare at the wall, standing there like a statue.

'That's what I'm doing.' Viktor said, and he was truly confused. 'You've already seen me like this, so what's the problem?'

He opened the wardrobe and started searching for a new pair of briefs. Yuuri turned around for a moment but he almost jumped out of his own skin when he was greeted with the sight of Viktor's bare ass sticking out in the air.

_HOLY HELL._

'Nothing, j-just... nothing.' Yuuri said, turning away and burying his face into his palms. There was an uncomfortable tightness in his pants, but he tried to fight it. When he remembered the road trip to Viktor's grandmother, his dick gave up immediately.

'So, um. Why your grandma? I mean, she must be old and maybe she doesn't want me in her home, won't it be a bother? Like, don't misunderstand me, I really want to meet your family, but I'm not sure-'

Viktor put his hands on Yuuri's shoulders - and he was finally clothed.

'Hey. Relax, okay? We're going to visit her because she is my only living relative.' Viktor said, making Yuuri even more nervous.

'What? Oh, my god. I'm so sorry. I didn' know-'

'That's because I didn't tell you, _detka_. It's not your fault.'

'What did she say? Is it okay if I go with you?' Yuuri asked, feeling nervous as hell. This is going to be the first time he meets Viktor's family, even if it's only one person, it still meant everything for him.

'Oh, she doesn't know.'

_HUH?_

'What? Why not? No no no, I absolutely can't go there without even telling her-'

'I haven't seen her in seven years.' Viktor admitted with a bitter smile.

It was the same expression he was always trying to hide; but Yuuri always noticed. Viktor was looking at him like he was searching for an anchor, searching for words, searching for something. His eyes were fixated on Yuuri but he seemed to be far away.

Yuuri was waiting patiently.

'We lost contact, and- I'm really ashamed of myself. I wanted to visit her but I couldn't.' Viktor said, sitting on the bed and after looking at the floor for a while, he glanced up and smiled at Yuuri. 'But if you're with me, I think I can do it.'

*

When Viktor announced that the train leaves at noon, Yuuri almost kicked him out of the apartment, but he resisted that urge. They packed some things up because Vyatskoye was three hours away, and Viktor was absolutely sure that his grandma won't let them leave sooner than tomorrow afternoon.

They barely got to the station in time; Yuuri was nearly having a heart attack but Viktor was as cheerful as always. He booked tickets for a separate cabin, so they could be alone. They were sitting on the red seats, just opposite to each other, and Viktor annoyed the hell out of Yuuri because he refused to look anywhere else but at Yuuri's face.

'Will you just stop, please?' Yuuri bursted out when the train finally left the station. 'You're making me uncomfortable.'

Viktor laughed and leaned forward to try and kiss Yuuri, but the boy was adamant.

'Okay, you're right.' Viktor said, holding up his hands. 'I'm gonna stop. Sorry. What about this; you can ask me whatever you want and I will give you an answer, no matter what.'

Yuuri's eyes started sparkling.

'O-okay.' he said.

_What should I ask him? There are so many things. Small things._

'I'm waiting, _dorogoy_.' Viktor said, smiling at Yuuri and leaning back, making himself comfortable.

'Okay, um, but don't laugh.' Yuuri said. 'So, what's your favorite song?'

Viktor raised his brows and flashed a wide smile. He was expecting something different. He started thinking, resting his finger on his chin and staring out the window. The colors and shapes of Moscow were constantly changing next to them, red and grey, white and green, people and cars, tall buildings and small houses, smoke and snow.

'Oh, that's a good one.' Viktor hesitated. 'I listen to music all the time, but I just realized it's mostly because for my routines. _Bozhe moy_ , Yura, I don't really have a favorite song.'

Viktor was looking somehow shocked and sad at his own discovery, but Yuuri had something on his mind.

'What about that lullaby?' he asked, remembering that night at the lighthouse.

Viktor's face lightened up.

'Oh, you're right, the Cossack lullaby.' he nodded with a nostalgic smile. 'My mom loved that. My grandma loves it, too.'

The train was going faster and faster, mixing the colors and sounds of the city together, painting their reflection on Viktor's icy blue eyes.

'What's your favorite season?' Yuuri asked, a little bit self-conscious about his random, plain questions.

But Viktor didn't seem to mind at all. His finger was still on his chin, thinking about the answer once again. Yuuri reached for his bag and pulled out a bottle of orange juice.

'I think it's winter.' Viktor decided. 'But maybe because winter is our first season together.'

Yuuri almost choked on his drink, and Viktor had to lean forward and pat him on the back to avoid a certain death.

'Are you okay, _Yura_?'

Yuuri was still coughing, but he managed to collect himself. Viktor was really close, staring at him with a worried expression.

'Y-yeah. I just... I need to get used to these things you're saying.' he admitted, and Viktor started laughing.

'Sorry.'

Yuuri took a deep breath, and Viktor leaned back again, waiting for the next question.

'Where did you go to school?'

Viktor furrowed his brows.

Yuuri have seen Viktor's wikipedia site a hundred times already, but it didn't say anything about Viktor's education or his family.

'High school?' Viktor asked.

'Yeah, _and_ college.'

The wheels of the train clattered on the rail smoothly. It slowly stopped at a station, and Yuuri could hear the distant voice of a male announcer saying something in Russian, then in English. The corridor of the train was filled with new voices, and when they became more and more distant, the wheels started screeching and the train left the station.

Viktor's voice was close; soft and calm, reminding Yuuri of a candle in the window in a cold winter night.

'I was born in St. Petersburg. I graduated there and then I moved to Moscow and I attended university here.'

Yuuri was almost on the edge of his seat.

'W-what kind of university?'

Viktor had a naughty smirk on his face.

'What do you think?' he asked.

Yuuri was trying to figure something out. Viktor seemed to love cooking a lot, but Yuuri didn't think he attended a school like that.

_Oh god, what if I say something stupid? Maybe he's a damn engineer or something?_

'Ummm. I don't know. I mean, I... well... maybe something related to art?'

'I went to a ballet school.' Viktor admitted, laughing at Yuuri's wide-eyed reaction.

'Y-you mean the-'

'I went to the Bolshoi Academy.' Viktor said, laughing even harder, because at this point, Yuuri was hyperventilating.

' _What_? That can't be true. How is it possible that people don't know about this? It's not even on the internet.' Yuuri bursted out, regretting his words immediately; but Viktor was having a really good time.

'It's because I payed them to keep it a secret.' he admitted. 'And the truth is, I never finished it. I dropped out after a year.'

'What? Why would you do that?' Yuuri whimpered.

'I wanted to do things in my way.' he said, chuckling. 'Oh, Yakov was _furious_. He didn't talk to me for a week and he almost resigned as my coach.'

Viktor was still having the time of his life, and Yuuri still couldn't find his words.

_I can't believe this. No wonder he's so good? Also I feel really bad for Yakov but I don't know why?_

'C'mon, _Yura_ , it's not a big deal. Or is it possible that you imagined me in a black unitard?' he asked with a wink.

_Oh, god._

'N-no! Absolutely not.' Yuuri said, trying to hide his red ears and staring at the wall.

'Oh, it made my ass look _real good_.'

'Viktor, s-stop.' Yuuri whispered with a burning face. At this point he could actually see Viktor in that outfit, and it was so unbelievably tight on him.

_So tight._

Viktor tried his best to stop laughing, then he finally surrendered. Yuuri took a deep breath to calm down after that image.

'Okay, okay. Next question.'

The train was rattling peacefully. They were next to a snow-covered forest.

'Who was your first girlfriend?' Yuuri asked after a while, a little bit too quiet, but Viktor could still hear him. 'Or... boyfriend, I don't know.'

'Are you asking me when did I lose my virginity?' Viktor asked with a dead serious face, but Yuuri was not expecting him to be so straightforward.

_God, but this is how he is. He's always been like this._

'Umm, n-not really, I mean, that was p-part of the question, too, b-but-'

'It's okay, Yuuri.' Viktor smiled. 'I was nineteen. We went to the Academy together. She invited me to her birthday and she made sure I was drinking enough alcohol.'

'Oh... so you didn't really want it?'

'I thought I did; but I was drunk.' Viktor said. 'It turned out that she only did it because I was kind of famous. Her friends told her to invite me to the party and they decided to have some fun with me. The one who managed to sleep with me was the winner.'

'That's awful.' Yuuri whispered. 'How could they do that to you?'

Yuuri could see the nineteen-year-old Viktor in front of his eyes, and he simply couldn't imagine why would anyone want to hurt him. Yuuri was staring at Viktor with a horrified expression, and he wanted to sit next to him and hug him. But Viktor was still smiling, looking at the trees outside, hesitating for a while before saying anything.

'It's fine, I don't remember much. And I met some nice girls, too, so it's not like this was my only experience with them.'

Yuuri didn't know what to say. He stared at the floor for a while, trying to come up with a new question to distract Viktor's thoughts.

'Um, what's your favorite childhood memory?'

Yuuri changed the subject hoping that Viktor's smile would finally turn honest, but it didn't happen. On the contrary; Viktor's icy blue eyes were filled with pain again.

'I-I'm sorry, Viktor. Let's talk about something else-'

Viktor's expression made Yuuri stop. Viktor turned his head to look at the landscape again. The train was passing by a large clearing with a frozen lake. Yuuri followed Viktor's eyes, and he could see four deers on the ice, walking through the snow to reach the other side of the lake. They were slow and careful; Yuuri was thinking about how scary it must have been for them. They knew that there was water there, but they were still brave enough to set foot on the ice. Their fur was almost frozen and completely covered in snow.

Viktor pressed his lips together. His deep breath was echoing in the cabin.

'My father was abusive.'

The animals were gone, and everything went pitch black. The only light source was the dim, orange lighting of the narrow tunnel. The pale skin on Viktor's face was covered in dancing, black shadows, his hair was fire.

The rattling of the wheels started to get louder and louder.

'He wasn't a drunk or anything. He was a decent man on the outside. He just hated everything about me. He always wanted a son and he was very disappointed in me. He thought I was more like a girl. He hated my long hair, and once he cut it with a kitchen knife. He accidentally cut me, too.'

Viktor leaned forward, and he brushed his hair away from his left eye. It was barely noticeable; a tiny, thin scar was running just under his hairline. He brushed his hair back, covering his skin once again.

'I had a childhood friend. We were always together. I considered him my best friend, but my feelings started to change, and I realized that I liked him a lot. I was only ten, but I thought I loved him. I told my mom, and my father heard us.'

The yellow lights were running next to them like birds on flames.

'He grabbed me, and he was shouting at me. I can still remember the things he said. I fell to the floor but he didn't stop. My mom was begging him to stop but he didn't. He beat me so hard that he knocked me out completely. I woke up in the hospital and my mom was crying next to my bed. I asked her when can I go home. And then, she said... she said we can't go home and we won't.'

The train reached the end of the tunnel. The sharp white light of the snow-covered fields cut into their eyes. 

'Turned out that my dad was arrested. I don't know anything about him now. Maybe he's alive. Maybe he's not. I don't think he's still in prison, but I don't care. My mom is dead, my grandparents are dead, except for my father's mom. That's where we're going.'

Yuuri was there, sitting in front of the television again, staring at Viktor Nikiforov, staring at his beautiful long hair, his stunning eyes, his gentle, elegant movements, and he could see his soul. He could see him on the ice, dancing on his own, and he could finally hear his silent cry for help.

He could see him more clearly than ever before as he was sitting in front of him ten years later, with tears in those stunning eyes, with an apologetic smile on those trembling lips.

And Yuuri couldn't hold back his own tears; he reached out and sat next to Viktor, wrapping his arms around him and pressing his forehead against his neck, feeling Viktor's salty tears on his own skin, hearing the soft, sharp inhales as Viktor was trying to fight his long-suppressed emotions but he couldn't. Yuuri was listening to the muffled sounds of Viktor's crying, not saying a single word, just searching for the man's hand and holding it firmly, offering him an anchor.

Out in the white fields, there was a small house in the distance. It was painfully lonely out there. It didn't even have a fence. There was something in its window; a tiny, flickering light of a candle.

After a while, Viktor's breathing started to get back to normal. His fingers were holding onto Yuuri's hand desperately, but his grip slowly loosened up. They still didn't say anything. Viktor turned away from the window and leaned on Yuuri's shoulder, closing his eyes and taking a deep, long breath before drifting away into a dreamless sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> therefore I say unto you, what things soever ye desire, when ye pray, believe that ye receive, and ye shall have  
> lol well I mean you WANTED Viktor's past, right? brace yourselves because grandma is comin'  
> also you can send me hugs, blankets, and puppies and I will give them to Viktor, thanks
> 
> ***  
> also please tell me what would you like to see in my next Viktuuri fic. ANYTHING, really. AUs, etc, anything.


	18. Frozen Memories

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "we keep this love in this photograph  
> we made these memories for ourselves  
> where our eyes are never closing  
> hearts were never broken  
> and time's forever frozen still"  
> lol NO this chapter is not THAT serious but yeah I just like this song 
> 
> two more chapters to go and then I shall return with a series of 'please have mercy on me' one shots (porn of course) written in this setting with these lovebirds AND with a completely separate and new Viktuuri fic (AU)

Yuuri couldn't feel his shoulder and his arm anymore, but he didn't want to wake Viktor up. He slept through the entire journey, at least that's what Yuuri thought because he couldn't even check his phone to see what time it was. But Yuuri didn't mind. For the first time since they were together, Viktor finally decided to open up and share something about his family. Yuuri felt bad about pushing him and leaving him in the park back in Moscow, and even though he knew that Viktor wasn't angry about it, Yuuri needed a few days to forgive himself.

As he was sitting there, stroking Viktor's hair and looking at his peaceful, angelic face, Yuuri couldn't believe that this was real. Sometimes he had to remind himself that this was not a dream. These were tiny moments, really. Moments when Viktor was replying to his fanmails and sometimes, but only sometimes, he was struggling with the Latin alphabet; moments when he put some more honey into his tea; moments when he thought no one was looking and he got lost in his thoughts; moments when he was watching a funny video on his phone and his lips curled into a smile, or when he was thinking about a new choreography, laying on the couch and closing his eyes with his headphones in his ears, concentrating and furrowing his brows.

These moments were truly precious to Yuuri, and he wasn't sure why, but they were. He felt like he was lucky that he had the opportunity to meet and to love Viktor... and he wanted him to know that, to feel that, and to never forget how it feels like. There were some moments when Yuuri felt like he could spend his entire life with this man, and these moments were returning to his mind more and more frequently. It was strange to think that there were times when they didn't know each other. Yuuri didn't want Viktor to experience loneliness or sorrow ever again; or if he will, Yuuri wanted to be there with him to support him.

The train slowed down then stopped at a small station. Yuuri tried to listen to the announcer, and he relaxed when he didn't hear the name of Vyatskoye. Some teenagers got on the train, and they were so loud that Viktor woke up with a little, surprised sound. He lifted his head and looked around with a confused, sleepy expression.

'Did I fall asleep?' he asked while rubbing his eyes. 'What time it is?'

Yuuri moved his arms a little to get his circulation back, then he started searching for his phone.

'It's... it's 2.35.'

'We're almost there. Oh, did I sleep on your shoulder?'

Yuuri blushed a little, then nodded. Viktor looked like he was truly regretting that.

'I'm sorry, _Yura_. Next time I do this, wake me up.'

'Definitely not.' Yuuri said with a smile, and Viktor let out a little chuckle.

It didn't take long for Yuuri to notice how nervous Viktor was. Instead of saying something, Viktor remained silent, checked his reflection in his phone, and when he saw how red his eyes were, he became even more tense. His lips were pressed together, and his grip tightened around his phone as he turned to look out the window.

Yuuri was nervous, too. But he tried his best to hide that, because he thought Viktor had enough to worry about at the moment. They were both silent, listening to the noise of the train, until Viktor looked at Yuuri and decided to hold his hand.

'I think you already figured, but my grandma doesn't speak English. Do you want me to teach you a few phrases until we get there?' he asked with a wide smile, trying to look and sound as cheerful as always, but Yuuri could see through him.

_How did he know I was thinking about this? How?_

'That would be great.' Yuuri admitted.

'You don't have to be afraid.' Viktor said, and it was like he said that partly to Yuuri, and partly to himself.

Yuuri nodded then smiled at him. Viktor turned to face him.

'So, when you want to say hello, you can say _zdravstvuyte_.'

'W-what?' Yuuri asked, blushing at his own reaction, thinking it was rude but Viktor's laugh was reassuring.

'Try and repeat it after me. Okay?' Viktor asked, and even though he was nervous, the fact that he could teach Yuuri some Russian sure made his eyes sparkle.

'O-okay. Sorry.' Yuuri muttered.

Viktor leaned forward and kissed his forehead, whispering it's okay and making Yuuri even more red.

'Let's start with _zdravstvuy_. That's the informal one.'

' _Zdravstvuy_.' Yuuri tried, and his voice was so quiet that it was a miracle Viktor could even hear him.

But Viktor was more than happy.

'Yes, great! Now, when you add _te_ to the end, it makes it formal, so you can use it when you meet someone for the first time. Like this: _zdravstvuyte._

' _Z-zdravstvuyte_.' Yuuri repeated, and the smile on Viktor's face was brighter than the sun.

'Don't be shy, _Yura_ , you're doing great.' he said. 'Say it again.'

_Oh my god. How was it? I don't remember. Oh man._

'Umm. Wait, wait, don't help me! Umm. _Zdravstvuy...? Zdravstvuyte!_ Umm, that was it, right?'

Yuuri could tell by Viktor's expression that he was right, because he was practically glowing at this point.

' _Da_.' Viktor nodded, and this time, his smile was honest. 'Hmm, the next one should be... introducing yourself. Okay, this is a bit longer.'

'O-okay.' Yuuri said, leaning forward a bit more to pay attention.

'You say it like this: _menya zovut Yuuri._ ' Viktor said, and Yuuri tried to calm his ass down because damn, Viktor still sounded really hot when he was speaking Russian. His voice was so much different in his native language, and Yuuri couldn't quite understand why, but it was hot.

_Don't think about anything dirty, don't think about anything dirty, don't-_

'What's wrong, _zolotse_?'

'Oh! Nothing. Nothing. Sorry! So, umm, can you say it again, but slower?' Yuuri asked and his ears were already red.

_'Menya-'_

_'Menya.'_

_'Zovut._ And then you say your name.'

'Okay. Umm. _M-menya zovut Yuuri.'_

' _Prekrasno._ ' Viktor smiled, and it looked like he was fighting a constant urge to kiss Yuuri after every single word he said. 'Do you want to say anything else?'

The train didn't even speed up since they left the last station, because they were so close to Vytaskoye. Yuuri could feel a million butterflies flying around in his stomach.

'Yeah. It would be nice if I could tell her how good it is to meet her.'

'You're way too sweet.' Viktor whispered, and kissed the back of Yuuri's hand.

Yuuri turned his face to stare at the wall and hide his blushing face. Viktor's laugh filled the entire cabin.

'Oh, that's what I'm talking about.' he sighed. 'Okay, so, there are a bunch of expressions for that. Like, _ochen' priyatno,_ or _rad poznakomit'sya_.'

'I choose the first one.' Yuuri said without hesitation, making Viktor laugh once again.

'I can see why. But actually, the second one is not long at all, compared to some other words or phrases.' Viktor said, but didn't protest. 'Okay, _Yura_ , try and say the whole thing. The greeting, your name, and then this one. _Ochen' priyatno_.'

_Oh god, my brain is dead. What was it, what was the first one... oh, crap._

'Wait a minute. I have to think about it.' he admitted, then after a few seconds, he could finally remember by trying to hear Viktor's voice in his head. 'I got it. I think. So-'

Yuuri took a deep breath and tried his best to look into Viktor's - still sparkling - eyes.

' _Zdravstvuyte. Menya... zovut Yuuri._ Ummm... _ochen' priyatniy_?'

' _Priyatno_.' Viktor said softly, and he looked like he will tear up. 'I'm so proud, Yuuri.'

'Viktor, don't cry!' Yuuri whined, but Viktor was chuckling.

'Should I teach you some dirty words?' he asked with a wink.

Yuuri immediately retreated to his own seat, shaking his head like crazy.

'No! That's not necessary.'

'Hmm? Why? But you like it when I speak Russian.' Viktor said, leaning closer and closer.

_He gets me every single time. Every time. Oh, god. I can never reach his level._

'That's different.' Yuuri mumbled, trying to sound as normal as possible.

Viktor wanted to say something, but when he looked out on the window, the sparkles somehow disappeared from his eyes. Yuuri didn't have to ask anything to know that they arrived to Vyatskoye.

*

Yuuri casted a glance at Viktor's hands as they were walking down the small, narrow street. He could see that Viktor's fingers were shaking a little, and no matter how hard he was trying, he couldn't hide behind his smile.

'Ah, look!' Viktor said, trying to sound as excited as possible. 'This is where my grandma used to take me to grocery shopping.'

He was pointing at a little store, in a small blue building. There were some old ladies in there, waiting in line and chatting with the cashier. Yuuri was nodding, looking around with an open mouth. The village was stunning. He's never seen anything like it before, at least not in real life. Vyatskoye was a really small, but an extremely beautiful and friendly village with unique, colorful houses and family owned stores. It was quiet and peaceful but somehow lively and vibrant at the same time. It was like a totally different dimension, and Yuuri could easily imagine himself living here as an old man.

'I really like this place.' he admitted while walking next to Viktor, still looking around and admiring every little detail the village had to offer.

'You do?' Viktor asked with honest joy in his voice. 'I used to spend a lot of time here when I was little. My grandma lives next to the river.'

'There's a river?' Yuuri asked, and he became even more excited.

Viktor laughed at his reaction then offered his hand; when Yuuri reached for him, they continued their walk in silence. There was more snow here than back in Moscow, but Yuuri didn't really mind. It was freezing cold, but he realized that he was getting used to that.

Yuuri was still thinking about his days here as a grandpa when he noticed that Viktor has stopped.

'What is it, Viktor?'

The small, narrow river was in front of them, and it was completely frozen, looking like a perfectly white carpet made from crystals and diamonds. The trees, just like sorrowful, lonely widows, were bending over the river, trying to protect it with their long, bony arms. The songs of little birds were swirling in the air, coming from the distance. Above the river, there was a tiny bridge made from wrought iron, clinging to the ground on both sides with its frozen fingers.

Yuuri was watching Viktor's face as he was staring at a green wooden cottage. It seemed that the cottage completely merged with nature - it was completely surrounded by trees and bushes. Viktor didn't have to say anything. He couldn't hide his fear anymore, and maybe he didn't even want to. He wanted to go and knock on that red door, but he couldn't move. He was searching for the right words, but he couldn't find them. Yuuri could see that. He could see everything. He stood on his toes to be a little bit taller, and he kissed Viktor's cold cheek. Viktor squeezed Yuuri's hand and took a deep breath, then they crossed the bridge and started walking towards the small house.

They stopped in front of the front door, and Viktor knocked without hesitation.

Nothing.

He knocked again, and this time his fingers were shaking again, but he was still holding onto Yuuri with his other hand.

Still nothing.

The birds were getting louder.

Viktor frowned and turned to look around for a moment.

' _Babushka?_ ' Viktor yelled, knocking again, but it was useless.

Yuuri was starting to get nervous and it was not because of the language barrier.

_Oh my god. What if... what if something happened to her in those seven years? What if she's..._

Viktor started walking towards the backyard, still holding Yuuri's hand, dragging him along.

The birds were getting louder.

The white, frozen garden was like a small forest; there were multiple trees guarding it, and there was one particular tree in the middle with a bird feeder placed next to it. There was a small old lady there, filling the wooden feeder with seeds and apples, whispering little endearments to the tiny birds around her. As Viktor and Yuuri showed up in the garden, the animals flew away to seek shelter on the branches of the nearby pine trees. The old lady looked up to see what startled them, and she slowly turned around. She was wearing a blue headscarf which somehow melted together with her icy blue eyes. When she saw Viktor and Yuuri, she was staring at them for a few seconds, furrowing her silver brows. Then the seeds fell from her hand and scattered on the snowy ground.

Her voice was distant; like a whisper in the air.

_'Vityenka?'_

Her voice cracked, and tears rolled down her cheeks. She held out her hands. Viktor let out a muffled cry then let go of Yuuri and ran across the garden, wrapping his hands around his tiny grandmother and almost lifting her up in the air, pressing his face in her neck and not trying to hold back his tears anymore.

Yuuri noticed the warmth on his own cheeks and quickly wiped away his tears.

Viktor's grandma reached up to hold her grandson's face, and Viktor bent his knees to make it easier for her. She was laughing and crying at the same time, kissing Viktor's face over and over again, talking to him in Russian and looking at him like he was a vision.

' _Eta ty? Eta deystvitel'na ty?_ ' _(Is it you? Is it really you?)_

' _Da, babushka, da. Eta ya_.' Viktor nodded and he couldn't help but laugh through his tears. _(Yes, grandmother, yes. It's me.)_

' _Ah, Vityenka, posmotri na sebya! Kakoy u tebya rost!_ ' she said, still holding Viktor's face in her hands and crying from happiness. _(Ah, Vityenka, look at you! How tall you are!)_

Viktor turned to Yuuri, then he whispered something to his grandma. Yuuri could feel the entire world spinning when she looked at him. He couldn't read anything from her face and he had no idea what Viktor's just told her. Viktor offered his arm to her and they started walking towards Yuuri, making him more and more anxious.

_What were those words? What were those words? What were those words?! I don't remember those expressions!_

Even though it was freezing cold, Yuuri was sweating under his coat, and his heart was beating like crazy. There they were, standing in front of him. Viktor's grandmother was really tiny, much shorter than her grandson, but despite her wrinkles, somehow she didn't look old. Her spirit was definitely not old. Her face was exactly the same shape as Viktor's, and she had the same vibrant blue eyes.

Yuuri wanted to say hi, he wanted to introduce himself, but he forgot everything. Viktor was quick to help him.

' _Babulya, poznakom'sya, eta Yuuri. On yest' lyubov' k moyey zhizni_.' _(Granny, this is Yuuri. He's the love of my life.)_

After hearing his own name, Yuuri assumed that Viktor just introduced him, but he still couldn't remember the expressions. He was cursing himself, and all he could manage was an awkward, nervous smile. He bowed to Viktor's grandma, then before he could ask Viktor what exactly did he tell her, she put her cold hands on Yuuri's face and kissed him all over just like she did with Viktor.

' _Yuuri, lapochka, dobro pozhalovat' v sem'ju!_ ' she said, full of joy, full of love, welcoming Yuuri like he was her other grandchild. _(Yuuri, sweetie pie, welcome to the family!)_

Viktor's laugh was like a melody in the air, and his grandma was laughing too, looking up at Yuuri with some kind of admiration Yuuri didn't quite understand. For a moment, he felt like he was in Japan, and he could hear his grandma's voice who died just five years ago. He could see his mother and father, he could feel their warm, loving hugs, and he could see Vicchan, and he could hear his barking.

At first, Yuuri didn't know how to react, but then a wide smile appeared on his face.

' _Ochen'... ochen' priyatno._ ' he said, because this was all he could remember, but as soon as Viktor and his grandma heard him, they gasped. Viktor actually teared up and his grandma decided to attack Yuuri with more kisses.

She said something else, and Yuuri was looking at Viktor for help. He was standing behind his grandma, looking like a proud husband.

'Oh, she said that her name is Olga but you should call her grandma. And earlier she welcomed you in the family and called you a sweetie pie.' he said with a touched smile.

Yuuri could feel that he started blushing, but because he couldn't say anything, he was still smiling like an idiot. Olga kissed his face for one last time, then she let go of him and opened the back door of the house, inviting them inside. She was constantly speaking to Viktor, and Yuuri wished he could understand what they were talking about.

_(From now on, Olga and Viktor's conversation will be written in English, because sadly I'm still a beginner when it comes to Russian and I want you to understand what they are talking about. Please keep in mind that they are still speaking Russian so Yuuri can't understand them. Their Russian conversations will be written in italics. -author)_

They removed their shoes and their coats, while Olga insisted on taking their bags to the kitchen, picking them up and carrying them like they were nothing. Viktor wasn't surprised - not like Yuuri -, but he was outraged.

' _Granny! What are you doing?_ ' he asked, running after Olga and taking the bags away from her, looking at her in disbelief. _'You can't do that anymore!'_

_'Of course I can, sweetie. I need to stay fit.'_

Viktor was horrified.

_'Don't tell me you're still using your bicycle?'_

_'Vitya, I'm only seventy-two, not ninety! Don't act like your mother.'_

_'But granny, your knees-'_

_'Don't worry about me, my angel. It's not good for your health. Tell Yurachka to come inside, no need to be shy.'_

Yuuri was just standing there, staring at them, looking around awkwardly. The cottage was really cozy. Full of old furniture and tapestry, flowers and indoor plants, and religious paintings. While Viktor and Olga were arguing about something, Yuuri tried to imagine little, six-year-old Viktor in this house, running around and play hide and seek in the garden, climbing on trees and play next to the river...

'Yuuri?'

Yuuri realized that Viktor already called his name twice.

'Oh, sorry. I'm listening!' he said quickly, grabbing his backpack.

'Come, _detka_ , we're going to the kitchen.' Viktor said with a radiant smile, reaching out and holding Yuuri's hand, guiding him further inside the house.

The kitchen was small, but everything had its own place. There was a small, round wooden table on the middle, and the kitchen counter was next to the wall - which was covered in floral wallpaper. There was a tiny fridge in the corner, and from the window, Yuuri could see the garden. As soon as they left, the birds have left the safety of the pine tree, returning to the feeder and collecting the seeds that fell from Olga's hands. They were chirping loudly, fighting over the food.

Olga began to boil some water in an old teapot. She was moving around like a twenty year old, but Viktor was watching her with a worried expression. Olga was searching for something in the fridge when Viktor touched Yuuri's shoulder.

'Sit down, baby.' Viktor said, pulling the chair out for Yuuri with a gorgeous smile, making Yuuri blush.

Yuuri sat down but he glanced at Viktor's grandmother to see if she noticed the scene; and she did. There was a wide smile on her face, and her blue eyes were glowing; then she just winked at Yuuri.

_Oh, fuck._

This caused Yuuri to feel even more embarrassed, and after smiling back at Olga, he decided to stare into his lap and pretend that he didn't even exist. Viktor was standing behind him, and he leaned down to place a kiss on Yuuri's neck.

'You're so cute.' he whispered.

At this point, Yuuri was burning like a furnace. Yuuri could hear Olga's laugh.

_'Vitya, come, help me with the tea. Then tell me everything about how you two met.'_

_What are they talking about? God, they must be talking about me._

Viktor went to help Olga, and after the teapot started whistling, he poured some water into the old porcelain teacups. Olga reached for the tea bags then gave them to Viktor, and he put everything to a tray. Olga sat down just across Yuuri, putting her elbows on the table. Yuuri looked at her, and he could see that Olga knew how nervous he was. She reached for his hand then squeezed it a little, smiling at him and caressing his skin for a few seconds.

'Relax, _lapochka!'_ she said in a thick accent, and Yuuri did not expect this. He started laughing then nodded, looking up at Viktor who just arrived to the table, putting the tray down and giving a cup of tea to Yuuri. Olga was laughing, too, then she let go of Yuuri's hand to take her own tea.

'You were wrong, she does know some English.' Yuuri said.

'Yeah, she knows some words from the television.' Viktor chuckled.

The kitchen was not very well lit; the only light source was the snowy garden outside, and there was no other window. The tea was the same Russian black tea that Viktor was always drinking, but it had a much stronger scent.

' _Yurachka?_ ' Olga said, and Yuuri looked up immediately.

'She asked you how we met. Should I tell her the whole story?' Viktor asked with a wink, and Yuuri had no idea why he just did that.

He was looking at Viktor with a confused expression, furrowing his brows and trying to figure out what was he talking about.

'Umm, I guess? I mean, it's not a secret, right?'

'Of course.' Viktor said, grinning like a ten year old, then he switched to Russian and started talking to Olga - who was more than excited about the story.

' _So, granny, it happened about a year ago. I won the Grand Prix final and as usual, I had to go to that boring banquet. I just wanted to leave but then I saw that this guy from Japan - who just placed last in the competition - was having a dance off with Yuri. You know, Elena's son, he was here once. Let me tell you, grandma, Yuuri was drunk as hell. And then-'_

Olga was listening to Viktor with the tea cup in her hand, occasionally taking a sip and looking at her grandson with an amused smile.

_Is it that funny? I mean, I guess it is, he showed up naked in my house, but I didn't think that she would like this story so much. Well, she is Viktor's grandma, after all._

Yuuri tried to contain his feelings about the fact that he never heard Viktor talk so much in Russian before, but he was failing miserably. He was sipping his tea and taking a bite from Olga's cookies, which were _heavenly._

Olga and Viktor started laughing so loudly that Yuuri almost jumped out of his skin. Yuuri couldn't help but smile as well.

'She loves you, _Yura_.' Viktor said, trying to calm down and stop laughing, wiping the tears from his eyes. 'She said you're perfect for me.'

'Oh.' That was all Yuuri could say, because he was blushing again. Olga reached for his face and pinched his skin a little, saying something like 'lapochka' again, then she stood up so fast that Yuuri could only see her silhouette for a moment.

_'Vitya, the albums! I have to find the albums.'_

_'Oh, I will help you, granny-'_

_'No, my boy, you stay here with your beloved.'_

She left the kitchen in a hurry.

'She is searching for the photo albums. She wants to show you my embarrassing childhood photos.' Viktor said with a wide smile, and it seemed like he didn't mind at all.

_Oh my god! I'm going to witness HISTORY! I'm the luckiest person alive. Oh my god!_

'Really?! I-I mean... wow, that's great.' Yuuri said, trying to hide his excitement, but he was already obvious.

Viktor leaned closer to him.

'You know... It's really hard not to touch you.' he whispered, putting his hand on Yuuri's left thigh and briefly touching his neck with his lips, making him shiver.

_Holy shit._

'V-Viktor, don't do that while we're here.' Yuuri said, pushing Viktor away.

'What? So I can't touch you all day? Not even tomorrow? That's impossible. I will not survive.'

'You're way too dramatic.' Yuuri said with a sigh, but Viktor was dead serious, looking at Yuuri like a lost puppy.

Yuuri tried to protest and not look at Viktor, because he didn't want to give him a chance - and also because he wanted that touch. He really, really wanted it. Before Yuuri's thoughts could have gone wild, Olga came back with at least five big photo albums in her arms. Viktor cursed a little then jumped up, taking the albums away from her.

_'Granny, these are way to heavy! I don't think that's good for your-'_

Olga silenced him with a single look, and Yuuri have never seen Viktor shut up so fast in his life. He was not scared or anything; all Yuuri could see on his face was respect and love. When Viktor sat down again, Olga touched his face and pressed a big kiss on his forehead. Viktor chuckled, then opened up one of the albums.

Yuuri was sure that he's going to have a heart attack.

The first page was full of baby photos, and he didn't have to ask anything to know the details. That was Viktor. Yuuri was sure about that.

'Oh, my... oh my god.' he whispered, leaning closer to the photos and staring at them with an open mouth, making both Olga and Viktor laugh at his reaction. 'You had that much hair? That's crazy. Oh, god. You were so... so cute.'

Yuuri just couldn't hide his opinion.

'I was one year old there. And three there. Yeah, that's my mom.' Viktor nodded when Yuuri pointed at a picture where a woman was holding a baby.

Viktor's face changed immediately, but he wasn't really sad; not completely. His eyes were gentle and soft, loving, nostalgic.

His mother was simply stunning. Yuuri was sitting there, staring at her holding Viktor in her hands, and all he could feel was sadness. When he first glanced at the photo, he became excited, forgetting that she was not alive anymore. He wanted to meet her so badly, to get to know her, to hear her voice, to see her smile, to see how much she loved her son.

She was really thin, somehow fragile looking. She was sitting on a couch, and her long blonde hair was in a messy ponytail. Viktor was sitting in her lap, holding onto her hands with his tiny fingers and smiling in the camera, while his mom was looking at him with all the love in the universe in her bright green eyes.

'She was... beautiful.' Yuuri whispered, then he looked up to see if it was okay for Viktor to see these photos; but he was smiling.

But his eyes betrayed him.

'Yes, she was. Her name was Irina. She was only twenty-two when I was born, so... I kind of ruined her career.' Viktor said in a bitter voice.

'What was she doing?' Yuuri asked.

'She was a ballet dancer.'

'Oh. But Viktor, I don't think that's how she saw the situation. I mean, look at her...' Yuuri said, pointing at Irina on the photo. 'She loved you so much.'

Viktor looked at Yuuri then briefly touched his shoulder, leaning in and kissing his face, then he flipped to the next page. Viktor looked surprised for a moment, like he didn't remember what was on the next photos, and Yuuri could see that he pressed his lips together for a moment before he tried to smile again.

There were they again, Irina and a slightly older Viktor, maybe four years old. They were walking on the small street of Vyatskoye, one of Viktor's hand was holding onto Irina, and the other was holding onto a man. A man who looked exactly like Viktor, to the point where it scared Yuuri. He had the same, silver hair, the same icy eyes, almost the same face. He was tall, just like Viktor, lean, and very handsome.

Engaging.

For a brief moment, Yuuri was mesmerized; for a brief moment, he forgot that this man beat his own child so brutally that he had to be hospitalized. But Yuuri didn't have to look long to notice something that could unmask this man; his eyes. There was something in Viktor's eyes, something that was missing from this man's, but they were there in Irina's. Yuuri thought that even though Viktor inherited his looks from his father, his spirit was his mother's.

'Yes, that's him.' Viktor said, breaking the silence, like he knew exactly what was Yuuri thinking about. 'He was charming, wasn't he?'

'He looks like you, but... actually, he... he doesn't look like you at all.'

_Nice. That was a nice sentence. Congratulations, you dumbass._

Viktor seemed surprised, then he turned to his grandma and said something to her in Russian. She started nodding.

'You are the first one to say that.' Viktor said to Yuuri, and he seemed genuinely grateful. 'Thank you, _Yura_. For noticing that.'

Viktor's gaze was gentle and pure, full of love and full of his soul.

'It's n-nothing.' Yuuri muttered. 'I think it's obvious.'

The following minutes were mostly silent. Viktor was flipping through the pages, Olga sometimes whispered something to him and caressed his hair or kissed him on his cheek, but otherwise, they didn't talk.

Yuuri was completely lost in the photos. He saw many different people, many different faces and emotions. No matter what, Irina was always holding Viktor's hand, she was always close to him, and her smile was always just for him, and not for the camera. Viktor's father was not in a lot of photos, and as the pages went by, he completely disappeared. And the honest happiness from little Viktor's eyes disappeared as well. Photo by photo, page by page - year by year.

There was a picture where Viktor was still just a child; maybe eight years old, with shoulder length hair, standing next to a birthday cake. He had a smile on his face, but his eyes were miserable. Irina was sitting at the table next to him, holding a present in her hands and by the look on her face, she was saying something to her son. Her hair was not in a pony tail; it was shorter but it was free, curly and wild around her beautiful, angelic face.

There was a picture where Viktor was sitting next to a lake, holding a black puppy in his hands and hugging it with a loving smile on his face. He seemed older, maybe nine, and his hair was much shorter. On the next picture, he was sitting on a swing, with a boy next to him, and they were both grinning. Next to the brown haired boy, there was a black dog laying in the grass, playing with a tennis ball. Viktor's hair was short, and his eyes were not smiling.

The brown haired boy was with Viktor on a lot of photos; there was even a picture where they were standing in front of a christmas tree together along with Irina and Olga. Viktor seemed older, maybe ten years old. His hair was longer again. But after a few pages, the brown haired boy disappeared.

It took a few seconds for Yuuri to wake up and realize that he was sitting in the kitchen of Viktor's grandma. He looked up to see their faces; Viktor had a bittersweet smile on his lips, but Olga seemed happy for some reason - she had the same look on her face as Irina.

'T-thank you for showing me these. Umm... _spasibo_. ' Yuuri said to Olga and Viktor at the same time, smiling at the grandmother and hoping that she understood what was he trying to say.

Viktor was looking incredibly proud again, and Olga stood up to grab Yuuri and kiss his forehead once again.

' _Pozhaluysta, lapochka_.'

*

Yuuri and Viktor couldn't leave the kitchen until they ate every single piece of cookie Olga offered to them, and by the time Viktor guided him to one of the rooms in the house, Yuuri was exhausted. Viktor opened the door then took their bags into the room.

'This was my room when I used to stay here.' Viktor said, and he closed the door after Yuuri stepped inside.

The walls were painted white, and the window was looking at the river and the little bridge over it. The small bed was next to the wall, with plush toys and old pillows on it. The walls were covered in posters of dogs and old airplanes. There were some photos of Viktor and his mom on the brown bookshelves, and there was one where Irina was alone. She was wearing a stunning ballet costume and she was doing a pirouette.

'Wow.' Yuuri whispered while he was looking around. 'Your mom is so pretty here. And you liked airplanes?'

Viktor nodded.

'Yes, I wanted to fly.' he smiled. 'But my mother taught me how to fly without wings, and that's why I became a figure skater.'

Yuuri sighed, and he couldn't help but feel touched by Viktor's words. He went up to him and hugged him, pressing his face against his chest and holding onto him with all his strength.

'Thank you so much for bringing me here.' he whispered.

Viktor was caressing his hair, then he touched his jaw and waited Yuuri to look at him.

'Thank you for being here with me, my love.' he said, kissing Yuuri on the forehead. 'Would you like to go for a walk later? Or should we stay here?'

'Both is f-fine.' Yuuri said, trying to stay calm. Their bodies were pressing together, and even though they just had sex yesterday, Yuuri felt like it was a thousand years ago. And it seemed like Viktor had the same opinion.

'M-hm.' Viktor purred into his ears. 'Then we'll decide later.'

Before Yuuri could do anything, Viktor's hands were already on his ass, and his lips on his neck.

'Viktor, what are you doing?' Yuuri whined, looking at the door desperately.

'What does it look like?' Viktor asked, then his grip tightened on Yuuri's ass.

Yuuri almost shrieked like a little girl but he managed to keep his voice down. Viktor's touch went straight to his dick, but the thought of Viktor's grandma being in the house made him extremely uncomfortable.

'Don't do t-that.' he muttered, grabbing Viktor's shoulders. 'Your grandma-'

'She won't know.' Viktor breathed while gently pushing his hips against Yuuri's. 'I really... _really_ want you, _Yura_.'

_Holy shit! I can see that! Oh my god, what should I do? What should I do?!_

Yuuri started to give in. He couldn't do anything when Viktor was looking at him like that through his ridiculously long, silver eyelashes. He couldn't resist when Viktor's body was pressing against his like that. Viktor was so turned on that Yuuri could practically feel the sexual tension in the room.

'Viktor, I-'

There was a loud knock on the door, and Yuuri practically froze in Viktor's arms. There was nothing but pure horror on his face. Viktor has never been calmer.

_'Vityenka? What would you two like to eat for dinner?'_

Viktor looked at the door then back to Yuuri like nothing happened.

'She's asking us what we want for dinner.'

'Anything is... fine.' Yuuri muttered, still holding onto Viktor's shoulders. His heart was beating so loud that he could hear it.

 _'I love everything you cook, granny.'_ Viktor replied. _'We will go and help you.'_

Yuuri closed his eyes for a moment, because even though he had absolutely no idea what Viktor just said, it was not helpful to hear him speak Russian in this particular situation. Yuuri could Olga's footsteps, and when she left, Viktor started smiling like a pre-schooler.

'I know exactly what I want to eat for dinner.' he said with a smirk, which made Yuuri laugh and blush at the same time.

'Well, we're gonna eat some Russian so... it's nothing new to me.' Yuuri said, gently pushing Viktor away and opening the door to go to the kitchen.

Viktor was still standing in the middle of the room, staring at Yuuri's back with an open mouth, and he had to grab the edge of the counter to avoid fainting right then and there.

_I can't believe I just said that. That was horrible._

_I can't believe this. This is so fucking embarrassing._

_I want to hide in a cave._

Minutes after his intention to flirt with Viktor, Yuuri's face was still burning. They were standing next to Olga, helping her with cutting the vegetables and the meat. Whenever Viktor had the chance to briefly touch Yuuri, he did, but most of the time he was just staring at him like he was an angel sent from heaven. Yuuri couldn't handle his gaze, so he tried his best to concentrate on his task.

_'How long will you stay, Vitya?'_

_'Oh, I think we have to go back tomorrow night. Most of our stuff is still in Moscow and we have to get back to Japan as soon as possible._ ' Viktor said while cutting the onions.

_'You can still stay for a few days.'_

_'I'm sorry, grandma, but we can't. Yuuri's next competition is really close and we have to train.'_

_'Ah, don't tell me you're going to leave so soon after not visiting me for years.' O_ lga said, placing down the kitchen knife on the counter and putting her hand on her waist.

Viktor was looking at her apologetically. Yuuri was listening to them, even though he couldn't understand what they were talking about, but somehow it was relaxing.

 _'I'm sorry, granny. I feel horrible because of that.'_ Viktor admitted, and for a few seconds, he couldn't even look at his grandmother. _'I wanted to come. I really wanted to. But things got a little crazy and... I was really busy. And after a while, I just didn't know how to ask for your forgiveness.'_

Olga rolled her eyes, then stepped to Viktor to brush his bangs away from his forehead.

_'I was never angry at you, my sweet angel. Never. You don't have to apologise. This ugly old hag just wants to see her grandson more often.'_

' _Grandma!'_ Viktor laughed, then he hugged Olga and placed a kiss on her face. _'Okay, I promise I will visit you more often.'_

' _Good.'_ Olga nodded, pulling Viktor's left ear a little, then turning to Yuuri and grabbing his shoulders. _'Bring your man, too. And teach him some Russian, yes?'_

Yuuri turned his head to look at them with a confused smile on his face. Viktor was still laughing.

' _Yes, grandma_.' he said to her, then turned to Yuuri. 'She wants us to visit her more often. And she wants you to learn some Russian so she could talk to you.'

'Did you tell her that I already asked you to teach me?' 

'Oh, you're right, honey.' Viktor said, and Olga was already waiting for his answer when he turned to her. _'He already asked me in Moscow to teach him some Russian. He's a good student. I actually taught him some expressions on the train but he was so nervous that he forgot everything.'_

_Did he just... did he just call me honey?_

_Oh my sweet lord, I think it is good that she doesn't understand English._

' _Oh, really? How sweet he is!'_ Olga said, patting Yuuri on the back so hard that he almost lost his balance. _'Vitya, you have to learn Japanese too. You know that, right?'_

' _Yes, granny, I know. You're right._ ' Viktor nodded, and when Olga went back to cutting the carrots, he stepped a bit closer to Yuuri to touch his waist. 'She said that I should learn Japanese, too. Will you be my teacher?'

Viktor's voice was outrageous, and Yuuri almost cut his finger when he felt his hot breath against his neck.

'Y-yes, of-of course.' he muttered, praying for his soul.

_I have a sudden urge to call him Vitya but I don't know how he would react? I will not survive this. I definitely won't._

They prepared the ingredients quickly with each other's help. Olga was constantly making them laugh with her jokes, and Viktor started to find it hard to keep up with her and translate everything she said because he was laughing so hard sometimes. There were moments when Yuuri just forgot about everything and stared at Viktor, feeling himself become happier and happier when he had the chance to see Viktor's smile. It was wonderful to see him like this, and Yuuri decided that he wants to make him even happier from now on.

After they finished eating, Yuuri insisted on washing the dishes but Olga wouldn't let him. She gave him a jar full of cookies and told him to go and have some rest, and Yuuri wasn't brave enough to say no to a Russian grandmother. He turned to Viktor to ask if he wanted to stay, but he decided not to say anything. He thought that Viktor and Olga needed some time together, so Yuuri thanked Olga for the food then left the kitchen quietly. He went back to Viktor's old room and sat down on the bed, thinking about how the hell will they sleep here when it was barely big enough for one grown man, let alone two. He opened his luggage to search for some clean clothes and towels, then he went to take a shower.

He almost fell asleep while the lukewarm water was running down his body, making him sleepier with every minute. When he left the bathroom, he could hear muffled talking from the small living room. He peaked inside, and he saw that Olga and Viktor were sitting on the old, brown couch, looking through a photo album and talking quietly. When he saw Viktor's expression, Yuuri couldn't help but tear up a little, but there was a smile on his lips. His love for Viktor was stronger than ever before, and it was filling his entire soul with warmth. The fact that they were here because Viktor decided he has the strength to come here with Yuuri... meant everything to him.

He went back to the room and layed down on the bed, pulling the blanket on his body and looking at the posters on the wall. He tried to imagine little Viktor in this bed, wondering about airplanes and dreaming about flying, then slowly drifting to sleep with the moon shining on his beautiful silver hair, making him look like a real angel.

*

Yuuri woke up suddenly, having no idea where he was. He sat up and looked around, only to realize that he was woken up by Viktor who just came into the room a second ago.

'Oh, baby, I woke you up.' Viktor whispered, holding Yuuri's face in his hands and kissing him softly. 'I'm sorry.'

'Come here.' Yuuri mumbled, still half asleep, feeling a bit dizzy from sitting up so quickly.

He fell back to the bed, and he could feel Viktor laying down beside him. Viktor's bare chest was touching Yuuri's back. He put the blanket back on Yuuri. He slowly began to caress Yuuri's shoulder shoulder and placing short kisses on his neck. Yuuri could feel Viktor's crotch pressing against his ass, and even though the bed was really small and they didn't have much space, Viktor didn't make the situation easier.

'Viktor, we can't sleep like this.' Yuuri moaned, turning his head to see Viktor's face. He could hardly see anything in the dark, but Viktor's blue eyes were almost vibrating.

'I don't want to sleep.' Viktor admitted, trying to hold back, but his hips were moving on their own.

Yuuri was whimpering at this point. Viktor was fresh out of the shower, smelling gorgeous, wearing nothing but his briefs, grinding against Yuuri like there was no tomorrow. His body was warm and strong against Yuuri's, and he wanted nothing more than to grind back against him, to let him go wild, but the thought of being in Olga's house was still making him uncomfortable.

Viktor was placing passionate, long kisses on his back and on his neck, holding his hips and running down his hands on Yuuri's thighs, breathing into his ears. Yuuri closed his eyes and pressed his lips together, then he grabbed Viktor's hand.

'No.' he whispered, and he tried to fight his own arousal.

Viktor was inconsolable. He stopped, just like Yuuri asked, but he was still turned on - Yuuri could feel that. Literally.

'Let's switch places.' Yuuri suggested.

Viktor chuckled, then he got up. Yuuri rolled to the other side to the bed, next to the wall, and Viktor laid down on Yuuri's old spot. This was the moment when Yuuri realized that he made the wrong decision.

They have never slept like this; Viktor was always behind Yuuri, taking the role of the big spoon, but now, Yuuri had to be the one to do it. His heart started racing in his chest, and he slowly put his hand under Viktor's arm and wrapped it around his chest, moving a bit closer to him and pressing his forehead against the nape of Viktor's neck.

_Oh, fuck. I'm dead. I'm gonna die. I didn't think this through. I definitely didn't think this through._

Yuuri was cursing himself. Viktor's body was warm against him, his bare skin soft and inviting. His hair was tickling Yuuri's forehead a little, and his ass felt really nice against Yuuri's crotch. Yuuri tried to think about something else, he tried to calm down, but after a few seconds, the inevitable happened.

Yuuri could feel his face burn, and he was hoping that Viktor didn't notice, but of course he did. Yuuri was as hard as a rock, and his dick was pressing against Viktor's ass, with absolutely no chance to escape.

The silence was horrible.

'Well, this is new.' Viktor chuckled. 'But I'm not complaining.'

'I'm so sorry.' Yuuri whimpered. 'I can't control it.'

'Hm. I didn't say I want you to control it.' Viktor purred, then he pushed his ass back against Yuuri's erection, making the boy moan out loudly.

Yuuri put his hand on his mouth, then buried his face into Viktor's back.

'V-Viktor, don't make this harder for me.'

'Oh, I think it's already pretty _hard_ , Yuuri.' Viktor chuckled, and Yuuri was basically dying at this point.

_Oh my god, I can't believe this._

_I'm such an idiot, such a huge idiot! So embarrassing!_

'Yuuri.' Viktor whispered, then turned a little to touch Yuuri's burning face.

Yuuri looked up into Viktor's eyes, and he almost fainted. Viktor was looking at him with overflowing desire.

'W-what?' Yuuri muttered.

'You can do it, baby.' Viktor said, touching Yuuri's lips and leaning closer to him. 'If you want to. You can do it.'

'W-what do you mean? Wha-'

Before Yuuri could finish the sentence, Viktor put his head back to the pillow, he reached back to grab Yuuri's hips then he started grinding back against him slowly. He pressed his back against Yuuri's chest, breathing hastily, closing his eyes and holding Yuuri's hip steadily.

_HUUUH?!_

_Oh my god what is happening?!_

_Wh-what is happening?!_

_Oh_ _no, no way, no way, I'm still dreaming, this is a dream, this must be a dream, this must be-_

'Yuuri.' Viktor breathed, pushing himself against Yuuri's dick over and over again, repeating his name and arching his back, still holding onto Yuuri's hips with his left hand.

'V-Viktor, what are you-'

'Don't you want to do it?' Viktor asked. 'You never had dreams about doing this to me?'

Yuuri couldn't believe his ears. _Of course_ he had dreams about that; but mostly, it was the other way around, Viktor fucking him, and not the other option. He was too shy to think about that. He didn't think he could ever have the chance to do that. This was his wildest dream, and honestly, he always thought that Viktor would never let him do it.

Oh, he was _so_ wrong.

Yuuri couldn't control himself. He started to roll his hips against Viktor, and the moan that slipped out of Viktor's mouth almost made him come right then. This was different, he never heard this before. It was addicting. Viktor sounded beautiful and Yuuri wanted to hear him more.

He wrapped his arms around Viktor's body and he was still moving against him, way to aroused to stay still and hold back but too shy to actually do anything else. The sounds Viktor were making made Yuuri more and more turned on, and he started leaking into his pants. He was getting closer and closer, closing his eyes and pressing his lips against Viktor's shoulder, trying to hold back his voice.

'Ah, Viktor, I'm gonna-'

Yuuri was right on the edge when he heard Olga's voice from the hallway. She said something in Russian, maybe cursing, because she was talking to herself. Yuuri's moan turned into a painful, muffled cry, and his body stopped. He felt like someone just stabbed him in the dick. He went soft in ten seconds, and he was so embarrassed that he tried to hide away behind Viktor.

'This is not funny.' he whined when he heard Viktor's quiet little laugh.

'I'm sorry, baby.' Viktor said, turning around to face Yuuri. 'I guess sometimes I forget that in certain areas, you're still a virgin.'

'I'm not a virgin!' Yuuri said, a bit louder than he wanted to. He put his hands on his face in embarrassment, but Viktor was laughing.

'You know what I mean. But don't worry, I'm gonna change that.'

_'Viktor!'_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Olga The Cockblocker™  
> *clenches fists* DO IT. just DO IT. don't let your dreams be dreams. some people dream of success while you're...-  
> while you're dreaming about fu**ing your celebrity crush in the ass after dreaming about it for twelve damn years?  
> -an autobiography by Katsuki Yuuri
> 
> OH and I think you have your answers about Elena. yes yes she is Yurio's mom and nope she did not recognize Yuuri but he's fucked anyway


	19. I Put A Spell On You

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Yuuri and Viktor are invited to Christophe Giacometti's party  
> do I have to tell you more or  
> *  
> Guys, if you read this chapter until the end and you like it, please consider leaving a comment. It feels pathetic to ask for this, but you have to understand that writers write TO BE READ. I'm nothing without you and I don't write for myself - I write for You. no feedback at all is much worse than negative feedback. so please think about this.  
> and for those who always take their time to write a comment - thank you so much<3

Yuuri was walking next to Olga and Viktor, warming his hands in his pockets and trying to hide his frozen face behind his scarf. He was afraid he will catch a cold. He could see his breath in the air, and even though he was wearing a warm, knitted hat and his warmest coat, it didn't feel enough. The sun was shining, and the sky was clear, but the air was cutting into Yuuri's skin like a sharp knife. It was much colder than yesterday.

Olga was holding onto Viktor's arm, saying hi to everyone on the small streets of Vyatskoye. They had to stop multiple times, and the old ladies were completely head over heels for Viktor. They all remembered him from his childhood, and they greeted him like he was their own grandson. It took them a while to get to the train station, and by the time they arrived, Yuuri couldn't even feel his feet anymore. Viktor payed for the tickets then he put their luggages on the train, getting into a small fight with his grandma because Olga wanted to lift Viktor's suitcase to help him. Olga, of course, didn't understand what was the problem. They were still arguing when Yuuri glanced to his phone.

'Viktor, we have to go. It's almost noon.' he said in a careful tone, because he didn't want to interrupt them.

Viktor turned to him.

'Oh, right! Sorry, babe.' he said with an apologetic smile, then he wrapped his arms around Olga and hugged her. ' _Babulya, my dolzhny idti_.'

 _'O, ya znayu. ya znayu.'_ Olga said, then caressed Viktor's face and pressed a loving kiss on his cold cheeks. _'Ya budu skuchat' za toboy.'_

Olga started to tear up, and Viktor hugged her again, whispering something in her ear so no one else could hear it. Olga was nodding, and she started to cry. Yuuri didn't know how to react, he didn't know what to do. He felt bad for leaving Olga here, but he knew that they couldn't say any longer. Not now. He wished he could tell her something, to promise her they will come again, but of course he couldn't do that. He was just standing there, staring at Viktor and his grandma hugging each other, and he was shaking from the cold.

But a second later, Olga was already in front of him, took his hand and squeezed it, then kissed his cheek and smiled at him with tears in her blue eyes.

_'Rada byla videt' tebya, lapochka.'_

'She says she was glad to see you.' Viktor smiled.

'Oh. I was happy to meet her, too.' Yuuri said, and Viktor translated, but it didn't feel right.

Yuuri wanted to say something on his own but he didn't know what to do, and he hesitated a little before he did it, but he eventually hugged Olga. This was the only way to express himself without Viktor's help, and by Olga's surprised little sound, he knew he did the right thing.

They didn't have any time left; the train was leaving in less than a minute. Yuuri let go of Olga and smiled at her for one last time before stepping on the train, waiting for Viktor to follow him. Viktor closed the door behind them, and the train started moving. Olga was still standing on the platform, waving and laughing despite the tears in her eyes. She said something but they couldn't hear her, so Viktor opened the window. The ice cold wind was playing with their hair.

 _'Schastlivogo puti!'_ Olga yelled, and they waved back. Viktor and Yuuri were smiling at her until the very end - until she turned into a tiny little dot in the distance.

*

Back in Vyatskoye, Yuuri couldn't really sleep at night because of obvious reasons - so as soon as they got on the train to Moscow, he fell asleep in the cabin, and Viktor had to wake him up three hours later when they finally got back to the city.

They were heading back to the hotel, sitting on the subway. Yuuri felt like he was trapped inside a transparent bubble. He was staring at the floor and the muffled noises around him barely reached his mind. He was dozing off again. The train was packed with people, and after a few minutes, Yuuri felt like someone was watching him. He glanced up to look around and he had to realize that he was right. There was a quite handsome guy sitting in front of him, looking at him and quickly turning away when Yuuri noticed it. Yuuri could feel his cheeks turn red, and he started to stare at the dirty, wet floor.

_'Yuuri?'_

Yuuri looked up immediately, blinking rapidly at Viktor.

' _Hai!_ Umm, I mean, what is it? Sorry.'

'We have to get off soon. Let's stand up.' Viktor said with a gentle smile, and he got up and stepped closer to the door. Yuuri was behind him, trying to keep up and not lose sight of him in the crowd. Then he heard a voice behind him.

_'Hello. Sorry. The guy with the glasses?'_

Yuuri couldn't see him yet, but the man was speaking in the same Russian accent as Viktor. Yuuri could feel his heart jump in his chest, then he turned around, thinking that maybe he was an idiot and he forgot something on his seat, and now someone is kind enough to give it back to him.

Yuuri turned around and he felt like his heart just sunk into the greatest depths of his stomach. It was the same guy who was looking at him earlier. His long, brown hair was in a messy bun, and his face was unshaven.

'I'm sorry.' he said, trying to flash a confident smile, but his green eyes betrayed him. He was trying to keep the eye contact with Yuuri, who was confused as hell, staring at the guy with furrowed brows.

By this time, Viktor noticed the scene and turned around too.

'Sorry.' the guy repeated, still looking at Yuuri and scratching the back of his head in embarrassment. 'I know you don't know me, but can I ask for your number?'

_Huuh?!_

_Is he talking to me?_

_Is this guy talking to me? I'm the guy with the glasses, right?_

_He's looking at me, right?_

Yuuri's jaw dropped and his eyes went wide. He was speechless, and he quickly glanced at Viktor to see his reaction.

It wasn't what Yuuri expected. Viktor didn't look surprised or shocked at all; he looked _offended_. 

'I-I'm sorry.' Yuuri muttered, shaking his head and reaching for Viktor's hand. 'I'm with... I'm with him.'

'Oh.' the guy said, looking at Viktor and staring at him for a few seconds, like he was inspecting him with his eyes. Viktor responded with a serene smile.

The train stopped, and Yuuri had no idea where they were, but he just grabbed his suitcase and ran towards the door. He was apologizing constantly, pushing himself through the crowd, and dragging Viktor with him.

'Yuuri? Yuuri, wait!' Viktor yelled. He was trying to keep up with Yuuri. 'This is not our stop!'

It was already late. They were standing on the platform, and the metro disappeared into the dark tunnel. The wind grabbed their coat with iron fists, and the cold air was blowing in their ears. Yuuri had no idea why he just did that, why did he run away, but before he could apologize, his words froze in his throat.

_'Eeeh?!'_

That was everything he could say,. He was staring at the wall in the subway with wide eyes. Viktor was looking at him with furrowed brows, confused as hell, trying to follow Yuuri's gaze and searching for the reason behind his reaction.

'What? What's wrong, _Yura?_ What do you... _oh_.' 

They stood there like statues, with the same shocked expression on their faces. There were many billboards on the wall - advertising cosmetics, clothing or even food. But there was one with two men on it. The Asian man was leaning against the silver haired man behind him, resting the back of his head on the taller man's shoulder and looking straight into the camera - while the other man behind him was only looking at him, his blue eyes mesmerized and full of admiration.

Yuuri felt like he will faint right there, and Viktor will have to call a goddamn ambulance to take him to the hospital.

He couldn't even think, and he was completely speechless. He was just staring at himself on the billboard.

_That's not me._

_Is that me?_

_Oh god. That's me._

There was a strange feeling boiling inside him, but Yuuri couldn't really find the meaning behind it, because it wasn't shame. It wasn't embarrassment. His eyes and his expression were outrageous on the picture, shouting _sex_ from a hundred miles away. Viktor was looking at him on the billboard like Yuuri was the center of the entire universe, and the sight of this created a thousand butterflies in Yuuri's stomach. 

They were both speechless for long seconds.

'Wow.' Viktor said after he woke up from his shock. He was smiling so hard that Yuuri was afraid his face will break. 'Look at that! You look _so_ sexy.'

'Viktor-' Yuuri muttered, then grabbed his arms and tried to pull him away. 'Don't say that! Come on, _don’t_ look at it!'

But Viktor didn’t want to move yet, and he was right - they looked amazing together, and Yuuri was way too shy to admit that.

Viktor's expression didn't change, he was still just as enthusiastic as a child. He touched Yuuri's waist, and leaned down to kiss his face.

'But it's true. You look so hot, I'm kind of turned on right now.' he admitted, and Yuuri almost jumped out of his coat in surprise.

'What? There are people around us, Viktor.' he said with a burning face, then tried to push him away. 'And _how_ did this happen? I didn't know this was for a perfume commercial.'

Yuuri was pointing at the corner of the billboard, looking at a blue perfume bottle. The whole world was spinning around him.

'I didn't know that either.' Viktor said in a cheerful voice. 'I didn't even know they will be published, but I have to admit, Natasha has excellent taste. I think I will have to call her and ask for a huge print so I can hang it on my wall-'

'Viktor, _no_.' Yuuri said, and he buried his face into his palms.

_I can't believe this. How could this happen? Why did she had to pick this photo? God, I was grinding against Viktor in that very moment._

_Oh, I hope my mom won't see this._

'Amazing.' Viktor smiled, then brushed his hands over Yuuri's ass just for a moment, but it was enough to make Yuuri jump. 'Are you still surprised that someone asked for your number, _detka?_ '

_Oh, shit._

'Don't even mention that.' Yuuri whispered. 'I'm sorry, I was so embarrassed, I just had to leave-'

'Mm, it's okay. It was nice when you held my hand and told him you are with me.'

The guy on the train and the billboard obviously had their effect on Viktor, and Yuuri was struggling to keep his hands away from his body.

'L-let's go and walk from here.' he said quickly

Viktor was staring at him with a surprised frown.

'Are you sure? It's cold.'

'It's not far, isn't it? I need some fresh air after seeing _that_.' he said while pointing at the billboard and turning his back on it, because he just couldn't look at it any longer.

'Okay, _Yura_. Whatever you want.' Viktor agreed, then they made their way towards the escalators.

*

Yuuri regretted his decision after five minutes, but he refused to admit it. Viktor even gave him his scarf, so when they arrived back to the hotel, Yuuri looked like a potato wrapped in ten layers of clothing.

'I'm s-s-sorry.' Yuuri muttered while they were waiting to the elevator. He was still shaking.

'I wasn't cold.' Viktor said. 'I was worried about you, I hope you won't-'

Viktor didn't finish because his phone started vibrating in his pocket. He reached for it to check it and when his eyes started to sparkle, Yuuri immediately took the phone to see what was so entertaining.

Viktor received a text from Chris: ' _I just saw the photos on the internet. Congrats on the sex'_

_Oh. My. Sweet. Lord._

'I'm not gonna survive this.' Yuuri said. He have the phone back to Viktor, then grabbed his arm and pushed his face against his shoulder.

Viktor laughed and caressed Yuuri's back. They stepped into the elevator, and Viktor pushed the button. When the doors closed, Yuuri tried to stare at the floor and not think about the fact that their photos were all over the internet. Viktor stepped closer, then wrapped his arms around Yuuri's waist and leaned into his neck.

'I can't wait to get back to our room.' he whispered, smiling and briefly touching Yuuri's skin with his soft lips.

Yuuri could feel his body responding to Viktor's sensual voice, but just when Viktor wanted to kiss him, his phone interrupted again.

'Oh, it's Chris.' Viktor said, and before he answered the call, he winked at Yuuri.

_Oh, holy hell._

Yuuri could feel his entire face burning, and he really didn't want to hear what Chris had to say.

'Hi, Chris!' Viktor said with a wide smile.

_'Hey, you got my text?'_

'Yes, and actually, we just saw the photo on a billboard. It's amazing, right?'

 _'Oh, it truly inspired me.'_ Chris sighed. _'I called you because there will be a party tonight at my hotel suite. You two have to be there.'_

Yuuri felt like Chris just stabbed him in the stomach. He looked at Viktor and shook his head vigorously. Viktor hesitated.

'Umm. We had... _other_ plans.' he said, then he flashed a bright smile, clearly enjoying how red Yuuri's face turned after hearing his answer.

_'Don't worry, you can have sex here. Don't be like that, this is my last day in Russia. I will go back to Switzerland tomorrow, and we won't be able to meet for a while.'_

Viktor looked like he was in a crisis. He was staring at Yuuri, trying to decide what to say. The elevator arrived, and they stepped out to the hallway, carrying their bags with them.

'I don't know, Chris. Wait a second.' Viktor said, putting his suitcase down in front of the door. 'What do you say, _Yura?_ '

Yuuri was looking at Viktor with a frown on his face. His nose was still red from the cold.

'I don't want to hold you back. You can go without me, it's fine.'

Viktor looked genuinly hurt for a moment.

'What? No way.' he said. 'I won't leave you here. When was the last time you went to a party?'

_Oh no, there he goes with the uncomfortable truth._

'Umm- I don't- I don't know?' Yuuri said with a nervous laugh, trying to avoid eye contact.

Viktor’s expression changed and he put on his _strict coach_ mask.

'You have to relax. I think you need this party.' Viktor decided, and there was a weird, flaming spark in his eyes - it was somehow scary.

'Why are you so excited about this?' Yuuri asked in a high pitched tone, but Viktor was already back on the phone.

'We'll be there!'

_'Great! I will send you the address.'_

_I'm going to die tonight._

*

Yuuri wanted nothing more than to fall into bed and sleep until tomorrow morning then go to the airport - but he couldn't deny that he needed to live some sort of social life once in a blue moon.

He was laying on the bed, browsing through his phone and seeing their photo all over twitter and instagram. Phichit was the first one who shared it, and from that moment, it just exploded. Yuuri wanted to bury himself into the mass of pillows and blankets. Viktor booked their plane tickets on his phone then he stood up and started to search for something in his suitcase. Yuuri glanced at him sometimes, then back to their photo on his phone, then back to Viktor-

'Yuuri, I can't find my watch!' Viktor whined.

He was already getting ready for the party. He acted like an excited teenage girl ever since he talked to Chris on the phone.

'Have you checked in your pocket?' Yuuri asked, sitting up and resting his back against the headboard.

'Yes, but it's not there.' Viktor said on the verge of tears. 'I need that watch. It was a gift from Chris and it goes perfectly with my outfit-'

'It's okay, I'm sure you will find it.' Yuuri said, trying to hit a relaxed tone, but Viktor was inconsolable.

'But I didn't even take a shower yet! I have to wash my hair, too.' Viktor continued, pulling out every single drawer in the room and being totally ineffective with his investigation.

Yuuri took a long breath, then sat up and looked around.

'Are you sure it's not in your pocket, Viktor?'

'I didn't put it in my pocket. Maybe it's here-' Viktor said, and he pulled out one of Yuuri's bags from the wardrobe.

_SHIT!_

Yuuri's eyes went wide, and he got up so quickly that he almost tripped over the carpet.

'Viktor, don’t, that's-'

He basically collided into Viktor and grabbed his hand roughly to keep him from opening the luggage. For a while, they were just staring at each other without words. Yuuri was simply terrified, and Viktor was surprised, but then his lips curled into a mischievous smirk.

' _Oh_. What's in there, Yuuri?'

'Nothing! There is nothing in there.' Yuuri said, trying to pull the suitcase out of Viktor's hands, but he was stronger.

'Yuuuri-' Viktor cried, still holding onto the suitcase desperately. 'Is it something naughty? Is it for me?'

'N-no!' Yuuri said, trying to fight the flaming redness in his ears. 'Viktor, stop!'

Viktor did as Yuuri asked and he let the suitcase go while he pretended to cry from the disappointment. Yuuri immediately put it back into the wardrobe, but Viktor wasn't finished.

'Tell me, please?' he asked, looking at Yuuri through his long eyelashes.

'It's nothing.'

'I don't believe you.' Viktor said, leaning closer and trying to capture Yuuri for a kiss, but Yuuri didn't let him.

'I-I will- Viktor, just _stop_ \- I will show you when we get back from the party.' he said quickly, avoiding Viktor's gaze.

Viktor fell into Yuuri's arms and he acted like he was having a heart attack.

 _'Oh, bozhe moy_. You can't do that, _Yura_. I won't be able to leave this hotel room like this. I won't be able to concentrate. It's going to be painful and I'm going to suffer and-'

'Viktor, you're being dramatic again.' Yuuri said. He grabbed Viktor's shoulders and pushed him away. 'Call the reception and ask them, maybe they know something about your watch.'

Viktor continued to whine about how cruel Yuuri was, but he obeyed. He left the room to call the reception from the kitchen. As soon as he was on the hallway, Yuuri dropped to his knees and started to search for something in his suitcase. He was sweating like a reacehorse, and his heart was pounding.

_Oh my god, oh my god, he almost found it, he almost saw it, this was a MISTAKE._

He pulled out the box from _Agent Provocateur_ and got up, walking up and down in the room and having no idea what to do.

_Where should I put it? Where should I hide it? I FUCKED UP!_

He heard Viktor speaking Russian in the kitchen, and without a better idea, he grabbed some clothes from the wardrobe then ran to the bathroom. He locked the door behind him, and put everything down on the counter. He was staring at his reflection, trying to decide why the hell did he just came here.

But the thought was already in his head.

_I have to be quick._

Yuuri's throat was dry as he opened the black box. He started stripping until he was completely naked. He put on the lingerie - slowly pulled on the lace briefs and took his time with the stockings and suspenders. When he was done, he looked up to see himself, and he had to take a deep breath to keep calm.

_Damn. I look good. I can’t wait for him to see this._

Yuuri was slowly checking himself out, running down his hands on his chest and his thighs, then turning around and touching his ass too, squeezing it a little and staring at it in the mirror for long seconds. He already knew what to do. He left the lingerie on, and then started to dress up for the party. He put on black jeans and a dark red shirt, then he tried to do something with his hair to make it look less catastrophic. The lace felt amazing against his skin and Yuuri was constantly fighting his own body to avoid a boner. He couldn't wait for the moment when Viktor finally sees him in these, and he wasn't really sure why he decided to wear them under his clothes, but he had some sort of a plan.

_'Yuuri!'_

Yuuri quickly hid the empty box from _Agent Provocateur_ under the counter, glanced at his reflection for one last time, then left the bathroom. Viktor was running around in the apartment half naked, still searching for his watch.

'They don't know anything about it.' he whined, and when he saw Yuuri, he stopped. 'Oh, you look nice, baby. I love this color on you.'

'Thanks.' Yuuri smiled.

_Don't think about the lingerie, don't think about the lingerie!_

_Whatever you do, do not think about it!_

'Wait a minute, Viktor.' Yuuri said, then he made his way towards the front door and took Viktor's coat from the hanger.

Viktor followed him and glanced at his coat over Yuuri’s shoulder.

Yuuri pushed his hand inside the coat's left pocket, and as he suspected, his fingers touched something. He sighed, then turned around and lifted the watch into the air to push it into Viktor's face. Viktor smiled at him innocently, then he took the watch and as Yuuri was trying to escape under his arms, he quickly kissed his face.

’ _Spasibo_.’ he said, knowing damn well how his Russian affected Yuuri.

When he saw a red tint appear on Yuuri’s pouting face, he smiled and left to take a shower.

_Oh, god, sometimes I just want to kick him in the ass._

Yuuri decided to lay on the couch and turn on the TV until Viktor was ready, but Viktor was far from that. Very far.

He spent an entire hour in the bathroom, and that was just his shower time. Yuuri was suffering on the couch, whining constantly and calling Viktor's name over and over again, threatening him that he won't go to the party if he has to wait any longer.

'Just five more minutes.' Viktor yelled from the bedroom for the third time, and Yuuri had seriously no idea what the hell was taking so long.

Yuuri growled into the pillow, then sat up.

’If I have to wait more than ten seconds, Viktor, I’m gonna go to bed and you will sleep on the couch for-’

Yuuri couldn’t finish his threat, because Viktor showed up - and Yuuri's phone almost fell from his hands. His jaw dropped, and he was staring at Viktor just like he did when he was twelve years old.

Viktor looked like a real model. He was wearing one of his designer outfits again, tight dark blue pants and a white shirt with its sleeves rolled up. His chest was almost showing because he didn't completely button up, and his hair was _perfect,_ literally shining in the lamplight looking as if a hairdresser spent hours to make it look like this. His skin and his lips were glowing, and Yuuri could swear to god that his grey eyelashes were even longer than ever before. Yuuri could feel Viktor's cologne in the air and it made him very, very weak. So weak.

_Fuck._

'Uh, you look-' Yuuri began, but he needed to swallow, otherwhise he would have choked on his own spit. '-r-really good.'

That was an understatement, because in this moment, Yuuri wanted nothing more than to get up and jump into Viktor's arms, then wrap his legs around his hips and-

He managed to stand up, but before he could do anything, Viktor was already there, pulling him into his arms and biting down on his own bottom lip while leaning closer and closer.

_Oh no, not now, not now, not like this, I can't-_

'No no no, _don't_ do that!' Yuuri shrieked, then he escaped quickly and ran to the front door. 'I'm ready, let's go!'

*

'Maybe this wasn't a good idea after all.' Yuuri said as soon as they arrived at the hotel Chris was staying in, which was just as luxurious as the one Viktor chose.

When they arrived to the building, the lobby was already full of people heading to Chris' party.

'If you don't like it, just tell me and we're gonna go back to our hotel.' Viktor said, putting his hand on Yuuri's waist as a reassurance and greeting a bunch of people who were just strangers to Yuuri.

They went to the elevator together, and Yuuri felt like everyone knew what was under his clothes. He needed to take deep breaths to stay calm, but it felt impossible.

They could already hear the music from the elevator, it was _The Night Is Still Young_ by Nicki Minaj. When they arrived to the door, it opened up immediately, like someone knew that they were coming in this moment.

'Welcome, friends!' Chris yelled with a flower crown on his head, holding a glass of whisky in his hands. 'Oh, Viktor, Yuuri, we've been expecting you.'

'We?' Yuuri repeated with a terrified expression, then quickly followed Viktor into the luxurious apartment.

They removed their coats and followed Chris to the ridiculously huge living room, which was full of people, and full of...

Yuuri looked around like a frightened squirrel, and he thought he was dreaming and none of this was real.

There were four stripper poles in the room placed on high podiums, occupied by two male and two female dancers and their lack of clothing made Yuuri more red than a sun ripened tomato. The purple and white lighting was flashing in the room and formed all kinds of silhouettes on the ceiling. The shadows of the guests were dancing on the walls. The music was so loud that Yuuri could feel the beat in his stomach and under his feet. There was a bar next to the wall, and the bartender boy was wearing nothing but a bowtie around his neck and a black leather short.

A _very tight_  black leather short.

Yuuri was standing next to Viktor, and he was completely speechless - but Viktor looked like this wasn’t the first time he saw a party like this. He was having a heated conversation with Chris about the stripper poles.

'I ordered them from amazon, excellent quality, you wouldn't believe-'

'Wow, really?'

'I know, right? You should definitely buy one. I think it would be quite useful in your household.'

Viktor and Chris started laughing. Viktor gently pushed Yuuri with his elbow, like he was referring to something, but Yuuri was just staring at them with a confused frown.

_What are they talking about?_

'Yuuri, my darling!' Chris said, stepping to Yuuri and putting his left arm around his neck. He smelled like whisky and weed. 'It's so nice to see you here. Let's drink for a memorable night.'

A waitress just passed them, and Chris grabbed a glass from her to give it to Yuuri.

'Thanks.' Yuuri muttered, drinking the whole content of the glass in one go, and immediately regretting it afterwards.

Viktor and Chris looked at each other like they knew something Yuuri didn't.

'W-what is this?' Yuuri asked in a husky voice, trying to talk properly while the drink was burning his throat.

'I don't know, I just grabbed it.' Chris laughed, then reached for Viktor and pulled him closer too with his other hand. 'Now, tell me, boys. How did it go after the dinner? Did you make it to your hotel room? Oh, and where did you buy a butt plug like that, Viktor? Was it expensive?'

_HUH???_

Yuuri was screaming internally and he had to cover his burning face in embarrassment, but Viktor was dead serious.

'Oh, I purchased it online with a ten percent discount, I will send you the link later. It wasn't expensive _at all_.'

Chris was more than interested.

'Really? Did it work well?'

'It worked perfectly. I ordered the smallest one but let me tell you-'

Yuuri just couldn't take it anymore. He grabbed the glass Chris was holding and drank the whisky, regretting it once again. He realized that the previous drink he had was in fact whisky, too. He had to grab Viktor's hand to keep his balance, but after a few deep breaths, he was fine. After a few seconds, he started to feel better. Instead of staring at the floor, he was looking around curiously, trying to find a familiar face in the crowd.

Some people were sitting and talking loudly while holding a glass in their hands, some people were dancing and singing along with the music, some were kissing, some were sitting at the bar and ordered more drinks. The pole dancers were quite popular, attracting a lot of people to them, men and women equally. Yuuri spotted someone at the bar.

'Chris, is that Phichit?' he asked. He was trying to yell through the music, leaning closer to Chris' ear.

'Oh, yes, he's been waiting for you.'

'Viktor, I'm gonna go and say hi.' Yuuri turned to Viktor, who just took a glass of mojito from a waiter.

'Of course, baby. I will be with Chris.' 

Yuuri started to make his way through the crowd. When he finally reached Phichit, he touched his shoulder and sat down next to him on a tall bar stool.

'Yuuri!' Phichit smiled, then he hugged him briefly. 'It's so good to see you here. I didn't think you would come.'

'I'm glad to see you too. And actually, Viktor convinced me to come.' Yuuri admitted.

Phichit was drinking a cocktail, and his cheeks were starting to turn pink.

'I have to thank him then. I missed last year's banquet but I didn't want to miss this party.' he said with a wink, looking at Yuuri the same way Chris and Viktor did earlier.

Yuuri was still smiling the same, still having absolutely no idea why was everyone looking at him like that.

'I didn't know you will be here.' he said, then he made a high pitched sound when Phichit pulled him closer.

'Smile, Yuuri!' Phichit laughed, then took a photo. He immediately posted it on instagram and twitter. 'Oh, André, please?'

 _'André?_ Who's tha-'

The bartender boy went up to them and leaned on the counter. Yuuri was staring at his muscles without shame.

'Yes, boys?' he asked with a bright smile. 'What can I do for you?'

'A glass of _Pretty Punch_ for my friend, please.'

'Of course, just a second.'

By the time Yuuri could say anything, his drink was already in front of him, and he was just blinking at it like an idiot.

'Oh, how much is it?' Yuuri asked, then started to search for his money but the bartender shook his head.

'It's on me.' André said with a wink, and Yuuri almost choked on nothing.

'Thank you.' he muttered, then he tried his best to avoid André's seductive gaze by turning away and staring at Phichit.

Phichit was texting with someone on his phone and he occasionally sipped from his cocktail.

'Oh, by the way, I love your photos with Viktor. Why didn't you tell me about them?'

Yuuri took the glass of punch and god, it tasted like tequila.

'I didn't know they will be published.' he said quickly.

'Ah, okay. I already ordered a print from the internet, it's such a masterpiece.'

'Huh? You did wha-'

Yuuri couldn't finish his sentence, because someone touched his shoulder and practically fell on his back. Yuuri almost dropped his glass, and he didn't have to turn around to know who it was. He already smelled Viktor's cologne and he could recognize his touch, too.

'Viktor, what are you doing? Are you already drunk? I left you for five minutes!' Yuuri said, looking at Viktor in disbelief.

Viktor was holding a glass in his hand as well. He looked genuinely happy. He stepped between him and Phichit, still holding onto Yuuri's arm and greeting Phichit with an excited smile.

'Hi, Phichit! Oh no, _Yura_ , I'm not drunk. I'm just happy to be here.'

Yuuri wanted to scold him but he just started laughing, reaching for his glass and raising it before drinking its whole content at the same time as Viktor. Phichit was constantly taking photos, but Yuuri couldn't really care anymore – he even smiled for them. He started to feel lighter, more confident, more open. He didn't mind if the people were looking at him, what's more, he wanted them to look at him.

 _Addicted to you_ by Avicii started playing, and Phichit ordered a drink for everyone around him including Yuuri, and Yuuri drank it all, not caring about what is was or how it tasted. He became more and more careless, he was laughing, searching for Viktor with his eyes and staring at him when he finally found him. Viktor was still close, talking to Chris and André and laughing at something like high school boys, making Yuuri's mouth water because damn, he was looking good. Yuuri was still sitting next to Phichit, leaning on the counter and following Viktor's every single movement with his eyes, biting his lower lip and feeling slightly dizzy from the alcohol - and horny.

_Damn, he is so hot. Those veins on his arms..._

_His neck and his collarbones. I just want to go there and lick his skin._

_Fuck, I want him. I just want to tear his shirt off._

'Are you okay?' Phichit asked with a smirk, touching Yuuri's shoulder. 'Are you staring at Viktor?'

Phichit turned around to see who was behind him, and when his predictions seemed to be true, he started laughing.

Yuuri nodded, and he was not shy about the truth at all. He was thinking about the billboard he saw earlier, and the thought that it was still out there and the internet was also full of that photo made him more than excited.

Suddenly, a man went up to Viktor and touched his arm, then leaned closer to him and whispered something into his ear. Yuuri's eyes went wide and he was ready to jump from his seat, but he didn't move yet. The man was tall and handsome, and from the way he was looking at Viktor it was obvious what kind of intentions he had. Viktor listened to him then politely smiled at him and shook his head. Yuuri grabbed Phichit's arm and pointed at them.

Phichit turned around again, inspecting the situation and looking back at Yuuri as fast as a lightning.

'If you don't hurry up, someone will steal your man, Yuuri. You don't want that, do you?'

Yuuri shook his head vigorously. He drank from his glass then put it down on the counter with a little bit too much force.

'I don't want that.' he said firmly. He stood up and lost his balance for a moment, but he regenerated quickly.

He made his way to Viktor, and he got there right after that guy left.

'Viktor.' he said, and he wrapped his hands around Viktor's left arm. 'Dance with me.'

Viktor was staring at him with wide eyes. He couldn't even say a word. The other men around him stopped talking and everyone was looking at them. Viktor just followed Yuuri to the dance floor without saying anything, letting him take charge and enjoying every second of it, grinning like a schoolboy.

Yuuri was holding onto Viktor's forearm and pulled him further and further into the crowd, and when he arrived to a spot he thought was good, he stopped and turned around to face the other man. Yuuri grabbed Viktor's shirt and pulled him closer, then started to move against his body. He closed his eyes and concentrated to the music. He could feel the beat in his veins and he just let himself move freely. Yuuri could feel the smell of sweat and alcohol in the air mixing with Viktor's cologne, and he lifted his hands to run his fingers through Viktor's hair. When their bodies touched, and their skin met, Yuuri could feel himself burning more and more, he could feel the desire grow and flow through his body - and he could feel the same desire radiating from Viktor, echoing between their bodies. He grabbed the collar of Viktor's shirt and pulled him closer roughly. They were staring into each other's eyes for a moment, then without thinking, Yuuri pressed his lips against Viktor's. They melted together in a hungry, passionate kiss. Yuuri's hands were still on Viktor's collar. He was holding him firmly, maybe a bit too firmly, but he wanted to feel his body against his own.

Yuuri couldn't hear anything for a few seconds, just his own heart pounding in his chest at the same time as the music - and then the whistling and clapping reached him. He broke the kiss and looked around. Viktor was staring at him like he just had some kind of drug. His blue eyes were heavy with want, and he was still staring at Yuuri's lips.

Then they looked around and realized that everyone was staring at them.

'Well-' Viktor started, wrapping his hands around Yuuri's waist. 'I guess now it's official?'

The people around them started laughing, and Yuuri was smiling too. He looked completely carefree and happy, then he flashed a smile to Phichit who was standing next to them. Phichit was constantly taking photos with his phone every second, and there were actual tears in his eyes.

'I dedicate this dance for my good friend, Yuuri! Hernando, play my song!' Chris shouted to the dj, ripping off his shirt and jumping on one of the stripper poles with a bottle of tequila in his hands.

The crowd went wild. Everyone wanted to cheer him on, and they raised their glasses into the air as Chris started to dance to _Lady Marmalade._

Yuuri was staring at Chris and after the first wave of shock left his body, he realized that Phichit was chanting his name.

'Yuuri! What are you waiting for?!'

'Huh? What do you mean?' Yuuri asked. Viktor was still holding him in his arms.

'Join Chris!' Phichit yelled, and the others around him followed his example.

’Why would I do that?’ Yuuri asked with furrowed brows.

Viktor was staring at Yuuri, then his eyes widened like he just realized something. His face was shouting pure terror and he was staring at the wall for long seconds, looking like he was having a flashback. A war flashback.

But Yuuri didn’t see his expression; he was looking at Chris and he had to admit that he was kind of hot up there. Even though he’s _never_ done anything like this, Yuuri wanted nothing more than to join Chris and show Viktor what he could do with his body. He glanced at Viktor, and the air was thick around them.

'Ookay.' Yuuri said, lifting up his hand and silencing the excited screams around him in a second. 'But first, I need a drink.'

Everyone started laughing and Viktor looked like he will cry in joy. Yuuri was not quite sure why everyone was so happy about his decision to join Chris, but he didn’t bother to ask. They went to the bar and Viktor ordered a drink, then decided to pay a round of shots for everybody at the party, inspiring Chris to toss his jeans into the crowd in excitement. Everyone was shouting Viktor's name for a few seconds, and he looked around grinning like the celebrity he was. Yuuri was shamelessly staring at him, biting his lips and imagining all kinds of scenes in his head. He sat down on the bar stool and leaned closer to Viktor, who has still standing next to him.

'Viktor?'

'Yes, baby?' Viktor said, then caressed Yuuri's face with the back of his fingers.

'Who was that guy who went up to you earlier?' Yuuri asked.

Viktor narrowed his eyes a little, then a smug smirk appeared on his face.

'Were you jealous?'

Yuuri put his hand on Viktor's naked forearm and slowly started to make his way up to his shoulder.

'Yeah.' he said with a shrug. 'What did he want from you?'

Viktor wanted to preserve his confidence but Yuuri could see his adam's apple move in his throat as he tried to swallow normally. A pale, pink tint appeared on his cheeks.

'Umm. He wanted me to go to the bathroom with him.'

Yuuri raised his eyebrows, and after drinking an entire glass of tequila, he looked back at Viktor with fire in his eyes.

'I hope you told him you're mine.' he said with a mysterious smile, and he simply grabbed Viktor's crotch. 'I have something to tell you, _Vitya_. Do you want to hear it?'

Viktor's jaw dropped and he was staring at Yuuri with wide eyes. He grabbed Yuuri's hand and tried to act casual, flashing a smile at André who was filling a glass with beer just two meters away from them. Yuuri looked into Viktor's eyes and smiled at him, still waiting for his answer and enjoying the taste of being in control. Then he saw that Viktor started blushing, harder than ever before, and he was looking ten years younger.

'Y-yes. I want to hear it.' Viktor said in a weak voice, sitting down on a bar stool next to Yuuri because his knees were starting to feel weak.

Yuuri finally let go of his crotch, then leaned into Viktor's neck and softly touched his ear with his teeth.

'I'm wearing lacy lingerie under my clothes.' he said, to which Viktor responded with a muffled moan.

Yuuri moved away to see Viktor's face and he was not disappointed - Viktor was staring at him with his lips pressed together and his face practically burning. His eyes were dripping with desire and he had to grab the edge of the counter to hold himself back from jumping at Yuuri in that exact moment.

'Yuuri-' he breathed, reaching for Yuuri's thigh, but Yuuri stood up. He touched Viktor's lips with his fingers, then smiled at him for one last time before leaving him behind to make his way towards Chris.

He was walking through the crowd feeling more confident than ever before. _Lady Marmalade_ was still on. Yuuri felt Viktor's eyes on his back, and when he arrived to the pole, Chris helped him up with his hands. Yuuri turned around and his eyes found Viktor immediately - he was still sitting at the bar, staring up at Yuuri like he was god himself, still grabbing the counter so hard that he almost broke the wood.

Yuuri looked into Viktor's eyes and licked his lips sensually, then unbottoned his shirt - not completely, just enough to reveal his chest. Chris was standing next to him in nothing but a thong full of glitters, and before he noticed, Yuuri was already above him, hanging from the pole upside down. The crowd was going crazy, screaming and whistling to encourage him. Chris reached up to pour some tequila into Yuuri's mouth from the bottle, and Yuuri opened his lips eagerly, sticking out his tongue and gulping the drink down like it was nothing. He reached for Chris to pull him closer. They started to dance together, conquering the pole as it was a handsome man, grinding against it and wrapping their legs around it, pressing their bodies together and feeling each other's rapid heartbeat in the air, in sync with the loud music.

Yuuri's hands were touching Chris' body but his eyes were on Viktor the whole time - he didn't let him go for a second, didn't give him a chance to breath. He imagined himself and Viktor together, bodies naked, skin to skin, breathing and moaning into each other's mouth. He imagined Viktor inside him, slowly stretching him and filling him up while breathing against his skin and whispering his name. After a few minutes, Yuuri couldn't bear the feeling of being far from Viktor anymore. He wanted him - he _needed_ him. He let go of the pole and wiped the sweat from his forehead, then after bowing to the screaming crowd, he jumped down to the floor and with nothing but pure lust on his face, he started to walk towards Viktor.

Viktor slowly stood up from the bar stool and stared into Yuuri's eyes. As soon as Yuuri got there, he wrapped his arms around his hips. Yuuri put his hands on Viktor's chest and while the crowd was still occupied with watching Chris, he grabbed Viktor's shirt and pulled him closer.

'I want you.' Yuuri said, pushing his body against Viktor's, and he could feel himself getting hard.

Viktor took a deep breath, holding onto Yuuri's hips firmly. When he started talking, his voice was unusually low, practically dripping from desire.

'I will call a taxi-' he said, and reached for his phone, but Yuuri stopped him.

'Oh, no.' Yuuri said, guiding Viktor's fingers under his shirt and putting them on the top of the suspender. Viktor' entire body froze like a statue, and he was speechless. 'Let me say it again. I want you, _Vitya_. And I want you _right now_.'

Yuuri could feel Viktor's rapid heartbeat on his own chest, and his fingers were digging into Yuuri’s skin under his shirt much harder than two seconds ago.

'Yes.' Viktor breathed in a weak tone. ' _Anything_ you want, honey.'

Then Viktor let go of Yuuri to turn to André at the bar. He asked him something, but Yuuri could hardly hear him. All he could see was Viktor's tall, lean figure standing in front of him, all he could feel was the familiar scent of his cologne in the air, and all he wanted was to finally rip his clothes off and feel his skin against his own.

André gave something to Viktor with a wink. Viktor closed his fist around the key, then turned back to Yuuri. Yuuri took his hand and led him out to the hallway then stopped in front of the closed door of Chris' bedroom. Viktor tried to put the key into the hole, but his fingers were shaking. Yuuri was leaning against the wall next to him, looking at him and biting his lips when Viktor glanced up to see his face.

Viktor mumbled something in Russian and dropped the key, then immediately picked it up and put it in the keyhole again. As soon as they stepped inside the dark room, Yuuri closed the door. The red walls were lit by a few candles and a salt lamp, nothing else. The huge bed with black sheets on it was standing next to the wall.

Viktor was staring at Yuuri like a predator, and after he closed the door, he just attacked him. He pushed Yuuri against the wall and kissed him - he was desperate. He was trying to touch Yuuri everywhere, trying to feel his taste in his mouth, trying to show him how much he wanted him. Yuuri moaned into his mouth, then lifted one of his legs and put it around Viktor's waist to be closer to him. Viktor ran his hands down on Yuuri's back and down his thighs, then he grabbed his ass and squeezed it so hard that Yuuri couldn't hold back his voice.

Yuuri craved Viktor's touch and he wanted him more than ever before, but tonight, he wanted to be the one in charge. He put down his leg then pushed Viktor away, only to be amazed by the sight of him. Viktor's messy, silver hair was falling in front of his left eye which was filled with undeniable lust, his swollen lips were red and the blue in his eyes almost disappeared next to his black, dilated pupils. Yuuri didn't have to say anything, and Viktor didn't have to ask anything either.

They were looking at each other for a while, trying to catch their breath - then Yuuri grabbed Viktor's shirt. He started to push him backwards, and when it was right behind Viktor, Yuuri pushed him down on the bed. Viktor was sitting there like a birthday boy, looking up at Yuuri like he was ready to do _anything_ for him.

'Stay there.' Yuuri said. He took a few steps back and he didn't break the eye contact, not even for a second. 'Don't take your eyes off me.'

'Yes, baby.' Viktor whispered. He was drinking Yuuri's words like they were the elixir of life, and he looked at him like he was sent from heaven.

If his expression wasn't enough, the bulge in Viktor's pants made it obvious how excited he was, and it made Yuuri even more confident. He removed his shoes, then started to slowly unbutton his shirt while looking into Viktor's eyes and telling him a thousand words without opening his mouth. Yuuri tossed his shirt to the floor, then he pulled down his zipper and removed his pants too. Everything he did was agonizingly slow. After he was done, he stood there in nothing but the lace lingerie from _Agent Provocateur._ He ran his hands down on his own body and he enjoyed every second of it.

Viktor gasped. He was sitting on the bed and he couldn't even breath anymore. His eyes were exploring Yuuri from head to toe, cherishing every little detail, especially the way the dim, orange lighting made Yuuri's skin glow in the dark, the way the stockings were hugging his lean, muscular legs, and they way the suspenders embraced his waist and dug into the flesh of his thighs.

'Do you like it?' Yuuri asked, and he slowly walked closer to Viktor.

Viktor nodded, and he opened his mouth to say something, but he couldn't. His face turned red, and the bulge in his pants grew even bigger. Yuuri touched Viktor's shoulders and sat on his lap, then he slowly pressed his ass against Viktor's crotch.

Viktor tried to breath but it wasn't easy. It was impossible.

'Touch me.' Yuuri whispered.

'Yes, my love.' Viktor said. He put his hands on Yuuri's hips as if he was touching something in a museum, unsure about the rules.

Their lips were close, almost touching. The scent of alcohol was lingering between them. They could hear the music from the living room, but the only thing they cared about was each other.

'You're stunning. Beautiful.' Viktor whispered. He was running his hands up and down on Yuuri's sides, and looked at him in admiration.

'Do you want to fuck me?' Yuuri asked, and he rolled his hips against Viktor's erection, which earned a surprised moan from the other man.

Viktor's hands wandered to Yuuri's ass, and his fingers touched the soft fabric of the lace briefs.

'Y-yes.' Viktor said, and he was struggling to hold back. 'Yes, I do. I do.'

'How much do you want it?' Yuuri asked while rolling his hips again, and he groaned when he felt how hard Viktor was against him.

'I-I want it more than anything.' Viktor whispered.

Viktor was looking at Yuuri like he was the only person in the world, admiring every little inch of his body and he didn't even know how to breath around him. Yuuri continued to move against Viktor, and the tip of his hard cock was sticking out of his lacy brief, leaking precum against his stomach.

'Kiss me.' Yuuri breathed. He wrapped his arms around Viktor's neck and grabbed his hair, then closed his eyes as soon as he felt Viktor's hungry lips on his collarbones.

Viktor was trying desperately to hold back while kissing Yuuri's shoulders and making his way towards his neck and his ears.

'You're so hard, Viktor. I can't wait to feel you inside.' Yuuri breathed. He pulled on Viktor's hair and the movements of his hips were getting faster with every second.

Viktor moaned into Yuuri's ear and bit the boy's lower lip, then pulled on it gently and kissed him afterwards. Viktor couldn't think straight, he couldn't care about the fact that this was not their own bed, and couldn't care about anything but Yuuri and the dirty things he was whispering in his ears.

Yuuri stopped moving his hips, then he reached for Viktor's hand and slid his forefinger into his mouth. Viktor groaned as Yuuri started sucking on his finger while he looked into his eye without any sign of shame or hesitation. Viktor could feel his dick twitch in his pants, and it was hard for him to keep his eyes open. Yuuri started to move his hips again, pushing himself against Viktor with each movement, and Viktor had to grab his ass to stop him.

'Yuuri, no, I'm gonna-'

Yuuri released Viktor's finger from his mouth.

'No, Vitya, not yet.' he said, kissing Viktor slowly, then he let go of his hair and stood up. 'Take off your clothes.'

Viktor was under the spell of Yuuri’s words, and he was quick to obey the order. He ripped off his shirt and started to mess with his belt. He tossed his clothes to the floor, and when he was done, Yuuri took a few seconds to enjoy the sight.

'Lay down on your back.' he said, and Viktor did it immediately.

Yuuri went to the nightstand and pulled out its drawer. As he expected, there was a box of condoms in there, as well as a lube. He tossed a condom and the lube on the bed, then glanced at a necktie which was thrown to a chair next to Chris' bed.

Viktor was waiting for him. Yuuri went back to the bed, then he climbed on top of Viktor on all fours. Viktor was ridiculously hard, and he was leaking against his stomach. Yuuri leaned down to kiss him, and while he pushed his tongue into Viktor's mouth and listened to his desperate moans, he could feel Viktor’s hands on his ass.

Yuuri suddenly grabbed Viktor's arms and stretched them up above his head. He held them firmly and pushed them down on the black sheets. Viktor broke the kiss.

'Yuuri-'

Yuuri reached for the necktie and glanced at Viktor like he was asking for permission. Viktor opened his mouth and he almost teared up.

’ _Yes_.’ he breathed, then they smiled at each other like two criminals.

Yuuri leaned forward to tie Viktor's wrists together, then he tied his hands to the headboard.

'Whoa.' Viktor whispered, and he was still smiling like it was his birthday.

Yuuri finally lowered his ass on Viktor's hips, and while Viktor was still under the shock of being tied up, Yuuri leaned down and started to place long, hungry kisses on Viktor's neck.

'Ah, Yuuri-' Viktor moaned. He was arching his back, and he tried to move his hands instinctively, but when he couldn't, it turned him on even more. 'Yes... yes, baby-'

'Tell me what you want, Viktor.' Yuuri whispered against Viktor's chest, then he slowly licked his nipples which made Viktor moan over and over again.

'I-I want you to-' Viktor started, but when Yuuri sucked on his neck, he had to stop for a moment. 'Ah! I want you to ride me. I want you to _control_ me.'

'Is that so?' Yuuri purred, then sat up and rolled his hips against Viktor's hard dick. ' _Like this?_ '

Viktor let out a pathetic cry, and he tried to thrust up into Yuuri, but Yuuri grabbed his hips and pushed him back to the bed.

'You just said you wanted me to control you.'

'Yes, baby. I'm sorry. Please, do it. Please.' Viktor begged. He was looking at Yuuri desperately, trying to keep his orgasm in control because he was already close.

The sight of Yuuri straddling him in lingerie, the feeling of being helpless and being tied up just made him so turned on that it was almost a shame. He couldn't believe this was real, and he wanted to remember this night for the rest of his life.

'As you wish.' Yuuri said, then reached for the condom. He opened it with his teeth and he didn't about Viktor's terrified expression - he took it between his lips and leaned down to Viktor's dick.

'Yuuri, no-'

But Yuuri already took him in his mouth and rolled the condom on him only to release him with a loud pop when he was done. Viktor closed his eyes for a few seconds and he couldn't believe he managed to keep his orgasm at bay.

'Watch me, Viktor.' Yuuri said, then poured lube on his own finger.

Yuuri pulled his lace brief to the side.

He sat back on Viktor's thighs to give him the best possible view, then slowly slid his finger inside his hole. He was looking into Viktor's eyes without any sign of embarrassment. Viktor opened his mouth then let out a groan, and he wanted nothing more than to flip Yuuri to his stomach and fuck him.

'Damn, Yuuri.' he breathed while he was staring at Yuuri fingering himself on his lap. A clear drop of precum landed on Viktor's stomach, and he decided that if he won't be able to enter Yuuri in less than thirty seconds, he will _die._

Yuuri was moaning loudly, pushing inside a second finger then pulling out after a few seconds, because he realized that he was too impatient for this. He reached for the lube again and poured a generous amount into his palm, then he grabbed Viktor's dick. He was stroking it slowly to coat it with the liquid. Viktor struggled to keep his eyes open.

Yuuri was hard, too - he couldn't wait any longer. All he wanted was to feel this man inside him, and he wanted it now.

He pulled his briefs to the side just a little more, then he guided Viktor's dick to his entrance. He slowly lowered himself on his lap, and he was watching Viktor's face as he slowly took him in. Viktor gasped and his entire body tensed up. He needed every little bit of self-control to keep his hips from moving. Yuuri was tight and hot around him, inviting him further and further inside, and squeezing him so hard that it was almost unbearably good.

Yuuri closed his eyes and opened his mouth as the familiar, burning feeling took over his body. It was like Viktor was tearing him apart, but this was everything he wanted. He put his palms on Viktor's chest, then he started to rock his hips back and forth - and he was painfully slow.

After a few seconds, the pain faded and Yuuri started to enjoy how Viktor felt inside him, and how hard and hot he was. Viktor's body was dripping from sweat and he was staring at Yuuri through his lashes- He was trying to fight the urge to close his eyes. He was gorgeous, simply breathtaking, and Yuuri wanted to drag this out as long as possible. He started to move a little bit faster, riding Viktor with more force and moaning out his name over and over again, constantly watching his face and searching for the signs of his orgasm.

Viktor opened his mouth and furrowed his brows, then he made one hard try to free his hands. He was yanking on the headboard and lifted his hips up to thrust deep into Yuuri - but Yuuri lifted his own hips and Viktor's dick slid out of him with an obscene slap.

'Yuu-' Viktor cried, and he pressed his lips together and looked at Yuuri with a pained expression. 'Yuuri, I want to-'

Yuuri leaned down to him and pressed his forehead against Viktor’s.

’Not yet, Vitya.’ he whispered, brushing his fingers through Viktor’s messy hair. ’Can you hold on a little bit longer?’

Viktor was staring into Yuuri’s eyes and he wanted to touch him so, so badly.

’Yes.’ Viktor said, giving his consent and pressing his lips against Yuuri’s.

They melted together in a slow, passionate kiss, and when Viktor’s hips started to move upwards again, Yuuri sat back up.

’You can’t move until I say so.’ he said, which earned an appreciative moan from Viktor.

’Yes, honey.’ he breathed. ’I’m sorry.’

Yuuri ran his hands down on Viktor’s chest and his stomach, then took his dick into his hand and lifted his hips up. Viktor was lost in the sight of Yuuri slowly lowering himself on his dick again while looking straight into his eyes. Yuuri sat down, and Viktor threw his head back and closed his eyes, then a muffled groan left his throat.

Yuuri was rocking his ass back and forth, drinking in the sight of Viktor laying underneath him, his body shiny from sweat, his head thrown back and his mouth opening in a silent scream, completely drunk with pleasure. The muscles on Viktor’s arms were straining - he was trying to hold himself back from breaking free. Yuuri’s movements were getting faster and his breathing more erratic. His own erection was pressing against his briefs, and the friction from the lace and Viktor inside him were starting to push Yuuri closer and closer towards the edge. His moans were starting to get louder than ever before. His sweet, loud voice was driving Viktor _crazy_.

’Yuuri-’ Viktor cried, then he opened his eyes and simply gasped when he saw that Yuuri took his own dick in his hand and he was stroking himself in sync with the movements of his hips.

 _’_ _Chyort voz'mi’_ Viktor cursed, pressing his lips together and trying to grab the headboard with his fingers. His orgasm was approaching - again.

When Yuuri heard him, he immediately lifted his hips, making Viktor’s dick to slid out of him for the second time. Viktor let out a long, pathetic moan, and his hips started to move into the air. Yuuri leaned down to Viktor’s neck. He was breathing heavily, trying to control himself just as much as he was trying to control Viktor, but it was getting harder. He enjoyed every second of dominating Viktor, but he wanted his touch more than anything. Yuuri pressed his lips against Viktor’s neck while his hands were slowly caressing his face.

’Do you want to come, Vitya?’ he asked in a low voice, and he could feel Viktor’s rapid pulse on his lips as he kissed his neck.

Viktor couldn’t bring himself to speak. His answer was a miserable moan. His hips were still moving, and his pounding heartbeat was echoing against Yuuri’s bare chest. Yuuri slowly licked his neck and gently bit down on his earlobe, which earned a muffled cry from Viktor.

’Yuuri-’ he whimpered, trying to turn his head to kiss Yuuri, but Yuuri sat up and lowered himself on Viktor’s dick without warning. 

Yuuri did this _three more times_. He was waiting for Viktor to reach the edge of his orgasm, and when he was there, he lifted his ass again and listened to Viktor's pathetic moans - and he enjoyed every second.

But it was getting harder for Yuuri too. He took Viktor in once more,  and Viktor cried out as he tried to keep himself from moving when Yuuri started to ride him again, but this time, it was different. Yuuri was moaning his name constantly, and he was starting to lose control.

’Viktor-’ Yuuri cried, rocking his hips back and forth, taking Viktor deep and getting lost in the sensation of his hardness inside him. ’Viktor, I want you to-’

Viktor tried to lift his head to look at Yuuri, and when he saw the expression on his face, he was sure he will pass out.

’Viktor-’ Yuuri moaned again. ’I want you to touch me. _Fuck me_ -’

Yuuri’s original plan was to lean forward and untie Viktor’s hands, but as soon as Viktor heard those last two words, he became unstoppable. He started to thrust up into Yuuri so hard that Yuuri lost his balance and he had to put his palms on Viktor’s chest to keep himself up. The filthy sounds of skin slapping to skin filled the room. Yuuri’s nails were digging into the hot, sweaty skin on Viktor’s chest, and with each hard thrust, he could feel Viktor hitting something deep inside him. Yuuri cried out Viktor’s name and the exploding pleasure shook his entire body.

The waves of his orgasm were still washing over him when Yuuri opened his eyes to watch Viktor.

Viktor’s movements became shallow, then he pushed himself deep into Yuuri and he stopped. He threw his head back, and Yuuri could feel the muscles in Viktor's legs shaking underneath him, he could see his back arching from the bed and his arms yanking on the necktie. He cried out Yuuri’s name, then his body fell back to the sheets just like a ragdoll. His chest was rising and falling rapidly - he tried to catch his breath. Viktor’s eyes were still closed, his mouth was wide open, and his silver bangs sticked to his face from the sweat. The pale orange lighting poured fire on his shiny skin, and the black shadows of the candles were dancing on his figure.

Yuuri ran his fingers through Viktor’s body like it was a priceless work of art. He collapsed on his chest and placed soft kisses on his skin, then whispered little compliments to him in Japanese. Viktor opened his eyes, but he could hardly see. His vision was blurry and his ears were ringing. He couldn’t even hear anything for a while, then he took a deep breath and pulled his wrists out of the necktie. He slowly wrapped his arms around Yuuri and placed his shaky fingers on his hot skin.

’Wow.’ Viktor breathed when he could finally speak, and Yuuri laughed into his neck.

*

_’Yuuri? Yuuri? Yuuri, wake up.’_

Yuuri felt like someone was hitting his skull with a hammer over and over again, but he tried to lift his head up to see what happened.

Viktor was laying next to him, and he was gently shaking Yuuri’s hips to wake him up.

’Huh? What?’ he muttered, narrowing his eyes and staring at Viktor’s worried face.

Viktor leaned closer to him and grabbed his shoulders.

’Do you remember what happened last night?’ he asked in a desperate voice.

Yuuri rolled his eyes then let his head fall back to the pillow.

’Viktor, it’s the middle of the-’

’But do you remember?’

’Yes.’

’Are you _sure_? Do you remember _everything?_  ’ Viktor asked.

’Viktor, I want to sleep, just-’

’Do you remember?’

Yuuri groaned into his pillow and tried to push Viktor’s face away.

’Yeah, I remember.’ he sighed.

Viktor took a deep breath and fell back to the bed with his palm pressed to his chest.

’Oh, thank _god_.’

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i... i don't know what to say......  
> Viktor: *cries from joy* 'hello, Yakov? yes it's me. NO please don't hang up i promise it's not about my hair i just wanted to tell you that GOD IS REAL and- *voice cracks, lays on the floor*
> 
> btw I don't know who was it but someone wanted our precious Yuuri to wear the lingerie under his clothes. my dear friend, you inspired me.. you really did. thank you. i love you.
> 
> a reader told me that the they couldn't check the original Rosalina collection (it was taken off from the Agent Provocateur website) but I found it on google, here it is:   
> from behind: https://cdnc.lystit.com/photos/agentprovocateur/29240-black-01c62865-.jpeg  
> from the front: https://cdnd.lystit.com/photos/agentprovocateur/29240-black-d4f58caa-.jpeg


	20. Stay By My Side - part 1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> plot twist: this is NOT the last chapter- I know, I know. that wasn't the plan.  
> but the actual chapter was so fucking long I had to split it into two parts. so consider this the first part of the last chapter.  
> the second part is already finished, but I'm gonna upload it tomorrow.
> 
> I was planning to upload the first chapter of my new fic as well, but I haven't finished it yet, so that's not gonna happen. If you want to read my next viktuuri fanfic, please subscribe to me so you can be notified when I upload something.
> 
> russian:  
> Po'shyol 'na hui - fuck you  
> zolotse - my gold

**_DECEMBER_ **

Yuuri's never had problems with planes and flying, but this time, it was different.

Their visit to Russia had its results - Yuuri caught the worst cold of his life and if that wasn't bad enough, he had a terrible hangover as well. He was sitting next to the window, throwing his head back and pressing it against the seat, shutting his eyes and trying his best not to puke. The worst part was the moment when the plane took off - Yuuri felt like his brain was thrown into a washing machine. He had to grab the edge of his seat to keep himself from throwing up, and his rising fever didn't help his situation. Viktor was sitting next to him, holding Yuuri's hand and trying to make him feel better, but it was pointless, because Viktor had his own problems, like his struggles to keep his own breakfast from coming back up. He didn't drink as much as Yuuri, but he didn't eat anything before the party, and that was just as bad.

It was thanks to Chris that they could even reach their flight like this - he woke them up around 7am with a mischievous smirk on his face. He was wearing a floral silk robe and nothing else, and he was holding a cup of coffee in his hand.

'Rise and shine, lovebirds!' he yelled, then he pulled back the curtains.

The sharp, white light forced itself into the room, and stabbed Yuuri and Viktor right in the face. Yuuri was still wearing his lingerie, but he didn't even realize that. He let out a painful, irritated groan, and stuck his head under his pillow, while Viktor tried to cover his eyes with his hands.

'Did you have fun last night?' Chris asked, then sat down on the end of the bed and smacked Viktor's bare ass.

Viktor tried to kick him, but Chris was faster.

'Chris-'

'I hope that was useful.' Chris added, while he pointed at the necktie which was still tied to the headboard. 'And I hope you appreciate the fact that me and André slept on the couch so you two could discover your inner porn stars in here-'

Yuuri's ears turned bright red, and he was grateful for his pillow for covering his head.

'But we want our bed back. So get out, newlyweds!' Chris said.

 _'Po'shyol 'na hui.'_ Viktor groaned into his pillow.

'Watch your mouth, Nikiforov, I understand that much.' Chris warned, then reached for Viktor's phone, which was on the floor. 'If you don't get up in five seconds, I'm gonna take a photo of your junk and post it on twitter. One... two... three-'

'Chris!' Viktor whined. 'What's wrong with you?'

'Oh, nothing.' Chris said calmly. 'I just thought you might want to get back to your hotel, pack up, and catch your flight, but it seems like I was wrong.'

Viktor tried to get his phone back from Chris, and he almost fell out of the bed while trying.

Despite his horrible headache, Yuuri sat up in a heartbeat after he realized that Chris was right. He was staring at Chris with wide eyes, but before he could say anything, the room started to spin around him. He could already feel the storm coming. He got up, and he practically fell over the blanket while he ran towards the bathroom. Chris let out an appreciative whistle.

'You lucky bastard.' he said to Viktor, then yelled after Yuuri. 'Nice outfit, Yuuri! When you're done throwing up, you have to tell me where you got it!'

*

After Minako picked them up at the station and drove them home, Hiroko noticed her son's fever within two seconds. When they put down their bags, Makkachin showed up and threw himself into Viktor's open arms. Viktor started to laugh and he caught the dog without problem. He was holding him in his arms like a proud father, kissing his head all over and talking to him in Russian.

 _'Go and lay down, I will bring you some soup.'_ Hiroko said in Japanese while she helped Yuuri out of his coat, even though he insisted it was not necessary.

Hiroko didn't even hear her son - after she took Yuuri's coat, she made her way to the kitchen to prepare the soup. Viktor put Makkachin down, then ran after Hiroko.

'Oh no, I will do it!' he said, and even though Hiroko didn't know much English, they managed to have a tiny argument about who should take care of Yuuri.

Meanwhile, Yuuri was stumbling towards his room like a zombie. He fell into his bed just like a lifeless doll, and he pulled the blanket on himself with a suffering groan. His throat was really, really sore, his headache was killing him, and his body was burning from fever. His thoughts were chasing each other in his mind, and all he could see was his pole dance and his little dominant playtime with Viktor. After thinking about the latter for a few minutes, he could feel his face blushing, and this time, it wasn't because of his cold.

Makkachin ran into his room and curled up down next to Yuuri. He wrapped his arms around the dog and pushed his head against his warm fur. Yuuri closed his eyes - which were burning from the fever as well. The familiar scent of the onsen and the Japanese dishes were lingering in his nose, and the noises of the house were echoing in his ears. He didn't want to be anywhere else at the moment. After a few seconds, he could hear someone entering the room. It was Viktor - he sat down on the edge of the bed, and touched Yuuri's shoulder.

'I brought you some soup, _zolotse_.'

Yuuri slowly opened his eyes and looked up to see Viktor. He was sitting next to him and Makkachin, and there were dark circles under his tired, worried eyes. His lips were curling into a loving smile, and he was caressing Yuuri's arm with his fingers.

'Thank you.' Yuuri breathed, and he sat up just enough to lean against the headboard of the small bed.

He touched Viktor's hand for a moment - to express his gratitude - then reached for the bowl. While he tasted the soup, Viktor slowly reached for his forehead with the back of his hand to check his temperature.

'Oh, _Yura.'_ he said, shaking his head. 'I told you that the hotel was too far from that stop...'

Yuuri could feel the warmth of the soup in his throat, and he was really grateful for it.

'Mm, it wasn't just that.' he said in a husky voice. 'I think it started with Vyatskoye, you know, the day we left.'

'Ah, I'm sorry, baby-'

Yuuri rolled his eyes, then pushed his knee against Viktor's back a little.

'C'mon. It's not your fault, _Vitya.'_

Viktor almost choked on the air, and he had to turn his face to the other direction to hide his feelings. Yuuri just realized what he said, and he buried his face into the bowl of soup for a few seconds.

_It's not like we have a reason to feel embarrassed._

_I always wanted to call him like that, what's wrong with it?_

'What?' Yuuri asked quietly, and he glanced at Viktor above his glasses.

'Oh, nothing.' Viktor smiled. 'I just had a flashback. You know, when you first called me like that, well, that was quite _memorable_.'

They shared a meaningful look, then as soon as Yuuri saw Viktor's smirk, he couldn't help but chuckle. Makkachin started to wag his tail and tried to lick Viktor's face, which made Yuuri laugh even harder. But he had to cough, and his head almost ripped from the pressure when he did it. Viktor took the bowl from him so the soup wouldn't spill.

'Should I bring you some water, baby?' he asked worriedly.

'N-no.' Yuuri said after he could finally speak. He laid back on his pillow and stared at the ceiling. 'I'm an idiot. I can't even practice like this, and that's why we left your grandma so early.'

'Don't think about that. I wouldn't even let you practice like this.' Viktor said. He reached for Yuuri's hand and held it between his palms, then pressed a gentle kiss on his ring finger.

'What?' Yuuri asked, pretending to be shocked. 'Viktor Nikiforov, the most cruel coach in the entire universe, won't let me practice because I have something so small like a common cold? But I still have legs!'

Viktor tried to send a strict look towards Yuuri, but he failed.

'I'm not cruel.' he pouted, pretending to be offended, but there was a smile on his lips. 'I just want the best for you.'

'I know.' Yuuri smiled. 'I'm okay, Viktor. Go to sleep. I can see how tired you are.'

Viktor was caressing Yuuri's burning face with his right hand.

'I will, but first, I have to go and get some medicine-'

'No you don't.' Yuuri said. 'I don't need anything. And if I do, I'll just ask my sister to-'

'I want to take care of you.' Viktor argued, brushing Yuuri's hair away from his face. 'Just like you took care of me at that party.'

_Oh god, there we go._

Viktor was smirking like an idiot, and Yuuri had to cover his face in embarrassment.

'You don't have to mention it like that.' he muttered. 'I thought you l-liked it.'

Viktor scoffed.

 _'Of course_ I liked it. That was my wildest dream.' Viktor said with a deep, nostalgic sigh. 'I was just hoping you won't forget it like last year's banquet-'

'Huh?'

'Oh. Well, you did some... pole dancing back then.'

_HUUUH?_

'What?!'

'And you kind of... grinded on me and asked me to be your coach?' Viktor laughed nervously.

Yuuri was having a heart attack. He had to grab the edge of the bed to keep himself from screaming.

'Are you serious?' he asked. He was staring at Viktor with wide eyes, and the room felt a lot warmer than before.

 _'Da._ It was love at first sight.' Viktor said with an emotional expression, and Yuuri pushed his face away when he tried to kiss him.

'No, Viktor, I don't want to infect you!'

Viktor whined for a while, but accepted Yuuri's decision.

'But Viktor, did I really...'

_'Da.'_

_Oh, god. Oh, dear god._

'Was I fully... like, you know, _clothed?'_

Viktor chuckled.

_'Nyet.'_

_Holy shit. That's why he showed up here naked! Fuck! I can't believe I've actually known him for a year!_

'Oh, my...' Yuuri sighed, covering his blushing face with his hands. 'Well, now I understand... a lot of things.'

Viktor laughed, then pressed a kiss to Yuuri's forehead.

'Don't be embarrassed, everyone loves you. You're a really talented pole dancer. And an even more talented dom. That's what they call it, right-'

_'Viktor!'_

Yuuri tickled Viktor's sides as a revenge, but Makkachin jumped between them to protect him.

'Ah, Makka, good boy, good boy!' Viktor chuckled. 'Sorry, baby.'

Yuuri didn't even hear him; he was still shocked about the new information about last year's banquet. Well, it was not new, but it was for him.

'I can't believe I did that last year and I can't believe you actually decided to be my coach after that.' Yuuri said, kicking off the blanket because the soup and his fever started to work together and the warmth of the blanket was too much.

'Well, you asked me nicely.' Viktor smiled. 'And I told you... it was love at first sight.'

Yuuri blushed even harder, and pressed his face against his pillow to hide from Viktor's gaze. He wanted to say something, he wanted to say that _'it was for me, too, but for me, it was ten years ago',_ but he just couldn't bring himself to say it.

Viktor was sitting next to him in silence for a while. Makkachin fell asleep and his snoring filled the room. Yuuri closed his eyes and crawled closer to Viktor. Viktor was still wearing his knitted sweater, and it smelled like the cold air outside. Yuuri didn't know how many minutes have passed, but after a while, Viktor caressed his face, then got up and left the room, careful not to wake Yuuri up, because he thought he was sleeping.

Yuuri could hear Viktor's familiar voice from the kitchen. He asked Hiroko where he can get some medicine in Hasetsu.

Yuuri glanced at his wall which was full of posters until just a while ago - and he fell asleep with a smile on his face.

*

No matter how many times Yuuri told him it wasn't necessary, Viktor couldn't be stopped when it came to taking care of his boyfriend. He was sitting next to Yuuri's bed almost all day and spent his remaining time with cooking soup and preparing tea. Viktor didn't let him to go to _Ice Castle_ , and he didn't even let him out of the house, because according to him, it was too cold outside. After an entire day like this, Yuuri just couldn't take it anymore.

He set his alarm and got up around 5am. For Yuuri's request, Viktor was sleeping in his own room - so he wouldn't get sick too - and Yuuri thought this was the perfect opportunity to sneak out and go to the rink without Viktor holding him back. His fever went down a little, and even though his throat was still sore, Yuuri wanted to skate. He really missed it, and he knew it wasn't a very good idea like this, but he couldn't take it anymore. He dressed up, and he tried to be as silent as possible, because Viktor had a hearing like a dog.

The house was still silent and peaceful when Yuuri put on his shoes. He took an extra sweater just in case Vikor catches him, then he left the building.

Even though Viktor told him some _interesting_ details about the banquet, Yuuri couldn't really feel embarrassed anymore - he didn't remember after all. What's more, he was kind of grateful for his drunk self, because apparently, it was thanks to him that Viktor became his coach, and then, his boyfriend.

_My life would be so different without him. It's a little bit scary, actually._

_I don't know what's going to happen after the Grand Prix final, but I don't want to see the end of us._

_I want him to stay with me, but I can't expect him to stay here in Hasetsu._

_Well, if he wants to go back to Russia, I wouldn't mind joining him._

Yuuri was completely lost in his thoughts, and he didn't even notice that he walked into the wrong direction. He quickly turned around and made his way towards the bridge. He stopped, then looked at the sky. The clouds didn't seem to leave anytime soon, and the first rays of the morning sun were trying desperately to break through their thick, grey curtain. The waves of the sleepy, dark blue ocean were caressing the bridge and the rocks around the shore. Yuuri could feel tiny water droplets on his face, and he could smell the salt in the air.

He continued his walk towards _Ice Castle_ , and when he got there, he didn't have to search for Yuuko's secret key under the mat - the door was already open. He furrowed his brows, and went inside. Yuuri started to speak in Japanese.

_'Hello? Yuuko-san? I'm sorry for being so early, but I couldn't-'_

Yuuri stopped when he realized that Yuuko wasn't there - but he could hear music coming from the rink. He made his way towards the locker rooms and put his bag down. The music was getting louder, and Yuuri could recognize it from a movie - it was _Once Upon a December_ from _Anastasia_ , but it was the Russian version.

_What the-_

_What is he doing here? Crap, he's gonna catch me!_

Yuuri glanced inside the ice rink.

_Kak uzor na okne_

_Snova proshloe ryadom_

_Kto-to pel pesnyu mne_

_V zimnii vecher kogda-to_

_Slovno v proshlom ozhilo_

_Ch'ih-to berezhnyh ruk teplo_

_Val's izyskannyh gostei_

_I beg lihih konei_

The lights were off. Viktor's dark silhouette was moving like a siren in the water, with the early, grey gleam of the dawn framing each movement of his body. He was sliding on the ice like he was born there, landing a quadruple flip like nothing, like there were invisible wings on his back. The familiar sound of his skates crashing against the ice, his silver hair flowing in the air, and his lean figure completely merging with the music threw Yuuri into a time machine.

He was sitting in front of the tv again, staring up at it and looking at Viktor Nikiforov with an open mouth, and with sparkling eyes.

Yuuri moved closer to the rink without even realizing it - and Viktor noticed him immediately. His skates were screaming loudly against the ice because of his sudden stop. He was wearing black leggings and a blue shirt, his face was flushed, and his eyes were somehow glowing in the dawn.

They were staring at each other for a while, then Viktor skated towards Yuuri, reached for the remote and quickly paused the music.

He seemed nervous, and the silence was heavy for seconds. Then his expression changed.

'What are you doing here, Yuuri? You should be in bed!'

But Yuuri was still staring at him the same, and his mind was racing.

_He is practicing in secret because he misses skating so much?_

_And he doesn't want me to know so I wouldn't think it's my fault?_

_Is he planning to come back to skating and this is his next routine?_

'Yuuri?'

Viktor's voice was echoing in Yuuri's ears. He was confused. He didn't know what to think, because even if he had some negative thoughts about seeing Viktor practicing like this, it was also incredibly beautiful and inspiring.

It was a long, long time ago when Yuuri's last seen Viktor like this - sure, he always saw him on the ice when he was coaching him, but this was different. Seeing Viktor like this - lost in his performance, completely in sync with the music and flying without wings... this made Yuuri realize how much he loved to see him like this. How beautiful and how mesmerizing he was like this. In the first time for a long time, Yuuri felt like a fan again, but then the reality of the situation crushed the memories in his head to pieces.

He looked at Viktor and took a deep breath.

'Do you... do you want to come back?'

Viktor was more than confused.

'What? Oh, no. No, my love. I don't want to compete. Absolutely not. This is just-' Viktor said, pointing at the rink then letting his arm fall back to his body.

There was something weird about him, but Yuuri couldn't really put his finger on it.

'I just love it.' Viktor added. 'When you have a crazy career, sometimes you forget your reasons, and you don't know how to enjoy it anymore.'

_But why did you do it in secret?_

'Oh, okay. I get it. But this seemed like a complete programme to me.' Yuuri said, glancing at Viktor. 'How long have you been working on this?'

Viktor let go of Yuuri, then scratched the back of his head and let out a nervous little laugh.

'A couple of weeks.'

_Why did he look so shocked when I caught him? What the hell is he doing?_

Yuuri didn't say anything, so Viktor leaned on the wall and smiled at him.

'Did you like it? You were staring at me like a fan.'

Yuuri could feel his ears turn red. He tried to avoid Viktor's gaze.

'Well, I was... I was your fan once, so-'

'Aw, Yuuuuri!' Viktor yelled, then almost fell over the wall when he reached for Yuuri and pulled him into a hug.

Yuuri tried to escape, but he couldn't.

'It was nice.' Yuuri said, trapped in Viktor's arms. 'It reminded me... of my childhood.'

_Did I have to say that? Really?_

Viktor let go of him and looked at him curiously.

'What do you mean, _Yura?'_

Yuuri pressed his lips together and looked at the ceiling. He was blushing.

'I-I meant... I used to watch you in the television and you were always... really... beautiful.'

Viktor yelled his name again and tried to capture him into another hug, but a frown appeared on Yuuri's face and he sneezed so loudly that he became deaf for a few seconds.

Viktor looked like he just realized something, then he let go of Yuuri, put his arms on his waist and narrowed his eyes.

'Yuuri.' he said in a threatening tone. 'Let me ask you something. Why aren't you in bed?'

Yuuri was laughing nervously.

'I-I just wanted to take a walk.'

'Hm. _Really?'_

'Really!'

'And how did you end up here?'

'I wanted to... to say hi to Yuuko-san!'

Viktor didn't seem convinced. He hopped on the top of the wall, then jumped off on Yuuri's side. He was much taller with his skates on, and now that Yuuri wasn't wearing his own, Viktor was like a giant next to him. Yuuri wanted to back off, but Viktor was already close to him, staring down at his face and slowly touching Yuuri's lower lip with his thumb.

'You still don't know how to lie.' he said, putting his other hand around Yuuri's waist and pulling him closer.

Yuuri let out a pathetic moan, but he regretted it within two seconds. Still, he couldn't even move when Viktor was like this.

_Damn, he's so-_

Viktor was looking at Yuuri's lips through half lidded eyes, leaning closer and closer to him. Yuuri closed his eyes and expected to feel the touch of Viktor's warm lips on his own, then-

Viktor pressed a tissue against Yuuri's nose, and patted the top of his head.

'Go back to bed, Yuuri.' he said cheerfully, and he started to laugh when he saw Yuuri's expression which was angry, disappointed and embarrassed at the same time.

'No, I don't want to-'

'Oh, look. My phone! It would be a disaster if I had your mother's number. But wait, what's this?'

'Viktor!'

**_MARCH_ **

After the longest winter Yuuri's ever seen, spring arrived to Hasetsu like a small, peaceful wave of the ocean.

The snow slowly melted into the ground, nourishing the grass with water and making it greener than ever before. Viktor and Yuuri walked to _Ice Castle_ every morning, and day by day, they noticed that they didn't need their gloves and warm coats anymore. The trees were getting ready to dress up for the spring and show off their beautiful cherry blossoms. The warm breeze smelt like the sunshine itself, and the seagulls above the bright blue ocean became louder. Their shadows reflected on the glowing water as they were dancing in the sun. The evenings were somehow gentle - a bit chilly and silent. The cicadas were still asleep, and the only sound people could hear in the night of Hasetsu was the steady breathing of the peaceful ocean.

Yuuri's had three competitions since January - he managed to win a gold medal and two silvers. He wasn't particularly happy about his second places, but Viktor was more than proud. He put Yuuri's medals on the wall of the living room, so everyone could see them, and he was always excited to talk about his boyfriend's achievements. At the beginning of March, Viktor left Hasetsu for a few days to visit Olga in Russia. When he came back, he said that his grandma was really disappointed that she couldn't see Yuuri. But Yuuri had no choice - the Grand Prix Final was getting closer and closer, and he had to stay home to practice.

It was one of those peaceful, chilly evenings in Hasetsu again. Viktor and Yuuri decided to soak in the hot spring after a very intense day at _Ice Castle_. The onsen was already closed, so it was more silent than usual. Yuuri was sitting in the hot water, and he was trying to think about something that wasn't the throbbing pain in his feet. Viktor was right beside him.

The steam from the hot water was lingering in the air around them.

'Where would you like to stay when we get there, _zolotse?'_ Viktor asked. He reached for Yuuri's leg and put it in his lap.

He started massaging Yuuri's aching foot, and even though he was very gentle, Yuuri had to take a deep breath to endure the pain.

'I don't know.' Yuuri answered with closed eyes. 'I don't really know Barcelona.'

'I was thinking about something different.' Viktor continued. 'Something really special.'

Yuuri opened his left eye and glanced at Viktor with furrowed brows.

'Why?'

Viktor was staring at Yuuri's feet. He seemed like he was concentrating really hard to keep a casual face, and that's precisely why he didn't look casual.

'Well, Barcelona is a great city. It has some amazing hotels. Why not try the best?'

Yuuri sighed.

'You know I don't like it when you spend too much money on me, _Vitya._ It makes me uncomfortable.'

Viktor looked genuinely confused.

'Why? It's just money. We only live once.' Viktor said with a smirk, then his hands wandered to Yuuri's thigh and he tickled him.

Yuuri shrieked and retreated immediately, then pulled his leg out of Viktor's hands to move away from him.

'I hate you.' he pouted, and he tried to look as offended as possible, but of course, he wasn't.

Viktor leaned closer to him. His skin was shiny from the hot water.

'Oh? I don't think that's true.' he said, then placed a slow, gentle kiss on Yuuri's neck.

Yuuri closed his eyes again, and tried to maintain his offended act.

'Do you still hate me?' Viktor asked. He was right beside Yuuri again, and his lips were playing along on the sensitive skin on Yuuri's neck, while his hand was on his jaw.

'Mm-hm. Yep.' Yuuri mumbled through gritted teeth, trying to keep his lips pressed together.

Viktor chuckled, and Yuuri could feel his breath against his skin. Despite the hot water, there were goosebumps all over his arms. Viktor put his left hand on Yuuri's chest, then slowly licked his jawline.

'Are you sure?' he breathed, and Yuuri decided to give up.

He opened his eyes and turned to Viktor, then wrapped his arms around his neck and kissed him. Viktor laughed into the kiss, then touched Yuuri's sides and squeezed him a little. Yuuri understood, and climbed into Viktor's lap. Viktor broke the kiss and let out an appreciative moan. There was a wide smile on his face. His skin was a bit red from the hot water, and he was looking at Yuuri with nothing but lust in his bright blue eyes. He ran his hands down on Yuuri's back, then grabbed his ass and leaned into the boy's neck to kiss his skin once again. Yuuri arched his back and pushed his hips closer to Viktor's, then threw his head back and pressed his fingers into Viktor's shoulders.

They were both getting hard, and even though Yuuri knew they can't do this in the onsen, it was difficult to stop.

_Just two more minutes..._

He reached between their hips and wrapped his fingers around Viktor's dick, and his lips curled into a satisfied grin when he saw the expression on Viktor's face - he was breathless. Yuuri started to pump his fist around him, and he tried to be as slow as possible. The hotness of the water and the air started to become unbearable, and Yuuri could feel sweat running down his neck. He bit his bottom lip, then leaned in for a kiss, but Viktor hesitated. He was trying to keep himself together as Yuuri was working on him.

'Yuuri?' he breathed.

Yuuri looked at Viktor and put his hand on his face to gently caress the man's bright pink skin on his cheek. He briefly touched his lips, too.

'Hm?'

'Could you maybe... wear your lingerie tonight?'

Yuuri's lips curled into a smile, then he kissed Viktor as an answer. His hand was still between them, and just when they started kissing, he could feel Viktor's middle finger entering him without warning. Yuuri moaned into Viktor's mouth and arched into his touch. Their bodies pressed together, and Yuuri just couldn't find the strength to stop. They've been together for months now, but when they touched each other, it was like the very first time again. Feeling each other's hot skin, breathing in each other's scent and trying to explore and treasure every single part of each other's body - these were things they could never get bored of.

Yuuri put both of his hands on Viktor's shoulder and tried to hold onto him. Viktor was leaning into his neck, breathing into his ears, and he was getting more and more excited. It was just when Yuuri wanted to reach between their bodies to touch Viktor again when he heard a voice behind his back.

 _'Are you serious?'_ someone said in Japanese. _'Again?!'_

Yuuri basically jumped out of Viktor's arms. His heart was racing, and he thought his head will catch on fire from the spreading redness in his face. Viktor was frozen just like a statue, sitting at the same spot and looking at Yuuri's sister with his lips forced into a smile.

Mari was standing in the door of the onsen with a bucket and a mop in her hands. She looked extremely _done,_ and she wasn't surprised or embarrassed at all.

 _'Onee-san!_ ' Yuuri said in a high-pitched voice. _'I'm so sorry, so sorry, we were just-'_

 _'We've talked about this.'_ Mari said, leaning against the doorway and shaking his head in disbelief. _'Don't do that here! If I catch you again, I will tell mom.'_

 _'No no no, please don't!'_ Yuuri begged. _'I swear it won't happen again!'_

Yuuri was practically burning at this point. Viktor was still smiling, partly because he had no idea what Mari was saying, and partly because he thought it's for the best to stay quiet now. Mari looked at her brother with a strict look on her face, then she turned to Viktor and switched to English.

'Hey, Nikiforov!' she called, and Viktor winced in fear.

'Yes, Mari-san?'

'You know what happens if I catch you again, right?'

'Of course, Mari-san.' Viktor said with a smile, but there was nothing but fear in his eyes.

'Good. Now get out.'

 _'Onee-san, c-could you maybe, give us... give us a minute?'_ Yuuri asked with a nervous laugh, because he didn't want to stand up in front of his sister with a full hard-on.

Mari rolled her eyes then pointed at Yuuri.

 _'You have one minute, little brother. One minute!'_ she threatened, then left.

Yuuri collapsed against the edge of the pool and pressed his face against the ground.

'I can't believe this.' he mumbled, and his face was still burning from the embarrassment.

Viktor, on the other hand, was never happier.

'Oh, I love her.' he sighed. He stood up and got out of the pool, then wrapped his towel around his waist. 'Are you staying, _Yura?'_

'N-no.' Yuuri said, then he got out of the pool as well, and before he could cover himself with the towel, Viktor smacked his ass so hard that it left a mark on Yuuri's skin. Yuuri shrieked and grabbed Viktor's arms without thinking - and the next thing he knew was that he tossed him back into the water.

Yuuri knew he's made a mistake, but it was already late. Viktor was floating in the steaming water like a doll, then he slowly sat up and put his hands on the top of his head. There was pure terror on his face.

'Oh, crap.' Yuuri cursed, then covered his mouth with his palm. 'I'm sorry, Viktor, I didn't-'

'My hair... is _wet._ ' Viktor whispered. 'Yuuri, my hair is _soaking wet_. I just washed it two hours ago.'

'I'm sorry, I'm-'

'I just put an _intense_ serum on it. And a _volumizing_ treatment.' Viktor breathed in shock, then he stared at his reflection in the water. 'Yuuri, I... I don't think I will _ever_ recover.'

'I'm sorry, I'm so sorry!' Yuuri whimpered, dropping to his knees and offering a hand to Viktor.

But Viktor got out of the pool without accepting Yuuri's help. He was staring at the ground in agony, then he started to walk towards the door - buck naked. His towel was still floating in the water.

'Viktor? What are you doing? You can't go out there like that! Hey, Viktor!' Yuuri cried, then ran after him and quickly switched to Japanese. _'Onee-san, your eyes, cover your eyes!'_

 _'Oh, give me a break!'_ Mari yelled from the toilets. _'He's been living with us for five months now. I'm more shocked when he's got clothes on!'_

Yuuri was running after Viktor, throwing a bathrobe at him and trying to cover him on their way to the house. Yuuri was constantly apologizing but Viktor didn't even hear him, and after a while, Yuuri just gave up and he was more concerned about protecting his family from seeing Viktor's _private_ body parts.

Viktor went into his room - that's where they've been sleeping lately, because his bed was much bigger - and fell between his pillows.

'Viktor.' Yuuri said quietly, standing next to the bed. 'At least put some clothes on. You're gonna catch a cold.'

Viktor groaned into his pillow. His hair was dark grey and it was a mess. Yuuri wanted to lay next to him, but Makkachin was faster, and he curled up against Viktor's chest. Viktor wrapped his arms around the dog, and started to mutter something to him in Russian.

'Hey! Don't say that, you know I can already understand that much.' Yuuri bursted out, but Viktor still pretended he wasn't there.

Yuuri rolled his eyes and put a blanket on Viktor, then decided to lay down behind him. There wasn't much space on the edge of the bed, but Yuuri didn't want to go back to his own room. He put his hand on Viktor's shoulder and kissed the nape of his neck. He was caressing Viktor's hair with his fingers, and then he moved his hand to his sides.

 _'Vitya.'_ he said, breathing against Viktor's hot skin. 'Can you forgive me?'

Viktor was still holding on to Makkachin like a little kid, but Yuuri could feel the change in his posture.

 _'Mozhet byt' zavtra.'_ Viktor pouted.

'Maybe tomorrow?' Yuuri repeated in disbelief, then he sighed and placed a gentle kiss on Viktor's shoulder. 'Okay. Tomorrow then.'

*

No matter how hard he tried, Yuuri couldn't sleep. He dozed off for a few minutes, then he woke up, then dozed off again, then woke up...

His dark thoughts attacked him without warning, and he couldn't escape. He was holding onto Viktor desperately, trying to listen to his heartbeat and ignore the cramps in his stomach, but he couldn't win. Viktor was sleeping peacefully beside him, and he was the only reason Yuuri managed to stay in bed until midnight. However, the images of the last Grand Prix final were flashing in front of his eyes, and a nasty voice in his head tried to convince him that _it's going to be the same this year_. He's going to fail again, and this time, he will fail Viktor as well, not just himself and his family.

The Grand Prix final was a week away, and Yuuri felt like he was sitting on a damn conveyor belt, getting closer and closer, unable to do anything against it.

_If I can't do it this year either, then it's done. I will have to find a decent job and give this up._

Yuuri got up, covered Viktor with the blanket, and left the room. He had no idea where to go or what to do, he just needed to get away. He needed to think, he needed to do something. Anything.

He went to his own room to dress up, then left the house without thinking. The town was in a deep, silent sleep, and Yuuri's legs took him to the _Ice Castle_ without even noticing. He opened the door with the hidden key, then quickly walked into the locker rooms. He put on a rental skate, then went to the rink. He turned the lights on, and the sharp, white light shakily filled the dark, cold room. Yuuri took a deep breath, and for a second, he had no idea how he got here. He started to stretch, and stepped on the ice a little bit too soon.

He glanced to the radio next to the wall, and he reached for the remote to start the music.

It was _Once Upon a December,_ playing from the middle where it was last paused.

_So he is still doing that. He is still practicing in secret. He did it today as well._

_Why would he do that?_

Yuuri turned the music off, and tried to imagine his own track in his mind. _Yuri on Ice_ started playing in his head, and he skated to the middle of the rink to begin his programme.

He saw himself at last year's Grand Prix final. He saw himself sitting in the kiss and cry with Celestino, seeing his pathetic scores for the first time. He saw himself failing miserably and crying in the toilet afterwards, meeting Yurio for the first time, listening to his insults and trying to hold back his tears. He saw himself standing in front of Viktor Nikiforov, acting like he didn't hear him and leaving him behind, because his shame was stronger than anything in that moment.

And then he saw himself at Minako's studio, just seven years old, crying because he fell and hurt his ankle. Minako's hair was in a messy ponytail, and she kneeled down next to him, wrapped her arms around him and searched for Hiroko's number in her phone. He saw himself on his very first competition, eyes sparkling from excitement and legs trembling from fear, and he could almost feel the tears that ran down his cheeks that day when he heard the audience clapping for him for the first time in his life. He remembered his very first skate, his very first costume, his very first serious fall. He remembered the tears, the smiles, the bruises, the soreness in his legs, and the happiness in his heart. And then he remembered the moment when he realized he is going to compete against Viktor Nikiforov, and he could remember the butterflies in his stomach when he saw him on the ice for the first time in person, and not on the television. After the competition, he wanted to ask for an autograph, but he couldn't bring himself to go up to Viktor and ask him. He ended up not talking to him at all, not even meeting him - and that continued for years.

Viktor was someone who inspired Yuuri to do better, to try and always do the best he could, to never feel satisfied because he should and he _could_ always get better. Yuuri admired Viktor, but he also wanted to get better than him. Along the road, Yuuri forgot that he didn't skate for this. He didn't start it to reach the highest place possible, he didn't start it to be jealous of the others, he didn't start it to feel crippling fear whenever his competitions were getting closer because he was afraid to fail and he was afraid for hurting his pride.

Meeting and getting to know Viktor opened his eyes - he was the very best, and yet, he wasn't happy at all. Then what was the point in being the best? What was the point in trying harder and harder every year just to be better than the others?

Yuuri realized that he was the happiest when they were practicing together - fooling around to the music, trying to lift each other sometimes but collapsing from laughter because it was way too ticklish, or cooking some katsudon together after an exhausting day. Those were the moments that came to his mind when he thought about skating, and he realized that this is how it should be. This is how it always should have been. And Yuuri knew that even though Viktor was there for him, he couldn't solve his problems for him - that was not his job, and it shouldn't be. Viktor was there to hold him, to lift him up when it was necessary, to open his eyes when he forgot how to see the happiness around him, and to support him on his journey.

His legs gave in, and Yuuri fell on the ice, dropping to his knees and bursting out in tears. He couldn't really decide what he was feeling, and he didn't really know the reason behind his tears, but he knew one thing: it won't matter if he doesn't get gold on the Grand Prix final.

It just doesn't matter. It doesn't matter because that seven year old boy at Minako's would be so, so proud of him now, and he would be so happy to see that Yuuri managed to become the top figure skater of Japan. And it doesn't matter if he fails, because actually, it won't be a failure - it won't be, because he did his best, and he enjoyed his journey. He had the opportunity to love someone, and he had the opportunity to feel loved. And that's all that matters. Even if Viktor decides to resign as his coach, even if he plans to return to the ice - no matter what, Yuuri trusted him and respected his decision, because none of that would mean he failed him. And he knew that no matter where life takes them, they will stay by each other's side forever.

*

Yuuri walked back home around two in the morning. He didn't have any missed calls, and he was relieved that Viktor didn't wake up. He didn't want him to worry about him like he did that last time - that was the reason he brought his phone in the first place.

Walking back to the house was quite weird. Even though he was physically exhausted, Yuuri felt lighter, somehow reborn and more fresh. He stopped on the bridge for a few minutes, and he just watched the peaceful waves underneath him, and enjoyed the familiar scent of salt in the air. The wind was caressing his face like a cold, but gentle hand. He looked at the tiny light of Hasetsu around him, and he thought about Viktor, and how much Viktor will love once the trees start to blossom.

When he entered the house and took off his shoes, he saw that the lights were on in the kitchen. He removed his hoodie with a frown. He thought that Mari left the lights on, but he remembered that it was dark when he left two hours ago. When Yuuri stepped inside the kitchen, he saw Viktor sitting at the table, leaning on his elbows and staring at a cup of tea in his hands. He was wearing a green robe, and even though he was sitting right there, he looked like he was far away in his mind. His hair was a bit wavy because of its earlier encounter with water, and he looked like he could fall off the chair at any given minute.

When he noticed Yuuri, he turned around and looked him right into his eyes. Yuuri felt horrible about this, and he wanted to apologize for making Viktor worry, but Viktor didn't seem troubled at all. He was tired, but he was _calm._

'Come here, my love.' he said quietly, lifting up his right hand and reaching for Yuuri.

Yuuri walked to him to hold his hand, and Viktor stood up to pull him into a warm, loving hug.

'Better?' he asked, caressing Yuuri's hair and pressing a kiss on his cheek.

It sounded like he knew exactly what happened.

Yuuri couldn't hold his tears back, but this time, it wasn't because he was sad.

'Yeah.' he whispered into Viktor's neck, breathing in his scent and holding him tight.

They went back to Viktor's room and laid down again, but this time, it was Viktor who held Yuuri in his arms. He was caressing Yuuri's shoulder with his fingertips, then started to sing the _Cossack Lullaby_. Yuuri reached for Viktor's hand then closed his eyes. He was listening to Viktor's quiet, angelic voice until he fell asleep with a smile on his face.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> one last chance to write angst, am I right my friends? *finger guns*  
> I love my son Katsuki Yuuri SO much I'm literally crying on the floor right now.  
> part 2 is coming tomorrow
> 
> once upon a december: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=E9JPqJDRNQg  
> cossack lullaby: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cJsTB-yB-uk


	21. Stay By My Side - part 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> *arrives with coffee in her hands, and bags under her eyes* sleeping? WHAT is that?  
> and now, my longest yeah b- i mean my longest chapter summary ever  
> I'm grateful for each and every one of you for making my ao3 experience memorable. My birthday was on Tuesday (21st of february) and this is truly the best gift I could have: to be able to make people smile with my writing at least once, to make them excited, or horny (lol) or whatever, just make them feel /something/.  
> I really loved writing this, it made the past two months a little bit lett miserable. And even though it's not perfect and you can clearly see that it wanted to be a pwp and nothing more, it's still important to me. Yeah, it has some mistakes, because I'm not a native speaker, but that's fine, I guess. I want to be a better fanfic writer but my priority is to make my readers happy, and I hope I will see you guys in the comment sections of my new fics as well. I have a shitty memory when it comes to names but I recognize your icons, and I remember your previous comments as well.

**_MARCH_ **

When they were going to the airport to catch their flight to Barcelona, Yuuri heard Viktor speaking with someone on the phone in Spanish. He has been acting strange for a while, and Yuuri started to worry that Viktor was planning a party for him because he was sure he would win the Grand Prix final. But Yuuri didn't ask anything - he knew that Viktor would never ruin the surprise, and he wanted to remain as calm as possible and he definitely didn't want to argue with Viktor.

And he didn't really want to tell him that the last thing he wanted was a party.

When they arrived to the airport at Barcelona, there were some journalists and reporters waiting for them. Yuuri wanted to walk past them, but Viktor stopped. Yuuri knew he was always really nice to reporters and to fans - that was one of the reasons why he loved him so much back then - but he wasn't happy about it now. The flashing of the cameras were so irritating that Yuuri needed every bit of self control to stay calm. But Viktor noticed that, and he said goodbye to the journalists as quickly as he could.

'Are you okay, _Yura?_ ' he asked when they walked out of the airport.

Yuuri looked around on the busy sidewalk. The weather was nice and warm, and the fresh air outside made him feel a bit better.

'Yes.' he said. 'I just don't like the cameras.'

'I know.' Viktor nodded, then took Yuuri's hand and smiled at him. 'Are you ready?'

Yuuri furrowed his brows and looked up at Viktor with a confused frown.

'For what?'

Viktor didn't say anything, just smiled, then he started walking towards the cars parking next to the sidewalk. Yuuri still didn't understand his question, then he realized that Viktor wasn't walking towards a taxi. He was walking towards a luxurious black car - which seemed to be waiting for them. When the driver saw them, he got out of the car and greeted them with a polite smile.

'Welcome to Barcelona, gentlemen.' he said in a Spanish accent, and Viktor shook his hand like they were old buddies from high school. Yuuri said hi, too, but he was way too confused about the situation to say anything more.

'Viktor, what's this?' he asked while the driver put their luggages into the trunk.

Viktor was talking to the driver, and when he heard Yuuri, he started smiling like a ten year old.

'What do you mean? They came to pick us up!'

'But why, and who-' Yuuri started, but then he saw something written on the side of the car.

_Gran Hotel La Florida ***** - spa by L'Occitane_

Yuuri wanted to ask Viktor what the hell was going on, but the driver came back and opened the door for him. Yuuri didn't want to be rude, so he didn't say anything. He got inside the car, then Viktor followed him. While the driver was still outside, Yuuri grabbed Viktor's arm.

'Why are we going to a spa?'

'Oh, it's not a spa.' Viktor said. 'I mean, it is, but that's now why we're going there.'

The driver got in and started the car. Yuuri took a deep breath, then tried to brush this off as one of the many extreme decisions of Viktor, but he had a weird feeling about this. When they were going to a competition, they were always staying at really nice hotels, but none of them was a five star hotel so far. And definitely not a hotel with a spa.

_Oh god, he really wants to throw me a party._

_That's very thoughtful, but I really don't want it._

Yuuri decided to stay quiet. He was looking out the window and explored the city with his eyes, but his calm expression changed soon. The car left the centre of the city - and the Ice Arena as well - and they were heading towards a hill with a huge, castle-like building on it. It took half an hour to get there, and Yuuri was sitting in the car like a confused puppy all along.

The car stopped, and Viktor got out to hold the door for Yuuri. Yuuri crawled out like an old man, and he had to adjust his glasses on his head to check his sight. The hotel was standing on the top of the hill, and it was surrounded by beautiful green gardens, terraces, pools and beach umbrellas. Yuuri was staring at it with his jaw dropped, and he wanted to say something, but he couldn't, because the hotel was simply stunning. The quiet, peaceful location, the nature around them, the vibrancy and freshness of the building which looked old and new at the same time - Yuuri has never seen a hotel like this. He didn't really care about things like this, but this was different. It mesmerized him.

But it was not hard to notice that this was different from their usual choices. It was not Viktor's usual style, and Yuuri was still worried about a welcome party.

They walked inside the lobby - which had a luxurious yet warm, friendly feeling about it -, then went to the reception. A young woman was already waiting for them.

'Welcome to _Gran Hotel La Florida._ ' she said with a smile. 'I'm Gloria. May I have your name, please?'

Viktor put his sunglasses on the top of his head and flashed a beautiful smile at her. His hair was practically shining, and it looked like silk.

'Viktor Nikiforov. I booked the Sky Terrace for three nights.' he said. 'Nice to meet you, Gloria.'

_He booked the... what... for how many... nights?_

_What?_

_What?!_

Yuuri tried to smile at Gloria, but he looked more like he was having a heart attack. Gloria started to type something into the computer. Yuuri grabbed Viktor's arm and forced a smile on his lips.  
'Vitya, what do you mean three nights?' Yuuri whispered, trying to sound as casual as possible.

'You deserve to relax after the Grand Prix final, _da?'_

Gloria gave the keys to them, and Viktor winked at her without shame. She chuckled and covered her mouth. Yuuri wanted to pick up his bag, but he realized it wasn't there anymore.

'Where are our bags?' he looked around.

Viktor touched his shoulder.

'They took care of it. Come, _Yura_ , let's go upstairs.'

*

Their suite was on the 6th floor, and by the time they arrived, their bags were already there. Viktor opened the door for Yuuri and then followed him inside.

The first thing Yuuri noticed were the windows. The suite was on the top of the hotel, and the windows were relatively small, but they surrounded the entire place. Yuuri could see the mountains and the sea in the distance, and when he walked further inside, the dark brown wooden floor felt really pleasant under his feet. The living room and the bedroom were built together, with a white carpet on the floor, a comfortable looking, grey couch, and a huge television. On the opposite side of the room, there was a king sized bed with neat, white and grey sheets and pillows on it. There were different pictures on the white walls, and the small decorations made Yuuri feel like this was their home, and not their hotel room. The atmosphere was totally different from their usual hotel experience, and Yuuri could imagine his days here easily.

He was so blown away by the place that didn't even notice the bouquet of red roses on the table. He was standing there like a statue. Viktor was behind him, then he slowly put his arms around Yuuri's hips and hugged him from behind.

'It's great, isn't it?' he asked quietly, and even though Yuuri's mind was racing and he didn't understand why was this necessary, he couldn't hide his feelings.

'Yes.' he said with a wide smile, and his jaw dropped when he finally noticed the huge bouquet on the table.

'Those are for you.' Viktor added.

Yuuri could feel his heart racing. He squeezed Viktor's hand.

'You really shouldn't have-' Yuuri started, but he stopped midway.

He wanted to say so many things, but he realized he doesn't want to ruin this moment. Viktor must have been planning this for a while, and this hotel was clearly not his style, which meant that he probably searched for hours to pick something - hoping that Yuuri would like it.

Yuuri turned around to face Viktor. His blue eyes were somehow worried - he looked the same when Yuuri caught him at Ice Castle, skating to Once Upon a December. Yuuri touched Viktor's face for a moment and smiled at him. When Viktor's expression softened, Yuuri wrapped his arms around his neck and hugged him.

'Thank you, _Vitya._ he whispered, closing his eyes and resting his head on the man's shoulder. 'I really like it.'

'I'm glad.' Viktor said softly, and his voice sounded a bit unsteady; like he was very emotional. 'Want to see the rest?'

Yuuri gently pushed him away to look at his face.

'The rest?'

Viktor nodded with a chuckle.

'It's not called Sky Terrace for nothing, baby.'

Viktor took his hand and Yuuri followed him - Viktor walked to the couch then turned right, and there it was - a glass door to the terrace. Yuuri didn't even see it until now. Viktor opened the door and led him outside.

The view took Yuuri's breath away.

He was standing next to Viktor, looking around on the spacious terrace with wooden floor and beautiful wrought iron railing, decorated by stunning potted plants and flowers, two daybeds, and a jacuzzi in the corner. The sun was warm against Yuuri's skin and the bright blue sky seemed close, almost reachable from this height, and this was the first time that Yuuri wasn't frightened about that. He felt like he was standing on the top of the world. The city of Barcelona was laying underneath the hill like a small maquette, surrounded by the sublime, green mountains and protected by the sparkling blue water of the sea. There were just a few clouds floating on the sky above them, and the warm breeze greeted them with a gentle touch on their skin.

Yuuri has never seen anything like this, and he was completely speechless - Viktor, on the other hand, was only looking at Yuuri. He wanted to treasure this moment forever, to remember Yuuri's sparkling eyes and his lips curling into a smile he didn't even know about. Suddenly, Yuuri's eyes filled with tears and his expression changed.

Viktor was terrified. Everything happened in a heartbeat.

'What? What is it, Yuuri?'

'Viktor, a-are you... doing this because you want to resign?' Yuuri muttered through his tears.

Viktor's eyes went wide and he placed his hands on each side of Yuuri's face.

'Listen to me, Yuuri.' he said in a serious tone. 'I don't want to resign. And even if I would, I would resign as your _coach,_ and not as your boyfriend.'

'I know, I know, it's not about that, I know you won't leave me, that's not it.' Yuuri cried, trying to wipe away his tears. He felt like an idiot, and he didn't even know why was he crying. He just felt like a huge creature was sitting on his shoulders, and he couldn't brush it off.

'Then what, darling?'

'I don't know. I'm s-sorry. I really love this place. I didn't want to ruin-'

'Come here.' Viktor said, then pulled Yuuri into a hug and caressed the back of his head. 'You should've asked me. Always tell me if you have something on your mind, okay?'

'O-okay.' Yuuri muttered into Viktor's chest.

'I picked this hotel because I wanted something special for you, and not because I want to apologize for something. Okay?'

'Okay.'

'Tell me if you have anything else on your mind, zolotse.' Viktor whispered.

'Umm... I wanted to... um-'

'Yes, my love?'

'Why are you still skating to Once upon a december?' Yuuri asked. He tried to control himself and wiped his tears away once again. 'You've been... practicing it for months and... that's why I thought you might want to return... which is fine because I-I would support you with that. I loved to see you on the ice and... I would be happy to see you again, that's not it... What hurts me is... is that you didn't tell me. Why didn't you tell me?'

Viktor was gently caressing Yuuri's face with his thumb. He looked into Yuuri's eyes with nothing but love.

'I don't want to return, Yuuri. I don't miss the competitions at all.'

'So... what it is for?'

'I can't tell you yet.'

_Why can't he tell me?_

'I don't understand.' Yuuri admitted.

'You will understand later.' Viktor said, then kissed Yuuri on the forehead.

_God, he really is planning a party. Possibly with Chris._

_Oh, god. Please don't._

*

After they packed out, and the Grand Prix final was getting closer and closer, Viktor became more and more nervous. He tried to hide it, but Yuuri noticed. When they were getting ready, Yuuri caught Viktor standing in the bathroom, staring at himself in the mirror - which was not unusual, but he looked like he was seriously thinking about something. Viktor spent more time with his hair than usual, and he even disappeared for fifteen minutes. Yuuri found him on the terrace, and he was talking on the phone with Chris. When Yuuri arrived, Viktor hang up within five seconds, then ran inside to _'take care of something really important.'_

Yuuri didn't imagine this day like this. He thought he will be extremely nervous and Viktor will have to comfort him all day, but it wasn't like that. Viktor was the one who was nervous, but Yuuri was _focused_. He needed that night at Ice Castle, he needed to think about his life and his career, and he needed to realize that he was doing this because he loved it. And he also needed to cry a little on that terrace, he needed to be honest with Viktor, and he needed to hear that he was honest with him, too. At this point, he was sure that Viktor was organizing a party for him, and even though he didn't want anything like that, he didn't want to be rude about it.

While Viktor was getting ready, Yuuri was waiting for him on the couch. He pulled his knees close to his chest, and he stared out the window. He was looking at those noble mountains, and he could see the shadows of the clouds on them. He could hear Viktor from the bathroom - he dropped something and started to curse in Russian. Yuuri couldn't hold back a chuckle. He could imagine his life like this - living on the top of a hill with Viktor, with nothing but mountains and the sea around them, and he realized that he felt the same way when they were in Vyatskoye.

He felt the same way when they were in Moscow.

He felt the same way when they were in Hasetsu.

He realized that the place was not important. The important thing was that they were together.

Yuuri's lips curled into a smile, then he took a deep breath and reached for his phone. Phichit texted him, asking where they were and when will they arrive. He sent a selfie as well, and Yuuri could see the Ice Arena behind Phichit's back. When he started to think about the Grand Prix final, he could feel those familiar cramps in his stomach. But Yuuri knew it was okay - he knew that even though he was excited, he was not terrified.

And that was quite an achievement for him.

He couldn't wait to step on the ice and skate for himself again, to lose himself in the performance and have fun without worrying about anything else. He didn't want to think about medals, he didn't want to think about scores, he just wanted to skate.

For himself and for Viktor -

_For us._

*

When they arrived to the arena, it wasn't full yet, but there were more people than Yuuri could handle. He had to constantly remind himself that he is going to skate for fun tonight, and that's how he felt, but seeing the crowd still had its impact on him.

'Are you okay?' Viktor asked when Yuuri stepped out of his dressing room.

'Yeah. Better than usual. It's just the crowd.' he admitted.

'When you get on the ice, let's pretend it's only you and me, okay?'

Yuuri took a deep breath and nodded, then stepped closer to Viktor and hugged him.

'Thank you.' he whispered.

'It's only na-'

_'Gross.'_

Yuuri didn't have to think much to know who said that, and as soon as he let go of Viktor and turned around, he saw Yuri.

'Hi, Yurio!' Yuuri greeted him with a smile, but Yurio was more concerned about Viktor.

'Yurio!' he yelled, then lifted the boy up in the air with an excited laugh. 'I missed you! You're so pretty, I'm so proud of you!'

'Put me down, old man!' Yurio demanded, but Yuuri could see a meaningful spark in the boy's eyes when he looked at Viktor.

No matter how hard Yurio was trying to deny it, he admired Viktor as a skater, and Yuuri knew how disappointed he was because of his retirement. He couldn't help but feel sorry for him.

Viktor put him down, then started to wave at someone. Yuuri and Yurio turned around at the same time to see who was coming, and Yuuri could actually feel his brain shut down. The red haired woman was getting closer, and she greeted Viktor like they were old friends, kissing each other's cheek and sharing a brief hug. Yuuri was standing next to Viktor like a statue, and his eyes were so wide that he was afraid they might fall out of his head. The woman said something to Yurio in Russian, then she turned to Yuuri.

'Hello! I'm Elena, Yuri's mom-' she started, but she stopped after looking at Yuuri for a few seconds.

_Holy... shit! It's her! It's HER!_

_Holy fuck!_

_This can't be real!_

Yuuri looked at Yuri, then back to Elena, then back to Yuri, and back to Elena. She was still staring at him, then a wide smile appeared on her face.

_Oh no. Please don't._

_Don't._

'Oh! It's you from the shop! I remember you! I knew you were familiar.' she said, grabbing Yuuri's hand and shaking it excitedly. 'What a pleasure, I'm so sorry for not recognizing you!'

Yuuri opened his mouth to say something but he couldn't, and he tried to keep a straight face while his ears were burning. Viktor looked at him with furrowed brows - and then he understood.

 _'Oh.'_ he said with a smirk, and he pressed his forefinger against his chin.

Yurio stared at them for a while, then his face turned bright red.

'You two are disgusting!' he spitted, then left them in a heartbeat.

The silence was heavy for a while. Yuuri was still standing there like a terrified soldier, Viktor was still smirking and glancing at Yuuri with a meaningful look, and Elena was still holding Yuuri's hand.

'I'm sorry.' she said, finally breaking the silence. 'I didn't want to-'

'Oh, it's okay, Lena.' Viktor said, wrapping his right hand around Yuuri's shoulder and leaning closer to both of them. 'For me, it was no secret.'

'Viktooor-' Yuuri whined, trying to hide behind Viktor's shoulder.

'I have to say, Lena, your taste is excellent. I would like to thank you for your assistance.'

'Oh, it's nothing.' Elena chuckled, then smiled at Yuuri. 'He inspired me.'

_Oh, dear god._

Yuuri took a deep breath then finally managed to fight his embarrassment, just enough to finally look at the woman.

'I'm sorry!' he bowed. 'I didn't want to be rude. You just... surprised me, that's all!'

'No need to apologize!' Elena laughed. 'I can't wait to see your performance. Good luck, Yuuri!'

She placed a kiss on Yuuri's cheek, then ran after her son. Yuuri was speechless.

'What a coincidence.' he said cheerfully. 'I love that store! I actually got that job for Lena, because I know the owner and-'

'Now Yurio thinks I'm an idiot.' Yuuri said in a monotonous tone.

'Oh no.' Viktor shook his head. 'He loves you. You didn't know that?'

Yuuri wanted to say something, but then he saw Phichit stepping out of his own dressing room. When he saw Yuuri, he ran up to them, and pulled Yuuri into a loving hug.

'Yuu-ri! It's so good to see you again!' he said, then turned to Viktor and hugged him too. 'It's so boring without you two, you can't even imagine.'

'You should visit us in Hasetsu!' Viktor said excitedly. 'The hot spring is amazing.'

'Oh, I know. I want to try it, but Yuuri never invites me.' Phichit said, pretending to be sad.

'H-hey! That's not- I guess it's true but it's not like I-'

Phichit patted Yuuri on the back and started laughing.

'It's okay, I was joking. I will definitely visit you after the Grand Prix. By the way, where are you staying? We didn't see you at the hotel.'

Yuuri glanced at Viktor and tried to avoid the topic.

'Look, there's Otabek, let's say hi-'

'Yuuri.' Phichit said in a meaningful tone.

'Well, we-'

'Oh, Chris!' Viktor yelled, then left them there to greet Chris who just arrived. Yuuri glanced at them behind Phichit's back and furrowed his brows when he saw that they were whispering about something.

'Umm, we are staying in... uh, what was the name? I don't know. It's on a hill. It's a bit extreme, but it's beautiful.'

'Aw, really?' Phichit said with his eyes sparkling. 'You are so lucky!'

'Phichit, have you heard anything about... I don't know... a party?'

Phichit looked genuinely confused.

'What party? No, I haven't.'

'I think Viktor is planning something. I don't know what, but he's acting weird, he's kind of nervous and... weird.'

Great. That was a great explanation. Good job, you idiot.

'That's great! If he throws a party, let me know and I'll be there.' Phichit said. 'Hey, I'm gonna say hi to Otabek and Yuri. Are you coming?'

'N-no, I'll wait for Viktor.'

'Okay.' Phichit said, then hugged Yuuri once again. 'Good luck tonight, Yuuri. Let's have fun.'

Yuuri hugged him back, and he smiled into Phichit's shoulder.

'Thank you. Good luck for you, too.'

Phichit left to say hi to Otabek and Yurio, and Yuuri was left alone on the hallway. Viktor was still talking to Chris, and Yuuri has never seen him so serious about anything before. He didn't want to disturb them, but he didn't want to stand there any longer, so he decided to go to the rink. The podiums were already full. There were cameras and reporters everywhere, and the flashing lights and loud noises made Yuuri somehow dizzy. He walked next to the wall of the rink, grabbed it with both of his hands. He was staring at the ice for long seconds. He tried to ignore the audience, he tried to ignore the memories of the last year's competition, and he tried to imagine himself on the ice. He wanted that more than anything, to be there already and do it, just skate and have fun like Phichit said. Yuuri had to concentrate really hard to keep this mindset, and he didn't even notice when Viktor stepped behind him. When he touched Yuuri's shoulder, he almost jumped in surprise.

'Sorry.' Viktor chuckled. 'I didn't want to scare you. Sorry for leaving you there, I had to talk to Chris.'

'It's okay.' Yuuri said, still looking at the ice and taking deep breaths. 'Viktor, I don't care about the medals tonight. I just want to skate for myself. And for you.'

He finally looked up to see Viktor's face. Viktor was wearing his usual black suit with a black necktie. He looked surprised, then he started smiling.

'I can't wait to see you.' he said, then took Yuuri's hand and kissed it. 'I know you'll be great.'

'I wish I wasn't the last one.' Yuuri sighed.

'Don't think about that. Let's sit down.' Viktor said, then they sat down next to the podium. Yuuri rested the back of his head against the wall, and he stared at the ceiling. The white lights were cutting into his eye, but he didn't care about that. Viktor was still holding his hand, and Yuuri was trying to concentrate on the warmth of his skin and nothing else.

JJ was the first one. As usual, the audience was going crazy for him, but in the middle of his performance, he shut down and made a lot of mistakes. Yuuri could see that some people were crying in the audience as JJ struggled, and he felt horrible about it. He could see his own failure again, and he knew exactly what JJ was going through. He never liked him, but he would never want this for anyone. JJ left the rink with his eyes fixated on the ground, and even though he tried to smile at the cameras, he was clearly disappointed.

The next one was Phichit. Yuuri stood up to shout some encouragements to him, and Phichit waved back with nothing but pure excitement on his face. Yuuri always loved this about him, and he had a huge amount of respect for this boy because of his incredible mindset. Phichit was always there for him when they lived together in Detroit, and Yuuri realized he wants to stand on the podium with Phichit on his side. Just once, just this once. Phichit was amazing, as always. His programme was not a very difficult one, but he skated it full of heart and full of joy. Yuuri was standing next to the rink all along, cheering him on and congratulating him with a hug when he was finished.

Chris was the next. When Yuuri glanced at the kiss and cry, he spotted André from Chris' party. As always, Chris had many people in the audience to cheer him on - including Viktor and Yuuri - and he gained his courage from that. His performance was one of the best he's ever skated, and André was waiting for him in the kiss and cry with tears in his eyes. The next skater was Otabek, and even though Yuuri wanted to see everyone's performance, he had to get back to his dressing room to change into his Eros costume, because he was still wearing his sweatpants. He touched Viktor's shoulder briefly, and after they shared a meaningful look, Yuuri walked out.

He turned the lights on then he stretched his muscles for a few minutes before taking his clothes off. His mind was completely blank, and he couldn't think about anything at this point. He put on Viktor's old costume, then looked at himself in the mirror for a while. He seemed a little bit pale, and he realized that he wasn't as calm as he wanted to be, but it was still better than usual. He took a deep breath, then smiled at his reflection for one last time before leaving the room. When he got back to Viktor, Yurio just finished his programme and the audience was going completely crazy for him - he broke one of Viktor's world records. Yuuri glanced at Viktor to see his reaction, but it was different from what he expected - Viktor was literally tearing up from how proud he was. Yuuri just wanted to go to Yurio and congratulate him, but then he realized that he was next.

_Oh, crap. It's me, it's me, I'm the next._

_Calm down. It's gonna be okay. Don't forget your reasons._

_It's okay._

Yuuri was taking deep breaths with his eyes closed. He could smell Viktor's cologne around him, and soon, he felt his hand on his shoulders.

'Remember... just you and me.' Viktor said, leaning closer to Yuuri and pressing their foreheads together.

'Just you and me.' Yuuri repeated, then looked into Viktor's blue eyes one last time before leaving him behind and skating towards the middle of the rink.

As he was waiting for the music to start, Yuuri ran his hands down on his sides then lifted them up in the air. When the music started, Yuuri looked at Viktor and slowly licked his lips, then he closed his eyes for a moment.

He was thinking about Viktor, their bodies pressing together, their lips touching, their moans becoming louder and louder. He remembered each and every one of those times when they became one, and it wasn't hard to imagine that there was no one else in this arena besides them. Yuuri could feel Viktor's touch on his skin, he could feel himself burning, and he remembered how hard it was to even look Viktor in the eyes at the beginning. How shy and how embarrassed he was when he was with him, and how much he could change with his help. With Viktor, Yuuri could discover his own desires and he also had the chance to explore Viktor's desires as well. He could feel Viktor's body against his own right in that moment, he could feel his kisses, and he feel his breathing against his skin. It was like heaven - to get lost in each other and to find each other at the same time, to give and take, and to trust blindly.

Yuuri could hardly breathe. He was so lost in his performance that he didn't really noticed when it came to an end. The loud clapping and screaming woke him up, and he could feel sweat running down his temples. He put his hands down then looked around to see the audience, but the lights were too blinding to see anything. The only thing Yuuri could see was the man standing in the kiss and cry and waiting for him with open arms, and Yuuri skated towards him with a wide smile on his face. Viktor pulled him into a tight hug.

'I'm so proud of you.' he whispered into Yuuri's ears. 'That was amazing.'

Yuuri was holding onto Viktor with all his strength, and he had to remind himself that his scores still needed to be announced. They sat down on the bench, and Viktor took his hand while they waited for the numbers.

When he saw them, Yuuri was just staring at the big screen for long seconds. Viktor was clapping like an enthusiastic child. He pulled Yuuri into a hug once again.

_What just happened?_

'That's your best score yet!' Viktor said, grabbing Yuuri's shoulders and looking at him with a big, wide smile. 'Your best score!'

'R-really?'

'Really!' Viktor repeated, and Yuuri bursted out in tears.

They were laughing and tearing up at the same time. Yuuri couldn't believe he actually did that - he achieved that without stressing too much about it or thinking it over, and all of this seemed like a surreal dream to him.

JJ was already getting ready to start his second programme, but Yuuri and Viktor decided to go back to Yuuri's dressing room. He wanted to be there for Phichit, but he knew he couldn't do that now - he had to cool down a little and he needed some time to change into his other costume as well. When they arrived to the room, Yuuri's phone started ringing. Minako called him to congratulate him, and she was crying so hard that Yuuri could hardly understand what she said. After he ended the call, he turned off his phone and sat down next to the table. He was staring at the floor for a while. Viktor sat down next to him, and leaned closer to him.

'Do you need some water?'

Yuuri nodded, and Viktor got up to bring it to him.

'Thank you.' Yuuri muttered, then drank the whole thing in one go. 'What just happened?'

Viktor started laughing.

'You have the chance to win this competition, that is what happened, _Yura.'_

_This is insane._

_This is like a dream._

Yuuri stood up then slowly took off his costume. Viktor was looking at him without shame, and Yuuri had no problem with standing in front of him buck naked either.

 _'Vitya,_ could you help me, please?'

'Of course, baby.'

Viktor reached for the blue custome he gave to Yuuri for Christmas, then he waited for him to put it on before he stepped behind him to help him with the zipper. Viktor touched Yuuri's naked back and ran his hands down on his sides before pulling up the zipper, and he could see Yuuri shiver under his touch.

'Nice memory?' Viktor asked with a smirk when their eyes met in the mirror, and Yuuri laughed.

'Yes.' he said, then turned around and put his hands on Viktor's chest.

He could see that Viktor was looking at the mirror behind his back, specifically at the reflection of Yuuri's ass.

'What are you doing?' Yuuri asked with a chuckle, but he could already feel Viktor's hand on his body.

Viktor grabbed Yuuri's ass with both of his hands.

'Still phenomenal.' he said with a smirk.

Yuuri pulled on his necktie a little and leaned closer to him.

'I can't wait to get back to our suite.' Yuuri admitted then kissed Viktor.

He could feel Viktor's smile against his lips, and when he started to become too excited and his hands became more greedy, Yuuri pushed him away.

'Later.' he said, and Viktor nodded like a puppy.

'Yes.' he agreed, then brushed Yuuri's hair away from his forehead. 'Ready to go back?'

*

Yuuri's heart was beating against his chest like a drum. He was holding onto Viktor's hand, staring at his own legs and closing his eyes to shut out the world around him. He was the next one - the last one. With this performance, the Grand Prix final will come to an end. The evening which caused so many sleepless nights and so many nightmares for him... it was here, and it was nothing like he imagined.

_Don't worry. It's going to be okay._

_My anxiety is lying to me._

_Don't listen to it._

_It's going to be okay._

He took a deep breath, then wrapped his arms around Viktor's neck and hugged him without thinking. He didn't care about the cameras in the arena, and he couldn't hear anything just Viktor's voice.

'Viktor?'

'Hm?'

Yuuri put his left hand on Viktor's neck and pressed a kiss on his face.

'Thank you for everything.' he whispered, then let go of him and stepped on the ice.

Everything was silent. Before the music started, Yuuri glanced at Viktor for one last time, then closed his eyes and started skating.

And there he was again. A seven year old boy crying at Minako's because he hurt his ankle. A teenage boy tearing up because he heard the audience clapping for him for the first time. A teenage boy practicing at _Ice Castle_ with Yuuko on his side because his dream was to win the Grand Prix final. A boy sitting next to Phichit in their dorm and watching videos of famous figure skaters on youtube. A young man laying in his bed and crying himself to sleep after his failure.

His very first skate. His very first costume. His very first serious fall.

The tears, the smiles, the bruises. The soreness in his legs. The happiness in his heart.

Viktor's eyes. Just as blue as the sky, just as cold as the ice, and just as warm as the early summer breeze in a peaceful evening.

His mom. His dad. His sister. Their proud smiles.

The sound of Vicchan's paws against the floor.

The smell of the ocean, the sounds of the seagulls.

Viktor's laugh. Viktor's tears.

 _Their_ tears. _Their_ laughs. _Their_ journey together.

A little boy's dream about meeting the best figure skater in the world.

A little boy's dream about winning the Grand Prix final.

Yuuri's knees gave in and he dropped to the ice. Everything was silent.

His rapid breathing was echoing back from the walls. His sweat dropped to the ice. He was staring at the ceiling with tears in his eyes, and with a smile on his face.

And then the arena exploded - Yuuri could hear his own name, he could hear the screaming, the whistles, the insane clapping. He pressed his palms against the ice, and stared at the tears falling on his shaking fingers. He slowly got up, and he could feel his heart beating in his throat. His vision was blurry from his tears, but he could see the flowers and plushies raining at him. He reached for a bouquet of white roses, then lifted them up and held them in his arms. His legs were shaking, but he started to skate towards the kiss and cry, and his eyes were already searching for Viktor.

But Viktor wasn't there.

Yuuri left the rink and looked around, calling Viktor's name and asking everyone where he was, but he didn't get an answer.

The entire arena went dark, and the audience's gasp filled the air.

 _'Ladies and gentlemen.'_ the announcer started, and the arena was still dark. _'There's someone who prepared something special for us tonight.'_

Yuuri's heart skipped a beat. The arena was starting to swim in a dim, blue lighting, and Yuuri could see someone moving on the ice.

_'We are honored to welcome a living legend back on the ice - just tonight, just here at Barcelona. Ladies and gentlemen, Viktor Nikiforov, and his special performance, Once upon a december, dedicated to Katsuki Yuuri.'_

The reflectors turned on, and they focused on one spot - the middle of the ice.

Viktor was standing there with a pained expression on his face and his hands wrapped around his own shoulders.

The audience went wild for a short moment, but then the music started, and the arena fell into silence again.

Yuuri was standing in the kiss and cry and he couldn't move. He was staring at Viktor like a statue, and he couldn't even breath. Viktor started to skate lazy circles in the middle of the rink, reaching out with his hands and moving his fingers in sync with the music. Yuuri recognized his costume - it was very similar to the one he was wearing for Stammi Vicino, except it was black and blue instead of pink and white. The fabric was gleaming softly in the dim blue light, and Viktor landed his first jump like an angel dancing on the clouds. His silver hair looked like it was made of diamonds, and it was gently caressing his face with every single movement he made. It was just like that day again. Like a siren in the water, like a mysterious silhouette in the early gleam of the dawn. The sounds of his skates against the ice brought tears to Yuuri's eyes as he was staring at him. He could feel his pain, he could hear his cry for help, he could see the suffering on his face as he threw his head back and lifted his hand up then reached out - and he reached out for Yuuri.

Their eyes met, and even through the music, Yuuri could hear Viktor's heartbeat in his ears.

There was no one else in the arena just them.

They were the only people in the entire world.

And Viktor continued, making a perfect jump again and skating towards the kiss and cry and looking into Yuuri's eyes all along, stopping in front of him with his skates screaming against the ice, with the lighting following him. The song ended and Viktor kneeled down. His hair was falling in front of his left eye, his cheeks were flushed and his sharp blue eyes were sparkling. He was trying to catch his breath, trying to breath properly. They could hear his rapid breathing in the entire arena. He slowly lifted his left hand and reached out for Yuuri.

Yuuri still couldn't move. Viktor was right in front of him, just a few steps away, and Yuuri didn't know what to do. Viktor was kneeling on the ice, reaching out for him and looking at him with the thousand shapes of love in his eyes, framed by that beautiful blue lighting that used to embrace their bodies at dawn.

Yuuri dropped the roses, then stepped on the ice and touched Viktor's hand.

There was nothing but their hearts beating, nothing but their fingers touching, nothing but their breathing echoing in the dark.

'Katsuki Yuuri-' Viktor started, then he reached inside the pocket of his costume and pulled out a small, black box.

Complete silence.

Only their heartbeat, nothing else.

'Will you stay by my side forever?'

A heart skipping a beat. A warm teardrop on the cold ice.

A cold night. A lighthouse. His brown coat and his silver hair dancing in the wind. The ocean underneath them.

A medal in the water.

Pale street lights, grotesque trees, and a snowy sidewalk.

Four deers on the frozen lake. A train in a dark tunnel.

Heartbeat.

'Yes.'

The ring was shining in the lights. Viktor slowly put it on Yuuri's finger, then stood up, took him into his arms and lifted him up. Yuuri was holding onto him like he was his only anchor in the entire universe. He shut his eyes and pressed his face against Viktor's neck. The clapping and the whistles didn't reach them. Viktor put Yuuri down and then they reached for each other and put their hands on each other's face. Their foreheads were pressing together, and they looked at each other with tears in their eyes. Then they started laughing, and Yuuri wrapped his arms around Viktor's neck to kiss him. He could feel his warm tears against his lips.

The only thing they could see was each other.

Now and forever.

*

_My name is Katsuki Yuuri._

_I'm a dime-a-dozen Japanese figure skater._

_I'm twenty-four._

_Last year, I met someone who made me understand that I can do anything as long as I believe in myself._

_And even if I fail, it's okay. I'm not afraid of that anymore._

_Because failure means you can keep going, and you can discover new things along the road._

_And who knows who will you meet on your journey?_

_Maybe the love of your life._

_Like I did._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (ok so some people pointed out in the comments that the GPF is in december and they don't skate both programmes on the same day. my buddy,my man,thank you (really),but I Know that. This story started in november. I already said in the early chapters that this is an Alternate timeline, alternate storyline. It is not a coincidence that I chose to end it in March, and it is not an error.)
> 
> btw viktor spent a total of 2500(ish) dollars on this proposal. god bless his precious soul.  
> the Sky Terrace Suite: http://www.hotellaflorida.com/en/luxury-suites/barcelona-hotel-room-jacuzzi-terrace  
> THE RING: https://www.equalli.com/jewelry/engagement-wedding/matching-rings/eros-engagement-ring-in-14k-gold  
> (yes it is called EROS. no it was not intentional, I didn't even notice it until now. *clenches fists* even god knows)
> 
> *group hug* see you next level, lovelies. Thank You! *cries*  
> (this fic is part a series now, so if you subscribe to the series, you'll be notified when I upload a one shot related to this story!)


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